"A Family Affair"
Chapter Five
Over a few pizzas and a couple a' six-packs a' beer, Station 51's A-Shift family plotted, planned and 'strategized' into the wee hours of the evening.
Their 'homework' assignments were to watch every episode of 'The Family Feud' that they possibly could, just to gain a 'feel' for the show.
One week later…inside Building A, at the Mark Goodson Television Production Studios in North Hollywood…
Station 51's 'family' members had arrived—all packed into one vehicle: John Gage's Land Rover.
The 'special' contestants received their nametags and were briefed on the rules of the game—especially, the 'one hand flat on the podium—the other hand behind your back' drill.
The restless firemen left the 'Make Up' department and ventured off to explore the game show's colorful set.
Gene Wood, the show's announcer, greeted the guys as they stepped out onto the stage for the very first time. "You the cops?…or the firemen?" he wondered, unable to discern just by looking at their dress uniforms.
"We're the firemen," Captain Stanley informed him.
Mr. Wood motioned stage right, to a stepped platform covered with aquamarine carpeting. "That's were you'll be, if you want to practice posing."
"Posing?" the Captain pondered.
"Yeah," John joined in.
Apparently, their Captain had not done his 'homework'.
Gage, however, was not about to scold him. "Each team poses in front of their name, for a sort a' 'family photo'," he explained and pointed to a huge yellow oval on the wall behind the stepped platform. The oval, which was surrounded by an enormous picture frame, had been imprinted with the name of their Fire Department 'family', Station 51.
The opposite side of the set had an identical picture-framed yellow oval, with Precinct 12 imprinted upon it.
A third giant oval occupied the center of the stage. It was the 'game board'.
The guys stepped up onto the top of their platform and then just stood there, looking at a complete loss.
"Should we go for 'solemn'?…or 'silly'?" Gage wondered.
"Solemn," all five of his fellow firefighters replied—speaking in perfect unison.
The dark-haired paramedic was more than a little disappointed to hear that particular answer. "All right. Let's go over the basics again," he prompted.
The guys exhaled weary sighs, but obligingly descended the platform and then formed a football huddle.
"Remember," Gage coached his team, "they don't wanna know what we think. They want to know what we think the 100 people who were surveyed think. And don't be in such an all-fired rush to press your buzzer. The winner is the one who gives the best answer, not the fastest answer." Their coach's gaze suddenly riveted upon the mustached man standing directly across from him in the huddle. "100 average people were surveyed, Chet. Not 100 'above average' people. Just keep telling yourself that."
The rest of the guys all snickered.
Kelly simply rolled his eyes and nodded.
The firemen released one another's shoulders and then stuck an arm into the center of the circle they had formed, each man placing his right hand upon his brothers', palm down.
"For the LACFD Firemen's Benefit Fund," their Captain proudly pronounced.
"For the department," Stoker firmly declared.
"For Station 51," Lopez resolutely added.
"For us!" Kelly contributed.
'For my partner—the big kid,' DeSoto silently summed up.
"In case I forget later," the big kid began and flashed each one of his family members a warm smile, "thanks for doin' this, guys!"
The guys returned Gage's grin and then broke formation.
This was going to be fun!
Hopefully…
Soon, the members of the studio audience had filed into their seats and Gene Wood was introducing the contestants.
"All this week, on The Family Feud, we'll be featuring 'Crimefighters Versus Firefighters'. Representing the City of Los Angeles' Police Department—The 12th Precinct!"
The camera zoomed in on the six crimefighters and their comical group pose.
The crowd cheered.
"Representing the County of Los Angeles' Fire Department—Station 51!"
The camera zoomed in on the six solemn-faced firefighters, and, once again, the audience cheered and applauded.
"And now, here's our host…Richarrrrd Daaaawsonnn!"
The crowd leapt to its feet.
"Thank you. Thank you," Richard told his audience as he stepped out onto the stage, and began blowing kisses of gratitude for their standing ovation. "As Gene mentioned, it's 'Crimefighters Versus Firefighters' week here on The Feud. Let's meet our brave combatants, shall we…" He crossed the set to stand beside the top cop. "Captain Kyle Kelmutz, would you kindly introduce us to the rest of your crimefighting force, and tell us what charity you will be playing for…"
Captain Kyle beamed a broad smile back at their host. "Richard, it's my pleasure to present Detective Joseph Mendez, Detective Roger Lentz, Sergeant Ron Peterson, Patrol Officer Karen Quinley and Patrol Officer Dennis Muillier. And we are playing for L.A.'s Inner City Drug Awareness Program."
"Great cause! And what a great looking group! It's an honor to have you here," Richard assured them. He then spun around and went striding off across the stage.
"Let's meet our other courageous contestants," Dawson suggested and stepped up beside the opposing team's leader. "Captain Hank Stanley, would you care to introduce your fellow firefighters, here, and let us know who'll you'll be playing for…"
"First and foremost, our engineer, Mike Stoker. Firefighter Marco Lopez. Firefighter Chet Kelly. And our Rescue Squad crew, Firefighter/Paramedic Roy DeSoto…and Firefighter/Paramedic John Gage. We are playing in behalf of the LACFD's Firemen's Benefit Fund."
