Chapter 12
That was it, he decided. He could no longer stand not knowing how Sitnalta had known about the exploding tumours. And all the rest of it. Elisabeth knew, of course, but when he had demanded she tell him, she had simply told him to go ask Sitnalta himself. And somehow – in those few words – she had managed to convey a multitude of meaning, including that for some reason it was from him that they were keeping the secret.
He had tried talking to Carson about it, but his friend was still in awe of Sitnalta and the help she had provided in saving the lives of Houston and Watson. Carson was of no help whatsoever, and even refused to hear any word of doubt concerning the woman.
So that was why he was now on his way to confront the white-haired woman. He only hoped he could maintain his level of irritation long enough to get to the truth. He really hated it when he was in a mood for a rant and then lost the will to do so while looking for the ideal victim.
He finally reached the main lab. He had left her here only an hour ago when his irritation had reached its peak. Truth be told, he did not even know why he had left earlier. Usually when someone irritated him, he simply yelled at them. Instead he had stormed out of the lab into Weir's office, and had been met with a stony look and an answer given with a raised chin. When Elisabeth raised her chin and narrowed her eyes like that, she was as unmovable as the wall of China. Nobody wanted to be on the receiving end of that look.
The door opened and he entered a nearly silent lab. Though there were at least seven people working there right now, not one of them dared make a sound. Only Sitnalta were humming quietly where she stood in front of the one panel. He marched up to her. He didn't recognise the song and for a moment he wondered where she would have learned it in her brief existence.
"Look, I have been very patient about this," he started. She turned around and gave him a quizzical look. "I have kept my mouth shut and even helped you when you could not walk anymore back on the planet. I accept your work here and I even accepted your story about the exploding lumps, as you called them. But I can no longer just stand back and have you running around knowing everything without telling me anything." While speaking he had been looking away, gesturing as he went. Now he finally looked up into her eyes. He had thought she would be angry at him, or at best laughing. Instead she was crying. Slow, sob-less tears rolled down her face.
"Oh no, don't you cry!" Like any man ever born he had no idea what to make of a woman's tears. This woman quickly wiped her face with one hand. Then she squared her shoulders.
"What do you want to know?" she asked. Her voice did not falter, but instead grew perfectly soulless.
"Well, for a start, how did you know about the tumours? And why did Elisabeth tell you to tell us your secret?" He might have continued, but new tears had formed in her eyes.
She finally looked down at her hands. "They are all so brave," she began. "Ronon and Teyla and even John. They are never afraid to face their fears."
As she did not say anything for a moment or two, he assumed she was finished. "What do they have to do with anything?" he wanted to know, baffled.
She shrugged. "I was going to tell you the day you found me, but then somehow everything got turned around as I spoke. Just know I never meant to hurt you. Atlantis did not understand this part of human interaction and I am still learning."
"Yeah, well, everybody is still learning," he said. "But how does Atlantis figure into it?"
The tiny, white-haired woman finally lifted her face to him. Looking him squarely in the eye she finally told him her secret: "I am Atlantis."
He scoffed at her. "Atlantis is a city..."
She interrupted. "With a learning matrix and a neural network running through every corridor. Every time someone links his or her mind with Atlantis, thoughts and memories and emotions spill over into that matrix. For millions of years Atlantis has been observing humanity, learning, growing. To some degree she has become sentient."
She turned away, looked at her station. "And then she was abandoned. For ten thousand years all she had was memories of the past. It was an eternity. But she had hope. She knew that once before in her future you arrived. The Atlantis team arrived. And finally you did."
"Ten thousand years must seem like a moment compared to millions," he remarked, his anger deflated. Instead he felt the need to make her smile at him once more.
She shook her head. "Not when you're alone." She took a deep breath and continued her story. "When you did arrive, you were just a small number of people. Even now you are but a fraction of those who had lived here before. Yet she was content. Once thousands had watched over her. Now only a few dozen did, and among that number one stood out. Unfortunately he could not even imagine that Atlantis could feel, never mind that she could love."
Suddenly he had a sneaky feeling he knew where this conversation was headed. She did not disappoint him. Slowly she raised her eyes once more.
"Atlantis severed a part of her consciousness and placed it into me and I became the part of her that loved."
This was just too much. Perhaps not knowing had been better, after all.
