Two hours later I was still staring at the phone, laying on my bedside table, taunting me with its silence. My kept thoughts kept going back and forth like a boomerang. He's going to call, he's not going to call. I felt like I was playing that game with the flower, he loves me, loves me not.

No, actually I felt like I was down to the last petal and it was a ' he loves me not'. My faith in him was failing as the minutes pasted at a snails pace.

I grabbed my book of rules and regulations and set about trying to figure out how to do it all on my own.

Apparently, the phone was like a pot of water. It doesn't boil if you stared at it. My phone didn't ring until I stopped looking at it. But I grabbed it the second it made a noise, not caring how desperate I might seem. Let's face it, I was desperate. This was my first stab at not trying to be something I wasn't. So I answered it on the first ring, not bothering to look to see who was calling. It had to be him. It just had to be.

" Hello, " I said into the mouthpiece a bit breathlessly from my frantic phone grabbing.

" Hey, Rusty told me what was up. " His voice was like chocolate ice cream coming through the line.

" I really need you, Cappie. I have no idea what I'm doing. " I answered.

" Is that the only reason you wanted to talk to me ? " he asked after a moments hesitation.

I wasn't quite ready to admit my other reason for calling, so I decided to play it cool for the time being and scope out my competition. " Of course it is. Why else would I call ? "

He sounded relieved when he spoke again. " Okay, I was just making sure. I know we said a no contact thing going but seeing as this is an emergency of the partying nature, where can I meet you ? "

I sighed in relief and couldn't keep the smile off my face. " Can I come there ? You probably have everything I need laying around. "

" Yeah, that sounds fine. I'll see you in a few. " he agreed.

" Give me thirty minutes. I have a few things I need to take care of here first. "

" Okay, I'll be here all night. See you when you get here. "

I said okay and hung up.

Then I called for Ashleigh. I needed reinforcements.

After a quick shower and a patented Ashleigh make up job, she swept my hair back and secured it with a clip, leaving the back down and a few tendrils around my face. She managed to make my lashes look like they were miles long, my eyes were smoky and my lips full and red. All in all, it made a pretty nice package.

Then we moved on to wardrobe choices. Between the two of us and her little sis, Angela again, we had many, many options. We finally decided on a brand new pair of low rise jeans, a soft pink cashmere shell and covered it with an off the shoulder white cashmere sweater that fit perfectly, accentuating my breasts and narrow waist. Ash loaned me her black boots with the three inch heels and I throw a black leather jacket on to fight off the chill.

I believed that I looked more amazing than I had in a really long time. I purposely left off Evan's letters and chose instead a diamond pendant and diamond stud earrings.

I grabbed my rules and regulation book on my way out the door.

The walk down Greek row was a long one. Several people nodded and waved as I past them. Most of them were people I knew. A cool October wind blew through the campus, kicking up red and gold leaves and bringing with it a coolness that made me shiver.

I tugged the jacket a bit tighter and quickened my pace.

Standing on the porch of the Kappa Tau house I fought off a sudden case of nerves. What if Danielle was still there ? What if she was joining us for our crisis management session ? What if I couldn't keep myself focused on what I was here in the first place ? I did not want to screw this event up. It would be disastrous for me.

Wade answered the door. His dark Asian eyes squinting at me as he tried to figure out who I was and why I was on his doorstep.

Then finally he recognized me through his stupor and called to Rusty over his shoulder. " Spitter, your sister is here. "

" I'm not here to see Rusty. " I told him.

" Then what can I do for you ? " he turned back to me, clearly surprised but too drunk to really acknowledge it.

" Cappie is expecting me. " I answered.

Just as the words were out of my mouth, the object of my thoughts appeared behind him and opened the door for me.

" I've got it, Buddy. " He told him. Wade was still staring at me wide eyed in disbelief. Then he looked back at Cappie. " Does this mean you're gonna start cleaning again ? "

Cappie gave him a shove towards the living room and ignored his question. " We have got to get a better doorman. " he smirked at me. " You just can't find good help these days. "

I smiled brightly and let him lead me upstairs. " So Frannie left you all in a bit of a spot, I take it. "

" You don't know the half of it. " I stumbled as I realized he wasn't leading me to the room he used as an office, he was taking me to the next floor, the one that held his bedroom.

My hands started shaking. I wasn't sure I was ready to go there again. Images of the last time I was there flooded my brain. Cappie in a towel with water still dripping from his perfect, chiseled shoulders, his wet hair sending a droplet down the middle of his sculpted chest, making me unable to resist touching him.

