Kali-ma

Summery: No one likes to feel alone. Rejection made her leave home early and drove her into an asylum. She pretends she does not remember but Alice can never forget why she is always searching for acceptance.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything but my car.

Warning : femslash, self abuse, mental issues, and general angst

I devour your rage

And dance on your remains

You must walk through my flames

To know true bliss

I was falling apart piece by peace it had been years and still my mate had not come. I had become a shadow of myself the only thing that kept me together was hope and my newly found Devotion to the goddess Kali-ma. She is sometimes seen as the first vampire. The aspect that drew me to Kali-ma was actually her aspect as protectress of abused women. Edward pointed it out one night when I was feeling particularly isolated. I told my self that she was cleansing me to prepare me for my true mate.

I still held the goddess Sedna close as well as Medusa. I kept finding to goddesses that humans consider scary. Those Goddesses that reflected a powerful feminine strength to adapt. When Bella entered our lives I found A new Dolly to dress up and some one to obsess over. She became a pet project of mine and a way to keep Jasper off of me at times.

Bella stayed with us once when the boys went hunting. I enjoyed her company but she was not my mate and she could not fill that void in my life. Edward did not tell her why I enjoyed being around her. I planned parties as a distraction as much as for entertainment. "Alice, I am not a life size paper doll." Bella said as I planned what she should ware to my latest party. Then I had a vision, the other parent of my mate would soon come into his power. I had to se to it that he met Jasper and quick. Edward kicked me under the table.

"Nap time already, Alice?" I laughed and jumped back into the conversation. Edward could see my thoughts that I had to find a way to get Jasper to the Rez. After school he helped me plan. We could provoke A rival vampire to get close to the line that would insure that the Wolves and the Cullen's would come together and bam imprint.

I prayed to Kali-ma, "Mother Kali-ma, first vampire, Destroyer of demons. Vengeful Kali-ma protectress of women in crisis. You who avenge abused women I call to you. Protect me now at this crucial juncture. There Are many possibilities this night and one leads to my true mate. Mamma help me."

I led the family to the lined in our search for the rage vampire. Sam was leading the Pack in the same direction that's when I smelled a hint of the person that was to mate with Jasper but something was off. There were two similar scents and one smelled closer to the mate that I was destined for. Had she been born before her time as a gift for my years on patience. I looked at the assembled wolves expecting to feel something then our eyes locked. She was born earlier then I thought she would be. I felt drawn to her.

Still something was off. Then it hit me she had not imprinted on me but had imprinted none the less. She imprinted on Rosalie. My world was spinning out of control.

After the ensuing fight, Emmet crossed the line by accident, we all went our separate ways. I ran hard north passing the home I shared with them I had to get away. I had to sort all this out I headed someone following me. I turned to see Edward he could easily have over taken me but he had not. We ran side by side for a while until we were far from the house. I allowed my self to sink to the soft earth. I was whispering softly to myself The song that had become my mantra spilling ion waves from my mouth. I had snapped it was all too much. I was at last becoming the Crazy child my parents always thought I was. Edward scooped me up in his arms and I allowed him to carry me back to the house. He set me down on the floor near his piano and began to play Medusa again for me he played it through twice before I was able to calm down enough to sing it .

Edward played a song He and I knew well and that he knew I needed we had rehearsed it since he pointed out the goddess Kali to me. The Wolf called Leah joined chanting the counter point to the song. Esme and Rose joined in too. It was beautiful the four of us weaving a complicated melody to A protectress of women Esme would have been crying if she could she knew what Kali meant. Carlisle leaned on the door frame listening to the women in the house sing a song meant as an empowerment for women to rise and follow the path of the goddess as she led us to a more perfected state. When we had finished Jasper and his new mate Seth came into the room. Jasper apologized for the years past and Rosalie put her arms around her two mates Emmet and Leah. Carlisle held Esme That left one lone Alice in the wave of happy. As Edward had Bella and a recently imprinted Jake. I would still have to wait for my mate but would she be Leah's daughter or Seth's? I had no way to answer that question.

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The Song referred to is Kali-ma by Kellianna the song is done as a complicated weaving of multiple female voices. I recommend listening to it for the full effect. I am providing you with the words though hearing it is much more powerful.

Chant

Kali, Kali, Kali-ma

My destruction breeds creation, Kali-ma

Invocation

I am the Dark Goddess

Veiled in your mysteries

Mother who is life and death

Destructive as fire

I remain the spark of creation

I devour your rage

And dance on your remains

You must walk through my flames

To know true bliss

I destroy your demons

And liberate your soul

Walk with me

Into being, consciousness, bliss

You know who I am

I am you

Remove my veil

Look into the mirror

Look into your soul

There I am

I am always with you