PART THREE – The First Bit
Quin, Brato, Skib, Flexo, Squin, and Sato enter the clearing in the fungus grove.
Brato: Everyone here?
Quin: Right on time. And this is the perfect place for us to rehearse. This empty space will be the stage, and that thicket of stalks will be the dressing room. We'll go through the play as if we were performing before the Duke.
Brato: Pol Quin?
Quin: Yes, friend Brato?
Brato: There are some things in this comedy about Pyrius and Therese that won't be liked. First, Pyrius has to pull out a sword and kill himself, which will probably upset the ladies, don't you think?
Squin: By the Emperor, he's got a point, there.
Sato: I guess we'll just have to leave the killing out then.
Brato: No no no! I already figured out how to fix it. We write a prologue, and in that prologue, we let the ladies know we won't do any harm with our swords, and that Pyrius doesn't really kill himself. To make sure they really understand, we tell them that I'm not really Pyrius, but Brato the tanner. Then they'll have no fear.
Quin: Then we'll right a prologue. It'll have to be in verse…eight beats in the first line, six in the next…
Brato: No, I think it should have two more beats. Make it eight and eight.
Squin: But wait! Won't the ladies be scared of the lion too?
Sato: It would scare me, that's for sure.
Brato: We'd better think about this! Imagine, bringing in a lion – Emperor help us! –among the fine ladies, what a horrible thing to do. There's nothing more frightening than a lion in all of creation. Whatever shall we do?
Squin: So we'll just write a second prologue, saying he's not a real lion.
Brato: On top of that, we'll have to give his real name, and make sure you can see his face through the mask. He can say "Ladies", or "Beautiful Ladies" – "I would wish you" or "I would like you" or "I would ask that you be not afraid. If you thought I was really a fearsome lion, I'd be horrified. I am no such thing, I am an ordinary man" or something like that. And then he can tell them that he's really Skib the plumber.
Quin: Well, that's sorted. But there are two other problems. First, how to bring moonlight into the room, because Pyrius and Therese meet by "moonlight"
Squin: "Moonlight"? How can we get moonlight into the center of the hive?
Brato: Do we even have moons here on Necromunda?
Quin: Yes, I think we do. But we can't see it from here in Airdome. I heard that you can see them from the Spire…
Brato: If only there was a window from the Duke's hall into the Spire, then we'd be all set.
Quin: True. Or, we could have someone come in holding a lantern, and we could tell everyone that he represents the moonshine. There's also the second problem: We must have a wall in the Duke's hall, because Pyrius and Therese, according to the scripts, talk through a chink in the wall.
Squin: We'll never be able to bring in a wall! Do you have any ideas, Brato?
Brato: Somebody must pretend to be a wall. He'll have to wear a costume with some rocrete, or mortar, or maybe some bricks, to make him look wall-ish. And he can hold up his fingers like this (he makes a V to demonstrate) so that Pyrius and Therese can whisper through the gap.
Quin: Then we've got nothing to worry about! We'll do it that way. But now we must rehearse. Pyrius, you start. When you've said your lines, go into the stalk thicket. Then everyone else do the same.
(Rusty enters unseen)
Rusty: What are all these hivers doing here, making such a ruckus so close to where the Ratskin Queen sleeps? It looks like they're rehearsing a story. I'll be their audience, and maybe give them a hand as well.
Quin: Speak, Pyrius. Therese, come forward.
Brato: (as Pyrius) Therese, the flowers have odious sweet scents…
Quin: Odorous. Odorous.
Brato: Odorous sweet scents, so has your breath, my dearest Therese. But listen! Someone's here. Stay a little while, and hopefully I'll return to you.
(He leaves dramatically)
Rusty: The strangest hero ever! (He follows Brato)
Flexo: Is that my cue to speak?
Quin: Of course. You see, he's only gone to see what made the noise, and then he'll be back.
Flexo: (as Therese)
Most radiant Pyrius, most shining white of hue;
Of color like the red bloom upon the strangle-wire,
Most lively boy, whose heart is ever true;
You faithful man, who never seems to tire.
I'll meet you, Pyrius, at Ninny's tomb.
Quin: It's "Ninus's tomb", Flexo! And you said that too early! You say that back to Pyrius. You're playing your part all at once, cues and everything. Pyrius, enter! You missed your cue! It was "never seems to tire".
