But heaven on earth was not to last forever.
After a few perfect weeks of scary movies, (during which Anna flinched in Kowalski's arms) fountain side talks, and laughter, Kowalski was pulled aside by Skipper. It was a wonderful summer day, the sunshine glinting off of the pavement, and Anna was playing an impromptu game of tag with her twin.
"Look, Kowalski," Skipper began, pulling his 'options guy' away from the crowd. "We have to go."
"What do you mean, Skipper?" Kowalski asked, feeling that sinking feeling in stomach that didn't bode well.
"I mean," Skipper leaned in close, "Blowhole has been spotted. We have to pursue, and try to annihilate. We have to leave first thing in the a.m."
"But…but, Skipper…" Kowalski turned to find Anna, chasing her sister Millie around the park. Her smile was frozen on her face as she ran, her feathers flying out behind her, her eyes shining. "I can't."
"You have to. Direct orders." Skipper turned to leave, paused, and sighed. "I'm sorry."
And then he walked away, leaving Kowalski wondering what he should do.
Kowalski decided not to tell Anna about Blowhole. It was safer, he thought, for her, if she didn't know. If she knew, she might let something slip to someone she shouldn't. Blowhole might find out that she was an…er, important…figure in the penguins lives and hold her hostage or something; he couldn't put her in that kind of danger. Besides, he tried to tell himself, we won't be gone long.
Yea, right.
He tried to brush that thought away and enjoy his time with Anna, but he felt guilty. Something didn't seem right about keeping it from her, but he had to. At least, he told himself he had to. Part of his mind wondered if he just didn't want to have to let her know he was leaving.
After she fell asleep, (her and Millie, of course), the boys began to pack. But poor Kowalski was so scattered in his mind he could barely keep his inventions straight. He found himself gazing at her instead of completing his orders, wishing he knew what she was thinking, wishing he had told her.
Wishing he didn't have to.
That morning, he was awakened by Skipper tapping him on the shoulder. "Come on, Kowalski, time to go." He whispered, and leapt off to continue packing the 'strategically' pink car.
Kowalski shook himself into consciousness. Come on, Kowalski. Time to go. Mission to do. But the more he realized he had to go, the more he wanted to stay. Why was this so hard? He had been gone on millions of missions, never given it a second thought. This H.Q. was a matter a convenience, not necessity.
But Anna is a necessity, he realized painfully.
As Rico and Private clambered into the car, Kowalski pretended to have forgotten his clipboard. He ran back inside the secret hideout, and saw Anna still sleeping. He clambered up to her bunk, quietly, and kissed her forehead.
"I promise I'll come back." He whispered, "So don't worry, Anna."
And then he left the H.Q., perhaps forever.
For just like there are no rules in love and war, there are also no guarantees.
When Anna woke up, it was late morning. The sun was gleaming in through a crack in the H.Q. door; someone had left the fishbowl ajar slightly.
What happened? She asked herself, and climbed out of bed. She had such a headache. Maybe it was that movie. You know you don't like scary movies, Anna, she remembered, shuddering as the scenes blurred through her head again.
She glanced over at the boys' side of the room, and they were all gone. Not unusual, so she hopped up and began to prepare breakfast, as always. She had some what taken over the entire menu since she had moved in, since she loved cooking. I guess all French do, to an extent.
She had fish sizzling in the frying pan, coffee on the stove, and was listening to the satisfying sound of silence. It pressed against her eardrums, making her hum one of her favorite songs in the absolute quiet. And then she reached for Skipper's coffee cup, since she usually filled it as they came in from training.
But it was gone. Frowning, Anna searched the kitchen corner, and couldn't find a single cup.
But I know I put it up right here…and then Anna felt the color drain from her face. She ran back into the lab, and all of Kowalski's tools and inventions were gone. All of Rico's dynamite was gone. All of Private's stuff was gone.
Their beds were vacant, yes, but they were also empty. The blankets were gone, the pillows were gone.
Everything was gone. Even the penguins themselves.
So Anna broke down and cried.
Millie and Marlene found her, sobbing quietly, in the lab a few minutes later.
"Anna?" asked a groggy Millie, "What's wrong?"
"They're g-gone…" she whispered, feeling faint. "They left us, Millie. Just like…that."
"What?" Marlene asked, confused, and Millie flew around the room like Anna had done. Suddenly, Millie cursed and spun on her heels. Anna was right.
"They are gone! Those two-faced-"
"Millie!" Anna said sharply.
"I'm sorry," Millie grumbled, jumping up to save the burning fish. "But where did they go?"
