Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, and am not making a profit off of this.

A/N: Hullo all! Another chapter up! Yay! So, I'd like to thank all of my reviewers so far…

sushified – I hope you like this chapter as well.

Sheena Valentine – Don't worry, more "Is that you God?" fun is coming up. Next chapter though.

WaterGoddess9 – I love you. And we need to make our T-Shirts soon.

Chapter 3: Harry Potter, Floating and Not Stupid!

Harry was floating in the air. He liked floating. It was relaxing. He didn't know where he was, but that didn't bother him. He hardly ever remembered anything anymore. And besides, how could a little thing like that bother him while he was floating?

"Harry! Damn it boy, I've been talking for five minutes!" This was followed by a swift kick in Harry's ribs.

"Ow. Hey, who are you?" Harry thought the floating man looked a little familiar. But that was silly – Harry didn't know anyone who floated. Or did he?

The floating man sighed and put his head in his hands.

"Harry, it's me. Sirius Black. Your godfather." He was speaking very slowly.

"Oh. Nice to meet you." Harry kind of remembered this man. He remembered this man sometimes smelled like a wet dog. He looked around. "Odd sort of place, this, isn't it? All the floating… D'you live here?"

"What? No. Yes. What?!" Sirius glared. "Anyhow, you're dead now. I'm here to bring you to … HEAVEN!"

"Yay! Heaven! Do I get to stay?"

"No, you're too stupid. I'm taking you to meet your parents and stuff."

"Parents?"

"You idiot. Follow me."

They floated away. Floaty float float.

Then they arrived in front of the floating Lily and James Potter!

"Harry!" Lily and James were happy to see their son. Kind of. In a way. "We've missed you. We're sorry we couldn't have brought you up to be less of a moron."

"Huh?"

James turned to Sirius. "I hate this. My son's an idiot."

"Yes, I know. Sucks, huh? Try kicking him, it'll make you feel better."

James kicked his son. It did make him feel better!

Lily was floating off with Harry, telling him how much she loves him and blah blah blah.

"Oh! Hey, uhm… Mom? Snape said 'hi.'" Harry was proud he'd remembered something.

Lily blushed. "Oh Snape? Oh… well. I mean… Uhm… Well… Snape's a dirty, greasy perv and I never liked him. He's icky." Yeah. Right.

"Okay."

They kept floating.

All of a sudden they were in front of God! Lily averted her eyes. Harry didn't. His eyes evaporated and he screamed. A lot.

"Oops," said God. He fixed Harry's eyes and turned away so that his shining glory was less intense. "Now, what can I do for you, Harry Potter?"

Harry gasped. "How do you know my name?!" It was like magic!

"Well, you see, young Harry, I'm even more omniscient than Dumbledore. More omniscient, more twinkly, and sometimes, more vague."

"Ah." That explained it.

"My Lord, I humbly request that you make my son… not stupid. And give him life again."

"Okay, but only because you are so full of love, Lily." God is so nice.

"Thank you so much."

Harry was confused. But suddenly his haze of stupidity lifted and he was no longer an idiot. He realized where he was, who he was with, and fainted.

I mean, meeting God is a big deal.

He woke up in Snape's classroom. No one had bothered to move his body out.

He cried. He wanted to be dead again. He cried big, angsty tears. All the people he loved were dead! Now he'd have to commit some horribly elaborate and angsty suicide or wait to die of old age, because Voldemort wouldn't be around to do any killing anymore, and the over enthusiastic potions students had fed him all of the potion, which seemed to bring him closest to death.

"Damn it!"

Snape woke in a cold sweat.

'I heard Potter. He sounded less stupid… Is his non-stupid ghost coming back to haunt me?' This was a very real possibility. But, unfortunately for our friend the professor, things were much worse.

Peeves flew into Snape's room (bastard floaty poltergeist…).

"The wee Potter boy is back! Hee hee! He just picked himself up from the dungeon floor and walked out! Hee hee!"

"Shut up, Peeves. Why are you telling me this?"

The little poltergeist shrugged.

"Right. Well, Potter's come back, and less stupid than before… Leave, I want to cry."

Peeves giggled like a little girl and then flew away.

'Curse you! Curse you, Potters! All of you! Stupid Potters… Bastards!'

Snape was upset to say the least.

The next day:

Ron got out of bed. Yawned. Remembered that he was going to be gay today, and then remembered Harry was dead. He instantly launched into tearful, angsty wails.

"Oh Harry, why? WHYYYYY?" I mean, if anyone at school was going to kill Harry, shouldn't it have been Ron? I mean, the best friend killing the other best friend, seemed like poetic justice in Ron's mind. Didn't he deserve that much? Ron conveniently forgot that he had killed Harry. With laughter!

Neville threw a brand new Remembrall at Ron's head. (The smoke turned red before it bounced off of the wailing boy.)

Seamus laughed a sexy laugh.

