Dobbler's, how many hours had I spent in this small, crowded, smoky little bar ? Being just a block away from campus, the clientèle was almost exclusively CRU students. If you were going off campus to hang out, it was Dobblers that you came to. If you were looking for a place to relax, kick back and have a beer, it was Dobblers. If you were looking for a change of scenery while studying, it was Dobblers. I had spent almost as much time here in my years at CRU as I had at my sorority house.

And it hadn't change at all. The pictures on the wall, the music in the jukebox, the people behind the bar, in ten years nothing had changed, or at least it seemed that way when I walked through the door.

In actuality, the people had changed, of course, the music was different, obviously. But in my mind, it was the same, old, comfortable, Dobblers.

I went to the bar and sank down a familiar stool and ordered, yep, a lemon drop. I hadn't had one in years. But there was no way I could resist in that atmosphere.

Will took a beer and we talked quietly between us as we waited for the rest of our party and our drinks.

" So, when we get back to L.A., we need to check on the new line one more time before I can be sure its ready for fashion week. " Will was saying. That was Will, it always came back to business with him.

" I'm not worried. I think it's fine. We're in good shape. " I assured him, squeezing his hand.

Personally, Will was my rock. Professionally, I was his.

" Excuse me, " Someone said, coming up behind me. I turned to a familiar face that I really couldn't place. I knew I knew him, I just couldn't remember from where.

" You're Casey Cartwright, right ? " he said.

" Yeah, I'm sorry. Do I know you ? " I asked, trying to not be rude. It was a little awkward though, obviously he was someone I should know.

" I'm Heath, Heath Turner. I'm a friend of Rusty and Cappie's. We were brothers. " he explained.

And instantly it hit me. Now I knew why I didn't recognize him. He was a bit heavier than the skinny boy I remembered, his muscles more defined, his face fuller and older. He looked so much older, but then Heath had had that kind of baby face that few manage to keep past their twenties.

" Yeah, Heath. Of course I remember you. I just didn't recognize you. You look so different. " I said, as I drew him into a hug. " How have you been ? "

" I've been good. I'm a staff writer for a national magazine. " he smiled, and I saw a little of that youthfulness in his eyes.

" What magazine ? "

" OUT. " He answered and I heard Will take in a breath.

" I subscribe to OUT. It's a great magazine. I've read your stuff. It's very informative. " Will said over my shoulder.

" This is Will Trevors, my partner. " I introduced them. " Will, this is Heath. "

And suddenly I was no longer a part of the conversation. The talk quickly turned to issues concerning gay men and as I wasn't a part of the group, I was slowly weeded out of the conversation.

I sat listening quietly as I sipped at my lemon drop and waited for the others to show up, giving an occasional nod to show I was, at least, trying to listen.

Then suddenly Will cleared his throat and apparently it occurred to him that outing himself was a little contrary to our plans, because he leaned towards Heath and whispered something quietly. Then he was once again at my side, being the image of the perfect boyfriend.

And it was just in time, too, as Asheigh was just coming through the door followed by Cappie. The two were talking animatedly about something until his eye caught mine. I watched hypnotized as a slow smile spread across his face and he glided, in that perfectly flawless, carefree way that was so Cappie, over to us.

He didn't stop at me though, he went to Heath and slapped him on the back, telling him how great he looked. I just watched. I loved watching him. He was always so open and happy, so stress free and weightless. I missed watching him.

" How are you holding up ? " Ashleigh asked in my ear.

" I'm fine. " I replied without taking my eyes from him.

" Be careful, Casey. " She warned still in a whisper. " You're going to get drool on your shoes. They look expensive. "

I nudged her with an elbow to the ribs and she spun away from me at the last second, as if she knew the attack was coming.

Rusty came in as I was imagining all the ways I was going to get my revenge on her and he had me in his arms moments later. We hadn't seen each other in months, both of us had busy careers and it just didn't seem like we could ever find the time to get together. I hated that. Rusty and I hadn't been close growing up. But we had developed quite a bond over our college years and the years that followed them. Russ had gotten me through a few of my darker moments and I was very grateful to him for being there for me.

He had no sooner pulled away to embrace Cappie, than I found myself struggling to try to wrap my arms around Jenn. She looked completely ridiculous, of course, the way all small women look at the end stages of pregnancy. Her round stomach a contrast to the rest of her much more petite body. She looked like she had just swallowed a basketball.

