The Talk

The Hitachiin twins receive "the talk" from their mother. implied HikaKao

--

It was after three seconds suffering from it when it happened again.

When.

It.

Happened.

Again!

The Hitachiin twins couldn't decide whether the talk with their mother was worse than the talk with their father. They were both equally scary, especially because they received the talk from a homophobe (aka, Yuzuha) and a gay rights supporter (aka, Seiryō).

Again, the talk from Seiryō happened three seconds after the talk with Yuzuha.

Three… fucking… seconds!

Their brains were still trying to block out all the perverted images Yuzuha had innocently and unintentionally placed in the twin's minds. I mean, really, what kind of mother does that sort of thing? Apparently, Yuzuha does.

Anyway, it was after three seconds that Yuzuha said, "Let's have 'the talk' again another time, okay? Next week I'm going to teach you about boobs and which ones are the best. It's ideal for choosing the woman of your lives," when their dad just magically appeared out of the blue in Yuzuha's former seat.

"Hey kiddos," he said, hands wrapped under his chin, "so I've heard your mother and 'the talk,' and I just have to say one thing to that." Adjusting his spectacles, ruffling his red hair to make his bangs cover his eyes, he unwrapped his fingers from each other's and settled them firmly on the table, his eyes full of glory. "Bullshit to whatever Yuzuha said. That woman speaks nonsense, I swear! Now, let me give you the talk the real way."

"Um, dad," Kaoru said softly, cowering in Hikaru's arms. He was still frightened dearly because of Yuzuha's talk; Hikaru and Kaoru weren't sure if Seiryō's talk would be better or worse.

Hikaru placed his feeble arms around Kaoru's waist and tugged his younger brother closer to him, grimacing. "We're only thirteen!"

Seiryō slammed his fists down on the table roughly, standing up simultaneously. "Again, bullshit! Thirteen, fifty – not much of a difference is there?"

"Well, technically, the difference is thirty-seven, and that's sorta high if you talk in mathematical terms," Kaoru said in a matter-of-fact way, ducking his head to avoid their father's violent scream.

"No no! As long as you're a teen, you will be able to have the talk. Now let me begin. I actually support gay rights"-he shuffled his feet and shoved his hands into his pockets, fishing out a small, crumpled picture-"because of my friends here. Their names are Mitsukuni Haninozuka and Takashi Morinozuka. I believe they are fifteen, but the two are gay for each other." Seiryō dramatically whimpered, wringing his hands down to his sides straightly. "I – curse myself! – used to think homos were revolting, but now my preference on them changed because of those two. That little Mitsukuni kid looks so adorable and innocent when he's with Takashi-chan. It makes me want to be gay, but alas, I'm married."

"Hey, I heard that!" Yuzuha came stomping into the room, pointing a slender finger at Seiryō's direction. "My talk is way better than yours, honey, just face it!"

"I haven't even given the two the full talk yet! How should you go coming about talking to me like that if I haven't had the chance to? You are such a biased woman," Seiryō growled suddenly, making the twins jump. They've never seen their parents fight before; they've always been a lovey-dovey couple up until now.

Yuzuha turned her head to look at her sons and smiled wickedly. "I'll tell you what – why don't we let Hikaru and Kaoru decide who's better at the talk? I mean, they are our victims."

"You've got yourself a deal, but I'd like some privacy with the boys for my talk." Yuzuha rolled her eyes but complied anyway, stretching out her skinny arm to meet Seiryō's hairy one, and made their hands intact, shaking cautiously. Then, with a turn of the heel, Yuzuha trotted out of the kitchen.

"Ah, that woman." Seiryō shook his head, but then quickly averted his attention back to his two sons. "Okay, so, I'm going to talk to you about 'the talk' now, if that's okay with you guys..."

"It's not!" Hikaru screamed as Kaoru whispered something inaudible.

Seiryō froze for a second, but then grinned. "Oh, okay, let's begin then! So you see, being gay isn't bad."-Hikaru placed his hands on his younger brother's ears, trying to block out whatever his father had to say; if Kaoru heard Seiryō's talk, who knows what would happen-"I actually think it helps with population. With the increasing amount of people being born every year because of irresponsible sex, with two men having sex, that won't be a problem, right-o? Men can't get pregnant – except those little horse in the sea, I think they're called horseshoes – so that's a big plus! You can meet your sexual desires any time you want without worrying about 

pregnancy, and from what I've watched, it looks fun." Seiryō paused abruptly and looked at the twin's blank expressions before continuing. "Uh, I'm not implying I read gay porn, because I don't." Seiryō bit his bottom lip, a drop of sweat rolling down the side of his neck as he breathed in heavily. "Uh, so, let's get on with the matters of sex with you two ('cause I heard you wanted to do it together, which sounds fun)! So, which one of you is seme and which one of you is uke?"