I shook my head, trying to refocus my thoughts on what he was saying. He threw a glance over his shoulder as if he was expecting a response from me.

I had no idea what he had just said and I told him as much.

He gave me one of his knowing smiles. " Daydreaming ? "

" Maybe. " I responded vaguely.

" Care to share what you were thinking about ? " He asked, as he went into his room and he shut the door behind us.

I nodded and gave him a shy smile.

He cleared his throat quickly and turned to his desk. " So you need to get everything set up for the Dance contest. "

" I have nothing ready. " I admitted. " I don't even know what I need to get ready. "

He smiled easily and offered me a chair, which I took gratefully, as my knees had turned to jelly since the image in the hallway.

" It's not a problem. " he said. " I mean, you aren't leaving much margin for error but you should still be able to get all your paperwork and everything together. You just need to get it all filed Monday morning first thing. "

He leaned over me, pulling several papers out from several piles laying haphazardly on the desk. I was instantly assaulted by his aftershave and the familiar smell threw me back two years in time, to a place where I was happy and secure and safe.

I fought against the urge to touch him again. I didn't want another episode like last time.

"So, Rusty tells me you're seeing Danielle Jackson. How is that going ? " I asked casually.

" Huh ? " he answered distractedly as he leafed through a stack of papers. " Oh, it's going okay I guess. She's a nice girl. "

" Yeah, like the hair dye. " I muttered under my breath. Nice and Easy.

" What ? " he asked.

" Nothing. I'm glad everything is working out for you. " I smiled sweetly.

He looked at me then, hard, the way he used to and it sent goose bumps over my skin.

" I don't believe you. " he answered.

" Why wouldn't I be happy for you ? "

" I don't know. But your eyes are crinkling around the edges like they do when you're lying. "

I opened my eyes as wide as I could. " My eyes are not crinkling. I am happy for you. "

He shrugged still not believing me. " If you say so. " he muttered. " I heard about you and Evan. " He looked back at me and his eyes were sincere when he caught mine. " I'm really sorry. I know what you went through to keep that whole thing going. I'm sorry it didn't work out. "

I gave him a genuine smile and plucked up the courage to touch his hand. " Thank you. I really appreciate that. "

" Yeah, Rusty said you broke up. He didn't say why. Do you want to talk about it ? " He asked, settling in a chair beside me.

I felt a shock of electricity when his leg brushed mine, even through the two layers of denim that separated us.

" Think it's been coming for a long time actually. I just didn't see it. I guess I really never got over the thing with Rebbecca. " I explained, trying to keep my voice as casual as I could manage with his leg touching mine. Evan was the last thing I wanted to talk about at the moment. Hell, it was the last thing on my mind. But I let him pull the conversation where ever he wanted. Maybe he was leading up to something.

" I could have told you that three months ago. " He chuckled. " You just don't get over something like that unless your relationship is made of much stronger stuff. "

" I guess you were right all along. We were never right for each other. " I gave him the sweet innocent smile that always won me favors back in the day.

This time it didn't seem to faze him and that had me worried.

" I think this might be good for you. " He patted my shoulder. " Being on your own for a while. Seeing how it feels to stand by yourself. "

I tried to keep the shock from my face. That wasn't what I wanted to hear. I wanted to stand by him, but suddenly I was terrified of letting him know that. He didn't want to hear it now. Maybe we really was over me. Maybe this thing with Danielle was more serious than I thought. How could this be happening ? He chased after me for two years and now that I was ready for him, he didn't want me anymore.

" Is there something wrong ? " he asked, leaning closer, concerned. " You're really really pale. "

" No, I'm good. " I shook off the thoughts racing through my head. I had to focus. " Could I have a beer, maybe ? I could really use a drink. "

He stood immediately and left the room with a "Sure, " tossed over his shoulder.

He wasn't gone two minutes before there was a knocking on the door. I answered it numbly. I couldn't will my muscles to move like they were supposed to.

" What ? " I asked my brother as I let him inside.

" I just wanted to see how you were. Are you okay ? " He sat down on the foot of the bed like it was a routine thing. I figured he probably sat there a lot.

" I'm okay. I'm just incredibly stressed out right now. " I mumbled, brushing my bangs out of my face.

He hesitated and shifted nervously. " You didn't freak out too badly about the letters thing, then? "

I spun towards him and leveled him with a steely gaze. " What letters thing ? What are you talking about ? "

" Oh. " he looked at the floor. " I guess you don't know yet. "

" Don't know what yet ? Rusty, what are you talking about ? " I demanded.