Cappie held her at arm's length after she was done with me and laughed. " Another one ? " he exclaimed. " How can you be having another one ? I haven't even gotten to meet the first one. If you keep it up at this pace, you'll have a baseball team. "

" Oh no, " Jenn laughed and hugged him. " We are stopping at this one for a minute anyway. "

" Yeah, I think that's what I remember you saying right after you had Jeremy. " I interjected.

" Well, I mean it this time. I can't handle three of them in diapers all at once. "

" Where's Jeremy tonight ? " Cappie asked. " You did bring him with you, didn't you ? "

" Oh, yeah. He's back at the ZBZ house. " Rusty explained. " The girls have offered their babysitting services to the visiting Alumni. So we took them up on it. Beaver was just dropping his two off while I was there. " He turned to me. " His oldest, and Zach really hit it off. "

"Who's Zach ? " Cappie asked, and Rusty instantly looked like he swallowed something terrible, like his foot.

Okay, it was time. Damn it. I was hoping it would wait until the picnic tomorrow, but apparently as I previously stated, my silents prayers were being ignored tonight.

I threw back the rest of my drink, and winced inwardly as I tried to mentally prepare myself for talking to Cappie about Zach. Just the sound of his name on Cappie's lips made my pulse race faster.

" Zach is my son. " I finally said as nonchalantly as I could manage.

His eyebrows shot up to his hairline. " You didn't say anything about having a son. When did this happen ? "

" It happened about eight years ago. " I answered.

Rusty, Jenn, Will and Ashleigh all looked at me curiously for a moment, but they hid it well and thankfully Cappie didn't notice. I couldn't, after all, tell him the truth. He wasn't stupid. He could do simple math and I did not want that equation even entering his mind.

" You need another drink. " Will grabbed my glass and stayed behind at the bar while we found a table a started to make ourselves comfortable.

Cappie managed to slip into the vacant chair beside me. He made it look accidental, but I knew him better than that.

He leaned towards me and gave me that wonderful smile, that I liked to think, back in school, he reserved just for me. " I've been wanting to get together with you. " He told me, while the others buzzed in the background, carrying on their own conversation.

" Really ? Why is that ? " I tried to keep my voice calm, but it came off as a bit nasally.

" I want to talk to you about doing some designs for my new picture. I'm looking for a top designer and your name came up. I thought it might be fun, us working together. " he explained. " I remember you telling me once a long time ago that you thought we made a pretty good team. "

I remembered that day as well. It was the day that he told me he pictured himself with me ten years in the future. The irony hadn't escaped me and from the look in his eyes, it hadn't escaped him either.

" I don't know Cappie. We're really swamp right now with getting the new line out. I'm not sure we have time to take on a new project right now. Beside, custom design isn't really my thing. "

It sounded like a brush off even to my own ears and I watched the smile begin to slip from his face.

Damn it, why was it always so impossible for me to say no to him ? " Let me discuss it with Will. Maybe we can work something out. "

There, I did it. The smile returned full form and I returned it in spite of myself. I was very much not certain I wanted to start a project with Cappie. It would mean months of working with him, being around him, seeing him almost daily.

" It wouldn't be for some time still. We are still making adjustments to the script and working on the casting. I know Will said you were planning on getting married after you got the new line out. I don't want it to interfere with that, of course. "

I nodded, but didn't comment. Somehow it made me feel better to know I wasn't out right lying to him. I was simply letting him make his own assumptions and I wasn't correcting them. Okay, it was the same as lying. I realized that. I knew it deep down, yet it still made me feel better.

" So tell me about Zach. What's he like ? "

He's just like you, was my silent answer, the one my heart ached to tell him. But I didn't. Instead I said, " He's great. He's smart and funny. Loves football. Loves your movies. The vampire series you did, he couldn't get enough of them. "

" Isn't he a little young for all that violence ? " he asked and my heart flipped at how concerned he sounded.

" Yeah, that's what I thought, too. But his Uncle decided that he could handle it and once he watched the first one, he was hooked. "

Rusty perked up at hearing his name and gave a sheepish smile. " I know. I've corrupted him. I'm a bad Uncle. "

Will rejoined us and took the chair on the other side of me just as Beaver and his wife, Lisa came over.

I couldn't remember the last time I had had so much fun, laughed so much, or had so much to drink, for that matter. That was mostly due to Will. Every time my glass got empty he was jumping up to get a refill. I suspected this had a little something to do with Heath, who was still sitting at the bar, talking to someone I didn't recognize.