Flexo: Oh, you faithful man, who never seems to tire.
(Brato returns. His head has been transformed into a Rats head, but doesn't know it.)
Brato: (as Pyrius) If I were beautiful, Therese… (He pauses and starts again)
If I were, beautiful Therese, I'd be yours alone.
Quin: By the Throne! What is this? Some sort of monster! Everyone run! Run! Run for your lives!
(Everyone but Brato and Rusty runs away)
Rusty: I'll follow you! I'll chase you round and round
Through muck, through pipe, through tunnel, through wire!
Sometime I'll act a rat, sometimes a frightening sound,
A flash of light, a scavvy scaly, or else a fire!
I'll squeak and creak, clap, roar and burn
Like rat, sound, flash, mutant, fire, with every turn!
(Rusty chases after them)
Brato: What is this, some kind of joke? Why are they running away? Are they trying to scare me?
(Squin returns)
Squin: Brato! You've changed! What is that upon your head?
Brato: What do you mean? Changed? Am I a rat like you, now?
(Squin runs off. Quin comes back)
Quin: Throne protect you, Brato! You've been wyrded!
(He runs off)
Brato: I get it now. They're trying to see if they can frighten me. But I won't move. No matter what they do. I'll stride around, and sing at the top of my lungs so that they'll know I won't scamper like some rat. Maybe one of the old songs.
The ravenbird so black of hue
Upon the whisperwill,
The thrush that has a song so true
The wren with tiny trill –
Titanweb: What angel wakes me from my sweet dreams?
Brato: (singing on) The finch, the sparrow and the lark
The two-note cuckoo gray
Whose song's a message all men mark,
To which they daren't say nay.
Whatever that means. Maybe I should sing one of the drinking songs. That'll get them to come back, thinking there's free drinks at hand.
Titanweb: Yes, please sing some more, gentle hiver. I loved hearing your song. Your looks are so fascinating. Some…animal magnetism compels me to declare that I love you. Love at first sight.
Brato: I can't think of why you'd say that, madam. But then again, love and reason don't go together very often. Most people won't link the two things together. But I can say the right things when I need to.
Titanweb: Ahh…both brains and beauty.
Brato: I really don't think so. As a matter of fact, I can't even figure out how to get out of this grove. If I had enough brains to do that, I'd be happy.
Titanweb: From this fungus grove you'll not go
You shall stay, whether you desire it or no.
I am a spirit of some nobility
With powers over this facility
I love you truly. So we shall proceed
My kinsmen shall fulfill your every need.
They'll fetch you jewels from the spider mares
And sing while they are woven in your hairs.
I'll take away all your desires,
You'll join us at our sacred fires.
Pipedreamer, Webrunner, Ripperjack, Sporemoss!
(Four Ratskin maidens enter)
Pipedreamer: Ready!
Webrunner: Me too!
Ripperjack: You summoned?
Sporemoss: We appear!
All: What is your desire?
Titanweb: Be kind and courteous to this gentle hiver:
Dance before him, hide not from his eyes
Feed him the apricocks and dewberries,
The mushroom buttons, stems and crowns
Sweet treats from the sacred mounds
And the purist water that can be found.
Make lanterns from the fire beetles eyes
To guide my love safely where he lies
Pluck the wings from gentle dustyflies
To fan the dust from upon his sleeping eyes.
Bow to him, kin, and give him praise.
All: Hail, hiver!
Brato: Greetings to you all. (To Webrunner) May I know the lovely maiden's name?
Webrunner: Webrunner
Brato: I'd like to get to know you better, good Webrunner. If I cut myself, you can come running to stop the bleeding. (To Pipedreamer) And your name?
Pipedreamer: Pipedreamer
Brato: My regards to Mr. Vent and Mrs. Sleep, your parents. I'd like to know you better as well, Pipedreamer. (To Sporemoss) Your name, please?
Sporemoss: Sporemoss
Brato: Ah, Sporemoss, I know much about you. Many of my neighbors have used your relations to heal their wounds. I've used a few myself, I must say. We must see more each other good Sporemoss.
Titanweb: Come now. Wait upon him and escort him to my bed. The night is young, and so am I. (Brato utters an excited squeak) Quiet my lover's tongue. Lead him in quietly.