"Another noble cause, and another great looking group," Dawson declared, and promptly returned to the center of the set.
"All right…Let's play The Feud!" Richard prompted. "Captain Hank…Captain Kyle, come on up!"
The two Captains left their respective groups and stepped up to stand before Dawson. After shaking hands, their right appendages were dutifully placed flat on the top of a little buzzer-bearing podium and their left hands were placed behind their backs.
"You know the way the game is played. We surveyed one hundred people. The top 7 answers are on the board. Try to get the most popular answer." Richard paused to read aloud from one of the small cardboard cards he was carrying. "Name something yellow…"
Apparently, Captain Hank's reflexes were a tad bit faster, as his hand was the first to hit his answer button. "A banana!" he shouted, over the sound of the buzzer.
Richard turned toward the board. "We're looking for banana…"
Banana appeared up on the survey board, closely accompanied by a loud 'ping!'.
"That's the number one answer. Your 'family' controls the board. Are you guys gonna pass?…or play?"
The Captain turned to shoot his crew a questioning look.
"Play!" "Pass!" "Play!" "Play!" "Play!" They shouted back.
Hank's attention returned to their host. "Richard, we are going to play."
Dawson escorted the Captain back over to his crew—er, family.
Hank received a 'high five' from his engineer, and some 'thumbs ups' from the rest of his guys.
Richard shook the next fireman's hand and read his nametag. "Mike, name something yellow…"
"The sun!" Stoker quickly came back.
"Of course. That's gotta be up there." Dawson pointed to the board. "The sun…"
Sun popped up on the survey board, right below banana, and there was another loud 'ping!'
Richard moved down the line and read another nametag. "Marco," he greeted the first of two mustached firemen, and extended his hand.
Marco took it and shook it.
"Name something yellow…"
"A lemon!" Lopez promptly replied.
"That's perfectly logical. Lemon yellow is even the name of a color, if I recall correctly. Show us…a lemon…"
Lemon appeared, third from the top, and was accompanied by another 'ping!'.
Dawson offered the second mustached fireman his hand. "Chet, name something yellow…"
"A coward!" Kelly proudly announced and shook their host's hand.
His brothers all turned to him and gave him strange stares.
Richard's eyebrows arched. "That's thinking a bit outside the box. But…" he pointed to the board, "coward…"
Nothing happened up on the game board and a disheartening 'bu-uzzzz!' sound filled the air.
"That's okay, Chet," Dawson assured the now forlorn looking fireman. "That was just your first strike." He moved down the line and shook hands with the first member of Captain Hank's paramedic team. "Roy…can you name something yellow?"
"Butter!" Roy readily replied.
Richard nodded approvingly and pointed to the board. "Butter…"
The sound of a 'ping!' signified another successful answer.
Gage gave his partner a congratulatory pat on the back and then took and shook their host's proffered palm.
Dawson eyed the young paramedic approvingly. "John, I'm told it was your letter writing campaign that sparked the whole 'Crimefighters Versus Firefighters' competition, in the first place…"
"Yeah. Well…We live—and work—closely together. So it's only natural that we think of ourselves as a 'family'…of sorts. Firefighters have always referred to each other as 'brothers'. I'm sure the guys in law enforcement feel the same way about their coworkers."
Precinct 12's 'family' members grinned and nodded in complete agreement.
Richard smiled. "Well, we are thrilled to have you—and your 'brothers'—here with us this week."
The studio audience applauded the game show host's heartfelt statement.
Dawson reluctantly refocused his attention back to the top cardboard card in his left hand. "There are only three answers left on the board, Big John. Name something yellow…"
"A school bus," the paramedic unhesitatingly replied.
"Show us school bus…"
School bus appeared up on the board, and a fifth 'ping!' filled the air.
Richard returned to the start of the line. "Captain Hank…your 'family' is doing very well. Do you happen to have another answer for us?"
"How about a taxicab?" the fire officer offered.
"Certainly. I've ridden in many 'Yellow Cab Company' cars," the game show host confessed and motioned to the board. "A taxicab…"
Taxicab appeared, along with a sixth 'ping!'.
Dawson stepped back up to Stoker. "Engineer Mike, you are one answer away from winning the first round…"
"An egg yoke," the engineer confidently declared.
"An excellent answer," Dawson determined. "Whether it made our survey is yet to be seen. Show us egg yoke…"
The last slot on the survey board 'slid' open and a continuous 'ping!' 'ping!' 'ping!' 'ping!' 'ping!' 'ping!'ing filled the air.
The studio audience went ballistic.
Station 51's family members jumped for joy and then gave themselves a group hug.
"Congratulations, firefighters. You guys ran the first round." Richard turned toward Camera One. "It's 'Crimefighters Versus Firefighters' all week, here on The Feud. So don't go away. Because we'll be right back with Round Two of the competition."
TBC