"Yea, and why?" Anna asked, swallowing her panic. The penguins were military operatives, she reminded herself. They knew what they were doing.
Marlene sighed. "This is what I meant by commando universe. They live for the thrill of running off and coming back, knowing that we all are perplexed by their thrilling tales and dashing adventures. Quite honestly, I'm surprised they hadn't left before now."
"But when will they back?" But by 'they', Anna meant Kowalski, and everyone in the room knew it.
"In a few hours," Marlene said, walking off. "Don't worry."
But day after day past. Anna became desolate, and unresponsive. Something inside her was broken, and nothing could seem to cheer her up like it had before. Not candy, not board games, not anything. Not even a successful breakthrough on her book.
She became reclusive, and wouldn't come out of her 'shell' unless someone specifically asked her something. Even then, one-wording became her disease.
Millie and Marlene tried everything they could, but nothing would work.
"It's that stupid penguin, Kowalski," Millie hissed one day, after they had found Anna crying in the lab, trying to tell them later that everything was fine. "If he so much as comes near Anna again, I'll deck him. I knew she still needed me to protect her. I knew it."
"He didn't tell her he was leaving?" Marlene asked, feeling a little angry at the intellectual male herself. "How could he not do that? I thought they were in a relationship."
"I don't know, but they aren't in a relationship anymore." Millie said, stabbing the pencil into the rock-slab table. "He's lying jerk who needs to stay away from her forever!"
But Anna wouldn't let Millie talk like that. "Please don't," she would say, when she heard, "It isn't his fault."
Millie wanted to scream that it was his fault; that only he had caused her to be this disturbed, and that he was the one she wanted to hurt so badly. Somehow, though, Millie managed to hold her tongue around Anna. She didn't want to disturb her twin anymore; lately, Anna had begun to shake again. It was becoming more frequent, and suddenly, she started having fainting spells. Millie was afraid of a relapse.
And as the days turned into weeks, Anna got worse. Her conditions began to increase, and her heart rate became unstable again. She got paler, she spoke less, her eyes got dimmer. She seemed listless, and sick.
Then came the night when Millie woke up because Anna had rolled over off of her bunk and had fallen on the floor. Anna was trembling, her heart rate soaring, and she obviously couldn't breathe easily. Her beak was open, as if imploring for air, but her lungs were collapsing.
Millie realized with a jolt the symptoms of relapse, and ran to retrieve the box of pills she always had hidden inside the stick of fake dynamite.
"Here," she said, with trembling flippers, and Anna took the tiny red capsule from her sister, nearly dropping the pill she was shaking so much. She swallowed it in one gulp. Within seconds, Anna was comatose from the medication, and Millie put her back up on her bunk.
And then, poor Millie made sure no one was watching. After she was positive she was alone on all counts, she broke down crying herself.
There was only so much that Millie could do to take care of her sister. Anna never complained, but she didn't have to. Millie knew that this was already worse than any other relapse she had ever had. Nearly every night, Millie had to give her twin a double dose of something strong to make her fall asleep; otherwise, the pain was too great.
Millie needed someone to hold on to in the time of crisis. As did Anna. Marlene tried to help, but to tell the truth, Anna suddenly terrified Marlene. Marlene didn't know what to do around her. She had never seen someone so sick. She was a fish out of water, and decided to stay out of the way.
The lemurs didn't give the remaining penguins a second thought. They simply went on about their business, and rarely even thought of poor Anna.
No one ever stopped by to see what was happening, to see if they could help. All they did was whisper about Anna; her symptoms, her medication, how long she supposedly had left. Some claimed to have heard Millie declare death within a week (which was a rumor) and others said within a day.
Yet every day Anna beat the odds, and woke up. Every day, the new odds stacked against her like blocks, or dominos in a chain. One wrong move brings the whole thing crashing down.
And when that 'thing' is Anna, you can't just put it back together.
Feeling depressed, Millie started taking sleeping pills every night when Anna did. Otherwise, she was up all night waiting for Anna to cry out, or gasp for air. Sometimes, on those nights when Anna was worse, Millie cursed the names of those she had known, sometimes, she cried them out softly, as if wishing they'd return to her.
But one name was scorn for her, and that poisoned all the others; guilty by association.
Kowalski.
Merely mentioning that name made Millie throw something. It was a reflex thing. Unfortunately, Anna usually began fading away towards night, and after the medicine was administered, she would usually whisper his name in her sleep. Millie knew that something worse than cancer was eating her up on the inside; heartbreak.