PART THREE -The Second Bit
Another part of the fungus grove. Overhang enters.
Overhang: I wander if Titanweb has awoken yet. And what did she see first, that she now must love completely?
(Rusty enters the grove)
Here comes my messenger. What have you been up to? Any mischief?
Rusty: The queen is in love with a monster! A bunch of hivers, workers judging by what I heard, met in secret by the queen's hidden arbor in order to rehearse a play for the Duke's wedding day. The most thick-headed of this group of imbeciles, who played the part of Pyrius in the play, left the space and went into a stalk thicket. So I stole after him and fixed a giant rat's head upon his shoulders. Then, when the actor playing Therese spoke his cue, out came this so-called actor. When the others spotted him, they cried out and scattered into the thicket. I pursued them, and hearing my pursuit, one of them tripped and fell. I swear he wet himself. "Murder!" he shouted, and ran calling for help from Airdome. They were so terrified, that they ran heedless through the grove, tripping over fallen stalks and bouncing off low-hanging caps. I chased them and fed their panic, leaving sweet "Pyrius" alone with his new looks. And it just so happened that at that moment, Titanweb awoke – and immediately fell in love with the rat!
Overhang: I couldn't have planned it better! But did you juice the Airdome lad's eyes, like I told you to?
Rusty: I did that as well. I found him sleeping with the Airdome maiden by his side. He can't help but see her when he awakes.
(Domos and Hermione enter)
Overhang: Hide. This is the lad that I meant.
Rusty: This is the right woman, but that's the wrong man!
(They blend into the grove)
Domos: Why do you refuse me, Hermione? Keep your angry words for your bitter enemies!
Hermione: You think I'm angry now? Why shouldn't I be? You've given me every reason to curse you! If you killed Zander in his sleep, you may as well kill me too! I know he was faithful to me, so why would he sneak away while I was sleeping? I'd just as soon believe that the Spire nobles have invited us all up, while they go to live in hive bottom! You have murdered him! You look like a killer, so dark and grim.
Domos: That's how victims look. It's no surprise I look this way, stabbed through the heart by your cruelty. But you, my killer, look bright and lovely.
Hermione: What does that have to do with my Zander? Where is he? Please Domos, will you give him back to me?
Domos: I'd rather feed his carcass to the carrion eaters.
Hermione: You rotten, foul vulture! You try my patience! Have you killed him? I don't see you as human anymore! Tell the truth! Tell me, please! Would you have dared to face him if he'd been awake? Did you kill him in his sleep? Coward! That's how a snake kills! A snake did the dead! No snake ever did as much harm with their forked tongues as you have, you serpent!
Domos: You've got it all wrong. I haven't killed Zander. As far as I know, he's still alive.
Hermione: Please tell me he's all right!
Domos: And if I do, what do I get in return?
Hermione: The pleasure of never seeing me again. On second thought, I'll say goodbye. It doesn't matter if he's dead or not, I cannot stand to be near you a second longer.
(She leaves)
Domos: There's no point in following her now, she's so angry. I'll rest here, for awhile then. My heartache is made worse by my lack of sleep. Maybe I should take a little nap.
(He lies down and falls asleep)
Overhang: What have you done? This is all wrong! You put the juice on the eyes of someone who was already in love! Your mistake has upset true love, not put false love right!
Rusty: The hive spirits decided that. For every hiver that keeps his promises, a million more break theirs. One oath cancels out another.
Overhang: Fly around the grove, swifter than wind and find this Elaynia of Airdome. She's lovesick and pale, crying over her mistreatment. Trick her into coming here. I'll recast the spell on his eyes before she arrives.
Rusty: I go, I go; look how I go. Swifter than a harpoon fired from a scaly crossbow.
(He leaves)
Overhang: (squeezing some juice onto Domos' eyes)
Mushroom with this purple dye
Strike with Qufus' accuracy!
Pierce the window of his eye.
When true love he first does see
Let her glow as gloriously
As the fruit of sacred lumos tree.
When you wake, and she is close
Beg that she be your betrothed.
(Rusty returns)
Rusty: Captain of our ratskin band
Elaynia is near at hand
And the youth that I mistook
Pleading his love be not forsook
Let us away and we shall see
Lord, what fools these hivers be!
