By popular demand updated ahead of schedule. Enjoy!
The instant she saw Ducky realised what the situation was, Kate had bolted from Autopsy, sparing her baffled boss neither word nor glance. She could hear him call after her as she willed the elevator doors to open and swallow her.
As soon as she got inside the lift, she first rammed the 'shut' button before telling the contraption to take her to the third floor. Alone and boxed in for the ride, Kate berated herself. Running off like that had been instinct, but it wouldn't be long before Gibbs found her and demanded an explanation. And then what? What could she possibly tell him that wouldn't make him any more suspicious of her than her flight just now had already done?
The doors opened, admitting her to the office floor. To the bullpen. To McGee, and Tony… She hit the 'shut' button again and selected to go to Abby's lab this time. Their resident Goth girl was wise in the way of Gibbs. Perhaps she could help. Or at least cheer her up.
The instant she walked through the door of the forensics lab, Abby jumped up at her and hugged her like a long lost sister.
"KATE!! I missed you!" Abby yelled over the music, her pigtails dancing around her head. "I missed all of you! Is Gibbs keeping you guys cooped up there again?"
Kate smiled at the girl and nodded. "Administration all around. I needed a break," she elaborated when Abby turned the music to a more acceptable volume.
"So sweet of you to think of me. I was getting lonely down here. With no case to work on, I'm going nuts! I've got some tissue from Ducky's puzzle under the microscope, but it doesn't look like anything hinky. So I've got no challenge other than making funny faces with the facial reconstruction programme, and no Caf-Pow's to keep me awake either."
Kate looked puzzled. "If Gibbs doesn't get you any, why not get them yourself?"
"Ah, but that's not the same. Gibbs' Caf-Pow's are like a bribe, his personal way of saying 'get me some results' and 'good work, Abby' at the same time," she explained, lowering her voice to imitate Gibbs'. "I'm not gonna spoil that by getting my own."
"I thought Gibbs kissed you to tell you you did a good job?" She didn't want to sound so sour, but she couldn't help it either.
Abby smirked at her. "Only when I made him particularly happy..." Then the girl's face lit up with recognition. "Ah ah ah! You're not jealous, are you Kate?"
Feeling terribly like a schoolgirl, Kate shook her head. "No, no. Why would I?"
"Because you're blushing," Abby stated with a wide grin.
Kate gave her an indignant look. "No I'm not!"
"Girl, your face is as red as Rudolph's nose." The Goth looked very pleased with her observation. "And I can't blame you. Gibbs's hot!"
"E…excuse me?"
Abby shrugged and smiled. "Hey, if he wasn't so much like a father to me, I'd seriously dig him."
"Isn't he a bit…old for you?"
"You disappoint me, Kate! Really, age's got nothing to do with it. Personally, I think older guys are a lot more interesting than younger ones. Although McGee is kind of an exception to the rule…" She waggled her eyebrows.
Although still feeling a bit uneasy at the subject, Kate did see the opportunity that presented itself. "Yes, well, I'm sure the interest wouldn't be mutual anyway. If there was indeed any interest from my part."
"Sure there is! And why wouldn't he return it? You're a nice girl, pretty and smart. And you've got the balls to stand up to him. He likes that."
"And what about that mysterious redhead who picks him up sometimes?"
Abby shifted her weight a few times, biting her lip not to smirk. "I shouldn't be telling you, 'cause he likes to keep you guys guessing, buuuut…"
"But what?"
"But she's his cousin."
Now it was Kate's turn to raise her brows. "Cousin?"
"Well, he doesn't have any brothers or sisters, so she's the closest thing he's got to family. Apart from us, of course!"
Kate watched Abby practically bouncing around her lab in glee. The cheerful scientist waited for her to admit what she already suspected, what Ducky already knew. And what Gibbs would soon find out. She closed her eyes and in her mind, she could hear his deep voice across the bullpen: "Rule number 12…"
"Are you going to turn and run again?"
Kate jumped at least two feet when the voice in her mind whispered in her ear instead. Eyes wide, she first saw Abby's amused face before turning around and finding her boss standing right behind her.
"God, Gibbs, don't ever do that again! You scared me half to death!"
"Pay attention, Kate. Always pay attention."
Embarrassment forgotten, she squinted her eyes at him. "You came al the way down here to tell me that?"
He took a sip from his coffee, thoroughly not impressed by her attempt to stare him down. "Nope," he finally answered. "I came down here to ask you what's up."
"Other than my hackles and my heart rate, you mean?"
The smile disappeared from his eyes. "You've been absentminded lately, and just now you all but ran for your life. It's not hard to imagine what's wrong, but I want to hear it from you."
