Man, TSSMF (The Silence Will Set Me Free) , she is like a huge inspiration for me today! Lol, I got this and Dean's POV coming up! And I didn't get many reviews but;

ClancyBaggins- thanks sooo much for your review! And it's because of you, and the fact that you took the time to review, that made me decide to update! I know it's been awhile but I'm now updating (as you can see!) and yes it is sad! T-T but let's see what's in store for our boy's huh?


He was too slow. Sam hated himself for not catching up to Dean. Anger was the only thing he felt now; it consumed his pain and overrode the numbness. He had an extremely bad feeling that this was the last time he would see Dean, and that; that was unacceptable. But what could he do about it? Leave Stanford? Make those horribly long, painful two years of separation worthless? No, he had to stay, if he finished, then at least these years would have meaning. He wouldn't have just wasted them, put them through all of this for nothing.

He was wandering aimlessly now, not even bothering to pay attention to the street he was on, what time it was, or even if he was walking on the sidewalk. The only thing he was aware of was the memory he now had of his brother, replaying the sight of Dean over and over in his head. It was only several seconds he managed to snag, but it was enough to keep Sam occupied for hours. And it did.

"Sam, honey?" Surprise and instinct clocked in and he spun around, but immediately steeled his limbs from striking out. Jess stood there, her eyes filled with worry and her arm reaching out an up to touch his cheek lightly. He flinched slightly from her warm soft touch. It wasn't the touch he had been yearning for, for the past years. The touch he wanted, the rough yet gentle touch, he ached with the need to feel that touch all over him, everywhere, to swallow all of these feelings and make him warm again.

And Jess noticed, but she chose not to acknowledge it, the hurt only flashing in her eyes for a brief second. But it was enough to break through to Sam. He realized that how he was acting, it was costing Jess; and how he was feeling? It was not only a form of betrayal to his girlfriend, but it was also wrong. So, so wrong, but it just wouldn't stop! The more he tried to stop it, the stronger it hit him. The harder it was to go more than five seconds without Dean popping into his thoughts. What his brother would say here, what his expression would be to something Sam had said there. It was eating him alive and he wasn't sure how much of it he could take anymore, how long he could stick it out and live with it all inside of him.

"Sam, are you ok?" No, he was not ok, he was far from ok. But he couldn't tell her that. No he had to suck it up, be a freaking man, instead of the damn girl he was acting like.

"Yes, sorry I'm fine, just really tired. Let's go home?" he faked a small smile, and even if she looked slightly dubious, she bought it, and wrapped her hand in his.

Half way back to their house, Sam realized just how far he had walked. He was surprised he hadn't been hit by a car, or kidnapped or something along those lines. Finally after twenty more minutes they made it back to campus, and after ten more, they were at their apartment.

It wasn't until he was under the spray of the steaming hot water, that he realized he had barely said more than a few words to Jess. They had walked in a tense silence, Jess trying to convince herself that everything was alright. He felt so horrible about how he was affecting her, but right now he didn't even want to think about anything that had a vague sense of importance. He stepped out and changed into a pair of holey sweats and a worn out t-shirt.

Walking into the bedroom he saw Jess slip on her night gown and smile shyly at him. They crawled into bed and Sam felt his tense, muscle tight body relax into the soft mattress. He succumbed to his suddenly dead tired body, yawned and fidgeted until he found a spot that made him want to sigh in sleepy content.

"I love you Sam." Jess murmured sleepily, brushing her lips to his.

"I love you to Jess." And it had never sounded more like a lie.


T-T I was so depressed after this! Let's go on to Dean's POV huh? Review please! They encourage a very sad author and of course the old sayn':

Review's= COOKIE'S & HUGS! And who doesn't luuuv cookie's and hugs? XDD