"Okay. As you know, we last left off with everyone landing in my little world of doom, Kurogane getting pied in the face, and Syaoran falling down multiple sets of stairs. Now we are in a new world of the fans' imagination. What kind of world will it…"
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING TO?!" Kurogane bellowed from afar. He was still in a noticeably bad mood from being slapped, getting a pie thrown in his face, me nearly getting his friend killed, and so on. It was only natural that he would- "AND WILL YOU STOP NARRATING US?! YOU'RE STANDING RIGHT THERE!!!" He pointed at me two meters away from where he was standing. Syaoran, Fai, and Mokona were trying to keep a safe distance from the wrath of the Kuro-dog (though Mokona insisted on staying perched on Kurogane's shoulder). Meanwhile I tried testing just how far I could push him before he fell off the handle.
I attempted to put on my most adorable puppy face to look as cute as possible (years of practice had yet to fail me) and whimpered, "But Kuro-sweety, I'm only doing a recap for all our loyal readers."
He growled with his fists raised in the air. Fai quickly snatched Mokona from off Kurogane's shoulder. He then tossed it in the air to Syaoran who immediately ran for cover behind the nearest thing he could find. "Um, Kuro-pu, I think you should look at-"
"Shut up! I'm busy dealing with her!" Kurogane continued, "YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT IF YOU TELL SOMEONE WHAT TRICK YOU'RE TRYING TO PULL, IT WON'T WORK!!!"
I batted my eye lashes and gave an innocent smile. "Why Kuro, whatever do you mean?"
He sighed and repeated to me in a mocking tone, "'I attempted to put on my most adorable puppy face to look as cute as possible'. "
Oh crap.
"And let's not forget the: 'I batted my eye lashes and gave an innocent smile.' We all know just how innocent you really are! Listen, I get enough of that from this guy!" He attempted to point in Fai's general direction, but he wound up hitting him across the face instead, causing Fai to fall twenty feet up in the air and land on a giant gum drop. Kurogane stared at the land in the sky with a blank look across his face. Once he managed to form an expression (guess which one) he irritably pointed to the land of gumdrop trees and sugarplum bushes above his head and demanded, "Explain this."
Wasn't it obvious? There was a giant forest of gumdrops flying upside down above us. Any idiot with eyes could see that.
For some reason Kurogane's eye began to twitch in a menacing way.
"You see," I started, "If you hadn't interrupted my recap, I would have continued on into explaining what the request was. Then you wouldn't be so confused. Besides, half of the request has already been fulfilled." Plus seeing his reaction was just way too funny.
"What the hell does that mean?!" See. "SHUT UP DAMMIT!"
Fai waved merrily from his candy throne (which happened to be the same shrub Syaoran was hiding behind) and sang out, "Hey, Kuro-puppy! You're flying a bit strangely!" The ninja immediately glanced down at his feet. It was true. He was flying.
Upside down.
He could have lost his temper, or gone insane, or a combination of the two. Instead, he calmly raised his head (though intolerance was clearly visible). He was about to say something, when a note pad and pencil dropped in front of him. "Whatever you're about to say, write on that sheet of paper! I want o keep this story somewhat child-appropriate!"
He exhaled long and deep. Soon, he picked up the notepad and began to ferociously scribble away.
*In the gum drop forest*
"What are those two doing up there?" Fai asked to no one in particular. He was more interested in the strange world surrounding him. The forest was calm and gentle. A light, sweet-smelling wind was blowing from one direction. Warm sunlight rained through the sparkling sugar-leaves from another. It was a rather breath-taking scenery. He even wondered if everything in this forest was edible.
Syaoran and Mokona had gone off to explore a candy cane cave they found a few miles away from where they first landed. Fai would have followed, if only he hadn't hurt his leg in the fall. "Now that you mention it, Miss Voice, I did hurt my leg. Could you fix it?" A glimmering light surrounded his calf and faded leaving him not only feeling as if he could run a hundred miles without stopping, but a note as well reading:
Call me Lana.
He laughed. "So you can send letters in our languages to us even if you're in another place?"
Yep! I'm all-knowing, remember?
By the way, y'know the whole "being able to run a hundred miles without stopping" thing?