I was definitely beginning to feel the effects of the many drinks I had consumed before long. My head has spinning. A general sense of euphoria invaded my body, causing my muscles to relax and my bones to turn to rubber.

I stood from the table and announced that I needed a little fresh air, before walking, or rather, stumbling outside for a moment.

I barely made it out when the door opened behind me and turned to glance over my shoulder, to find Cappie standing there.

" I'm sorry, I didn't think you should be on your own out here. You've had a little to drink." he smiled, apologetically.

Normally I would have panicked at the idea of being alone with him with my safety net so far away. My eyes strayed to the window and I could see Will, once again by the bar with Heath. A heavy sigh gave me a heady feelings as it shook my shoulders. I leaned back against the wall and regarded the man in front of me.

I didn't know how it was possible, but it really didn't seem to me that he had changed. Ten years of experiences should have shown on his face, given him a few lines, made him appear older. But it hadn't. His face was still so young and youthful. His eyes, so very blue and clear and bright. Perhaps it was that carefree way of his. Maybe that was why he hadn't appeared to age a day since the last time I saw him.

My mind drifted back to that night, the night after graduation unbidden and from the way he was looking at me, so had his ...

He was sitting in the backyard of the Kappa Tau house, alone, finishing off a beer and staring sadly up at the sky above him.

I had said all my goodbyes at the ZBZ house. All my things we packed. My replacement was settling in nicely. I had even gotten in my car and started to leave. But as I pulled away from the campus, I couldn't get past the feeling that I was forgetting something so monumentally important, I had to turn around. I wasn't even consciously aware of where I was going until my car pulled into the driveway of the Kappa Tau house. It wasn't until that moment that my conscious mind figured out what was bothering me so much.

I'd said goodbye to him the night before. The Kappa's had, of course, thrown the party to end all parties to send off one of their most adored presidents. Ashleigh talked me into going. I hadn't intended to.

After Evan and I broke up in my second year, I turned to Cappie for a while. But of course things had ended up the same as they had Freshman year. I couldn't get past the immaturity. I couldn't get past the feeling that I was the only grown up in our relationship. It had ended worse the second time than it had the first. There was yelling and cursing and a lot of saying things neither of us really meant.

I was devastated. It had taken a lot longer to get over him the second time. I had barely managed the whole thing with my dignity in tact, in fact.

After that, after the breakup, we rarely saw each other. I think we were avoiding each other, to be honest. I had seen him a couple times almost walk into Dobblers or Starbucks when I was there and he had turned the other direction when he saw me. I'd done the same. It was just too painful to be around him anymore. There was too much raw emotion there.

But that night, my last night on at school, my last chance to see him, I knew I needed to work past the pain and try to find some kind of closure with him.

That was my intention. I needed a proper ending for the chapter of my life that was Cappie. I needed to find a way to move on, forward, instead of lingering in the past.

He heard me approach. I know he did because a small smile began to play at the corners of his mouth, but he didn't move, didn't acknowledge my presence in any other way except to scoot a chair away from the table for me with his foot. Like he had been sitting back here, expecting me.

" I just came to say goodbye. " I told him, taking the chair he offered.

" You said goodbye last night. " He still didn't look at me.

" Yeah, but I thought you and I deserved more than a quick hug and a ' see you around'. " I explained.

Finally, his head came up and his eyes found mine with such an intensity it almost took my breath. "I'm not so sure about that. Maybe it would have been best with a nice, simple little, ' see you around'. I'm not sure I can take anything more. "

I was a bit startled by his honesty. Cappie not making light of a heavy situation was a scary thing. But I understood what he was saying. I wasn't sure I was going to make it through this with my heart in tact either. But it had to be done. " Do you want me to leave ? " I asked, already knowing he wouldn't say yes.

" If you do, who's going to help me eat the chocolate silk pie in the fridge ? " he smiled, but it wasn't his usual easy smile, there was a sadness in his eyes that I couldn't stand to see.

I forced a chuckle. " You bought a pie. It sounds like you were expecting me. "

" No, I made a pie, as a matter of fact, and of course I was expecting you. I knew you couldn't leave for good without coming here first. "

" I hate that you know me that well. " I commented.

