I was stunned. Never before had I seen him cry. But now the tears were there and I was terrified. It was a gut wrenching, ghastly site, that happy face so full of sorrow. I stood there staring like I was watching a train wreck unfold before me. I couldn't take my eyes away. How could I leave him now ? How could I walk away from him and cause him that much more pain. What was I supposed to do ? If I stayed I would hurt him, if I left I would hurt him, too.

I could think of no solution. Nothing could fix the mess I had made of us.

But I stopped because I wasn't strong enough to do anything else.

" How can you want me to stay after all that ? Why ? " I asked, through my own tears, coming faster now at seeing his.

" Because I still love you. " He choked out. " I've never stopped loving you. "

" You can't " I whispered. " You can't still feel that way. You shouldn't. I'll only end up messing up again, hurting you again. Please just let me go. I don't want to hurt you anymore. "

I felt his grip on my arm slip for an instant, like he was trying to decide what he really wanted to do, but it tightened again before I could pull away and then he pulled me into him, crushing me against him, holding me with a need that scared me. " I want this to end. I really do. But I've loved you for almost fifteen years now, I can't stop it. You have no idea how I've tried to stop it. I've tried everything, nothing works. " His face was buried in my neck, his voice muffled by my hair. But I heard him anyway. I heard the raw emotions edging his tone, the vulnerability he had never shown me before. I heard it all and it was almost my undoing, but I steeled my nerves and my resolve and tried to step away from him. He resisted at first, holding me even tighter, but finally he let me go and I moved out of his reach, giving us both the space we needed to form coherent thought.

" We have to end this, Cappie. We can't do this anymore. We are no good together. I always mess it up. I'll only end up breaking your heart again. " I said, slowly as I gained even more control over my emotions.

" You think you can walk out that door and never see me again ? " He asked, quietly.

I considered that. I knew it was the best solution. It was the only way either of us could move forward. We had to put each other behind us. It was time to close the chapter of our lives that each of us had occupied for so long. I nodded and brushed my tongue over my dry lips before I spoke again. " I think that would be best. "

The fire was there again, flashing in his eyes, burning me with his anger. " Well I won't let you do that this time. You don't have that option anymore. I'm not going to just disappear again because it suits you. I have a son and I don't intend to miss another important moment of his life. I've already missed so much. You can't keep him away from me anymore. "

I felt the air leave my lungs in a rush. He was right, of course. I could never do that to him. Not now that he knew. I couldn't keep Zach from him.

" We can work something out with Zach. You can see him whenever you want. I just don't think we should see each other. " I told him.

He stepped closer again and I felt the tiny hairs on my arms bristle at his nearness, like my entire body was reaching out however it could to be closer to him. It was betraying me. My own body was betraying me.

" I will not spend the rest of my life avoiding you. I love you. I think you love me. We shouldn't have to be apart anymore. " He demanded furiously. " Why are you doing this ? Why can't you just realize the truth ? "

" I'm doing this because I can't stand the thought of hurting you again. I don't want to cause you anymore pain. I've done enough. " I sobbed before burying my face in my hands.

I felt him step closer still and his hands enveloped mine, pulling them from my face and holding them tightly. I could feel that familiar heat again, rolling off him, so warm. He was so incredibly warm. I wanted nothing more than to bury myself in that heat and let him drive away the cold that was always present in me.

" Have you stopped long enough to consider that the only way for you to not hurt me again is to let me love you. That's all I've ever wanted. Why can't you let me ? " His voice was hoarse and choked with emotion. He buried his head in my shoulder again and his arms slid around me.

How could I fight against him ? He was so much stronger than me, he always had been.

When he pulled his face from my shoulder there was question in his eyes as they sought out mine. He was asking me to stay with him. Asking me to try and make this work once again.

Could we finally do this ? Could we really come to terms with the fact that we were no good apart ? I needed to be honest with myself. I needed to accept the fact that Cappie was my destiny. He always had been. I had wasted so many years believing that we were not right for each other. But I had been lying to myself all these years. The truth was simple. There would never be anyone else for either of us. I didn't have to energy to fight against it any longer.

