A/n hello all. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. They all make me smile and laugh.

Disclaimer: see first chapter.

"What have you found out," Stanford demanded.

"I got into town at oh seven hundred hours this morning. I staked out her apartment and followed her to a Mall in Arlington. She was meeting the target. She didn't look very well at all and -"

"I don't want to hear an editorial comment on Agent Ryan's health." Stanford interrupted angrily.

"I'm sorry sir. Agent Ryan met the subject and they entered the mall. I followed them to the food court and observed them there for approximately forty seven minutes. They left the mall and walked to a park several blocks east of here. I followed them and am still observing them."

"Well… that's just great! I'm glad you can do your job! Now… why don't you tell me what you're observing? Is Agent Ryan doing her job?"

"Yes… Agent Ryan's plan appears to be working."

"You better be sure about that."

"I know what I have to do. If I see anything that makes me believe that Agent Ryan has lost her ability to do her job, she will be eliminated and I'll bring Dr. Reid in myself."

"Good…" Stanford cut off the call and leaned back in his office chair. Then he picked up the phone again and made another call.

"This is Stanford. My operative is in place. He is observing Agent Ryan. She may be compromised by her own emotions and past. Yes… I have the situation under control… No… I don't need you to step into the situation…. We had a bargain and I'm not going to let you …. Don't you threaten me…? You forget yourself…. I'm doing you a favor. When Dr. Reid disappears without a trace, don't you think that heads are going to roll? Good… don't you forget what you're going to get out of all of this? Yes… I knew you'd see it my way…"

He slammed down the phone and stood to rage up and down his office. He was surrounded by paranoid fools. Time was getting short and if Agent Ryan failed things could get very ugly!

CMCMCMCM

Spencer decided that we should walk to the park four blocks to the east of the mall. The weather was cooperating, so it was fairly warm. I was shivering under my jacket, though. What if I had revealed too much to him? What if I scared him off? I had to put it right if I had. There was too much at stake.

He found a bench for us to sit on at the bottom of a low hill. The bench was painted dark green and the sun was out shining on the grass which was still yellow from the winter. There were workman busy getting the park ready for spring. There were some children playing on a teeter-totter and a few others were using the slide and the swings.

(Get down off that slide! It'd be just my luck that you'd fall and break an arm. I'm not going to take care of a dirty little bitch that can't…)

The surface of the bench was hot, and it made the voice in my head and the shakes fade away for the time being. Reid sat next to me and didn't seem to notice that memory had invaded once again. He glanced over at me and I noticed that the sun was making his hair into the golden halo around his head. The wind was blowing it around his face, and for just one minute he resembled an impish little elf that had a growth spurt. Then he shifted toward me and the spell was broken.

"I haven't told anyone outside my team, a good doctor, and my mother this story." There was something in his eyes that sent chills down my spine.

I knew that I was going to hear a first hand account of what happened to him in Georgia with Tobias Henkel. Suddenly, I didn't want to be there. I wanted to get up and walk away. There was a hidden bank account in the Cayman Islands under my mother's name. If I left now, I could be out of the country before Stanford got wind of what I had done. I could change my name and be happy for once in my life.

"It's okay Spencer… You can tell me." The warmth of his hand in mine held me still.

The way had already been written for me. If I tried to run now, my life would be over. There was no use in thinking that I could escape, just as Reid couldn't escape now that the agency had its eye on him.

He told me everything beginning with his father leaving him at the age of ten, his mother's descent into full blown schizophrenia, getting hired on at the FBI. He told me about Tobias and I realized from his version of events that the official record was sadly lacking in details.

"I was so terrified, more frightened than I'd ever been in my life. It made what I had experienced with my mother look like a walk in the park on a summer's day. You can't imagine what it's like to sit in your own urine and filth for days. He beat me and starved me. He broke three bones in one of my feet. He gave me drugs to make me hallucinate. I kept flashing back to when I was a kid. I had to relive the pain of my father leaving. It was like having my heart ripped out of my chest all over again. I had to see the face of my mother again when I turned eighteen and had her committed to Bennington Sanitarium. She hated me on that day and all I could hear was how she railed me for betraying her. It was worse than the day dad left, because there was always the possibility that he could come back. When they took her away, I knew that it was for good."

Little tears began to track down his face and my throat began to hurt from the effort that it took to hold back my own emotions. His face was as pale as death. I wanted to say that it was okay, that he didn't have to finish the story, but something told me to listen and let him finish. So I let him finish the tale of how he was rescued by his team and how he had lost the battle with his drug addiction till the day Hotch had come to him and forced him into rehab.

"He saved my life that day. If it wasn't for him I'd still be wallowing in self doubt and pity. It's possible I might even be dead! Now I have a new chance at life. I know you probably don't want to have anything else to do with me, but I just wanted you to know that everyone has nightmares and challenges. I really want to see where this will go if you want to."

He looked like the word no would shatter him into a million pieces. Of course he couldn't know that I was locked into this till the bitter end. "I'm not going to run away just because you didn't grow up with two parents, a white picket fence and the other 1.4 kid brothers or sister." I tried to say it in the most lighthearted manner, but my voice began to crack with the effort of holding back my emotions.

"Good… I really want to know you better Amy Lange." He squeezed my hand and before I could stop myself I had leaned over and kissed him.

His lips tasted like sour cream and I started to laugh. He pulled back and stared in surprise until he must have realized that I wasn't laughing at him. He grinned and began to laugh too. Several of the kids playing in the park looked at us and whispered behind their hands. I kissed him again and something broke between us. The barriers that I had tried so hard to maintain came crashing down. It didn't matter anymore what happened to me. Nothing else and no one else made my heart race and my soul to soar the way that he did. I was done. There had been no chance from the beginning. Now what was I going to do?

--

I'm standing in my living room with a kimono robe that my only friend Stacey had bought for me. She's not an agent, and I managed to convince her that I'm a corporate head hunter, which is why I'm gone all the time. I don't think in the deepest part of my heart that she really believes me, but at least she is smart enough not to ask.

The robe is white silk, with pink, gold and blue embroidered birds in flight all over it. The sleeves are long and very wide. It's extremely comfortable and it makes me feel like a princess. My slippers are white terry cloth and I put my hair up in a gold butterfly clip. I made myself some peppermint tea and treated myself to a couple of chocolate chip cookies I bought at the café down the street.

I decide to remind myself of what I'm there for by sitting down at my computer and turning on the cameras in Reid's apartment. Reid is sitting on the couch in his living room and reading. It was amazing to watch him speed through one book after another. I was exhausted by the time he finished his sixth book and threw it on the couch next to him.

The damn bird began to chirp in the background. Reid got up and went to feed it and then cover the cage. The bird went silent and Reid went back to his bedroom. I watched him, just like always, remove his clothing and head into the bathroom for a shower.

My phone rang and it was Stanford wanting to know how it was going. I told him everything about the outing that day because he would know if I was lying if I held anything back. He seemed pleased to know that my relationship with Reid was progressing. He was impatient though, he wanted results. He didn't want to hear about how I had it under control. He did his usual song and dance about threats and the like, but I quit listening to him. I finally got him off the phone and went back to watching Reid until my eyes wouldn't stay open anymore. Reid was asleep. I should have been feeling better about my chances of pulling this off, but I couldn't help but feel like something was wrong that I was missing!