Casey My sweet,

I have been waiting for you. Still you elude me, like smoke drifting through my fingers. I know you are there, just a breath away, yet I am helpless to touch you. Sometimes the feeling is maddening. I get so very close to you but am unable to tell you who I am.

Fear holds my tongue. Fear of your rejection of me. Fear of losing the scant little contact I have with you. So I reach out through cyberspace. Holding you in the only place I feel I can.

I haven't actually seen you in days and the hours seem to pass unending and unfulfilled as I wait to catch sight of you. To see the warmth of your eyes as they pass me on the sidewalk. To have you offer me the precious gift of your smile, your beautiful, effervescent smile.

The time is drawing closer now, when I must revel to you who I truly am. I can only hope that my words have reached your heart. And when the moment arrives, you remember them and know that I am the one who truly loves you.

Tennyson1987

I read the message several times and I wasn't sure why, but this one left me with a vaguely creepy feeling that I couldn't seem to shake. Maybe it was the last line, I am the one who truly loves you. Maybe exhaustion and everything I'd been through in the last week were making me paranoid. I wasn't sure.

But I closed the laptop without reply. My eyes burned from lack of sleep and all the recent crying and I just wanted to sleep away all my worries, forget everything for a while.

I didn't so much fall asleep as crumple into a ball of nothingness.

I tried to ignore the knocking on my door, even going so far as to pull a pillow over my head to try and block the noise, but apparently whoever was there was pretty determined. I finally called a raspy, "Come in," as I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

" I was asked to bring you this while it's still hot. " Danielle appeared with a tray of food and a steaming cup of coffee. " Cappie said to tell you, he'll be up in a minute. "

" Okay, " I answered, taking the tray and placing it carefully on my lap. Some of the coffee slouched over the side of the cup in the exchange and landed on my hand, stinging it.

I looked up at her and wondered if she had done it on purpose, but she acted like she didn't notice. I decided to take the high road and ignore it.

" So, " I began as I moved the eggs around my plate with a fork. " How are things with you and Cappie ? "

She looked at me like I'd lost my mind, but it only lasted for a second. Then she sat and smiled at me sweetly. " Things are fine. How are you and Evan ? "

I could tell from her expression that she knew exactly how we were and she was using the opportunity to rub my nose in her relationship.

I just smiled back at her. " We broke up actually. I'm surprised you haven't heard. "

" Oh, I had. I just wanted to hear it from you. " she answered with venom touching her words. " I guess that means he's available then. "

Her comment shocked me and I choked on my first tentative sip of coffee. " I guess he is. Why ? "

" I was just wondering. I have a friend..." she trailed off dramatically.

Was this woman really sitting here asking me about the availability of my ex-boyfriend when she just left the bed of the object of my affections ? Was she stupid enough to think I wouldn't tell Cappie what she said ? Did she care about him enough for it to matter to her if he found out ?

I was so distracted by the questions pouring through my head that I almost missed her exit. But I stopped her as she reached the door.

She turned back to me at hearing her name.

" Sit down. I think we need to have a conversation. " I told her, moving the tray to the table beside the bed and sliding to the edge.

She sat in the worn leather office chair that Jason had apparently left, who the hell ever he was.

I leveled her with my most intent gaze and she stilled immediately, not like she was scared, but like she was really interested in what I had to say. I think she was mocking me actually, but I let it pass without comment.

" I want you to listen to me. " I began. " I won't let you hurt him. He's been through enough and I won't let you come in here and rip his heart out again. "

" That's rich. " she spat, " coming from you. "

" I really don't give a damn what you think of me. For some reason, Cappie has decided to seriously try this dating thing again with you." I made it clear that I thought there was no accounting for taste there. " The thing is, he hasn't been serious about anyone in years and I don't want his first time back out there to be a painful one. If you don't want him, tell him now. Don't string him along. "

She shifted. " Again, that's pretty rich coming from you. "

I took a deep breath to control my urge to leap from the bed and throttle the life out of the girl. Cappie probably wouldn't approve of me strangling his new girlfriend.

" Do you know what I think is going on here ? " she said, leaning forward a bit. " I think you're mad because I'm coming between you and your pet. Everyone knows how you pull him around on a leash. I think it bothers you to think that maybe he's found a new owner. "

A new owner ! Now I really was going to throttle her. I could feel the skin of my palms breaking as I dug my nails into it. My jaw ached from clenching my teeth as hard as I could.

She stood and stepped closer to me, not realizing how close I was to losing control of my temper, or not caring. After all, if I just jumped her and beat the living crap out of her, however satisfying it would be in the moment, I would be sealing my fate with Cappie and with the ZBZ's for that matter. How would it look if their president got into a brawl with a fellow president ?

