Chapter 4
Elsewhere
Luckily for my continued existence my cry for help had been heard and with a flap of wings appeared one of the Q's equals. He was slightly smaller height wise than me, in the current form we were both using, with blonde hair and a bowl hair cut and a white Italian designer suit- with two huge white wings coming out of his shoulders. With another flash of light appeared another being. He had yellow skin, in the middle of his chest appeared a glowing light, and three heads although not attached to his body. Two of these heads were obscured to others, but not to omnipotent Entities like me.
"Trinity, Lucifer," I said, although that would be far too simplistic term, as you mortals always think of communicating through sound. Not that anything intelligible ever comes out.
"Q" replied Lucifer.
"I heard your call" replied the Tribunal. Both of these beings are the equal of any Q, and the Tribunal has some over exaggerated sense of responsibility. While Lucifer is the only one of two with a sense of humour and mischievousness. I have noticed over the aeons that Lucifer is very quiet around the Tribunal, on his own with me; well let's just say we've had some really good times usually at the expense of lower lifeforms. What would be the point of being omnipotent if you couldn't?
Did I tell you about the universe where Me & Lucifer introduced the 'Infinity Improbability Drive', and gave a race called the Vogons a Borg cube to play with? Needless to say the Vogons took the design and used it to re-design all their ships. Unfortunately for people of Earth, the Vogons used their new ships and blow it up to make way for a 'Hyperspace Bypass', but like cutting out a cancerous lump. Oh shame! Even gave them the idea for a 'Restaurant at the End of the Universe'. Sometimes I'm just not appreciated.
At this point the 'Nameless One' stood there glowering at the three of us, combined we were fairly confident of giving him a really good thrashing; that and a Q Enforcement squad were on their way here. How did I know this? I wouldn't be bloody omnipotent if I didn't! My friends and I were ready to attack should 'he' not leave willingly.
"Go home" I said.
"You are not welcome here 'dark one' and are charged to return" the Tribunal issued his demand. Lucifer for his part just stood and looked at him with a grin on his face. It has been my experience over the aeons that when my friend Lucifer smiles, all 'hell', if you'll pardon the pun, is usually about to break loose. I was trying to not look worried at this point, and I had noticed that the Tribunal did not look happy either.
The Enterprise
"Look all you have to do is leave your limited intelligence behind. Now to create a transwarp conduit all you have to do is…"
"Q! I know what I'm doing!" shouted Chief Engineer Geordie La Forge, at me. How dare he! Remember that I said I'd left a 'part' of me behind? Well that's why I'm in two places at once.
"Can you build a trans-dimensional warp conduit then?" I responded.
"I'm trying" complained Geordie. He'd be lucky if he could build an ice cream cone. Since Kathy's return from the Gamma Quadrant, new areas of physics had become available to the Federation like Transwarp and Slipstream. I'll explain more about them later.
"You need to know where you're going first or you could end up anywhere" I said. You cannot teach to monkey to paint. At this point more sensible minds came into Engineering in the form of Jean-Luc.
"How is it going Geordie?"
"Not good Captain". Would you expect anything else from an overgrown simian, and blind one at that?
"If you'd listen we'd get the work done a lot quicker" I retorted.
"Q" rebutted Picard, "Geordie, just do what Q tells you and I'm sure things will be fine." I could tell he didn't mean it, and resented being told where to go, it was all in his eyes. Good job he didn't know that I could read his mind or he would have controlled his thoughts a little better.
"Thinking thoughts like that about Anise, shame on you Mon Capitan" at that he blushed a little.
"Captain, if I do what he's suggesting" Geordie said pointing at me, 'it'll blow up the ship". Even to me that last sentence sounded all whiney, maybe I should give Geordie a Scouse accent and a perm?
"I told you to stop being so limited"
"Q. Will what you're suggesting destroy my ship"
"Of course not, it's so simple even a Klingon could do it, maybe Worf might do a better job" I taunted.
"That's enough Q!" replied Jean-Luc raising his voice. Like I said what is it with you limited beings and vibrational communication?
Elsewhere
Our battle raged, as the 'Nameless One' was not going to give up ground anytime soon. We were winning and our 'help' arrived in the form of more Q. A whole multiverse had been destroyed so far as a result of crossfire, and re-direction of energies. In conflicts of this magnitude such destruction is expected and all omnipotent beings everywhere are forbidden to use that level of power, hence testing other species. The Q, and others that are our equals met and made an edict that is not to broken, otherwise the 'Great Experiment' may be destroyed. For those of you who want to know what that may be will just have to use their limited imagination! So, ner ner ner ner!