" No, you don't. "

I thought about that, really trying to analyze what I was feeling. Did I really hate that he knew me so well ? No, I decided, I didn't hate it. I hated feeling like I should hate it. I hated myself for falling so completely in love with someone so incredibly wrong for me. I hated myself for letting this whole thing with Cappie get as far as it did. I knew, four years before, when I first met him, I knew it would never work between us. That didn't stop me from loving him. It didn't stop me from wanting to be with him. I just stopped me from being able to give him the one thing he wanted from me. All of me.

" I guess you're right. Maybe I don't hate it. " I muttered as I stared up at the sky to keep from looking at him.

I heard his chair move an instant before I felt his much larger hand cover mine. The warmth of it nearly took my breath away. He exuded so much heat, like he had fire running in his veins.

I didn't pull away, it was the last thing from my mind, in fact, but he took a firm hold like he was afraid I was going to try. I guess experience had taught him that if he didn't hold me tight, I'd slip away every time.

That was a sad thought. It seemed like the perfect lament for our topsy turvy relationship. He was always trying to keep a hold on me and I was always slipping away.

" I'm really glad you came, Casey. " His voice was rough and emotional, so foreign and strange to my ears. I turned my head so I could see him but he was looking away again as well, so I turned back to the sky.

" I couldn't not come. I had to. " was my simple answer.

I hadn't noticed it before but a radio was playing quietly from the table beside him. He reached over and turned it up as a song we both liked came on.

The next thing I knew he was on his feet, looking down at me. " Would you dance with me one last time ? "

I didn't answer him, but my body moved on its on, knowing what it wanted and taking it without my consent. I figured that must be what it was like when you were starving to the point of death. I imagined your body would just take over, in spite of your mind, taking what it needed regardless of what you thought of it.

His arms came around me and I was suddenly surrounded by him. He was all I could see, all I could smell and hear and feel. I have no idea what song was playing. I couldn't recall it if my life depended on it. It wasn't important. What was important was that my mind was taking in every memory of him it could store. The way his hand felt where it rested against my back. The way his breath felt brushing across my ear as he breathed softly. The way his chest vibrated against me as he hummed along with the song. It was registering every little detail, enabling me to take him with me through whatever journey life had in store for me.

But it wanted more. I wanted more.

I was surprised to find I was the one that made the first move, attacking his lips with a passion that was not normal for me. But I couldn't help myself. I needed him. I needed the memory of all of him. That was what had made me turn around. That's why I came back, though I didn't know it at the time.

For once my mind and body were on the same page, though their motives were different. The end results were the same. My mind needed to remember him, so it could be sure it would never forget. My body just needed to feel him again, one last time, to feel that perfect blend that we always managed.

My soul screamed out at the thought that I might never find that again. That I might never know how it felt to truly feel complete again.

" Casey, " he whispered against my shoulder as he began to lay soft kisses on my skin. The sound caused chills through my entire body. God, I loved the husky, growling sound of his voice when we were like this. It always took my passion to another level when he whispered my name like that.

Before I knew what was happening, he had me in his arms, carrying me through the dark interior of the house and upstairs to his room. I clung to him, clutching at his shoulders and not letting his mouth leave mine for longer than it took to catch a breath.

He stopped outside his door and paused for a moment. Pulling his lips from mine, he looked down at me with such passion and love in his eyes it scared me. " If you want to leave, to back out, now is the time. Tell me and I'll put you down, say goodbye and we can leave it at that. "

My only answer was to reach out and turn the doorknob, opening the door for him.

" Casey, are you okay ? " His voice brought me plummeting back to the present and I blinked away the blurriness from my eyes.

" Yeah, I'm okay. " I answered, half heartedly.

" Are you sure ? You don't look fine." His hand was clasped around my upper arm and I realized a little embarrassedly that he was partially holding me upright.

But then his other arm came around my shoulder, brushing over the bare skin of my back and my mind flew back to the night and all the other nights that I had spent in his arms.

I gasped and felt myself falling forward against him, burying my head in his chest and breathing in as much of his scent as I could.

When I looked up into his face, I found him looking down at me with that same familiar fire that he had years before. Then I was raising myself up on my tiptoes in an effort to get to his lips.

Then everything seemed to go into slow motion as his mouth hovered a mere centimeter from mine as we just stood there looking at each other.

The sounds from the street faded, the noise from the crowd inside the bar, slipped away. All I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears. After ten long, miserably lonely years, I was back in Cappie's arms. I was home.