" I'm going now. I have some things to take care. Maybe I'll stop by at the Omega Chi house and check on Evan for you. "

And then she was gone. I stared after her for what seemed like ages.

I had no idea what to do. If I just came out and told Cappie about our conversation, would he believe me, or would he trust the woman he was with ? Knowing Cappie like I did, the answer was the latter, without a doubt. He'd trust her to the bitter end, until he had concrete proof not to. It was just who he was and one of the things I really loved about him. No one was more loyal than Cappie.

So how was I going to convince him that she didn't deserve his trust, that she didn't care about him at all ?

My answer came into the room a moment later. His eyes were downcast and a stormy shade of blue that I rarely saw. His full, perfectly shaped mouth was distorted and turned down at the corners in a deep frown. His brown hair a mess as if he had pulled his hands through it several times.

I looked at him as he entered and I knew what had happened without asking.

Cappie had been eavesdropping. He had heard the whole thing with his own ears. He didn't need me to convince him.

" Well, " he said, forcing a smile as he plopped down on the foot of the bed.

I slide the few inches that separated us and touched his back.

" I'm so sorry, Cappie. I didn't mean for any of that to happen. I just wanted to tell her to be nice to you. I didn't expect her to react like that. " I told him, lowering my check to his shoulder blade.

" I know. " he answered quietly. " And I appreciate you trying to look out for me. "

He turned to his side, causing my head to come to rest on his chest. We made a sort of sloppy L across the bed and I wanted so badly to bring the rest of my body against his. But I hesitated, unsure of his reaction.

Again, he helped me decided as he maneuver and adjusted both of us until he was laying with his head on the pillow and my head was on his chest. His arms wrapped around my waist protectively and I sunk into the feel of him.

" How about some television and breakfast ? " He asked after a moment of quiet.

I nodded, brushing my check against his shirt with the movement. This caused his shirt to raise up, reveling his toned abdomen and I couldn't resist the urge to let my arm rest across it.

His bare skin against mine was everything I remembered and so much more. I'd forgotten how soft his skin was, how incredibly warm. I forgotten the way the light splattering of hair that covered his chest tickled as it brushed against me. I'd forgotten so much.

" Casey, " he raised his head and looked down at me. " You have to eat this breakfast. "

He nudged me and I consented to sit up beside him. Then he pulled the tray into his own lap and picked up the fork. " I told the doctor I would make you eat, even if I had to feed you myself. So you've left me no choice. "

He held the fork out to me full of a healthy bite of scrambled eggs and I accepted it without arguing. I knew it wouldn't do me any good and I was starving besides.

I let him feed me the entire tray in fact.

I was just settling in beside him once again when a wave a nausea hit me. I clutched my stomach and sat up as quickly as I could.

" Are you okay ? " the hand on my shoulder was almost nice enough to make me forget about my churning tummy, almost but not quite.

" I think I'm going to be sick. " I managed as quickly as I could. I really wasn't in the mood for conversation.

" Okay. " he said, coming around to the side of the bed I was sitting on and helping me up. " I guess we overdid the breakfast thing a little. I'm sorry. "

He lead me to the bathroom, but half way there the wave stopped and I stood up on my own, drawing in deep, refreshing breaths.

" I'm okay. " I told him.

But all the activity of moving had made me weak and I leaned against the cool wall for support.

" You don't look okay. " he announced. " But you aren't going to throw up ? "

I shook my head slowly. " I just need a second. "

He bent down and in the next second I was nestled tightly and securely in his arms as he made his way back to the bedroom. But instead of turning into Jason's old room, he continued down the hall to the stairs and went straight to his.

" It's much nicer. " he smiled at my questioning look. " And the bed's bigger. There's a T.V. "

I snuggled back into his shoulder, my arms circled around his neck, perfectly content to let him take me where ever he chose, as long as he kept his arms around me.

I glanced around as he placed me gently on his bed and noticed that the stuffed animal and nightie were nowhere to be seen. I was grateful. Even though it was obviously over, I didn't want any reminders of her at the moment.

" I figured since Danielle is gone, this would be better. " he said, a bit nervously. I don't think I'd ever heard him nervous before and I almost laughed.

" You're right. It is nicer. Thank you. " I told him. " You're sure I'm not going to be in your way in here. Cramping your style or anything ? "

He came to the side of the bed and knelt down. Then he reached out and took my hand. " I've learned a lot of things in the last week. " he began. I wasn't sure where he was going but he had my attention complete and undivided. " And the one thing I can't seem to get past is that you, Casey, are my style. "

I couldn't keep the smile from my face. " This, " he gestured to the room in general. " This doesn't have to mean anything. It just means my room is more comfortable and I can take care of you better here. If that's all you want it to mean. "

There was a question in his voice, an uncertainty. Like he was expecting me to kick him in the teeth yet again. Instead I leaned closer to him and kissed his cheek. A soft, chaste kiss.