I barely deflected energies that would have severely hurt me and the excess bounced off and destroyed a whole galaxy full of sentient life. Like I said the losses were becoming dangerous. It was at this point 'his' opposite arrived, Apeiros and I was stuck in the middle of the two. Fan-bloody-tastic!
Enterprise
"Keep going" I said trying to encourage Geordie with his button pushing. With my keen intellect, knowledge and overall genius; we had almost done it. I don't really know what he had done to help. It was at this point the other 'me' threw the Enterprise to safety. So much for hard work! Luckily I've never done a day in my life and intended it remain that way, thank you. Everybody on Jean-Luc's rickety barge were tossed all over the place, Me included, and if it hadn't been for my powers my mortal semblance might have been damaged, as it was my good looks remained. Others on board were not so lucky; but all you mortals do is die anyway, why mourn a few losses?
I noticed that many scurried around like ants trying to help those in need; and yes the word 'scurry' is perfect description for what you do. All you do is run around aimlessly till the day you die! What a waste, and then you complain when someone of my magnificence 'spices' up your otherwise dull lives. I have come to the conclusion that you are all ingrates from the time I have spent among you.
I wandered around the Enterprise for a bit, ignoring anything anyone said to me uttering the phrase "omnipotent entity coming through" which seemed to do the trick. It wasn't until I wandered up to the bridge, through the floor, why would I use a dreary lift? That people looked in my direction. Jean-Luc was seriously injured and well the indomitable Captain Riker had a huge gash on his forehead. He was not happy to see me!
"Q! did you do this?"
Another multiverse away
Excess energies nearby had blown me so far away you humans can't even imagine it.
I sort of phased in, instead of my usual flashy entrance. Next me was….For Q's sake where was I? I looked around and had a blonde human female and another dark haired human male next to me both were dressed normally, if what you wear can be called fashion.
"Doctor, look" said the blonde pointing in my direction.
"What is going on?" he replied. These humans were surrounded by what looked like upturned dustbins with metal eye stalks. These 'dustbins' also had a metal appendage with what looked like a rubber plunger on the end; next to which was a some kind of energy weapon.
That last explosion had rattled my Q senses and by rights I should be dead. I wasn't! Something strange was going on. Next to the 'dustbins' was a similar shaped device, but definitely of another design in a gold colour without the stalks. Where the Q was I? Ah, yes it was coming back to me.
"Exterminate!"
"Daleks" I said and exhaled just for effect. That would mean that…Crash as three Cybermen walked through a wall. I knew exactly where I was.
"Are you from the other universe" inquired the human female called Rose Tyler.
"I would never limit myself in that way"
"Any temporal traveller can open it" said one Dalek in black, "Exterminate all humans, and resistance".
"Oh do shut up" I said walking past a Dalek like they were moving dustbin, which they were.
"Resistance is useless" said a Cyberman. Now where have I heard that before?
"Maybe I should introduce you Daleks to a Melnibonean sea flea, they can rip apart duranium faster than your wife can go through your wallet at the mention of divorce or infidelity". See not one person smiled at that; you humans no sense of humour at all.
"Who are you?" inquired the Doctor.
"Exterminate" a Dalek squawked. I clicked my fingers and in a Q flash I turned it into a big black nasty crow. It flew off squawking away. I have always thought about having a competition as to who would be the dullest most boring race; the Cybermen, Daleks or the Borg. I already know the answer before I start, all of them! The only reason the Q, or Trinity let such races exist is partly for entertainment, and partly to make you lower beings struggle to overcome them; all part of the Grand Experiment. I'm still not going to tell you what it is.
I snapped my fingers again, and all the Cybermen had yellow hats, the kind you see at
Human weddings, very fetching! Another snap of the fingers and they all had frilly pink dresses over their armour! They were looking better by the minute. The 'victims' stood looking at their change of attire.
"What is this" exclaimed some dippy Dalek. Oh yes, they were next.
I know you humans have a phrase 'act your age not your shoe size', but wqhen you can be any age and any shoe size, why limit myself when your omnipotent?
I clicked by fingers again, and another Q flash, and all the Daleks had pink
hats with the same colour flower attached to it, a bit like Ermine Trude the cow out of
the Magic Roundabout children's show.
"That' better" I proclaimed.
"This is impossible" said one Dalek in horror. Typical tin can really.
