Disclaimer: Don't own anything. At all. Nothing. And those lyrics are from a Meatloaf song, so… Yeah.

A/N: Sorry I'm taking so long. I'm a loser. And I've been busy with bandcamp. Not that that's a good excuse at all. But, please forgive me. And review! Yes, review. And sorry this chapter's so short.

HealerAriel: That was disgusting, I apologize. Heh heh.

Malin: Here's your MORE. Yay!

WaterGoddess9: … You suck! Not really, you're cool. Thumbs up.

Moony: You missed two days of drill! But I still love you.

XxCrystallinExXxWaYxXxMikeYxXxBlakExX: That's long. Thanks so much for all the reviews. And I hope you enjoy this chapter as well. And Cookie too, not that a cat would enjoy this…

Wingsofthefae: Thanks for the review.

Chapter 9: A Clever Ruse!

When we left, Harry and Draco were alone in the headquarters of the Hogwarts Sex Gods :GASP:

What will happen to our two homosexual teens?

Keep reading, and find out!

"You! You're GAY!"

"Well, yes, actually. I couldn't very well be the 'Gay Sex God' if I were straight."

"Well… But…"

"Wasn't it obvious though? I mean, really. Wasn't it?"

For someone who had only just admitted to himself that he was gay, Harry was being very open, don't you think?

"Well, yes, actually, this author did make it a bit obvious."

"Right. So, are you gay too?"

Now why would they be having this conversation if Draco wasn't gay?

Yes, Draco used to be a ladies' man, but he's recently come over to the other side.

"Of course!" Draco pointed at a badge on his robes that had just appeared.
The badge said:

"I'm gay! And I love unicorns!"

"What do unicorns have to do with anything?"

"Nothing, actually. I just really like them. They're so cute!"

"Well…"

"Well…"

Silence filled the shack, like a horrible, silent thing! The silence was watching… waiting… And with the silence came tension. Tension so thick they could hardly breathe. It was pressing down on them from all directions!

And then, quite suddenly, they found themselves engaged in a kiss.

A very passionate kiss.

A kiss of… LOVE!

At a table in C.C.'s Ice Cream, Dumbledore jumped up, twinkling fiercely and exclaimed, "The OTHER PROPHECY!"

The two boys kissed and kissed until they couldn't kiss no more!

(Which is silly, because that's a double negative… Hmm…)

And then they looked into each other's eyes…
And kissed again…

And…

Made wild, passionate love!

YAY!

In C.C.'s Ice Cream, Seamus Finnigan laughed until he fell over, and bought all the Sex Gods more ice cream.

The next day Harry and Draco walked into the Great Hall together.

They walked in together, holding hands.

But instead of the shocked gasps that they expected, they were greeted by … nothing. (Well, actually, a few girls squealed and died, but that happened a lot…)

"What the hell?!" Draco was furious. "I walk in here, holding my former archenemy's hand, and none of you people say anything! What about the stares and whispers and gasps that something like this deserves?! WHERE ARE THEY?! Don't I deserve them?! DAMN IT, SOMEONE NEEDS TO BE SHOCKED BY THIS!"

"Shut up, Malfoy!" Something pink and squishy hit the pale boy squarely on the forehead.

"Who threw this?" Draco was as pink as the cake thing that had hit him.

"Shh, sweetie." Harry was getting a little embarrassed.

"I WANT TO KNOW WHO THREW THIS!"

"Oooh! Look! A! UNICORN!"

Draco and Harry spun around. It was true! A UNICORN!

"YAY!" Draco immediately jumped on the unicorn's back, forgetting all about the little cake thingy, and yelled happily, "Giddy up, unicorn!"

He's so adorable!

"Hey, why don't you ever do that to me?" Harry had obviously forgotten about the night before.

"Harry," said Draco, still trying to ride the unicorn, "You've obviously forgotten about last night."

"What? Oh yes, you're right. I remember now. Silly me." He blushed.

He's so adorable!

The two of them giggled and blushed and were just … adorable.

Finally, the unicorn could take it no longer.

"Get off me, Malfoy!" The unicorn threw the blonde boy off its back, and tried to trample him.

"Stupid horse! You're not a real unicorn at all!" Draco sniffled.

He was right. The unicorn's horn had fallen off, revealing some sticky putty stuff on the "unicorn's" head.

"FINE! You're right! It was all a ruse! A RUSE!"

"Oh no." Harry paled. "Ron?"

"YES! It's me! I just wanted people to love me! And all I got was this perv humping me!" The horse started crying big, beautiful tears of horsey sadness.

With a "pop" the horse vanished and in its place stood Ronald Weasley.

Hermione jumped up. "I knew it! I knew that unicorn was you the whole time!" She looked very smug. Very smug indeed.

Snape smiled and said (sexily), "Good girl, Hermione. Hmm… 20 points from Gryffindor for being friends with idiots."

"You know, you could give me some points once in a while."

Dramatic music started to play, and Snape stood and sang:

"I would do anything for love, but I won't do that…"

End dramatic music.

Dumbledore twinkled brightly. "Would you care for some MEATLOAF, Severus? Though I daresay you've had enough."

Hermione sighed, "It wouldn't kill you to give me points."

"Actually," said Severus, "it might. There's a good chance that it would."

Hermione sighed again.

There's really no reasoning with that man… But at least he's sexy.

Blinks and stares from all around the Hall followed the silly exchange.

"Uhm… Anyway, how did you even become a horse? I mean unicorn. Whatever."

Ron laughed. "Well, actually, it's a really funny story… Yeah. Hee hee… Hmm. Good times. Anyhow, I'm really hungry."

With that he strode over to the Gryffindor table and sat beside Hermione, who shoved a squishy pink cake in his mouth before he could say anything stupid.

And then Peeves flew in and dropped a house elf on Draco.

Because Peeves hasn't been around for a while, and was feeling lonely.