I'm sorry for the long update time and crappy chapter...Enjoy?
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I laid on the ground in the backyard, looking up at the stars. It was technically the same sky I saw at night in Tennessee, so maybe it was the difference in me that accounted for why it seemed so new. I pillowed my head on my arms and relaxed. It had been a long day. Lilly hadn't come back to talk to me, but I had my phone next to me, in hopes that she would at least text me. But she obviously felt the same pull towards me that I did to her. She just didn't know it yet.
"Hey." Or maybe she did. "Jackson said I could find you out here." She sat down next to me.
"Well, he was right." I didn't look at her, because if I was going to keep control of myself, not looking at her was the best way. Sometimes, looking in Lilly's eyes, I got lost. There was a pause. "So what did you do with your afternoon?"
"I um…" She hesitated. I glanced at her, and saw she was staring at the ground. "Look, I know you saw me."
"I did."
"I'm sorry." She sounded so melancholy, I just wanted to comfort her. But from the way she was hugging her knees, I knew she wouldn't take it well.
"It didn't hurt me any." I choked on the words, and for a minute, I imagined that my pain was so strong that the waves of it would wash over Lilly and hurt her as much as they hurt me. My throat tightened up, and I took a moment to control myself and contain the tears. I rolled over, propping myself up on my elbows and looking at her. She looked so down, but I couldn't help but ask. I needed to know if there was hope. "Why did you do it?" Maybe she was lonely, or felt sorry for him.
She fixed her gaze on me. "Because of you."
That one caught me off guard. "What?"
"Today was different. You are different. I don't know what it is about you, but…" She let the sentence hang in the air. "I've been with a lot of guys. Not like a ridiculous amount, but enough. I've dated them, I've slept with a few even." She looked away from me again. "But, I've always been looking for something, and I haven't found it." She looked at me again. There was something in her face I couldn't recognize. "I'm not a lesbian." I let out my breath, disappointed. "But I like you."
A smile broke my face, and I sat up so that I was right next to her. "And I like you, too." I didn't know why, but I whispered it. She looked at me, and I at her. "Are you afraid of this?" I asked her.
She set her jaw. "Yes." And then she kissed me. It wasn't the kind of kiss you see in movies where lips and tongues meet, that you're almost embarrassed to watch. She stroked my cheek with one hand, and the kiss was short and sweet.
"I guess you don't know better." I murmured.
"Then what?"
"Than to kiss girls." I smiled at her, and she smacked me on the arm. But she also smiled back, completely uninhibited.
"Come here." She grabbed me, wrapping me up in her strong arms, and pulling me on her lap.
"It's about time. I wondered if I was going to have to wait forever for you to realize you're in love with me."
"In love?"
"Yep."
"Whatever you say." She kissed me again, then laid down with me on top of her. One of her arms went behind her head, but the other one snaked it's way around my waist, keeping me close to her. I laid my head down on her chest. I could hear her heartbeat, an incredibly quick rhythm. "Your heart is beating so fast." I said to her.
"It's been doing that since I met you. I just didn't know why."
"I bet I do."
"And now, I do too." She kissed the top of my head, then let out a contented sigh. I snuggled into her, but then, she tensed up.
"What?" I asked, worried that she was about to leave me again.
"What now, Miley?" She tried to sit up, but I didn't let her. "What do we tell people? About this? About us?"
My blood ran cold. In all of this, with Lilly and my absurd back and forth, I had not even considered the consequences. I leaned back, ready to jump back from her and run, as if she was suddenly contagious. What would I tell my father? My brother? The school? I was new. And then there was everything else… "I…I don't know. Jackson and my father…" I started to move off of her.
"No Miles." She tightened her arms around me. "Don't run from me already. It was hard enough for me to get to this point. We can move forward from this slowly…can't we?"
She started to shake beneath me, and I worried that she was going to run. The fear that she was on the edge of leaving pulled me back form that same edge. I put my arms back around her. "Yes. We'll get through this. Should we keep this a secret?"
"I think we should start with family."
"Me…me too. But not my father. He won't…handle this well." I stood up, pulling her with me. I reached behind me, searching for her hand, and with it, her support. I led her to the back door.
"So how are we going to do this?"
"Do what?" I asked.
"Do we tell Jackson?"
I looked in through to door. Some of the lights were on. "I don't know."
"Then how about we tell no one until we're absolutely sure of this? Then we can raise eyebrows and turn heads." She smiled at me.
I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn't want to tell anyone either. "Ok." I turned away from her reluctantly, and we went inside.
Jackson and Sarah were sitting together, watching a movie on the couch. He looked up. "Well whaddya know? Lilly is a morning and a night after kind of girl." He laughed as if it was the funniest joke he'd ever had. I wanted to smack him.
"You're an idiot." I muttered, leading the way to my room. I flicked on the lights, and as soon as Lilly shut the door, I threw my arms around her neck. She wrapped her arms around my waist, holding me. I liked the feel of her, and the way she knew I wanted to be held. She kissed me. The door smashed open with a bang, causing Lilly and I to jump apart.
"Ha!" Jackson laughed, pointing at me. "I knew it! Always have." He laughed again. "No wonder you wouldn't get me her number!" Lilly took a step closer to me, putting her arm gently behind my back, barely even touching me.
"And what are you going to do?" She challenged him.
He looked taken aback. "Oh, nothing. I just always knew it."
"Don't tell Dad."
He paled considerably. "That is the last thing I would do." He took a step toward me, resting his hand on my shoulder. "I'm your brother. Love who you want to love." He looked at Lilly. "Especially if you want to love a pretty girl."
"Thanks, I guess." Lilly murmured next to me.
"Yep." He stepped out of the room, but turned back. "You don't tell Dad."
"I won't." He walked away, laughing again. "What an idiot." I said again.
"Who knew it would be that easy to tell Jackson?" Lilly murmured into my ear.
I turned around to her. "I didn't." I kicked the door shut with my foot, and she pulled me towards the bed.
"It's been a long day. I vote we sleep right now, and enjoy this tomorrow." She kissed me on the cheek, wrapping her arms around me. I nestled into her, exhausted from the day of surfing and stress.
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