He nodded.
You're going to need it. Mokona just pissed off a bunch of bears.
*In the gummy bear cave*
It was complete darkness in the gummy cave. Stalagmites reached to the tips of their relative stalactites. Water in the sweet flavor of Kool-aid dripped from the tips of them leaving small pools of sugary liquid on the ground. The cavern seemed peaceful. Silent.
That is until Syaoran sprinted towards the mouth of the tunnel yelling at the top of his lungs, "OH CRAP! OH CRAP! OH CRAP! OH CRAP! OH CRAP! OH CRAP! OH CRAP! OH CRAP OH CRAP!"
Mokona was clinging for dear life onto the back of his terrified friend screaming. They collapsed shortly after reaching the exit, gasping for air like fish out of water. Fai was alerted by the sound of his companions falling to the ground.
Panting, Syaoran asked, "~Did we… lose them…. yet?" He coughed and clambered to his knees. Mokona rolled off his back with tiny tears at the tips of its eyes.
"I'm sorry. I thought they were friendly." Mokona whined. The two of them looked like they had been running for days, though they had only been gone about thirty minutes.
"What happened? Why were you running?" Fai was indeed worried. Syaoran and Mokona tried their best to gather their wits and explain exactly what had happened on their adventure.
"Mokona thought that the gummy bears wouldn't mind if we took two cubs on our travels to raise a gummy bear farm." Doubly noted, there were two tiny red and yellow gummy bears staring up at Fai with shiny, sugary eyes. "I told Mokona 'no' and we were going to give them back, but the mothers attacked us, first. I figure once we rest, we can make a second travel to that cave and set things straight." Sadly, before they could, a loud growl from the stomachs of their predators emanated from the thick of the forest. "That," the terrified kid yelled, "would be our cue to run!" And run they did.
*With Kurgy and me*
He wrote.
I watched.
He glared at me.
He wrote some more.
I watched.
The end.
*A few hours later: In the forest *
"Well, Syaoran, Fai, it's been a good run. I hope we can meet again in the next life."
"Mokona," Fai said, "the gummy bears already let us go."
Mokona hopped up happily. "I know! I just really wanted to say that! Tee-hee!!!"
The two exhausted travelers and the hyped up Mokona sighed and fell down onto the cinnamon scented earth.
Fai laughed and pointed out, "Who would've thought that gummy bears were so forgiving?"
"Yeah," Syaoran added, "Who would've thought they spoke perfect English?"
"Who would've thought that gummy bears eat their young."
"Who would've thought they had cherry blood?"
"Don't blame me if I never eat another gummy thing again."
"Look on the bright side! At least we aren't being narrated at the moment!"
"Right! Wait… who said that?"
"I'm not sure."
"It was me!"
"Mokona?"
"Yes, I'm right here!"
"Where?"
"Oh dear…"
*Welcome back to the interesting Kuro n' Lana upside down floaty place*
I was in shock.
"Uh… Wow, Kurogane… I didn't know you had such a… varied language…." Today, I learned something: never piss off Kuro and give him the means to let his anger out on you.
"I'm glad you did," he smirked, obviously pleased with himself for proving he wouldn't take any of my crap.
"Hey, can I use some of these at school?" I asked, pointing at the long strand of newly-invented curse words.
"NO!"
*The forest, again….*
After a long discussion, the Tsubasa crew decided that the story needed narration (even if it was poorly written) in order to make any sense. Several hours had passed since Fai, Syaoran, and Mokona lost all touch with the physical world around them. They had simply had to wander around aimlessly while talking non-stop in order to stay together. Trust me, it was pure hell.
"-and then I saved the day!!! AGAIN! Now, who wants to hear another one of Mokona's amazing tales of heroic action?!!"
Mokona bounced in the air while the others groaned.
"Mokona, please! We've been listening to you ramble for at least four hours!"
"Wait, did you guys hear that?"
"Hear what?" (Honestly I'm getting tired of that question!)
"I swear I just heard Miss Lana's narration… I must have just snapped."
Not really. I just love messing with them.
