The next morning brought on a headache the size of the campus and a feeling of guilt and self loathing that I couldn't shake. Ashleigh brought me coffee and a bagel. She handed them to me with a smile that said she understood what I was going through, but I didn't think she did.

I took them with a thanks and grabbed my phone which was chirping from my bedside table.

Rusty, the screen told me. I answered it and placed it against my ear with a sense of dread. Here it was, all the angst and drama starting once again, before I even had a chance to get out of bed.

" What is it, Russ ? " I asked with a terseness to my voice that said I wasn't in the mood for him yet this morning.

" I need to talk to you. Can you meet me in the quad in half an hour ? It's really important and it can't wait. " he asked without preamble, thankfully.

" I thought we didn't have anything else to say to each other. "

" Casey, please. Come on, I feel terrible about yesterday. I want to talk to you. "

" Okay, but give me an hour. I've had a rough night. I'm not even up yet. "

" Are you okay ? Did something happen at the Alumni mixer ? " He sounded genuinely concerned and it touched me that even though we were fighting at the moment, he still cared about the things happening in my life.

" No, it wasn't the mixer. I ran into Cappie. It was pretty bad. He hasn't said anything to you, has he ? "

" I haven't see Cappie since last night. Did you have a fight ? "

" Yeah, a really big, really bad one. "

" I'll see if he's okay, then. " He hesitated. " Are you okay ? "

Then I hesitated. If I told Rusty how bad I was feeling, Cappie was sure to find out. I wasn't sure I wanted him to have that information. " Yeah. I'm okay. I'll see you in an hour. "

I barely hung up when the damn phone started chirping again.

True to his word, it was Evan.

" Are you okay this morning ? Is everything back to normal ? " he asked, before I even said hello.

Normal, I wasn't even sure what that word meant anymore. What was normal ? Wasn't it by definition, the state of things going about in their usual way. If it was, then things were definitely normal, all screwed up.

" Yeah, " I answered, a bit weakly. " I'm fine, Evan. I'm sorry I had such a breakdown yesterday. But I'm good. "

" You don't sound like it. Have breakfast with me. "

" I'm not even out of bed yet. How about lunch instead ? "

" Okay. I'll come by later. I'm glad you're feeling better. "

" I'll you see later. "

I tossed the phone to the bed beside me and took a deep cleansing breath. I wasn't sure yet what to do about Evan, but I could guarantee I wasn't going to do it today.

I dressed slowly after a long shower, not really paying much attention to what I put on. I knew it was jeans and a red shirt. Beyond that I didn't have a clue.

I walked to the quad like the weight of the world had been dropped on my shoulders. My footsteps were steady and droning against the pavement. It was a depressing sound, a soundtrack for my mood. The sky seemed to get me, too. It was dark and cloudy and threatening rain any moment. And I was glad. I couldn't deal with bright and sunny at the moment.

I spotted Rusty and sat down beside him on the bench.

" What's up ? " I asked.

He cut his eyes towards me and gave me his best forced smile. " I'm sorry about everything yesterday. I know you aren't really trying to use Cappie. You aren't like that. I just hate that everything is so messed up. I wish you guys could get along. You're the two most important people in my life. "

I melted instantly. His eyes said he was being completely sincere. He reminded me of a child asking his parents not to get a divorce.

" Rusty, I'm really sorry you got dragged into the middle of all this. I know how much Cappie means to you and I'm glad he's there for you, but after last night, I just don't see us working anything out. " I explained as gently as possible.

He looked at the concrete below our feet as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. " If staying away from each other is what you feel you need to do to move on, then I can accept that. I just don't understand. "

I looked at him quizzically. " What don't you understand ? "

" I don't understand why, if this is so hard for both of you, you can't just work it out and get back together." he told me.

" Things aren't always so simple. Cappie and I just grew apart. It doesn't mean we don't love each other. We just can't be together. " I struggled to explain all this to a guy who didn't a clue about relationships.

" Is that right ? " I jumped as a new voice intruded on our conversation.

I turned quickly and felt the bottom dropping out of the sky as I faced Evan's eyes.

" Evan - " I began but he cut me off before I had a chance to say anything else. His eyes were cold and harsh, bottom less blue depths of anger.

" So you are still in love with him ? " he demanded. He crossed his arms over his chest.

My hand went instinctively to the letters, his letters that hung from my neck. " That isn't what I meant. You didn't hear the whole conversation. "

Rusty shifted uncomfortably and stood up. " I should be going. I'm sorry again Casey." He looked at Evan. " About everything. "

Then he was gone, disappearing like a shot around a corner, leaving me facing one really pissed off boyfriend.

" I heard enough of it apparently. " he spat, after glancing at Rusty's retreating back.

" No, you didn't. " I insisted. How the hell was I going to fix this one ?

" I heard very clearly you saying that you and Cappie love each other. Not loved, in the past tense, but love, as in currently. " he continued as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

I stood and went to him. I didn't know what to say. " Evan. Please listen to me. I don't love Cappie. I love you. Things between Cappie and I have been over for a long time now. "

He snorted and stared down at me standing against him, but he didn't attempt to touch me. I thought for a moment he was going to take a step back actually, but he didn't. " I find that a little harder to believe now, but then I always found that hard to believe. "

" Why is it so hard for you ? Haven't I proven how much I love you and want to be with you ? " I argued.

He stepped around me this time and turned his back to me. " I thought you had, but now I'm not so sure. " He spun towards me abruptly, startling me. " Is this why you were so upset last night ? "

I took an involuntary step back from him. What could I say ? Would he believe me if I lied to him ? I doubted it. " We had a fight last night. It was pretty bad. "

He turned again and started to pace. I was really getting worried now. " My God Casey, you were a mess last night. You don't look that much better today. How can you say you don't love him anymore when he still has this affect on you ? "

I had no idea. There was nothing I could say that was going to make this any better. He had every right to be angry. I was lying to him, I had been all along. I just didn't know it at the time.

He paced closer and stopped right in front of me, his wide frame blocking my view of everything but him. " I'm leaving to visit my parents this weekend. I want you to take this weekend and really think about what it is that you want, really want. You have a choice to make. You need to decide who you love. Because if there is anything there between you and Cappie, however small or residual, I want to know. You owe me the truth. Figure out what it is and I'll see you Monday. "

He walked away without a look back at me, his strides long and resounding.

I sank back down onto the bench and tried to hold back even more tears. I thought last night I had cried them all out, but apparently I still had plenty. Hell, I was getting confused about who the tears belonged to anymore.

Everything was such a mess.

Humph, I chuckled to myself, it must be a day of the week that ends in y.

With sad, shuffling steps I returned to the house and walked head on into a disaster zone. People were running around like something was on fire and everyone was talking at once. I spotted Ashleigh talking animatedly to a girl I just meet the week before. One of the pledges, I think her name was Angela. I don't really remember.

I went to Ash and tapped her on the shoulder to get her attention.

" What is going on ? " I asked when she turned to me.

" Frannie's gone. She left school. Everything is a complete mess. The dean of students is raising hell wanting to know what is going on. National keeps calling about things that haven't been done. They're talking about sending a representative if we can't get ourselves together. " she explained in one huge breath.

My mind spun out of control. Fran was gone. She had apparently left the house in a state of utter disorder and now my life was complete. Everything was falling apart.