Chapter 6
Realization
I walked straight for my room in the palace. When I reached it, I went in and shut the door behind me. I collapsed on the bed from the dizziness. What the hell was going on with me? I was the emotionless scout of Las Noches. I was the Espada whom Aizen trusted and relied on. I was doing a 180 straight into Grimmjow's arms. We had always been fighting, but neither I nor my analytical eye saw this coming. Who knew I would fall in love with Grimmjow? I couldn't let myself be swooned so easily. It was all in my head. Then how do I explain what just happened now? I sat up on the bed and looked out of the barred window at the white moon. I didn't see the moon. I saw Grimmjow's ridiculous grin. I put my hand on my Hollow bone and sighed deeply. Would I have to admit my feelings to that foolish tra-? No, I couldn't bring myself to call him trash anymore. The word just refused to be used in the same sentence as Grimmjow's name. I guess I did like him after all. No, that wouldn't do. I had to admit to myself that I really did love Grimmjow. I chuckled realizing what a hypocrite I was. Here I was talking about Szayel for being homosexual when I too was homosexual. I shook my head. Hypocrite. I would continue to be a hypocrite too. No one could know about the love I shared with Grimmjow. I had to go back and tell him. He needed to hear this. I shuddered at the thought that he was did not actually like me but was using me. It would be just like him to use my feelings to blackmail me later. I clenched my fist. I was the almighty four. I had to keep a superior air about me. It didn't matter if this was blackmail. I could easily kill him. I'm sure Aizen wouldn't completely hate me if I killed Grimmjow seeing how he had caused Aizen an abundant supply of grief. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the talk I was about to have with Grimmjow. I wonder how he would take it.
I had been left outside by Ulquiorra. We just shared not one but two kisses, and he left me out on the desert. He said he needed to be by himself. Did that mean he didn't like me? I sighed. Maybe I should just try to forget about Ulquiorra. Who was I kidding? I would never be able to forget the threats that made me smile, the way he defended me from Aizen, the times Ulquiorra touched me and sent a pleasurable shock through my body, and now the kisses that had made me happier than a fight did. It took a lot to give me as much pleasure as a fight did. I finally realized that I really, really, truly, loved Ulquiorra. Could that be possible? Did I actually love Ulquiorra? It had to be. I was always at my happiest when Ulquiorra had been near. I smiled. I did love that bastard. Unbelievable. I laughed out loud to myself. I had fallen in love with the guy I considered to be my worst enemy. I was in love with the biggest thorn in my side. I was in love with Ulquiorra Schiffer. Unbelievable. I smiled. I was in love. Somehow, knowing I was in love lifted a great weight off of me. I don't know how or why, but it did. I could have started laughing my head off again, but my gut, empty as it may be, told me it was time to confess although I had a feeling the guy knew already. Nonetheless, I made my way into the palace. He could have been anywhere by now. I didn't know where to look, but I found him soon enough. He was stepping out of his room. He looked at me; I looked at him. I think he smiled.
