Ah yes…Bella…In the middle of schoolwork and three other fanfics, I really don't seem to have time for her. I thought her to be fairly acceptable in Twilight, grew impatient with her in New Moon then decided she was as annoying as hell. The pairing EdXBella is alright in itself, but how I wish she had a little more positive attributes to begin with. Let's say maybe, she can…I don't know, sing? Paint? Something! At least give her a little common sense in decision making!

Anyways! Bella Swan!


Bella:

Kill Edward. Simple enough really.

Chop off all her hair.

Instead of sending her a bouquet of roses, send her a truck full of deodorant. Tell her it's from Edward.

Replace every known video, VCR, television series, movie, etc. in Seattle with clips of her dancing.

Ask her if she always wants to remember Edward. When she says "yes" (of course she will) put one of his toes on her silver bracelet.

Send her a return application saying she's been accepted to Hogwarts.

(When she goes to college (Hogwarts) and is looking for platform 9 ¾) point to where it's supposed to be and watch her crash into a solid brick wall.

Tell her Edward turned you into a vampire before her.

Moon her.

Kick her then run. Go back in a Barney costume, kick her then run.

Always talk in Spanish to her.

When she tells or asks you something, always respond in plural form. Example: Bella: "Let's go this way". You: WE don't think that's good idea. (Remembered from the genius 500 Ways to Annoy Sanzo)

Superglue chopsticks up her nose.

Tell her Edward is gay.

(still on the previous one) When she says, "but he loves me." Reply, "exactly"

Put a garland of garlic on her head.

Give her a leash and collar and say it's for Jacob.

Photoshoppe a picture of Edward in a wedding dress then show it to her.

Superglue a beard and mustache on Edward so they can't kiss properly.

Better yet, superglue a beard and mustache on her.

Eat a bunch of garlic then blow at her face.

Make light saber sounds in her midst.

Call her Billy so it could go with Bob. (Look back to Chapter one on Edward)

Make her think she has pink eye.

Follow her around saying "I love you".

Take off Edward's head then give it to her. Since he's still a vampire it's going to start talking pretty soon.

Slap her with a dead fish.

Giver her a packet of blood for Christmas.

Hmmm…not totally inspired. Oh…and did I mention that I absolutely hate history right now? Ah, well.

Suggestions are welcome!