Overhang: To one side. The noise they make
Shall cause this Airdome lad to wake.
Rusty: Then two men will love one girl!
Oh what chaos will unfurl!
These kinds of things, they quite please me
Because they happen accidently.
(They fade back into the grove as Zander and Elaynia enter)
Zander: Why do you think I am insincere? Tears don't come with false love! I weep with true love, for vows born in tears are always honest. How can you not believe I love you, when you can see the truth in my tears?
Elaynia: Does your deceit know no bounds? When you swear your love to one of us, then the other vow is a lie. That's the truth! Your love belongs to Hermione. Have you rejected her? If one of your vows cancels out the other so easily, it shows you have no integrity. Your vows of love aren't worth the air you waste speaking them!
Zander: I was out of my mind when I swore my love to her.
Elaynia: You're out of it now, since you are giving her up.
Zander: Domos loves her. He doesn't love you.
Domos: Oh Elaynia! My goddess! So perfect, so divine! How can I describe your eyes? Crystals are muddy compared to them. Your lips are perfection, tempting and luscious. The skin of your hands, so smooth and pure. Let me kiss this perfection, and seal our happiness!
Elaynia: What? What is this? I see it now; you two are playing a cruel joke on me! If you were real men, you wouldn't do this to me! I already know that you hate me, and now you conspire with Zander to make fun of me? Real men don't abuse a lady like this, swearing their love, mocking her looks, when she already knows you hate her! How very manly you are! To make me cry for your amusement!
Zander: Stop this foolishness, Domos! You love Hermione! You know that I know this. So now, I step aside and surrender my place in Hermione's heart to you! Give me your place in Elaynia's, for I truly love her, and will until the day I die!
Elaynia: Stop this at once! Both of you!
Domos: Zander, you stay with Hermione! I don't want her. If I ever did, well, I was mistaken. My heart only belongs to Elaynia, and with her it shall stay.
Zander: Elaynia, he lies!
Domos: Don't underestimate my love, or you will pay dearly for it!
(Hermione enters)
Look - your loved one is here! There's your sweetheart!
Hermione: The darkness that inhibits the eyes makes the ears more sensitive. I didn't find Zander by looking, I found him by listening. Zander, why did you leave me all alone back there?
Zander: When love drives a man to leave, why would he stay?
Hermione: Whose love could take you from me?
Zander: My beloved Elaynia, who beautifies the darkness with her very presence! Why did you follow me? Didn't you realize that I left because I hate you?
Hermione: You can't mean that! This can't be right!
Elaynia: Aha! You're in league with these two! Now I see! The three of you have gotten together to play this cruel joke on me! Hermione, this is insulting! How can you be a part of this? Plotting with them to hurt me so! I loved you like a sister! All the hours we've spent together, everything we've shared? Is everything forgotten so easily? We've been friends since childhood! We've done everything together, singing the same songs, playing the same games, working together as one on our needlework! We were like one person, split in two. One heart, one mind, but in two bodies. Will you throw all that away to play a sick joke on me with these two? No friend would do that! Every woman would condemn you for this!
Hermione: Your words hurt me. I'm not a part of this! It seems like you're playing a joke on me!
Elaynia: It wasn't you that put Zander up to following me around, mocking my love and pretending to praise my looks? And who made your other love, Domos –who very recently rejected me – start calling me "goddess," "perfect," and "divine"? Why would he say these things to a woman he hates? And why does Zander suddenly reject your love and then offer his heart to me if it wasn't because you told him to? I don't have half of what you have. You're smothered in love; I'm smothered in misery. I love, but am not loved in return. You have every reason to pity me, not play this cruel joke on me.
Hermione: I have no idea what you are talking about!
Elaynia: Oh yes. Ha ha. Carry on your little joke. Pretend to be all serious while the others make faces behind my back. Wink at each other when I'm not looking and keep up this amusing joke. Then you can brag about it in town, so that everyone will know. If you had any humanity, compassion, or decency you wouldn't do this to me. Goodbye to you all. This is partly my fault, but maybe my death or disappearance will make everything right.
Zander: Don't leave, Elaynia! Listen to me! My love, my life, my soul, all are yours, dear Elaynia!
Elaynia: Oh, very funny!
