Disclaimer: I forgot this in the last chapter. I'm sorry. But I don't own anything. At all. And I don't make any money off of anything. So, yeah.

A/N: MMM! A chapter! A real one! Yay! Woo hoo! Read it! Review it! All the cool kids are doing it.

xxooEriklovesChristinexxoo: I hope this is soon enough.

WaterGoddess9: Who doesn't love me? Hahaha, yay, love.

Henrietta-Black van der Snape: Thank you for the inspiration! :wink:

Mooney: Whatever. You're crazy. I think it's kudos. Duh.

Chapter 12: Preggers!

Ron couldn't sleep. He'd been having that nightmare again. You know, the one about tap-dancing spiders. And now, he was awake, wide awake, and too frightened to close his eyes for more than a blink. Especially since he kept hearing strange noises.

"Oh no!" The overly dramatic loser whisper-exclaimed. "The night is pressing in on me! I – I'm scared! Somebody! Anybody! Help me! I'm so scared! I don't know what to do!"

There was a loud creak and a rustle of bedding.
Then a loud, girlish, "EEP!"

And then Ron fainted.

In the bed next to the poor fainted boy, Harry pulled off his father's old invisibility cloak. Because he'd been out doing mysterious things again. Things which none must ever learn about. Well, almost.

'I need to talk to Draco,' thought Harry as he fell into a fitful sleep, clutching the cloak to his chest.

The Next Morning:

'Oh God, I'm suffocating!' Harry tried to scream, but fabric filled his open mouth. 'Oh, wait. It's only the cloak.' He threw off the cloak quickly and sat up. He sat for a few seconds thinking how wonderful it was not to suffocate, when he remembered, "I have to talk to Draco!"
He jumped up, and adventurous, questing music played. Oh, our handsome, pajama-clad hero, ready to take on the world!

And then something happened!

A horrible scream ripped through the air! Through the stone walls! Down to the dungeons! Down to Bad Wizard Hell! Oh, would the screaming never cease!

And then it did.
And Ron ran into the dormitory, paler than the palest pale thing you can think of! Pale with excitement! (Even though he should be red, but his hair's already red…)

"HARRY! HARRY! I SAW THE MOST AMAZING-!"

"God damn it, Ron, stop speaking in capitals, it's annoying."

"Harry! Harry!"

"What?" Harry was getting irritated. Couldn't this pale thing see that Harry had a quest to go on? His quest needed to be quested!

"Harry! Somebody's pregnant!"

"WHAT?!" (Harry conveniently forgot that speaking in CAPS was against the rules.)

Ron nodded vigorously. "I found a positive pregnancy test in the bathroom!"

"WHAT?!"

"I said – "

"I know what you said, I was just being properly shocked!"

"Oh! Okay!"

"I have to go!"

"Okay! I'll just go spread the word!"

"You do that! I'm leaving now!"

"Okay - !"

Neville leaned out of his bed, "Would you two please stop the fucking exclamation points?" He rolled over in his bed muttering, "Fucking idiots, all of them, I swear."

The three boys waited for a witty remark from young master Finnigan (Dean didn't dare say anything, he didn't want anyone to start hurling exclamation points at him), but he was off in the library, studying up. He was reading How to be the BEST Irish Sex God YOU Can BE! Important stuff you see.

"Well, since Seamus isn't here, I'll be going now." Harry rushed out in his pajamas.

Ron sulked out of the room sulkily, because once again Harry had left him to fend for himself. He sang quietly, "All by myself…" Until he was hit by a humongous, cactus-like plant.

"OH DEAR GOD! NO NO! NOT THE STINKSAP!"

You see, Neville had thrown his beloved Mimbulus mimbletonia at the dumb red head. Because Neville was pissed off.
Yo.

A Random Hallway:

"We need to talk."

"What's wrong?"

"No! We can't talk here!"

"Okay…"

"Quick! Into this conveniently placed, unoccupied, unused classroom!"

"What the - ?"

"Get in! Get in!"

"Okay, okay, now what's this all about?"

"I'm pregnant!"

Five minutes later:

"Did you hear?"

"No, what?"

"Someone's pregnant!"

"I hear Ronald Weasley found the test."

"How'd he know it was positive?"

"How should I know? I bet his mother's got a few lying around the house…"

"I can't believe it!"

"I know!"

"It's just so hard to believe!"

"I know!"

"It's unbelievable!"

"I know!"

"Oh my God, here they come!"

…

"Are you sure the rumors are true?"

"OF COURSE! You can't tell yet, it's too early."

"Ah, I see…"

Dinner in the Great Hall:

Dumbledore stood up. "It seems that I've been making far more speeches at mealtimes this year than usual. And as I don't particularly enjoy speeches, I'd like to tell you all to please stop doing stupid things. Stop, and the speeches will stop. However, seeing as you're all a bunch of morons, that's not going to happen any time soon." He took a long swig of pumpkin juice. "Anyhow, that all aside, let us turn to our latest piece of Hogwarts gossip."

"Oh no," Minerva McGonagall shielded her eyes, "the twinkling's getting brighter."

"This always happens when he's about to traumatize someone," whispered the Slytherin Sex God sexily.

The Headmaster continued, "I'm sure you've all heard the rather shocking bit of news that someone among us is pregnant. Someone named…"

"HARRY POTTER!"

A collective :GASP: was heard throughout the Hall.

"What the - ? Who said that? WHO? God damn it, you imbecile, I will find you and destroy you for interrupting me! Show yourself!"

"It was me, sir." An anonymous black boy stood up at the Gryffindor table.

"Who the hell are you?!"

"Well, I don't have a name, sir."

"Fine then, why did you interrupt my speech by saying such an idiotic thing?"

"Well, you see, I was important. In the Prisoner of Azkaban movie – "

"What?"

" – I had lots of lines, sir. Important ones. Like about the Grim and Sirius Black! And then POOF! It was all gone! And I – "

"Yes yes, boo hoo, cry me a river. Because you interrupted my speech you are expelled from Hogwarts. Your wand will be snapped, you will bring eternal shame on your family, and other sad things will happen. Yes. Now go! The wand snapper is outside."

The boy shuffled towards the exit.

"All right now, everyone stare at him and make him uncomfortable. Good, good. Now, feel free to shake your head disdainfully or whisper to your neighbors."

This continued until the boy was out of sight.

"Right. Well, I'm not saying that Harry Potter couldn't become pregnant, after all we've seen it happen to young men loads of times. But no, to my knowledge, Harry Potter is not pregnant. And I am omniscient you know, so I'm right. Yes. Anyhow, the one who's pregnant is none other than – "

"OH MY GOD! LOOK!"

Another collective :GASP: was heard. And then …

"HAHAHAHAHA! MADE YOU LOOK! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

By this time good ol' Dumbledore was distinctly ruffled. His twinkle was no longer a twinkle of joy, but was now a twinkle of rage. "SILENCE!"

Silence followed. That angry twinkle is pretty scary.

"Thank you. Now, the pregnant person is… DRACO MALFOY! YOU PUT THAT FIRST YEAR DOWN RIGHT NOW :ahem: The occupant of Hogwarts who is currently with child is none other than… Professor Minerva McGonagall!"

Another collective :GASP: and then an "EW!"

"Which means," continued the now happily twinkling Headmaster, "I'm going to be a daddy!"

Yeah! Go Dumbledore!

A/N: Yay! Another chapter done! Woo hoo! Review review!