Anna began to slowly disappear around the edges, and took on the look of a ghost. Her earthly body was polished away, until only her soul shone through with strength. In Millie's eyes, she looked like a tortured spirit, wandering the netherworld before being called away. It almost seemed like this earth wasn't hers to walk anymore; she gained a strange look in her eye that told Millie she rarely saw anyone around her when she was awake.
Once, Millie thought that Anna was asleep. So she had sat up in the lab with a fizzy soda and had allowed herself a good cry. She knew that Anna didn't have much longer to live, and she couldn't seem to get that terribly tortuous thought out of her head.
And then she felt a timid, weak flipper rest on her shoulder. "Millie?" a soft voice uttered, "Why are you crying?"
Millie started. "Oh, oh, oh! Anna!" she sobbed, forgetting she had stoically promised herself she wouldn't mention it around her sister. "You're…you're…"
"I know." Anna muttered, sitting down besides her twin, speaking calmly. "I know I'm dying, Millie. I've known for a long while."
"Aren't you frightened?" Millie stuttered, sounding scared herself.
Anna considered. "I suppose I'm frightened of the moment of death, but I'm not scared of dying."
"What d-do you mean?"
"I mean, since I know what comes after death, it isn't scary to me. I just worry a little about the final moment, and what I'll remember about it." Anna spoke so quietly, Millie had to stoop to listen. "If I knew that my friends were crying, and upset, I wouldn't be very comforted at all. But if they understood that dying is natural, and we all have to 'go' someday, I suppose I'd be alright."
"Oh, Anna, dying is natural, but not dying like this!" Millie gestured towards Anna, and buried her face in her flippers .
Anna smiled, a small, twitching smile, as if she was amused at what Mille had said. "All death comes when the penguin is ready. Not a moment sooner."
"Then I'll do my best to make sure you AREN'T ready!" Millie said, rising up, already ashamed of her outburst.
Anna laughed faintly, and stopped abruptly, clutching her chest. She grimaced, and gripped the science table-top for support.
"Anna!" Millie cried, fumbling to retrieve the pills. Stupid child-proof lock, she thought, unable to open it fast enough.
"No, no," Anna said breathlessly, "I'm fine. Really." And she stood up and tried to walk away towards the bunk, but she gasped and fell.
And no one was there to catch her.
Kowalski felt terrible about having left Anna, but he was overjoyed when, after three months, he was finally heading home. When they arrived at the Central Park Zoo, Kowalski and his teammates walked towards their habitat and went inside.
Millie was there, crying, clutching a half-opened bottle of cough syrup.
And they knew that something terrible was wrong.
"Millie?" Skipper said, shocked.
Millie jumped and spun around, tears glittering on her cheeks. And they saw sudden, instant, consuming anger written in her every pore. "You." She hissed, and she ran at Kowalski, allowing the bottle to slip through her fingers and shatter on the floor.
Kowalski leapt out of her way, and dove into the lab. He wasn't about to hit Anna's twin.
"Millie? What's wrong?" Skipper asked, and Private joined in. "Are you ok?"
"Ok?" Millie sounded hysterical. "You guys leave for months and months and you show up after all I've been through and ask if I'm ok?" she froze, like she couldn't even think straight, and then she sobbed. "It's…it's…Anna!"
And Kowalski, who had been hoping Anna was in the science lab, burst into the room. "What about Anna? Is she ok?"
"N-no!" Millie was too disturbed to even be upset at him. "She-she had a relapse! Right after you left. And it's horrible…I don't think…she's gonna make it…"
Kowalski felt that sinking lead feeling again. "Where is she?"
"Outside, in the…the…" Millie pointed through her tears, and suddenly broke down again. But Rico was there, wrapping his flippers around her, comforting her by whispered gibberish in her ear.
But Kowalski had already gone.
When he heard the word 'outside', he knew immediately where Anna was. In her favorite spot outside the zoo, in-between two trees.
And there she was, with her back to him, and he felt his heart lurch, and then plummet. What if she hates me now? What if she never loves me again?
"Anna." He called, without thinking, and she spun faster than he had ever seen her move.
"Kowalski!" she cried out, reaching for him as she tried to run, but she stumbled and fell.
"Are you alright?" he asked, concerned. He was by her side in an instant.
"I'm fine, just really messed up from the meds I'm on." She tried to sound witty and carefree, but her voice shook with the effort of talking. As he helped her up he noticed how fragile she was, and she knew it.
They both knew she was dying.
"Oh, Anna…" Kowalski held her tightly, feeling sick at his stomach because of what had happened. "I'm never going to leave you again, darn the missions!"
