A/N: Cockadoodle-DOOOOOOOO!

This is me trying to make up for all the evil I hath wrought on the first of April... if you read my fic, "A Football Headed Prank", then you know what I mean. *Gives you a gigantic evil grin*

Now then... *Snickers*

This chapter is going to be really depressing, and sad... fair warning.

BUT the next few chapters after this one will be HAPPSICAL! :D

Read at your own risk. *Raises scythe* XD

Disclaimer: Oh, if I did own such a fantastic show... then I'd be animating this fic, not WRITING IT ON FANFICTION!!! ...So there.


Arnold's Journal

October 12

Well, I'm doing better. It's only been about... four months since I've written in this, as opposed to five years. Not bad.

Why am I writing now? Simply because I'm sad... and heart broken... and needed something to console in, as always.

Helga showed up to see me off... I kinda wish she hadn't... Why? Because the look on her face broke my heart. She looked ready to just break down right then. To most she probably would have looked listless, bored, like she didn't really care about anything... I know better. We were together for five years. I know her. And I could see the dread... the sorrow... the regret... and the utter anguish in her beautiful blue eyes. She was ready to fall to the ground in tears... I know. But I wish I didn't. It hurt to see her like that.

I had said my goodbyes to most of my friends the day before the move, so the only ones there to see me off were Gerald and... Helga.

She just stood there beside Gerald the whole time, her slender arms crossed over her chest, just standing there. Barely even moving. Like a statue. Gerald on the other hand... he was actually crying. I saw tears well up in his eyes several different times during the time we were putting the last of our bags into the Packard, and he was shaking, constantly taking in sharp breaths to try and keep himself from letting the tears fall. But he didn't actually cry until I walked over to them, finally ready to say my final goodbyes. We hugged, and I could hear him keep muttering to himself that he wasn't going to cry... then we did our secret handshake... and that's when he lost it. Tears had started falling down his cheeks and he'd hugged me again.

I think he could feel the tension in the air between Helga and I after we'd parted for the second time, because he had looked between us, and then made up some excuse to leave us alone. I can't remember quite what it was anymore. I was too distracted with the look Helga was giving me.

After he'd left, we'd just talked a little. The usual stuff. We said some things about the weather, and then some very casual goodbyes... then my dad started up the Packard and yelled for me to hurry because it was time to go. That was when reality finally set in... for both of us.

We weren't going to see eachother for a very long time... I was moving, and I wouldn't see her for three to four years... there was even the possibility of never coming back, though I didn't want to think about that. But that was when reality came crashing down.

We'd both immediately grabbed eachother and crashed our lips to eachothers... I'd never kissed her like that before... ever. It was like it was a life or death situation. But really, I wasn't going to see her for years... and I still had very strong feelings for her. It was life altering... and I didn't like it. But I had to go. I had to... I'd come back. I'm still determined. I'm going to go back someday, and I will see her again.

I don't know how long we'd kissed, but I know that the need for air didn't even stop us. We'd kept it as long as humanly possible until we both finally couldn't take it anymore and parted.

I still remember the heart break in her eyes, and I knew she felt it too. That would be the last time we'd ever kiss... it felt like something was literally reaching into my soul and tearing out a part of me...

We hadn't said a word after that. I'd just given her a wistful, longing look, and she'd done the same, and then I'd left. I got into the Packard, and we drove off. I didn't look back to see her expression... I couldn't. It already hurt too much.

Since then the heart ache has only increased. I've written her several times since we've been gone... but I haven't gotten even one letter back. I know things are kind of awkward between us... but... I miss her. I've written to everyone else, and I've gotten a response from everyone. Phoebe told me that after I'd left, Helga had locked herself in her room for about a month, refusing to come out or to answer anyones' phone calls.

Dang it. Why does she have to make me hurt worse. Does she know how hard this is for me too? I can't even count how many times I've just stared up at the moon, and hoped against hope that she was staring at it too... with me.

It hurts. It still hurts. I still love her. And everything just sucks. Heart ache can really hurt a person... I guess I know that now. It hurts even more to know that she's also hurting because of it... because of me...

But I had to do this. They're my parents. All those years without them killed me... it made me more mature, but the sting and the hurt just... it does a number on you. Not having a mother hurts... no one can replace a mother's love. There's an empty void that no one can fill but your mom's love and care. No one in the world. The same goes for a dad. The dad is there for stability. He's there for strength and to put a balance on things. He's there to be the strict one... to make you feel safe...

Not having my parents for all those years... it... it just hurt. I don't know what other word I could use to describe what I felt. It hurt. There was a big gaping hole in my heart, and it hurt.

But now I have them back... do you know what that means? All those years filled with uncertainty, and all those questions that could never be answered unless they were found... just went poof, along with all the pain. I could feel complete, sort of. I still do. I feel... okay, I feel like I have parents, and it feels great, really. But I can't say that I feel complete... not anymore.

Helga hasn't written a single letter back to me... not one... I know all this must have hurt her... but I thought that keeping in touch would help.

That's why I'm still writing to her. Helga is a very unstable person, and she needs love. I know she does. Even if she won't write me back... I have to write to her. Whether she admits it or not, I know that I'm helping her. It's the right thing to do. I guess I'm doing it for my own sanity too. I still love her... and knowing that she's somewhere reading my letters and smiling makes me feel a bit better. So it helps me too, I guess.

Well, it's late. We arrived in San Lorenzo just last week, after being in Rome for four months, and we're going to be staying in San Lorenzo for about a month or two. It's a great place, and all the people are very friendly, especially the Green eyes... but it's still the jungle. It's dangerous, and staying here too long probably wouldn't be a very good idea... at least, that's what my parents keep saying. They're just worried about me. They still remember when I had almost gotten eaten by that snake when I was a baby. I guess they still see me as that innocent, naive little baby in danger of almost everything around me.

If only they could have seen me almost fall off that cliff back when we came here to San Lorenzo to find them. Good thing Helga had been there to save me...

Helga...

...Maybe you're expecting me to write more about my adventures in Rome, or how much fun I've been having in San Lorenzo. But this is my journal. I talk about all that stuff in my letters to home. This is where I talk about what I can't talk about in my letters. My love for Helga, the pain I feel, the pain I once felt because of my parents... I'll save all the happy in me for my letters. This is all personal stuff that I can't write to everyone about. After all, I don't want to shove all my problems into their laps. Even if they do it to me on a regular basis (Yes, they still do that in their letters to me), I don't want to do that to them. I just sound like some lovesick sap...

I'm going to bed.