So it was with a tired hand that I reached up and brushed the tears from his cheek. Then I took the first step in making things right between us. I let him have exactly what he wanted, what he needed. I let him have all of me. And when he finally kissed me, he seemed to understand. I could feel the hungry all consuming, greedy selfish need in him and I let him indulge it completely.

I awoke the next morning with a feeling that I hadn't experienced in so long I barely remembered it. But it only took a second for everything to come crashing back on me and I knew exactly what it was. I felt whole again, complete. Finally after all these years.

I turned my head and blinked the sleep from my eyes. And the first thing I saw was him, staring back at me.

" How long have you been awake ? " I asked him sleepily.

" I haven't been to sleep. " He smiled wearily. " I was afraid if I drifted off, you wouldn't be here when I woke up. "

I pulled his arms tighter around me and buried my face in his chest, breathing him in. " I had no intention of leaving. "

" I just needed to be sure you weren't just another dream. I couldn't stand the thought of waking up alone this morning. " He told me.

I brought my eyes up to his and held them steadily. " I love you. I'm not going to leave. " I told him firmly.

He sighed, his chest brushing mine with the movement. " I wish I could believe that. "

I sat up so abruptly it startled him. " Alright, I've had enough. " I blurted out. " I want you back the way you were. I'm sorry I broke you. I really am, but I can't take it anymore. "

When I looked into his face he looked scared, frighten by my outburst. " What do you mean ? " he asked, quietly.

"I want you to make a very bad, inappropriate joke and try to tickle me until I can't breath. I want you to beg me into spending the day in bed. I want you to smile and laugh and be you. " I tried to put my rapidly moving thoughts into words.

I waited for a reaction from him, for something that told me he understood what I was trying to say.

It came slowly. The easy, beautiful smile that always melted through to my very core. My heart flipped as I watched it materialize. It was like he was moving in slow motion. I wanted to reach out and shake him.

" You think you broke me ? " he asked, finally with a chuckle that sent me soaring.

" Well, " I answered. " I thought I might have. You been so 'hallmark moment' since last night. "

He laughed, and it was the sweetest sound in the world. I was so blissfully happy when his arms came around me. I let him draw me down to the bed again and before I knew it he was leaning over me, brushing the hair from my shoulder gently.

" Alright, I'm going to trust you. You say you won't leave, I'll take that. " The he lowered his mouth to my chest. " While last night was truly one of the most magical experiences in my life, " he continued as he peppered soft kisses on my collarbone. " I can assure you, I'm not broken, not even slightly damaged. "

I felt myself smiling as his hands moved down my side, across my rib cage. " And while I want nothing more than to spend all day in bed with you, I want something else just a little bit more. " he continued.

I raised my head and caught his eyes. " And what would that be ? What could you possibly want more than me ? "

He leaned forward and brushed a kiss to my lips. " I want nothing in the world more than you. I will never want anything or anyone more than you. But I want to spend the day getting to know my son. "

My eyes stung. He could not have said anything more perfect if he had had weeks to prepare.

We were married three weeks later. I know it was fast, but in reality it was fifteen years in the making. So perhaps it was about time. Rusty and Jenn welcomed their second child, a little girl, Emily, into the world on the night of the wedding. A year later Cappie and I did the same. Her name is Lacy and she is truly the apple of her father's eye. Between Zach and her, I can't believe he still has time for me and work. But he does. He makes time for all of it. I don't know how. But he makes it all look so easy.

So anyway, that's my story, the good parts and the bad, the ups and the downs and mostly the lessons learned.

What lessons, you ask ? Well they are some of the simplest lessons in life.

One, friends and family are more important that anything else. Real friends, true friends should never been taken lightly and should always be appreciated.

Two, few of us get the chance to have everything we've always wanted, if you are one of the luck ones, never, ever turn your back on it.

And third and most importantly, love that lasts, real love should never be taken for granted. If you find it, if you have it, Hold on to it with everything you have. Second chances are hard to come by. Third and fourths even harder. I consider myself one of the luckiest people in the world.

So here's what it all boils down to in the end. If you want it, try for it. If you need it, grab it. If you love it, hold on to it.

Being unhappy is the worst way to live your life. It makes everything you do, no matter how successful or important, meaningless. And that is so much more true, when you have happiness in your reach and don't grasp it as tightly as you can and never, ever let it go.