Disclaimer. Again I own nothing. Hope you enjoy
"Urgh" my head was throbbing and my brain was screaming that something was wrong fog swirled round my mind, something was gone, something important - my dear heart was gone. Fear had me on my feet before I had even finished the thought. What had happened she'd been here, oh god someone took her. My heart spasmed painfully inhaling the air around me I caught a scent I hated, the rat, Nick breathing deeply the smell of my Rachel intermingled with mine hit me and I remembered what I had been doing. "Oh god she said no" and now Nick had taken her from me I had failed her and I had failed Piscary. Sobs broke uncontrollably from me he would kill her now and she would die hating me, blaming me, knowing me for the monster I was and that I failed her. My stomach churned as images of my dear heart crying and begging me to stop filled my mind. She would leave, I had lost my everything. I had destroyed the best thing in my life nausea sweeping through me again I ran for the bathroom away from the room where I had lost everything. The darkness of the bathroom seemed to embrace me – the darkness that was where I belong not with the light not with my dear heart. "Oh god please, please I need you Rachel I love you I'm sorry" again and again my stomach heaved emptying me of everything I had ever eaten if only I could rid myself of the monster inside as well. Curled up on the floor besides the toilet I began crying harder I ripped the cabinet besides me away from the wall and flung it across the room the wood smashing as it dinted the wall, wood flying everywhere - nothing now but a useless mess just like me. Pathetic a smashed cabinet was the best I could do. My life was over huge wracking heaves hit me again as my body tried in vain to get rid of the sickness eating my heart.
Vaguely I became aware Jenks was there it didn't matter nothing mattered I would never see my dear heart again. "She's not coming ... I can't protect her she doesn't want me, I'm not good enough... Not even better then a worthless thieving rat... I'm a monster a worthless monster". Memories of the past three months filled my mind laughing with Rachel as we tricked Jenks, listening to her breathe as I fell asleep every night, playing tag in the graveyard at midnight, seeing her first thing in the morning none of that would ever happen again, I would never pick out a bottle of perfume for my dear heart. She would never love me, never share my bed. "I need her Jenks and she's never going to come back" I tried to focus on what he was saying but I couldn't it didn't matter anyway. "Piscary's going to be so angry with me... Oh god I hope he doesn't take his anger at me out on her please god no... What do I do if she leaves me" He was going to kill her I had failed her, I couldn't save her, she had left me and Piscary would kill her leaving me utterly alone I couldn't live like that I couldn't live without her. Even if she managed somehow to get away from him she would be prayed on by any and every vamp she meet and she couldn't fight them off our fight had shown that they would hold her close and take my dear hearts blood. I had failed her utterly.
Grabbing a towel I buried my face in it hoping to hide from this new world I had created instead my lungs filled with Rachel. She had used this towel and I realised that her scent would fade from our home then I'd be truly alone with out even the illusion of her to soothe me. I clutched the towel to me rocking myself trying to comfort myself to pretend I was in my dear hearts arms. "I failed her so bad Jenks god help my I don't know how to save her". As if in answer to my plea my dear hearts voice filled my ears "my beautiful dear heart" her voice was laced with guilt and worry. She was saying she was at Nick's oh god she was leaving me for Nick by voicemail I couldn't stop sobbing as she spoke and then I thought I heard her say she'd be back. I couldn't I must be wrong unless it was to pick up her stuff she probably asked me to leave while she collected it. "She's coming home Ivy." I looked at the pixie hovering in front of me heavily dusting orange that seemed to light the room fear and wonder swirled inside me "she's not leaving me?" my voice sounded cracked and broken as if I hadn't had any water for days. Jenks was nodding nervously as he answered his voice low and soothing "she's coming home look listen to her message." Hugging the towel with her scent close to me I staggered to the phone moaning with relief as I heard her voice telling me she'd be home. I looked up for Jenks but he was gone it didn't matter I hugged the answer machine and towel closer to me she was coming home.
A/N I did think about carrying this on further to her seeming avoidance of Rachel and the purchasing of the piano but this seemed like a natural end. So what do you think?