"That's actually rather flattering," he remarked. Then he realised something else. "Sitnalta. It's Atlantis spelled backwards." Somehow this seemed relevant. If only he could remember the rest of that first conversation!
She nodded. "I was really trying to tell you everything, back at the beginning. But I literally got it backwards."
"So you are just another part of this city?" Suddenly he realised why he had left earlier. He had left because he had actually liked her and had been afraid that the secret she had might take her away from him. As it had. "I have seen things these past three years no human outside the stargate program could imagine. But not even I could have imagined being pursued by a piece of technology."
It was as the light faded in her eyes that he suddenly realised they had an audience. As he severed the tentative hold she had over him, the outside world rushed in. He turned around to see the other scientists staring at him. "Well, this is awkward," he remarked. Then he left.
Without looking back he walked out the lab, intending to go to the dining hall and get something to eat. Eating always helped.
Just as he was about to turn the first corner, someone grabbed him from behind. It was Sitnalta, holding on to his arm. Her hand was surprisingly warm.
"I am human," she informed him. Her voice was firm. "I can still talk to Atlantis, but I am no longer Atlantis. I am Sitnalta." She lifted his hand, placed her palm against his. "Feel this. This is flesh."
His anger resurfaced. "You only love me because you were programmed to!" he yelled. It was almost as if he had slapped her. The instant he spoke he could see the hurt in her eyes. But she regrouped within seconds.
"No. I might have had an advantage, but as I changed from Atlantis, I learned to make my own decisions. I love you because I chose to love you." Perhaps he would have continued arguing. She never gave him the opportunity.
Their palms were still pressed together, but now she pushed at him with surprising strength. Yet she could not have moved him by an inch if he had not been willing to move. He decided to take the step back her push required and felt himself pressing against the corridor wall.
Then she was kissing him. She was not very good at it, and he realised this was her very first kiss. But the kiss still knocked the breath out of him.
After a moment she slowly pulled away – just far enough to leave room to catch her breath. She was looking down at his shirt.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I will go."
He tried to respond, but in all honesty he was still searching for air. That one kiss had nearly knocked him over. As he tried to say something, he suddenly felt her fingers slipping from where they had still been pressed against his own. She really was leaving, he realised. And he knew he could not let her go. That moment when she had been lying in the sand, breathless, she had smiled at him and told him to leave her, had been the moment he had realised she meant a great deal to him.
Her hand was slipping away. She was slipping away. So he closed his hand around her fingers moments before she was free. He pulled at her hand and now it was she that was pressed up against the wall and he was kissing her.
The kiss was perfect. She stood with her arms thrown around his neck and kissed him as he kissed her. As the blood rushed from his head he was sure he could hear cheering in the background.
No, he really was hearing something, he realised. Finally the kiss ended and he turned his head slightly. Peering around the door of the lab, the scientists were cheering. As he glared at them they disappeared back into their cavern. The whole of Atlantis would have heard this story by lunch, he suspected.
He turned to Sitnalta. He knew he was looking a bit dazed. In all honesty he had never been any good with relationships. The one with Katy Brown always seemed just too complicated, and before that he could hardly remember when a woman had even considered looking at him. But now a lovely woman stood before him, telling him she loved him. A woman he had fallen for, as well.
It would take a much stronger man than him to let her go.
"I was just on my way to lunch. Would you...um...?" he asked her, suddenly unsure of himself.
She smiled. "Lunch sounds wonderful."
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I am Atlantis.
I am millions of years old. Once there were thousands living inside me. Now there are only a few. The one man who knows me best still doesn't pay as much attention to me as he used to. But that does not matter, for though we are now separate, Sitnalta used to be me. And as long as he spends time with her, I am content.
I am Atlantis, and I have learned how to love.
The End
Author's note: First off, I'd like to thank Silver Pixie. I don't know if anyone had noticed, but I lost Ronon there for a while. She helped find him.
Secondly (and third and fourth) I want to thank Meagra Solace and Hubby for their support, as well as anybody and everybody who reviewed the story. I hope you enjoyed it. It was fun to write.
And lastly, for anyone that is interested, this is only the first instalment of a complete series I'm planning. Personally, I am one of those people who only watch the first three seasons (rather often) up to the episode before 'Sunday.' I don't like seeing some of my favourite characters being killed off for no apparent reason. Perhaps now that Sitnalta helped save Beckett's life, she could lend a hand with saving Weir...