Kaoru had struggled out of Hikaru's grip on him successfully and raised his tiny arm curiously. "What's seme and uke?"

The father laughed half-heartedly at his youngest son's question, placing his hands on his hips triumphantly. "Seme is the strong person on top, and little uke is the weak, little, innocent, vulnerable, cutie on the bottom."

Kaoru took in his words and smiled. "Oh, okay! Then I want to be seme."

Hikaru shrugged thoughtfully. "I guess I'll be uke," he said bluntly, pulling Kaoru closer to him. "I think this'll be easy."

Seiryō gasped, horror in his eyes. "No! That is wrong! You two have committed a major sin in the seme-uke world." The large man walked up to his sons and roughly hit them on the head, shaking his head in disappointment. "Hikaru, you're seme. You are older and stronger than your little brother here. Besides, you look more like a man in my eyes. The rule is, the seme always has to be the older and more masculine type. Now, Kaoru, no offense, but you have pretty feminine features. I probably think that way because you're the younger one and you have the cute- I mean, the most innocent voice, so you're uke. Uke always has to be the younger and vulnerable (more feminine) one, got it?"

"But isn't-" Hikaru said, nudging Kaoru.

"-that stereotypical?" Kaoru finished, frowning. "I really wanted to be se-"

Hikaru gently placed a finger on Kaoru's lips and stared at their father. He was twitching angrily.

"Okay, okay, calm down," Seiryō said to himself in a cool voice, "they're just little boys. Do… not… kill… Okay! I'm back! So, Kaoru, you're uke, got it?"

Kaoru sighed. "Fine," he agreed, nodding his head. Hikaru ruffled Kaoru's hair and chuckled.

"Good, good. Now, it's true you should go to a love hotel, but it's okay if you do it at home. I mean, I'd love to sneak up on you gu- I mean, I'd love to see- er, it's fine with me if you do it in front of me. I'll just ignore you guys." Seiryō shrugged nonchalantly. "Lotion is essential, also. Yuzuha was right on that part. Oh, and orgasms are nice, yup. Once you experience it, you'll know why."

The man eyed his sons and grinned softly. "Okay, on with the real talk! So, I'll teach you guys how to have sex with guys."

"Have you ever?" Hikaru asked, smirking.

Seiryō's face turned scarlet as he furrowed his eyebrows, scowling. "N-no, of course not! Don't be ridiculous, Hikaru. I told you I'm married."

"Again, I heard that!" a faint voice called out.

"Again, you're not supposed to be listening!" Seiryō yelled back in a mocking tone, massaging his temples. "Well, Hikaru, since you're going to be on top, you have to be forceful with Kaoru. Not too forceful, but just enough that Kaoru is moaning in pleasurable pain. Oh, and if you're thinking of humping my little boy there, well, y'know, don't break him. Try to be creative and think naughty, though. Use fluffy handcuffs, use your tongue, use everything, because no one-" he coughed, saying, "except Yuzuha," and coughed again-"is going to stop you. Sure, it might be taboo, but this is romantic taboo! I'm not talking about those masochists, but I'm talking about lovebirds, and you two should do whatever you want with each other. So, go on ahead and fuck each other!"

Oookay then. Well, that was… er, there really aren't any words that can justify the talk. Really.

A shallow, creak was heard behind them, and Yuzuha walked in the room with a happy and arrogant smile on her face. "So tell us, Hikaru-"

"-and Kaoru," Seiryō said, sharing the same smile.

"Who gave you guys the better talk?"

--

A/N: Lol, meet the Hitachiins! xD

The twin's dad is a yaoi fanboy, yay! He's one of us, one of us! :D

So, which talk was better: Yuzuha's or Seiryō's?

Sorry for the crappy and boring and short chappie. I just can't imagine Seiryō as well as Yuzuha. xD Well, the last chapter will be up and running in a few weeks, maybe, if I ever get to it. xD (I know it says it's completed. I keep forgetting to change the status -.-)