And with the narrator back in business, the gum drop forest sprang back into existence, along with the two travelers and their mascot. But something was different in the atmosphere. Instead of standing in a small crazed forest of delightful treats, they were standing in a small crazed meadow of delightful treats. Taffy flowers, marshmallow rabbits, and bees made of honey all bathed in the sunset.
"Is it just me, or does Lana-chan have a strange obsession with sugar?" Mokona asked while chewing a banana flower. Syaoran and Fai nodded not really paying any attention to their furry friend. Fai had his gaze trained on a small pond of chocolate pudding. In the meanwhile, Syaoran took notice of a small table with several cups of coffee served on china glass platters.
At the head of the table sat a rather large man wearing an equally large top hat and sipping coffee in a flowered tea cup. Syaoran couldn't shake the feeling that he recognized him from somewhere before… When the man lifted his hat to greet the travelers, he noted that the hat covered his baldness. The hair that he did have was rather long… His eyes seemed to twinkle a bit…. "OH MY GOD!! IT'S SANTA CLAUSE!!!" Syaoran announced, startling Fai and Mokona, who weren't even aware of the other man's existence yet. "Why did I just say that?" He knew it wasn't Santa Clause. Santa lives in a large mansion in the north with a large factory of enslaved elves. "HE DOES NOT!" … does too.
"You said it because this brat wanted you to!!" Kurogane said, marching towards the young boy and pointing down at me while I re-read his letter for the thousandth time.
Fai and Mokona grinned! "Kuro-pon, welcome back!! I see you're-" He ignored the duo and made his way to the mysterious man.
I laughed and announced, "You misspelled-"
"I KNOW!! YOU'VE TOLD ME A THOUSAND TIMES!! NOW SHUT UP!!" He yelled.
…
…
…
"You misspelled 'the'."
He stormed off towards the table and took a seat. "ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS TALK TO HIM AND THEN WE CAN GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, RIGHT?!!"
"Yeah, sure."
"Really?!" The forest group chimed in disbelief.
"Yeah, I've kinda run out of ways to torture you, so I'm going to end this quickly. Everyone, meet Ben Franklin. Ben, meet everyone."
"Hello, everyone. Would you like some coffee?" The large man, apparently named Ben Franklin, held up a large teapot labeled "COFFEE".
"Uh, yeah, can we go now?" Kurogane asked. I smiled brightly, a dangerous gesture if you know me well enough. "I take that as a 'no'." He slumped in his chair and grabbed a caffeinated drink.
Syaoran, on the other hand, seemed very excited. "That's why I recognized him! I read about him in several books on our journey… but in every world, he had been dead for almost 200 years…"
Fai shook his head and picked the largest cup of coffee from out of Mokona's tiny hands and set it off in a corner. "I'm sure this is just Lana's imagining of who this 'Ben Franklin' person was."
"Well if we have to talk to the guy, let's get it over with already!!!" Kurogane grumbled. "Look, according to that girl, she won't let us leave until we talk to you, so let's talk!!!"
"A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats," Ben stated.
Everyone stared at him, confused.
"Cats?" repeated the blue mage.
"Um, Lana-chan, what does that mean?" Mokona asked.
"I don't know," I replied while carefully stirring plenty of cream and sugar to my drink, "I just thought it would be funny if he only spoke in quotes." I sipped my diabetic's-worst-nightmare drink contently.
"Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and most fools do."
"Great! So how are we supposed to talk to him?!!!" The red warrior shouted.
"Now, Kuro-meanie, don't get mad at me. Besides, he shares a lot of great advice with his quotes!"
"Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one."
"Um… okay?" Even Syaoran was ready to go. I guess I'll be nice.
"Alright, let's go!"
"IT'S ABOUT TIME!" Kurogane stamped off to the middle of the meadow, grabbing the other three dimension-travelers as he moved.
"Well, Mr. Franklin, it was nice chatting with you."
"As we must account for every idle word, so must we account for every idle silence"
"Thank you for guest staring in my story. I hope that it will lead to better chapters in the near future."
"Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing."
"IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN SOMETHING?!!!"
Impatient, Kurogane and Fai dragged me towards Mokona and opened the portal to the next world.
"HEY!!! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET!!!"
Too late.
The portal closed, leaving everything in this crazy world to fade into nothing.
