A/N: CHIRP! CHIRP!

That's 'bird' for HI!!! XD

This was meant to be a One-Shot, I know, and I kinda wanted it to stay that way... but I couldn't resist. :D

This entry might be a little depressing for some Arnold/Helga lovers... but I'm trying to keep this as canonical as possible, so this had to be done. Future entries will probably be better, though. :)

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own a freakin' thing!


Arnold's Journal

June 24

Wow... I can't believe how long it's been since I've written in this. Well, it's been about five years since I first wrote in this journal... Yup, I'm fifteen now.

I guess I only write in this when something dramatic changes in my life, or when I just need someone (or in this case: Something) to console in. And boy do I!

Well, I'm still dating Helga... or was. We... broke up. Ouch. It still stings, but I'm getting better... I think. But yeah... we broke up.

It didn't work out so great at first (Being apart, that is), because about a week after our break up we ended up getting caught making out in the janitors closet. It was awkward once we realized our actions, but we both agreed it was in the heat of the moment... story of my life. But we were able to keep our hands and tongues to ourselves after that... we had to, for the sake of being broken up and being just friends. We had already tried dating.

We fought quite a bit during our relationship, and it was just too much, I guess, so we broke up. How did it happen? Well, my old friend (Ha ha!)... it all started when I was only eleven years old.

Yes, we had our first fight. It was silly really... just over some moral matters. Harold, Sid, and Stinky were planning on spiking the punch at one of Rhonda's parties with 'Mega Drinks'. Have you ever had one of those things? They're crazy! I was thirsty once, but I couldn't find anything around the house to drink, and our plumbing was messed up, so I couldn't even get any water. Oskar got tired of me complaining, I guess, because he gave me one of his many 'Mega Drinks' that he had stashed away (Suzie didn't approve of them). Needless to say, I drank the whole can... and then woke up several hours later to find that I had destroyed the entire house in my hyper, crazy rampage. Everyone was angry with me at first, but then the fact that Oskar had given it to me came up in my defence speech, and then they all got angry at Oskar. He ended up cleaning the mess I made, and Suzie threw out all his energy drinks. Good riddance... Point is, they give you so much energy... that you don't know what else to do but destroy, I guess.

They (Harold, Sid, and Stinky) thought it would be funny to see a bunch of eleven year olds get really hyper and crazy... Of course, I was against it whole-heartedly, and THOUGHT my girlfriend would be with me on the matter. But... she went along with it, saying that just a little teensy bit of that insane drink wouldn't hurt, and that it would be funny to see all the party guests ripping the house to shreds along with all of Rhonda's nice clothes in her closet. Was I the only one who realized how wrong this was?

Well, I corrected her, informing her of all the consequences that could occur if they were to spike the punch, and she argued that it wasn't THAT big of a deal, and that I should stop being such a wet blanket. We fought about that for a pretty long time, and almost ended up breaking up over it right then... but we didn't (Thank goodness), because it was silly. Breaking up over one little fight over a morally just thing would've been a bit silly, I think. So we made up, me telling her that I guessed it wasn't TOO big of a deal, but it was still wrong, and she agreed with me, and apologized also... and that was that.

Our next fight was actually not until several months later, over who would win in a hockey fight. Sure, the game had started out as a little boyfriend/girlfriend teasing thing... but eventually the teases became yells... and the yells became screams... and the screams became threats... and next thing you know, we're not speaking to eachother. After about a day, I finally cracked and called her to talk it out, and we both agreed that the whole thing was just silly. We reconciled, and that was, once again, that.

There were a quite a few more fights in the time between now and then, though none quite as bad as those... or our most recent one... the one that lead to our break up.

I don't understand why we fought so much. We love eachother, that much was (and still is) obvious, but for some reason almost everything we did together lead to us eventually being in a tangle of limbs, fighting over who was right and who was wrong... over silly little misunderstandings, moral matters, gender dominance battles, and... just a bunch of silly little things, that really don't deserve our energy. And yet, we always ended up fighting. I still don't get it. What did we do wrong? ...Why couldn't it work? Ugh, I'm supposed to be moving on... but it's hard. I don't think I can, to be honest. The thought of being with anyone who isn't Helga just seems... stupid.

I still love her... I can't stop, though most times I wish I could... and yet thank God that I can't... Love is an odd thing. It's something that is so beautiful... that you just want to destroy it. You want to make whoever is making you feel that way suffer. You want to hurt them for making you feel such strong feelings. You want to hate them... for the sole reason that you can't (Maybe it's just rebellion?). You can never hate them. You have to love them. That's why people love to hate love... because they can't control it. You can't control who you fall for... and it does get irritating. Your heart is open to anyone who is able to capture it... and they bound you to them without even trying. And you just... you want to just... curse them for all of eternity because of it... and yet bless them for it. It's kind of a love/hate thing, I guess. Maybe that's just me?

Helga made me love her... without even really doing anything. She was just her. And I hate/love her for it. I hate her for being so perfect. I hate her for making me feel this way. I hate her for bounding me to her without doing anything but being who she was... I hate her for... for... for making me love her.

