POST-IT: WOOHOO CHAPTER NINE THIS TRAINWRECK JUST KEEPS ON KEEPIN' ON. Anyways! Thanks, reading readers, for reading readingly! Your existence makes me a happy, happy person. I'M SO BLOODY HAPPY LOOK AT MY HAPPINESS. Now! A hint: Whenever something's written between brackets [like so] it means it has been translated from the zombie for your convenience! Despite the word count, this one's kinda got not that much going on. But believe you me, the next one's gonna be nuts!
Blood covered Nathan's face as he ate. The Klokateer he was snacking on had stopped screaming, and the twitching became less and less frequent. The only sounds now in the hallway were Nathan's grunts and the wet sound of eating flesh.
"I'm pretty sure it came from over here," a voice said. Nathan looked up and groaned something resembling a question.
"Are you sures we're goings the right way?" a voice asked from the other direction.
Nathan groaned again. The voices seemed familiar. Were they… fellow zombies? He couldn't really remember. He wasn't sure why he thought they were familiar. He decided that they didn't smell like food, so they must have been zombies. Zombie logic.
"Nathans?" Toki asked as he followed Murderface down the hallway. "That you?"
Nathan groaned in the affirmative. Nathan. That sounded about right.
"Toki?" Pickles asked, coming from the other end of the hallway, followed by Skwisgaar. "What the fuck's going on?"
"We heard somethings," Toki said. He looked at the blood-drenched groaning singer in the middle of the hallway. "I thinks it was Nathans."
Pickles walked up to Nathan and tentatively poked at him with his foot. "Nathan. Dude. What are you doing?"
What was he doing? That was obvious. He was eating. He groaned to tell Pickles that.
"You think thish hash shomething to do with the voishe?" Murderface asked, putting emphasis on the word "voice".
"Voice?" Pickles asked, looking surprised. "You got one too?"
Murderface nodded and Toki groaned the phrase that had been plaguing his mind.
"Yeah, that's it," Pickles said.
"Sos that's why Nathans is…" Skwisgaar said, waving vaguely at Nathan.
Nathan tore the hood off of the Klokateer and cracked open his skull, revealing the prize of brains inside. "[Eat. Kill,]" he groaned.
Murderface looked at him. "Yeah, that'sh about it," he said, crossing his arms. "Sho we jusht wait for him to shnap out of it? 'Caushe I can't think of anything elshe to do about it."
"Here, lemme try something," Pickles said. He groaned at Nathan a few times. "I think I'm doin' this right," he said, switching back to English. He looked up at his fellow zombies for confirmation.
"Shounds good to me," Murderface said with a shrug.
Toki nodded. "'Hey Nathans, whats are you doings?'" he translated.
"Eh, close enough," Pickles said. "So I am doing it right." He switched back to zombie. "[Uh… Nathan, seriously, what the fuck are you doing?]"
"[Eating. Duh,]" Nathan said, not looking up.
Pickles blinked. "[Yeah, I see that. But… why?]"
"[I'm hungry.]"
"[Me too, dood, but we got that synthwhatever now. We don't need to go around eatin' random people.]"
"[Eat. Kill.]"
Pickles sighed. "Yeah, that ain't helping at all," he said.
Nathan finished eating the corpse's brains and stood up, disappointed that that was all. He looked around at the others. He wanted more food. "[Need more,]" he said.
"Uh, what's going on here?" asked a voice from behind them. Toki turned around to see Charles walking their way and waved.
"Nathans is… regresseds," Skwisgaar said.
"Regressed?" Charles asked. "What do you…" He pushed past the others and looked at Nathan. That was not good. "You do realize this is a bad idea?" he said to Nathan.
"[Eat. Kill.]"
Charles raised an eyebrow. "[Eat. Kill,]" he repeated. "Um, that's—"
"The things that's in our heads," Toki finished for him. "We knows. We has it too."
Charles looked at Toki, then back at Nathan. "If he's like this, we can't actually continue with concerts or any public appearances, you know," he said. "That is a problem."
"Dude, we know, but we can't do anything about it! We tried!" Pickles said. "He just keeps saying that same shit."
"Speaking of 'that shit,'" Charles started.
"We don't know," Murderface said. "It'sh fucking annoying." He glared. Watching Nathan eat the Klokateer just made that nagging part of his brain get louder. It was giving him a headache.
"The foods must be bads or somethings," Toki said. "What else coulds it bes?"
"But I'm not actually hungry," Murderface said. "It's jusht that shtupid voice!"
"Hmm," Charles said, a contemplative look on his face. "Maybe it's got something to do with the psychological versus physiological aspects of the hunger." He said this mostly to himself, but he still got confused looks from the others.
"English, robot," Pickles said.
"It makes you not hungry but you still think you are," Charles simplified.
"That's… coulds make sense…" Skwisgaar said.
"Uh… guys?"
Everyone turned around to see Nathan, covered in blood, staring at his hands, a confused expression on his face.
"…what the fuck happened?"
"Oh, nothings, nothings at alls," Toki said. "We was just goings out for a little strolls—hey!" He was interrupted by a punch from Skwisgaar. He rubbed his arm. "Stop punches me, Skwisgaars…" He hugged his bear. "Jerk."
"Nathans. You ams eatings that guy," Skwisgaar said.
"Oh. Yeah," Nathan said. He looked down at what was left of the Klokateer. "Brutal."
"Clearly, we'll need to rethink things, if this is going to keep happening," Charles said.
"I, uh, I didn't lose control or anything," Nathan said. "I meant to do that. He, uh, he called me fat. Yeah. He did. And I couldn't just let him go, y'know, calling me fat. So I had to do it. Yeah."