Hermione: My love, don't make fun of her like that.
Domos: If you can't persuade him to stop, I can make him stop.
Zander: You can't make me stop anymore than she can persuade me to stop. Your threats mean less to me than her weak pleas. Elaynia, I love you: I swear it upon my life. And I will spend that life fighting any man who dares to say that I don't love you.
Domos: I say that I love you more than he does!
Zander: Oh you do, do you? Then let's step outside, so you can prove it!
Domos: Fine! Let's go then…
Hermione: Zander! You mustn't do this!
Zander: Get off me, leech!
Domos: Oh yes! Pretend she's holding you back. Act like you want to do this – but stay here! Coward!
Zander: Let me go, woman! Get your filthy hands off of me, or I shall shake you off like a snake!
Hermione: What has happened? Why have you changed, my love?
Zander: Your love? Let go, you filthy scavvy wench! Get off, you rotten lashworm! Get away from me!
Hermione: Surely you're joking with me?
Elaynia: Of course he is – and so are you!
Zander: Domos, my challenge still stands!
Domos: Sure it does. Yet you don't seem eager to pursue the matter. You're a liar.
Zander: What am I supposed to do? Hurt her? Strike her down or kill her dead? I hate her, but I can't hurt her like that.
Hermione: You think you can do worse to me than hating me? But why do you hate me? What has changed so suddenly? I'm Hermione, and you're Zander. My looks haven't changed. You loved me before this lights-out began, yet you left me before it was over. When you left me asleep…by the Throne! You're telling the truth?
Zander: Yes! I swear it! I never want to see you again! So get over it. There's nothing you can say, nothing you can do to change my mind. I am not joking: I hate you and I love Elaynia.
Hermione: Emperor's blood! Liar! Cheat! You have stolen my love! Taken his heart under the cover of darkness!
Elaynia: Are you kidding? Have you no shame? Trying to get me to sink to your level? Shame on you! You're just their puppet!
Hermione: "Puppet"? Oh, so that's your game, is it? You're making fun of my height? Boasting about how much taller you are? You're claiming you won him with only your height? You've grown high in his love because I'm a dwarf? I'm not so small that I can't claw out your eyes!
(Zander and Domos hold her back)
Elaynia: Please, this joke has gone too far! Don't let her hurt me! I'm not a fighter; I've never done violence in my life! Don't let her attack me! You must think I'm a match for her because she's smaller than I am.
Hermione: "Smaller"? Did you hear that? She said it again!
Elaynia: Don't be so angry with me, Hermione! I've always loved you, always kept your secrets. I've never done anything wrong to you, except for telling Domos about your running off with Zander. But I only did that because I love him! He followed you, and I followed him. He has yelled at me, threatened me, he even told me he would kill me! Just let me go, and I'll take my foolish heart back to Airdome and follow you no more. Just let me go! Can't you see what an idiot I've been?
Hermione: Then go! What's stopping you?
Elaynia: My foolish heart, which I'm leaving here…
Hermione: What – with my Zander?
Elaynia: With Domos.
Zander: Don't be afraid. Hermione won't hurt you, Elaynia.
Domos: That's right Elaynia.
Elaynia: But when she's angry, she can be very cruel. She was quite the warp-spawn when we were at school. Although she's little, she's very fierce.
Hermione: "Little" again? Always with the jokes about my size! Why do you let her insult me like this? Let me at her!
Zander: Go away, dwarf-woman! You midget, made of tangle-weed! Shorty! Runt!
Domos: You're interfering where you aren't wanted. Elaynia scorns your advances. Leave her alone. Don't talk about her and don't presume to talk for her. You'll regret trying to show her you love her.
Zander: Hermione's not holding me back now! So come on. Follow me and we'll see who has the right to pursue Elaynia.
Domos: Follow? Oh no. We'll go as equals.
(Zander and Domos leave, hands on their blades)
Hermione: You, you slut – all this fuss is because of you! Don't even think about running away from me.
Elaynia: I don't trust you. I can't. And I won't stay here with you any longer. You may be quicker than me in a fight, by my legs are longer for running away.
(She runs off)
Hermione: I'm shocked. I'm at a loss for words.
(Hermione follows Elaynia. Overhang and Rusty emerge from their hiding place in the stalks)
Overhang: This is a disaster. More mistakes, or did you do this on purpose?
