Author's Note: This is where the plot starts to take off, and, incidentally, where it gets weird. You have been warned.
-Hopper POV-
I'm sitting right now on the edge of my bed, head bent down, a knife twisting between my fingers. The very kitchen knife that was, in fact, snatched for me this morning by the very animal that will perish under its razor sharp blade. It will croak its very last deathly annoying ribbit this very night. For I, hopper H. Hannibal (shut up! My dumbass parents decided to be jerks and named me something ridiculous for their own amusement)(and now, to show for it, they are no more)(aren't I so evil?)(oh come on, I killed my own freaking parents! You must have some ridiculous standards for evilness)(dickwad)(I might just kill you, too).
Ahem. All those parentheses got in the way of my actual talking. Let me try that again.
For I, Hopper H. Hannibal (well at least I don't touch myself!)(okay that isn't true but at least I'm not Kevin!)(because no one, ever, will be as nasty as him)(ew).
Damn! Maybe if I don't mention my last name those blasted parentheses won't get in the way.
For I, hopper (hmm… sounds incomplete, whatever), shall slay the frog who is constantly getting in the way of my love (who's name is Jonathon. Jona. Freaking. Thon. Wtf?)(stop cockblocking me, man!)!
I get up, making hardly a sound, and tiptoe over to the closet where he sleeps, slipping between the door which was left slightly ajar. I climb noiselessly up the ladder (Lisa put a ladder in her closet for her stuffed animals back when she liked them. Psycho much?) into the loft where most of the animals sleep. I am about to cross to the opposite wall where my victim is lying, when a stunning beauty catches my eye. I turn and face her, my love, my precious. Even when sleeping she is amazingly gorgeous, her hair so alive, pulsing with warmth, as if there were rays of sunlight enlaced with the golden locks. I stare at her for a while, imagining all the wondrous times we'll have together once that frog is out of the way. I reach out my free hand (the one not holding the knife) and stroke her hair, weaving it between my paws. She opens her eyes, her perfect, ebony irises that make me feel jittery every time I see them.
"Hello, my precious," I whisper lovingly, entranced by her gaze.
"What. The. Fuuuuck!" She screamed, and I quickly backed away, shielding my face from the possible injuries she may inflict upon it. Bad idea. Now that the knife is clearly visible in my hand, she starts freaking out, swearing like crazy and screaming so loud the floor seemed to shake.
"It's not how it looks! I swear! I was, er, coming to-" its no use trying to reason with her; she can't even hear me, she's screaming so loud. I quickly drop the knife and run back down the ladder in hopes of having her believe it was just a dream, but it's no use. All the other stuffed animals have woken up, too, from her screams. I rush back to my bed next to Lisa's, and try to pretend to be sleeping. She opens her eyes slightly, blinking and yawning.
"Shit, man, what's that noise?" she mutters, "It's like, one o'clock. Shiiiit. Those stuffed animals are soooo dead."
At first I feel the desire to beg for her not to harm my dear Emily (what a sweet, sweet name), but I hold back for fear that she will be mad at me. I couldn't imagine how terrible it would be to have to face her wrath. Hmm… saying that made me feel kind of mean. Hmm… and saying that makes me feel very un-evil. I think I'll go have some breakfast now, and laugh at it while it perishes to my malevolent teeth as I eat it to feel more bad…
-Lisa POV-
OMG! Like, today SUCKED. Those dumbass stuffed animals woke me up at, like, one am. Like, what the hell? Omg. Well, anyways, I got an excuse to smack Emily over the head with a knife I found near her. Probably trying to cut herself, the emo little bitch. LOL!
Wait, where was I? Oh. Right. Those dickwad animals woke me up. They shut up soon enough, though, and I slept in until 10, even though it's a school day. My mom is pretty easy going about school, probably because she's normally cutting school, too (she's a senior)(having young parents is sooo cool)(it totally boosts my popularity). Anyway, Hopper was really on edge today, and Emily kept glaring at him. Hopefully, he'll see how gawdawful she really is.
So, anyways, I should probably check on him. He just sent Jimmy out to get some cigarettes for me, lol! I walk up the stairs, up to the roof. He's there, alone. Holy shit, he's hot. His fur is, like, sooooo soft! And he's got, like, the cutest little dress! Mostly b/c I gave it to him when I was five.
So yeah, I was staring dreamily at him. He glanced around and, like, totally saw me!
"Hey Hoppa!" I gush, waving at him.
"Ah, yes, Lisa," he says, sounding uneasy. "What are you doing up here?"
"Like, looking for you!" I squee.
"Well, I'm, er, waiting for, ah, Johnny. Yes, that's right. He's being late."
"Ikr? Soml!" He nods at me. It's like, so cool that he's, like, the only person I've ever met who isn't all, "Can you repeat that?" I mean, god! What is their freaking problem? I talk just fine!
"Say, Hoppa," I say, in this, like, super-seductive voice. "Wanna, like, come down to my room for a bit? We could, you know… have a TEA PARTY." I, like, do little airquotes around "tea party." He looks kinda scared. Huh. Weird.
"Well… If you insist," he mutters, and follows me. He's, like, such a good little follower! "What exactly does this "tea party" entail?"
"You'll see!" I giggle, like, totally making love eyes at him. Omg, he has to fall for that. Hopper looks a little unhappy. Maybe he, like, ate something?
We get down to my room, and, like, I set out the picnic blanket and tea set. He looked all happy for some reason.
"Omg, Hoppa, this is just like old times! Want some, like, imaginary tea?" I ask, holding out a tea cup for him. He takes it and sips. He's, like, so cute! And sooooo refined. Like, a real man. Seriously, like, what the hell does he see in that bitch Emily? She's sooooo stupid! I bet she doesn't even know that LA is the captiol of, like, California! She's got this stupid nose, ugly eyes, this dress that is, like, the WORST THING EVER, and worst of all, she's, like, immature. Plus, she likes Johnny! Major ick!
"…Lisa, I really need to go," Hopper says.
"But Hoppa! We haven't even had the imaginary sammiches and cake yet!"
"But I have to get your cigarettes!"
"Omg, I, like, totally forgot, lol. Maybe later I could make you some REAL food!" I am, l;ike, the best chef ever. Auntie Rachel taught me the secret of cooking: put cake powder into everything. Idk why it's so good! It's like, addictive!
"Well, I'll be seeing you, Lisa," He says, and gives a little bow. Or maybe a curtsey. Idk.