See how that works? It's confusing, I know. But it does make sense. I love Helga to death. There have been times that I've thought I might even die for her, if all she did was ask. I hate her for that. I hate it. Maybe this is just the affects of breaking up with someone you thought was your soul-mate, but I can't help this, I have to get this out. I just hate it. I hate her. I hate everything about her!

...Because she makes me love it. She makes me love her. And she makes me love EVERY tiny detail about her.

But that's Helga for you. She's the good and the bad. She's forceful and gentle. Soft and hard. Warm and cold. An Angel and a demon. She's just a big walking oxymoron! ...One of the many reasons she's the holder of my heart.

But now she's just my ex-girlfriend... my ex-girlfriend who's still my friend... one of my best friends... who I happen to still be in love with after several months of being apart. It makes me wonder if she's over me or not... no, she can't be. It's too soon... right? ...I did hear that she had a date with some jock... or was it that she hated jocks? But what if she did have a date with a jerk, er... I mean, jock?

Ugh, I can't go all 'jealous ex-boyfriend' on her now. I shouldn't torture myself with such thoughts. It's been months since our break up... I should be over this, or at least a little... but it still hurts.

We broke up about eight months ago...

The most ridiculous, utterly pointless, and just plain dumbest of all our fights.

It was over the tv remote.

Can you believe that? Over the stinkin' remote? Isn't that just about the dumbest thing to fight over EVER?

Exactly why we broke up. If we could get into a scream fight over the television remote, then it was pretty obvious that things just weren't going to work out between us. She wanted to watch some silly horror flick, but I thought that wasn't appropriate for our five year anniversary... yes, we broke up on our anniversary. How romantic...

It was bound to happen eventually... at least, that's what Helga keeps saying. We're still friends, of course, and we still talk and hang out a lot. It's like we're still a couple... except without all the kisses, hugs, dates, flirting, and occasional make out sessions. Heh...

We still flirt sometimes, but we both know it can never lead to anything. We already tried that, and all it ended up getting us was heart-broken. This really bites.

Oh well. I'll move on eventually. Feelings CAN fade, and even though I once thought (Okay, I still do sometimes) she was my soul-mate, that doesn't mean she is. I mean, who ever actually meets their soul-mate? We've known eachother practically since birth. That would be some extreme luck right there. No... no, that's just wishful thinking on my part. But then again, I am a huge idealist. Head in the clouds, thinking that my first serious, loving relationship was actually with my soul-mate. How silly... I'm sure a lot of people do that. Find someone, fall in love, and want to believe they're their soul-mate, meant to be, perfect in every way. But it usually just ends in heart-break, when you find out it's not true...

I sound really pessimistic right now, don't I? This isn't like me... but can you blame me, really? I fell for Helga at age ten, and we had been together ever since. I was serious about her. Now I'm not one to plan ahead, I'm more of a 'live in the moment' type person, but I couldn't help but day dream every once in a while about what might be in store for us in the future... and they were always bright and happy day dreams... getting married, having kids, growing old together... but look where we've ended up. It's depressing.

But is she really not my soul-mate? Are we really not meant to be? Or are we just not meant to be now...?

Maybe that's just wishful thinking again. I am an optimist, as Helga tells me regularly. I'm probably just being silly. But I'm still crazy about her... this is probably just the after effects of breaking up with someone you're still in love with. It'll pass... it usually does... right? Please tell me I'm right.

Oh well... I just need to stop thinking about her. Yeah, that'll be easy (Sarcasm never seems to fail me)...

You're probably wondering why I'm writing about my break up eight months after the actual break up. Well, that's actually not the reason I'm writing in this journal again.

I'm moving.

Yeah, my parents are adventurers at heart, and just can't seem to settle down, I guess. They've decided that they want to see the world. They want to go to Rome, Paris, Europe, see all their old friends in San Lorenzo again... basically they just want to travel the world before they die. I tried talking them out of it, but they said they wanted to do this while they were still young. They asked me to go, but they said that if I really didn't want to... then I could stay home... but I'm not stupid. I'm going. I want to stay with my parents, I have to make sure they come back. Besides... I've always wanted to travel the world too. I guess I've got adventure in my veins too. Besides, it's only going to be for a few years, four at best. I'll come home eventually...

I'm really going to miss everyone. But I've got to do this. We're actually leaving tomorrow, and I was feeling jittery, so I thought I'd write about it some to see if it makes me feel better. I guess it's working a little.

I told everyone about it as soon as I found out, and ever since, Helga has barely talked to me. I asked her to please come to see me off... but I'm really afraid she might not come. Out of everyone, I'm going to miss her the most, and not seeing her one last time might just kill me... But I'll be back. It's no big deal. It's just for a few years. I'll probably be coming back for college... and I'll see her then. It's not like it's forever or anything... but still, it's going to be a pretty long time before I see her again, and I want to see her one last time before we go.

Anyway, I need to get some sleep. Hopefully the next time I write in this, it won't be in another five years or anything. I'd like to write in this more often, and I often tell myself I will, but I don't ever get to it.

Oh well. Goodnight...