" Cappie is thinking about giving Danielle his letters. He was talking about it earlier. I thought he told you. " He explained in a rush of words I barely heard over the ringing in my ears.

I sat down heavily in the office chair and it rolled with me a few inches. Looking around the room, I noticed for the first time that it was clean. She must've been responsible for that. Cappie wouldn't do that on his own. There was a time when I was the one that kept the room clean. But then I almost felt like it was our room. Now it was theirs.

I suddenly couldn't breath. My lungs simply would not expand. I tried to draw in air but my body wouldn't cooperate. My checks were wet and I couldn't figure out why. My mind wasn't working, even on the basic level I needed it to in order to survive. I couldn't breath, couldn't blink. I couldn't make out whatever Rusty was saying. I only knew that he was kneeling in front of me, talking very loudly. He looked panicked and I tried to tell him I was fine, but I just couldn't.

The world was spinning around me so fast I couldn't make out anything. All I knew was that my thoughts kept screaming at me that I was in their room. Her room. Then my eyes landed on a small stuffed elephant on the side of the perfectly made bed and a pink nightie beside it and that was the last thing I saw.

Everything shut down. My chest burned with lack of air. My eyes unfocused with a new barge of tears and my heart was beating so hard I thought it was going to escape my chest. Then everything was gone. All that was there now was blissful nothingness.

I woke up a few hours later with an I.V. In my hand and a pounding headache.

My first conscious thought was the same as my last. Cappie was hers now. Not mine, hers. Then my surroundings started to come into focus.

I was in a hospital bed. The small television in the corner chattered away about some useless product no one really needed. I was wearing a hospital gown, its rough material scratched my skin, irritating me even more.

Then I caught movement in the chair in the corner of the room and turned my head as quickly as I could. Rusty was sitting quietly with a book propped on his lap, staring at me. Ashleigh was sitting beside him and her eyes brighten as she saw I was awake.

" What the hell happened ? " I asked, groggily. " I feel like I got hit by a truck. "

" You passed out. " Rusty jumped up and came to sit on the side of the bed. I could see the worry on his face as his brown eyes looked me over. He had Dad's eyes. I thought randomly. I'd never noticed it before.

" I passed out ? " I tried to shake my head, but it didn't happen. " I don't pass out. "

" Well, you did and I am very much not pleased with you right now. " Ashleigh weighed in as she took the opposite side of the bed.

" Why, What did I do ? "

The door opened as I asked and Cappie came in balancing three cups of coffee in his hands. He handed them off to Ashleigh and Rusty, keeping one for himself. His eyes were haggard and there were huge bags under them. His skin was pale and he looked like he hadn't slept in days.

" When was the last time you had anything to eat or drink, Casey ? " He asked me in a voice that held no amusement.

" What ? " I asked, completely confused.

He repeated himself as Ashleigh moved back to the chair. He didn't take her place. Instead he stood at the side of my bed, with his arms crossed over his chest and a look that said he was not playing around. I had never seen him look at me like that. He was angry and disappointed and under all that really scared.

I thought about his question. In all honesty, I had no idea. Oh wait, I had a bagel and coffee two mornings ago and I told him that.

" Two mornings ago, " he demanded. " You had a bagel and some coffee two mornings ago and nothing since ? "

" I've been really busy. " I offered lamely, knowing it sounded stupid and inadequate as it left my mouth.

He turned to Rusty and Ashleigh and nodded. " Can I talk to her alone for a minute, Guys ? "

They returned his nod and left, giving me a pat on their way out. Rusty looked like he wanted to save me. Ashleigh looked like she couldn't escape fast enough. Trader, I thought silently.

" What are you doing ? " Cappie fumed the moment the door closed behind them. " What the hell do you think you're doing ? I don't care how messed up everything is with your precious Sorority, you have to take care of yourself. This is ridiculous. What are you doing now, trying for a sympathy vote for President ? "

I shrank away from his booming voice and stared at the ground under his feet.

" Casey, " he said, stepping closer. When I didn't answer, he repeated it. " Casey, "

I finally looked up with tears falling down my checks in twin rivers of self hatred. " I'm sorry. " I mumbled around the lump in my throat that I couldn't seem to swallow.

I didn't want him mad at me. I was so tired of everyone being mad at me. If they weren't mad, they were judging and it they weren't judging or mad, they wanted something from me. I had just had enough. I couldn't take anymore. My shoulders felt like they were breaking as the weight of everything that had happened in the last few days pushed on them, unrelenting and painful.