"Don't say that." Anna said, with her eyes closed. "That's one of the things I love about you, Kowalski. You're so loyal to your country, and so brave. I know that leaving is something that you have to do, and I understand and don't blame you one bit."
He felt slightly more relieved, but only slightly. Nothing could change how light she was now, without substance, it seemed. And nothing could change the fact that only medicine was keeping her failing heart beating.
Nothing.
He ended up carrying her back to the H.Q., where the world was upside-down. Private was crying, while lying in his bunk; Skipper was barely keeping it together himself; Millie was sobbing into Rico's arms.
He laid Anna down on her bunk, gingerly, so she didn't break. She seemed so weak and transparent. He felt like he could see straight through her.
He himself felt like he couldn't stand. "How long does she have?" he asked, watching her face ruffle as her heart jolted again. "What can we do?"
Millie had calmed a bit. "There…isn't much…we can do now…"
"How long…?" Private whispered, asking it for Kowalski.
"A few days…" Millie said faintly. "Just…just a few days…"
Skipper saw what had to be done. He carefully approached Kowalski, and put a hand on his shoulder. Kowalski jumped.
"Look, we don't have to the tools to take care of her…maybe what we should do is turn her over to the humans." Skipper carefully broke it to his scientist.
"But I can take care of her! I know I can…if I could just find…" Kowalski couldn't let Anastasia get turned over to the humans! He had to take care of her! He had too! Besides, this whole problem was his fault, anyway. If he hadn't left her, if he had stayed to take care of her…
While this was going on in Kowalski's head, Skipper was slowly building up to his climatic speech.
"Look, I know you want to take care of her and all that. We all don't want her to go over into the hands of the humans. She's our sister. But, Kowalski, it's what's best for her." Skipper said.
"But…I know I can take care of her!" Kowalski burst out, stamping towards the lab. "I just need some medication, some metal plates…"
"Kowalski, she needs medical attention now." Skipper said, sighing. "This is her only chance."
Kowalski hesitated. I can't do this, I can't! I love her! But he scooped her up into his arms again anyway, and carried her gently up outside. There, he set her down softly, and felt a lurch in his heart. The other guys weren't around, and on an in-describable impulse, Kowalski bent over her forehead and kissed her. Not on her lips; he still didn't dare do that.
They all joined him a few seconds later; Millie hiccupping while Rico helped her walk. "I have to…let me…" and she gently pushed Rico away, and ran over to Anna. "I love you, s-sis…" she gulped, and wiped her eyes with her flippers. "You have to g-get better, k?" and she hugged the unconscious Anna with her eyes shut, as if trying to forget why she even had to say goodbye.
Kowalski suddenly turned away, wiping his own eyes. No one made fun of him for it, and they all tried to act as though they hadn't seen.
And then Millie broke down again, and Rico came over and slowly pulled her away as Alice walked by the habitat. He didn't want Alice to think that it was Millie's fault that Anna had relapsed or anything, even though he didn't understand what that meant, other than the fact that Anna was dying.
They all squawked loudly to get Alice's attention.
She came over a few seconds later and gasped when she saw Anastasia. "My word! You stupid birds have gone and killed her!" and she took her off to the veterinary clinic, carrying her limp figure in one arm.
Of course, poor Kowalski didn't know what to think. On one hand, he felt terrible about what had happened to Anastasia and felt horribly responsible. Then, he hadn't known what to do to care for her, and that had made him feel stupid. After that, he had had to decide to give her up to the humans, which made him feel powerless. And after that, he had kissed her! His head was still spinning. Was feeling this many emotions all at once even possible?
"They can't treat her here," he mumbled, walking towards the veterinary clinic. "They'll have to ship her out to another zoo clinic. I have to be there to say goodbye."
Numbly, like zombies might, they others followed him out to a shipment truck.
Just like Kowalski had said, Anna was being carted away in a large, pine board crate. The vet was giving the driver urgent directions, and handing him printout maps. They were both mumbling words that Kowalski couldn't here. But that didn't really matter now.
The crate with Anna inside was sitting in the back of the truck, darkening as small specks of water flake the surface. A tiny drumming beat starts up, as water comes down faster and faster, coating the metal bumper, and leaving droplets hanging by a tiny thread of liquid.
Just like Anna; hanging from a thread. Kowalski thought morosely.
The truck engine starts, and exhaust rattles out the pipe. Small AC drops leaks off too, and a small, oily puddle condenses on the ground. Tiny, psychedelic rainbows are trapped inside, and that's all that's left when the truck drives off.
All that proves that Anna was ever there.