"Exterminate the human" it said as the Daleks and Cybermen all fired their weapons at once. I really don't know what they were expecting to happen? I burst into flames or something? I clicked my fingers again and a nearby Dalek was turned into a cockroach, and a pile of Encyclopaedia Britannica fell out of nowhere crushing it. Who said a little bit of knowledge can't go a long way? Get it! Sometimes I'm just too comedy world.
The Daleks and Cybermen backed off.
"What are you?" asked Rose.
"I'm Q", I was going to say '00Q' but thought it would be too cliché, "don't say it" I warned, knowing someone was going mention bloody alphabets again.
"What species are you from?" inquired the Doctor.
"Q is the species and name of every member in it"
"You're not human are you?"
"Sometimes you Timelords are too perceptive by far. I can see why your species became extinct"
"How do you mean"
"As in dead and are no more" I replied caustically.
"I meant, why can you see that they became extinct?" asked Rose.
"I know what you meant mortal. They failed every test the Q set them, and refused to give up their physicality"
"What tests did you set us" asked the Doctor angrily.
"Exterminate the humans and the Doctor"
"I'm talking tin can, go kill some other humans or re-arrange flowers or something" I said giving them a menacing look.
"Too many to count really. The Nemesis device, Fenric, but no you stubbornly refused to change"
"Into what" asked Rose.
"4th dimensional beings would have been a step in the right direction; even you" I said pointing at Rose "had the chance to do so looking into the Tardis" I said using the last word like a piece of garbage. Okay a Tardis is infinitely, and I use that word as loosely as Captain Kirk's underwear was at the chance of bedding an alien female, more sophisticated than Picard's 'rickety barge', but the Federation if they continued would exceed the Gallifreyans in everyway. Like I said earlier, that's what the Q had our hopes on.
I still didn't feel quite right at the minute, I could feel the energies of the Nameless One, and Apeiros flooding through my system. Something odd was happening and I would need to find out what.
"So you're saying that you could have stopped our destruction?" asked the Doctor angrily.
"I tested you recently with 'the Devil' near the black hole. Think yourself lucky I didn't wipe your species out before it was even born."
"Why test us? Is there somefing you want us to do?" asked Rose letting a twinge of her East-end accent out.
"Amuse me. Being omnipotent isn't easy you know"
"I hardly think your all knowing or all powerful"
"No being is that powerful Rose, it's not possible".
"How little you know, but don't worry we'll see each other again; if you survive that is", I was at this point about to snap my fingers and vanish again, Rose interrupted me. How rude is that?
"Can you stop the Daleks and return them"
I could give the Gallifreyans back their lives, return every Cybermen back to their original bodies, and seal the Void entry point for you"
"But you won't" replied the Doctor disgustedly.
"No, but you can Rose"
"How?" she asked.
"Forget the paltry limitedness you experienced through looking at the Tardis intestines" I said disdainfully, "that is nothing. I have given you the power of Q".
Just as an aside, if you think I would give any being the power of Q you are plainly stupid! But then again look at Riker, he believed it.
"You mean I can stop this"
"Do anything you like, destroy a galaxy; replace the universal guardians here be it Black or White, destroy universal guardians elsewhere like that meddling Eternity. Limitless power is now yours" I said disappearing in a flash. I would enjoy testing her to see what she does with her powers. Sometimes I really enjoy my job.
As I was about to appear back in the fight a stray energy deflected my transit. I appeared on board some other ship. It's a conspiracy I tell you!
"This is Captain Hunt of the starship Andromeda and Trance standing next to me both cannot say thank you enough"
"Oh for the love of Q" I shouted appearing in a Q flash.
"Just who are you?" asked Dylan
"Captain I can sense the Abyss again" remarked Trance Gemini. Sounds like a bloody horoscope. No matter what the race is, they all have some imaginative name for the 'spaces' between universes, the Void, Abyss, Hell. Puhlease! I hadn't been in this multiverse before and I could sense that I would have much fun here. So much opportunity! I disappeared again in another Q flash.
The Enterprise
"I didn't do this, not the me standing here anyway"
"So who did, the Tooth Fairy" argues Captain Riker.
"What's your prejudice with the Tooth Fairy" I remarked "she's a really good friend of mine" I said in mock seriousness.
"Really" said Riker with doubt written all over his face.
"Really" I repeated.
Elsewhere
I appeared just in time to cast a Q bolt at the 'Nameless One' and knock him aside into a containment field created by Lucifer, Trinity and a Q Enforcement squad. A job well done even if I do say so.
I looked around me at the devastation from the conflict, every one of the Alteran Ascended were dead, the Ancients, Ori and the Powers That Really has Been. Never mind I thought, no one will really miss them anyway.