Rusty: Believe me, my King. I made an error. Didn't you tell me I'd know the man by his Airdome attire? So I'm not guilty. I did put the juice on an Airdome hiver's eyes. It's true, I'm not sorry it has worked out this way. That argument was great fun.
Overhang: Those two lovers are looking for a place to duel. Go, Rusty, and swell the darkness, make the grove black as the deepest hive and lead the two rivals astray. Make sure that they cannot find each other. Mimic their voices, provoking them with curses and rants. Keep them apart until exhaustion takes them and they fall asleep. Then drop this upon Zander's eyes. (He hands Rusty a phial of liquid). This potion has the power to remove the spells and make him as he was before. When he next awakes, this will all seem like a dream. Then these foolish lovers can return to Airdome, and live out their lives in friendship. And while you're working on this, I'll go and see my Queen. When I have the little boy from her, I'll free her from the spell that binds her to that monstrous hiver, and everything will be at peace.
Rusty: My king, this must be done quickly. The lights-out hours are nearly spent. The dark crawlers are returning to their dens, and the hive spirits that haunt the lightless hours return to their homes.
Overhang: But we are not like them. We haunt the underhive in darkness and in light. But you are right. We should finish these matters before the rest of the hivers awake. Waste no more time.
(Overhang leave)
Rusty: Up and down, up and down,
I will lead them up and down,
I am feared in grove and town,
Goblin, lead them up and down.
Ah, here comes one.
(Zander enters)
Zander: Where are you, Domos? Hiding from me? Say something so that I may find you!
Rusty: (using Domos' voice) Here I am, villain! With my blade drawn and ready! Where are you?
Zander: I'm on my way.
Rusty: Follow my voice, then. I've found a clearing that will do.
(Zander follows the voice and leaves. Domos enters)
Domos: Zander? Speak again! You coward! Where have you gone? Speak up! Behind the stalks? Where are you hiding?
Rusty: (speaking like Zander) You coward! Are you bragging to the darkness? Telling the mushrooms how you're looking for a fight? So why won't you duel me? Come on, coward! This way, little boy! I'll spank you with a cane –it wouldn't be fair to draw a sword on you!
Domos: What did you say? Over there, are you?
Rusty: Follow my voice! There's no room to fight here.
(They leave. Zander re-enters.)
Zander: He stays ahead of me somehow. I go where he calls, and he's vanished. This coward is much swifter than I am. I follow as quickly as I can, but somehow he's faster. How can he see in this gloom? I need to rest. Lights-out should be soon. Then I'll find Domos, and get my revenge.
(He lies down and falls asleep. Rusty and Domos enter.)
Rusty: (still speaking like Zander) You coward! Why won't you come out and fight me?
Domos: Wait for me if you dare! I know you're out there, running around in the dark. You won't dare stand your ground, or look me in the eyes. Where did you go now?
Rusty: This way! I'm over here!
Domos: Fine. You're making fun of me. You'll pay for this, if I ever see your face again. Go on, run away. I'm too tired for this game. Rest assured that I'll find you when the lights-on hour drives away this darkness.
(He lies down and sleeps. Elaynia enters)
Elaynia: I'm exhausted. This darkness seems to last forever. Come on, lights-on! I need your light to find my way back to Airdome and away from these false friends. I'll sleep, and forget my troubles for awhile.
(She lies down and sleeps)
Rusty: What, only three? I need one more
Two boys and two girls to make up four
Ah here she is, angry and sad
Qufus is a fickle lad
Such tricks to make the ladies mad!
(Hermione enters)
Hermione: I don't think I've ever been so angry, tired, and sad. Damp with sweat, torn by thorns, I simply can't go another step. My legs feel like they're ready to fall off. I'll rest here until lights-on. Emperor watch over Zander, if they should fight their duel.
(She lies down and sleeps)
Rusty: On the floor
Past sleep's door
I'll apply
Upon your eye
Gentle lover, remedy.
(He drips a few drops from the phial onto Zander's eyes)
When awake
You will take
True delight
In the sight
Of the proper lady's eye.
Jack will have Jill
Naught shall go ill
And all shall be well again.
(He leaves, leaving the four lovers asleep)