"Yeah, rights, Nathans," Toki said. "Just likes I meants to kill all those peoples."
Nathan ignored him. "So, uh… what are we gonna do now?"
"How about eating and killing?" Murderface suggested, half-jokingly.
"Shut up," Pickles said. "That's what we don't wanna do."
"You thought I was sherioush?" Murderface asked. "Aw, can't even make a joke without everybody jumping down your fucking throat!"
"What's going on here?" A Klokateer on patrol walked down the hallway, but stopped. "Oh, sorry, my lords," he said. "I… what?" He noticed everyone was staring at him intently. Almost… hungrily.
Charles saw the sudden change in the boys too. "You aren't thinking of doing what I think you are, are you?" he asked. "Because I definitely advise against it. That's not a good decision…" But it was no use. He could only watch as Dethklok ripped into their servant. It was all he could do to keep from joining them. But he managed. He could do that.
Dani, covered in blood, was backed into a corner. A tall man in a black leather jacket pointed a gun at her. She wasn't sure what was going on, but she knew there was food in front of her. She groaned and lunged, but the man shot.
She collapsed to the ground, most of her head blown away. The man took one last look at her, then turned around to leave. He felt a sharp pain in his leg and looked down to see a younger, male zombie chewing on his ankle.
"Fuck," he said.
"You can't keep doing this," Charles said. The members of Dethklok looked back at him blankly, blood smeared all over their faces, pieces of meat hanging out of their mouths, and he sighed.
"Got any ideas, robot?" Pickles asked. "Since you're so good at this?"
Charles facepalmed. He had mostly been lucky he could control it this time. But while he had at least some control, the band essentially had none at all. This was bad.
"Yeah, we're sorrys we hads to kills him," Toki said. "But he was rights theres, and..." He trailed off.
"Well, I guess we'll have to try a third time with the synthflesh," Charles said. Another round of firing scientists and finding new ones. This was getting old.
"Y'know what? I don't think it's gonna work," Pickles said. "Just a guess."
"So, what, we're just gonna keep killing people?" Nathan asked. "'Cause, that's brutal and all, but what happens when there aren't any more?"
"There's got to bes, whats, bajillions of peoples?" Toki said. "I thinks we're safes."
"Yeah," Nathan said. "But who's gonna buy our albums?"
Charles couldn't help but laugh a little at that. They were dead, but apparently they had their priorities straight.
"Shut up, robot," Murderface said.
Charles sighed. "Well, I'll find somebody to clean this up," he said. "Look, just try not to eat anyone else." He knew that was useless, that there was no way they'd listen to him, but it was the best he could do. He walked away.
Dani was gone, but Jeff didn't care. He didn't even notice, nor did he notice the group of zombies that followed him. He had one goal: food.
So did the rest of the group. Whenever he'd left enough of someone, they'd rise and follow, looking for prey of their own. And the mob just kept getting bigger.
Well, it mostly kept getting bigger. Every now and then a zombie would fall, its head blown away by something.
But of course the group didn't notice.
"So… what d'we do now?" Pickles asked.
"Here'sh an idea," Murderface said. "Let'sh, I dunno, go to the mall or shomething."
Everyone stared at him.
"But there's people theres!" Toki said.
"Yeah, and we're not, like, teenage girls," Nathan said.
"Exactly!" Murderface said. "Well, the people thing. I wash thinking, well, you know, short of, and I figure, why fight it? 'Caushe, sherioushly, we really shuck at trying to shtop eating people. Sho, we should jusht go for it."
There was silence for a few seconds as everyone thought that one over.
"Murderface, your idea's shit," Nathan said.
"I don't shee you coming up with a better one!"
"I hate t'say it," Pickles said, "but dude's got a point. I mean, why do we bother tryin' if we're just gonna kill people anyway?"
"Because we haves to trys," Skwisgaar said.
"But it doesn't works," Toki said. "You knows thats. We just eats everythings. Om nom noms."
"Shee?" Murderface said. "That'sh…" He made a face like he was concentrating. "Three to two." He held up four fingers. "We win!"
"That's fours," Toki said in a stage whisper, pointing to Murderface's hand.
Murderface rolled his eyes and lowered three choice fingers. "Sho, yeah, we should jusht do our jobsh. Our zombie jobsh." He nodded. "Eating people," he clarified.
"Hey, stops flips me offs," Toki mumbled.
"'C'mon, Nathan," Pickles said. "What else're we gonna do? We're kinda screwed either way."
Nathan thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, you're probably right," he said. "But the robot's not gonna be too happy."
"Who shaysh he gotta know?" Murderface said. "We jusht get someone to drop us off wherever, tell 'em not to tell the robot. They have to lishten to ush."
"What, you got this whole thing planned out?" Nathan asked.
"Nah, jusht making it up," Murderface said.
Charles wiped the blood off his face, glad nobody was around to see that he had lost control. He wouldn't want them to think him a hypocrite. He walked back to where he had left the guys, but they weren't there. He checked the living room, then went to consult the security cameras. They were nowhere to be found.
Walking out, he accosted a Klokateer patrolling the hallway. "Okay, where are they?" he asked.
The hooded woman trembled slightly, remembering her colleagues that met terrible fates at the hands of zombie-Dethklok and Charles. It wasn't very brutal, being scared, but she couldn't help it. Ofdensen was pretty frightening. "They—they went to the mall," she choked out.
Charles sighed. Zombies at the mall. Leave it to Dethklok to act out a horror cliché. And knowing them, it would turn out to be just that. He had to try and intercept them before they did too much damage. Just like always. He turned to the woman. "Thanks," he said, turned around, and walked on, hoping he'd catch them in time.