When I leaned back, he looked completely confused. " I don't understand. Was that a thanks, you're such a pal kiss ? Or was it a I want it to mean more kiss ? You're gonna have to spell it out for me this time, Case. I can't read you the way I used to. "

I wasn't ready for this. I wasn't ready to step back into a full fledged romance with him. I knew I loved him and I wanted to be with him more than anything. But it just didn't feel right yet. I couldn't believe the thought even as it formed in my head. How could Cappie being with me not feel right ? It always felt right, even when it shouldn't have. But I knew the answer. I hadn't earn this yet. I didn't deserve him this way yet. And until I did, I needed to put a caution light on.

" I just want to take this slowly this time. " I tried to explain it to him in a way he would understand.

" So it was a thanks, your such a pal kiss. " he said, a little disappointed.

" It was a give me some time kiss. " I corrected him. " I want to make this perfect for us. I don't want anything lingering over our heads. Can you understand that ? "

" What is lingering ? " he asked. " Is it Evan ? Because I can promise you it isn't Danielle. Hell, I can't believe I even started that. It was the dumbest thing I have ever done, and that is saying something, considering it's me we're talking about. "

I smiled. " It isn't Evan. It's me. I need to make some changes with myself and I just need some time to get it right. I don't want to mess this up this time. "

He smoothed my hair back and kissed me. It was the most tender thing I had ever felt. No one had ever touched me like that before. It wasn't a passionate kiss, it wasn't heated. It was quick and simple and so full of love I felt my chest expand.

" What could you possibly need to change about yourself ? You're perfect. " He whispered as he looked into my eyes.

" Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I need to learn how to be a little less perfect. " I answered.

" That isn't even possible. But if slow is the pace you wish to set. Then slow is the one you get. Although let me just state for the record, slow is a speed I have not had much practice with. So bare with me. "

I smiled again and kissed him in the same way he had just kissed me. I did my best to pour as much of my feelings for him into that one small, all too quick contact. When I pulled away the look on his face was a mixture of wonder and shock and awe.

" What ? " I asked, confused.

He shifted and came to sit beside me on the bed. " In all the months that we were together. All the kisses, all the times you touched me. You never once kissed me like that. "

I looked at him, truly confused now. " Like what ? How was that time so different ? "

" You kissed me like you loved me. " He said simply, a small smile tugging the corners of his mouth.

" Cappie, I have always loved you. " I argued.

" I know that. But that was different. There was more to that kiss. "

" I don't understand. " I said honestly. Surely I had kissed him like I loved him before.

Then it occurred to me what he was saying. When Evan kissed me it was always nice. I could tell he cared about me. I could tell he wanted me. Sometimes it even felt like he loved me. But when Cappie kissed me, I felt not just loved, but adored. It always seemed as if he felt I was doing him a favor by allowing him to touch me. He didn't just love me. He felt like I was his entire world. He cherished me and it showed every time he touched me, every time he kissed me.

Now for the first time, I felt the same way. I cherished him in a way I had never done before. We were embarking on something much bigger than we had last time. Last time was fun and special and full of everything new and exciting.

This felt real. It was an emotional level I had never reached before, a connection with another person that I never even dreamed was possible.

I was so lost in my own thoughts, I missed the deeply contemplative look on his face. When I saw it, I was instantly apprehensive. I knew that look. It was usually only reserved for his stoner parties. It was a look that said he was about to get philosophical.

" Oh, no. " I groaned, causing him to laugh.

" It isn't a bad thought this time. It isn't even a particularly complicated one, as they sometimes do tend to be. " he reassured me.

I turned towards him and folded my legs under me, getting comfortable and ready for the sometimes long winded explanation for his expression. " Okay, I'm ready, Dr. Freud. " I teased. " Lay it on me. "

" Have you read Plato ? " he asked, before beginning.

" A bit. In literature. " I answered. " But mostly I just skimmed the cliff notes. "

He rolled his eyes. " You are really missing out. Plato was a fine man. A little old and moldy, and he may have had more hair than most men, that's just a rumor though, I don't know that for sure. "

I laughed out loud.

" He wrote a story called the Symposium and in that story, a group of men were asked to philosophize about love. " He continued. " Well, Aristophanes told them about a race of beings. These beings had four arms and four legs and they cartwheeled around all the time, blissfully happy and never having a care in the world. "

I watched completely spellbound as his eyes danced while he related his story animatedly.