Dean huddled in his bed. He was thinking about how his life would change now that Harry was dead. Would he be doomed to a life of obscurity? Completely forgotten and left out of the legend of the boy who lived but was killed by his classmates? Dean knew that his life wasn't as important as Ron's, Neville's, or even Seamus's. Dean only existed to support Harry and his stupid plans. Dean's life had no meaning without Harry.

He cried. Very quietly, because he's not a loser like Ron (who was still wailing about the loss of Harry.)

Seamus giggled. "I think Dean's life has meaning."

Riiiiiiight.

Suddenly (!) to everyone's surprise, Harry walked into the dormitory.

"HARRY!" Ron jumped on his formerly dead best friend, remembered he was being gay, and stuck his tongue down Harry's throat.

Ron didn't enjoy it. He almost threw up.

Harry shoved Ron away, and then threw up. When he was done he glared at his "best friend." "You crazy fag boy!" he exclaimed. (See? He had an exclamation point.)

"Sorry, Harry. That was wrong of me. And it was really gross. I guess I'm not cut out for this gay business."

Neville was disgusted.

Seamus laughed so hard he fell out of bed.

Dean was crying with joy. He was no longer doomed to a life of obscurity!

Hermione and Ginny ran into the boys' room, looking severely disgruntled because they'd both been rudely awakened by the boys' noise making.

Hermione saw Harry and groaned. "No, I just killed you yesterday!"

Harry nodded. "Yeah, but I'm back. And I'm not stupid."

Hermione wasn't so sure about that second part.

Ginny was giggling. Seamus was blowing her kisses. Ron wanted to hit them both.

"Dean, are you crying again? Sheesh. You are such a pussy." Neville was pissed off with everyone. He had to take it out on someone.

Dean covered his head with his blanket. "I hate you, Neville. I hate you."

"You're just jealous that Longbottom's a more important character than you." This caused Ginny to giggle even harder.

Ah, the giggle inducing Seamus.

Draco crawled out from under Harry's bed.

Harry was confused (a new thing for him in his un-stupid form). "Why were you under my bed?"

"Oh, that? Well, I don't know. One minute I was fleeing from Pansy because I don't want to have sex with her. Quite frankly, she doesn't sneer well enough for me. And the next minute, I was here under your bed." He looked down. "And apparently, missing my socks."

Dobby and Winky stuck their heads out from under the bed. Dobby threw an empty butterbeer bottle at Harry's head causing Winky to go into giggling house elf hysterics. Then, the crazy house elves disappeared.

Hermione laughed. "Aaw, cute little house elves."

Everyone looked at her like she was crazy. Everyone except Seamus and Ginny… and Draco. Seamus and Ginny were involved in more interesting activities and couldn't be distracted, and Draco, perv that he is, was sitting by the bed watching. And eating buttered popcorn.

Occasionally he'd throw popcorn at the couple, just to spice things up.

Ron finally saw what was happening. He cried. A lot. Then he grabbed "his" journal and wrote:

"Hello journal. Harry's back. He was dead for a few hours last night. Ginny and Seamus are screwing right now. Draco's watching.
Why's everyone in my family so slutty?
Ronald Bilius Weasley"

3 Hours Later:

Seamus and Ginny were still screwing.

Everyone else had showered, dressed, had breakfast, and come back to the boys' room.

Except Draco who hadn't left.

Hermione was bored. Watching people have sex just wasn't her thing. Unless it was two girls… but that's not the point.

"Ginevra!" Hermione was fed up, thus the exclamation.

"Who's Ginevra?" Harry was stumped.

"Does Seamus have another girl in there too?" asked Dean.

"Ginny, short for Ginevra," Ginny managed to say this between screams and moans of pleasure.

"I always thought your name was Virginia." This was said by Draco.

Neville nodded his agreement.

So did Ron.

Seamus didn't say anything. His mouth was full.

Meanwhile, in the Slytherin common room:

Crabbe and Goyle were playing chess and having a heated debate about the pros and cons of socialism in Europe.
Really! They weren't stupid! They just like it when people gossip in front of them. They like knowing things about people.

Pansy Parkinson was lying on the floor, but in her mind she was flyyyying.
Yup, you guessed it. She was high as a kite.

Blaise Zabini, the beautiful, androgynous he/she (because J.K. Rowling soooo hasn't revealed the secret of Blaise's gender) decided he/she would no longer put up with this "he/she" idiocy anymore. So what did he/she do?

He/she made a badge! (Slytherins are always making badges. It's a very Slytheriny thing to do. Ol' Salazar would be proud.) He/she made a badge that said, "I am a boy."

He pinned it to his robes. Yes, now everyone would know the truth!

Then he skipped out of the common room, his long hair trailing after him.

Crabbe and Goyle paused in their debate.
"That Blaise is a flaming fag."

"I agree."

Pansy just giggled.