PROLOGUE:

What is love? If we all say that love is always right, never wrong-why do we judge when someone loves someone of the same sex? Those God-loving freaks, the ones who made people be the same, no, that wasn't right. God loves everyone, even the gays and lesbians. But even so, the people who always cared what people thought of them who were that way. The ones who were scared for their life to say that they are gay, the ones who walk down the hall in their school pretending to love the "right" person when the one they really want would be the one who everyone would judge. Always just out of reach, or maybe in their reach. You'd have to have guts to come out like I did, wear those shirts like I did, especially to be the only one who did that, the only one who was out. And you'd have to be really lucky, like I was, to fall in love with someone who was gay or lesbian when you were too. But not be so lucky when you would get together, care so much about each other and have that shattered when even though you were happy, they had to keep you a secret. You're the one who has to suffer-even though you may say its fine; you always want to hold hands with her down the hallway, you always yearn for something more.

Maybe if I had come out and told people that Mandy and I were together I could have avoided what happened to us. Maybe we would have lived the life we both dreamed of across the horizon, the place I dreamed of every night-where she and I would go together. But no-our life was about as imperfect as it gets. But I don't blame Mandy for wanting to keep us a secret; I blame myself for letting her.

CHAPTER ONE:

I walked into school, thinking of her, like I always did. Where is she?I thought. Her. Mandy Xile. She was the girl I'd been crushing on for a long time, well I have been crushing on her for about a year, but before I had denied it, maybe because I believe you can only like one person at a time-but still every time I saw her name, I would get those damned butterflies. Another reason I denied it all those times was because she was one of the biggest bitches, later when I was thinking about it, I realized that everything was just an act, her friends would have probably ditched her as a friend, and she would have been friendless, except for maybe three of them, Taylor, Alice, and Megan. I swear-sometimes Taylor and Alice gave off that "I'm a lesbian"vibe. Mandy set off my gaydar worse than either of them. Walking into the cafeteria I spotted her, she was amazing, beautiful.

I'd talked to my mom's about her, asked them what I should do, since she set off my gadar I wondered if I should tell her how I feel. I remember this

"Mom? Cece? I have a question about this one girl at school I like." I said walking into their room.

"Ooo! Whats the question? Who is she?" Cece said moving over to make room for me on their bed

"What's up, honey?" My mom asked

"So, there's this one girl, Mandy Xile, I really like her, but I'm not sure if she likes me back, or is she's even gay! I mean, she sets off my gaydar bad, but I'm too scared to take action on this!" I said

"You like Mandy?! Her mother and I have talked! That girl seems like a snob when she's around her friends! I've been to their house, it's very rare that those bitches aren't there! But when they aren't she's the world's sweetest angel!" Cece squealed

"Yeah-I get that but what should I do?! Doesn't she set off yours? I want to tell her, bad."

"Just wait until she makes a move. Send her the carnations in February, talk to her sometimes, make friends with her" Mom said

"Okay..." I said, unsure.

"It'll be fine, kiddo." Cece had said

I jerked myself back to reality. Taking a glance at Mandy again, she was staring at me. I smiled, so did she. Butterflies, always. She was blushing, maybe she would like me, maybe I had a chance. I would make her love me, this would have to work.