I threw myself against the pillow and sobbed harder than I had ever sobbed before.

" Oh, God ! " he heard him exclaim. Then he was beside me, pulling me into his arms and holding me against him so tightly I almost couldn't breath. " God, Casey, baby. I'm sorry. " He said as he stroked my hair and rocked me softly. " You just scared me so bad. I came back and you were on the floor. We couldn't get you to wake up. I was so scared. "

He continued to hold me and rock for what seemed like hours. His grip on my shoulders never wavered and I was grateful. I needed to be as close to him as I possibly could in that moment. He like my anchor to reality and I clung to him desperately. I couldn't stop crying. Every time I thought I had it under control, he would whisper something sweet into my hair and I would start all over again, because I knew it was only temporary. He didn't belong to me any more. He was simply on loan. And I couldn't stand that thought.

The door opened and he gave me a nudge as his hands loosened around me. I looked up at a middle aged man in a white coat with glasses resting on the tip of his nose. I almost laughed at the typical picture he presented.

" My name is Dr. Woods, Casey. " he introduced himself. " How are you feeling ? "

" I'm better. " I answered with a weak smile.

" I think perhaps we should talk for a minute. " He pulled a stool to the side of the bed and Cappie moved over to the chair in the corner, but I refused to let his hand go. It was an awkward position but that was tough. I couldn't lose contact with him completely. I was too scared.

" First off, " Dr. Woods began, in a solemn voice. " You were severely dehydrated when you came. We gave you some I.V. Fluids so you should be okay now. "

I smiled gratefully, but it faded as he continued. " I'm more concerned with the reason for the dehydration. " he said. " A lot of girls your age are trying some pretty life threatening things. "

He leveled me with a stern gaze and I squeezed Cappie's hand involuntarily. I was thrilled to feel him squeeze back.

" Have you been doing anything I should know about ? " he asked.

I looked back at him blankly. Did he think I was on drugs ? " No, I don't do any type of drugs. "

" I wasn't really referring to drugs. " He answered, then glanced to Cappie. " Maybe you'd be more comfortable if we talked alone ? "

I balked at the suggestion and held to Cappie tighter. " I have no idea what you are talking about, but he isn't leaving. " I insisted.

" Okay, " he agreed with his hands out in front of him in defeat. " A lot of girls you age feel like they need to take pretty drastic measures in order to stay a certain size or fit into a certain mold that maybe doesn't fit them. "

He was using nice words but I knew what he was getting at. " I do not have an eating disorder ! " I erupted.

Cappie laughed and both of us turned towards him. " I'm sorry, " he apologized. " But I can vouch for that. She didn't do this on purpose. She can really put away the groceries under normal circumstances. I've seen it. "

" Are you saying I'm fat ? " I spat quickly.

" Oh, no. I never said you were fat. I said you eat just fine. " he explained. Then he looked to the doctor. " Thing is, she can eat just about anyone under the table and never gain an ounce. I promise you, Doctor, this wasn't caused by anorexia or bulimia or anything like this. "

The doctor shrugged and turned his attention back to me. " I want you to understand how serious this really is. You have to take time to take care of yourself. "

" I know. " I nodded, noticing that my headache was ebbing slightly. " I promise nothing like this will happen again. "

" You're not completely well, but I think you can probably go home tonight. I just need to know that someone will be there to look after you for a few days. You'll be weak and maybe a bit dizzy and disoriented until your electrolytes balance themselves out. " He explained, handing me a stack of papers.

" I'll be there. " Cappie said and i turned to look at him. " Force feeding her Gator aid and water. "

" That will be a good start. Don't try to eat anything too heavy for a couple of days. Stick to broths and soups. You might experience some nausea and a headache. " He gestured to the papers in my hands and finally smiled. " Everything you need to know is in there. I'm going to take both your words that this isn't a problem, but if you come back in here again for this, I'll be forced to notify your Student Advisor. "

I smiled back at him as Cappie stood. " It won't happen again. I'll make sure of it. " He said seriously.

" Good. Then you're free to go and tried to take it easy for a couple of days. Bed rest would be the best course of action. "

Then he was gone.

I turned to look back at Cappie and he was smiling down at me. " Well, let's get you out of here. I'll send Ashleigh in to help you get changed. "

I nodded, still smiling at him like an idiot. I'll be there, he said. I'll make sure of it. I kept hearing the words repeated over and over in my head.