"And what makes you think something's wrong?"
He sighed. "Like I said, you're not paying attention these days, and I need to know why."
She looked away now. "It's nothing important."
"Ari?"
"I said it's nothing important. Catching Ari is important. This isn't."
"It's important enough to keep your mind so preoccupied you forget to do some of the tasks I give you."
For a moment, she didn't know what to say. Her lack of response left an uncomfortable silence, which Abby took as her cue to "… go and get something from the cafeteria." Thus alone with the man she both loved and feared, Kate kept avoiding his eyes as she tried to think of something to say. She was sure her growing insecurity was evident to him, but she didn't know what to do to convince him to leave her be.
"It's… personal," she finally said. "It's nothing major, but, yes, it…I guess I gets me thinking a lot."
"Enough to make you lose concentration." His voice was surprisingly mellow.
When he said nothing else, she nodded in reply. "I suppose it has. I'll make sure it won't happen again," she answered decidedly. She made to walk past him, but he wouldn't budge.
"I can tell empty promises from the real deal, Kate," he told her, still not unkindly. "Now what's eating you?"
"Nothing. Just forget it."
He shook his head. "I can't help you if you don't tell me."
"It's nothing important, honestly," she pleaded. "But I can't tell you. You'd probably fire me if I did."
Gibbs frowned. "Why'd I do that? You're a good agent. I'd only kick you out if you endanger yourself or the team." His voice was slowly rising.
She looked away. "I won't endanger anyone, I promise. But I really can't tell you."
"And I can't let you keep a secret that's so obviously distracting you from your job."
"But that's…"
"Today it's just paperwork, Kate. But tomorrow it may be a fire fight, and I'll be damned if I see you shot because you can't concentrate due to some secret you claim isn't important enough to share!"
His ferocity surprised her as much as the words endeared her. But that really just made things worse. Gibbs cared, she knew that. He cared deeply for everyone on his team. Like Abby said, they were a family and he would protect them no matter what. But over the last year, she had seen the kind of toll that love took on him, and she couldn't bring herself to add to the weight already on his shoulders. After a few moments of hesitation, she slowly pulled her badge from her pocket.
"You'd better be damned sure about what you're going to do with that," Gibbs warned her when she played with the badge in her hands.
"If you stop asking, I promise you it won't get in the way of my work."
His jaw clenched. "You know that for your safety and that of the rest of the team, I can't do that."
"Then I resign."
Gibbs stared at the badge she held out to him as if it was a poisonous snake. After a few moments of silence, he glared at her and then resolutely turned away. "Go home, think it over," he ordered her as he made for the door. "If you still feel the same way in the morning, then so be it."
"It won't make any difference, Gibbs," she called after him. "If I don't tell, I resign. If I do tell, you'll fire me. Either way I lose!"
He turned on his heels and paced back. "At the rate you're going now, damn right you'll lose everything you built up here! Whatever your secret is, you'd better be damn sure it's worth it!"
"I'd rather resign than stay on and betray your trust doing so."
"What?!" He was angry, but genuinely confused as well. She bit her lip.
"I…I know you've set your rules for a reason," she finally stammered.
His expression changed from anger to realisation to disappointment and back to anger. "It's Tony, isn't it? You've got a thing for him!" His face told her he was silently cursing himself for not having noticed before.
"Tony's got nothing to do with it," she told him quickly. "Yes, we engage in juvenile arguments, but there never was -and never will be- any serious relationship between us. Other than work, of course."
Gibbs was truly losing his patience now. "Then who? McGee? Ducky?!"
"No, neither!"
"Then who is it? He must be really something if he's worth abandoning your team over!"
"Isn't it obvious?!" she cried over his tirade. "It's you!"
He stopped and stared at her in total disbelief. "…What?"
"Yes," she repeated, not stopping the tears now streaking her cheeks. "I broke the rules. I fell for you. And I fell hard."
"That…. That's just plain stupid!"
"Maybe it is, but that's how I feel. I'm not expecting anything in return. I never did. But… you wanted to know my secret, so here it is."
His anger visible dissipated as he tried to get his mind around what she was saying. "Damn it, Kate… You know my track record with women. Why throw away your career over someone like me?"
She shrugged and dried her face, feeling strangely calm now that it was all in the open. "It's not like I had a choice. Maybe it had different guises over time, but I think it was there from the moment I saw you. And it grew from there."
He didn't reply. Didn't know how to. Taking pity on him, she took the decision out of his hands. Stepping up to him, she took his hand in hers and placed her badge in his palm. Then she tiptoed and placed a quick kiss on his cheek. "Thanks for everything," she whispered before she turned around and quietly walked out the door.