~ * * * Chapter 6 * * * ~
If they put me back in the hospital I'm gonna lose my shit!
Someone's holding my right hand, lying beside me.
It's Edward. It was a dream. Any minute tiny little people are going to storm in here demanding… something.
You may have already lost your marbles hunny.
A girl can dream, no?
I open my eyes. It's Rosalie. We're lying in her and Emmett's bed. I give her hand a squeeze.
"We had kids?" I ask again, my voice shaky.
"Beautiful perfect kids," she squeezes me back.
"Why can't I remember anything?"
"Carlisle says it's your body's way of dealing with the trauma."
"I get that, but it still doesn't make sense that I can remember all kinds of things but I have no memories."
"Emmett and I have been trying for five years."
I know that, but I don't say anything.
"I was always jealous of you," she laughs softly. "All you and Edward had to do was look at each other and you were knocked up."
I laugh softly too, tears leaking slowly out of my eyes.
The door creaks open and Emmett pokes his head through the crack.
"Hey ladies," he says softly. "Mom left supper. You hungry?"
I am not hungry at all, but Rose sits up. So I follow.
It smells amazing as we enter the dining room. The table is already set. Esme is one of the most talented cooks ever. Homemade cream of broccoli soup and fresh rolls await us.
Okay. Maybe I'm a little hungry.
We sit in silence. Passing the rolls and butter, cooling our steaming soup.
"So, how are you feeling Baby Girl?" Em asks finishing off a roll and reaching across Rose for another.
"Oh, okay, I guess," Rose smacks his hand away and passes him the basket. "Tired. A little… overwhelmed." That would be the understatement of the century.
"I have a question though," I glance from Rose to Em and then down at my bowl, my tear ducts burning.
"Shoot," Em replies quietly.
"Um, … why didn't anyone tell me… about the kids?" I swallow hard and look back up at Em. His eyes start to water as mine spill over. He clears his throat and glances at Rose. She's collecting her tears in her napkin.
"Sorry Bella," she whispers and stands. Grabbing a few items off the table she turns and leaves the room.
"We just didn't know how to," he answers searching the room for something to focus on. "Mom and Dad are in some kind of denial. They've only mentioned the accident once since the funeral. Which was when they told you about it at the hospital." He takes a deep breath and looks up at the ceiling.
My appetite is gone now.
"Alice just kept saying you'd remember on your own. That she had some kind of feeling… you'd figure it out." He looks back at me. "I'm so sorry Bella. I know I should have said something… You were awake, you were moving around, you wanted out so badly and I thought – ugh," He buries his face in his hands. "You wanted my help. And I used it as a distraction because I was afraid of what it would do to you. Of what it would do to all of us to live through losing them again. I'm sorry."
Slowly I slide my chair back and get up, just as Rose makes her way back into the room.
"It's time to take me home now Emmett."
Rose blinks at me. "We set up the guest room," it comes out as a whisper.
"Listen. I really appreciate everything that everyone has done. But I have to go home and figure some things out. There is a huge chunk of my life that is missing."
Emmett starts to get out of his seat.
"Bella. You really shouldn't be alone ri-"
"Damn it Emmett!" I shout and pound my fist on the table. The dishes jump and the silverware rattles. Emmett's eyes widen in surprise and I wonder if I've ever raised my voice to him before. He sits back down. "I had kids! And I don't remember them! Every time I close my eyes I see his face!" I take a deep breath trying to calm down. "We had a family and I don't remember any of it. I have to go home. I have to figure this out. I have to mourn… or something."
I feel Rose at my side again. She laces her fingers through mine.
"Okay Baby Girl," he gets up. "I'll take you home."
"Thank you Em," I release a huge breath blowing it up into my bangs as Rose turns me in toward her for a hug. As I close my eyes and rest my chin on her shoulder I feel my bangs tickle my forehead and I hear a soft giggle. A sound lost somewhere deep in my memories.
A/N: Matty if you really want garlic bread, why don't you come home... mmmmm homemade garlic butter ;p