" Well these beings decided that since they were so blissfully happy, they would scale the heights of heaven and set upon the Gods themselves. The Gods were having none of this scaling heavens business and Zeus almost just blasted them all with his mighty thunderbolts. But he decided he didn't want to lose all the beings that had devoted themselves to him. "

He leaned forward conspiratorially.. " Zeus was a bit of a megalomaniac. I mean, I wouldn't say it to his face but that was a God that loved to be loved. "

I giggled again and he continued. " So instead of using thunderbolts, he punished these impudent creatures by splitting them right down the middle and scattering them to the four corners of the world. Hence they were called Split Aparts from that day forward. And they were cursed to go forth and seek out their other halves in order to be happy once again. " His voice rose as he finished, giving his tale the dramatic climax it deserved.

" So what happened to them ? " I asked, finally when I realized he was done talking.

" They became us. Humans. " he answered.

" Okay, so now I know the story. Tell me what the look was all about. "

" I was just thinking that my two legs and two arms fit rather perfectly with your two legs and arms and I would be perfectly content to go about blissfully cartwheeling with you forever. " He told me.

I just looked at him. It was classic Cappie logic, but it was the most wonderful thing anyone had ever said to me.

" That being said, " he cleared his throat. " I understand there is a rather happening Halloween party going down right below our feet on Friday. I was wondering if you might have already made plans. "

I laughed again. It was nice getting used to laughing again. " I don't have any plans as yet. Are you offering to be my escort ? "

He shook his head. " No, " He shrugged. " I was just wondering. "

I smacked his shoulder.

" I would be honored if you would do me the extreme pleasure of escorting you to the upcoming Halloween social. " He said, standing and giving a flourished bow.

" Kind Sir, " I told him in my sweetest voice. " The honor would truly be mine. " Then I grinned remembering our last Halloween party. " Would this invitation include perhaps pumpkin pecan pie ? "

He gave me his patented sly seductive smile. " It will if you want it to. "

He stopped suddenly and spun towards his desk, where he grabbed a handful of papers. " Oh, yeah. I couldn't sleep last night so I got everything ready for your shindig. " He handed the papers across to me.

" What ? You filled out all these last night ? " I asked, shocked.

" I figured you wouldn't really be up to dealing with all this, so I got it all ready. I'll take them to the admin tomorrow and get everything filed away. "

" This is so nice. Thank you so much. " I looked down at the papers. His messy scrawl stared back at me. I felt the physical ease of a certain amount of tension in my shoulders, tension I hadn't even realized was there. " You have no idea how much better this makes me feel. Just knowing that at least this is taken care of. It's wonderful. "

He came beside me again and took the papers, laying them on a small table next to the bed. " I figured it might make you feel better. Later, if you're still feeling better, we can take a look at those financial records that you said were such a mess. "

" Why are you helping me with all this ? " I asked, " I know the last thing you want is for me to be elected president. "

He looked stunned. " That isn't true. I know how much this means to you, and I want to help you if it makes you happy. " His look changed suddenly. " If you do get elected president, is it going to change this thing we're starting ? "

I shook my head. " Absolutely not. Either they except me the way I am, the entire package or I'm leaving. "

He sat back. " Leaving ? "

" I'll resign and leave the sorority. " I told him. " I won't let them dictate my life anymore. I'm going to date who I want and spend time where I want and they will just have to deal with that or lose me as a member. "

" Wow, that's new. " he smiled.

" It's one of those changes I'm trying to make. I want to put my life into prospective. Get my priorities right. " I confirmed.

" And I'm one of those priorities ? " he asked, his voice a little shaky and unsure.

I kissed him. I wasn't planning on getting anymore physical than we already had, but I couldn't make myself stop. He was sitting there looking at me with that uncertain look in his eyes and I wanted to make him see exactly where he stood. So I kissed him and it was wonderful. Not the sweet innocent kiss of earlier but a full, passion filled kiss like so many we had shared before.

His arms came around me and pulled me against him, crushing me to his chest. I clutched at his shoulders, dragging him closer still.

When we finally pulled away, I stared into his wonder filled eyes and smiled. " You are my top priority right now. "

" I don't think I've ever been your top priority. " he smiled slowly. " But if that was any indication to what it feels like then I think I could get used to it. "

He leaned in to kiss me again and it took all my willpower but I pulled away. " Slow, remember ? "

He nodded solemnly. " Right, slow. " He shifted slightly. " How about a movie ? "

" Will you watch it with me ? Or do you have things you need to do ? I understand if you do. You aren't required to babysit me all day. " I said, crawling to the head of the bed.
" I have nothing to do that is more important than spending the day in bed with you watching movies. And I will do better than just stay with you, I'll offer myself as a pillow for your comfort. " he answered, coming beside me.

I settled against him, making myself comfortable. It was going to be a good day.