A/N: Alright, I understand fighting isn't ideal, but these two have a lot of baggage between them. And Picard feels guilty on so many levels. I hope you enjoy it though.
Captain Picard watched Dr. Crusher move around Sickbay, checking the monitors, and reading the tricorder in her slender hand. Will Riker was sitting in the chair next to his bed trying to updated Picard on what happened while he had been under the Borg's control. However, then entire report was falling to deaf ears.
"Will, you did a wonderful job," he murmured, his mind clearly elsewhere.
"Sir?" Riker looked a bit abashed. "You do remember I tried to kill you?" This caused Picard to actually chuckle and turn his attention back to his first officer.
"I remember. And I also remember how you rose above your own personal feelings and put this ship first. You deserve a command of your own." Riker's eyes darkened as he remembered the fate of the ship he was supposed to be Captain of.
"I'd rather be here with you, sir." Will knew his Captain well and he could tell the older man was hurting.
"I single handedly took out an entire fleet of ships with my mind, Will." Picard pushed himself up so he was sitting up in the bed. He had one hand on the bridge of his nose and the other clenched on the edge of the biobed. "Why the hell would you want to be under my command? I doubt they will even restore me to the rank of Captain."
His eyes unconsciously drifted to the red haired doctor who was pacing in front of a monitor across the room. When she turned to her left he could still see the scar on her cheek. The bruising on her neck was still visible, even though several nurses had stopped to try and heal it, but she kept waving them away. Apparently, she had been in charge of removing the machine from his body and was currently studying what they had done to his nervous pathways.
"She doesn't blame you," Will whispered. Jean-Luc quickly turned his head to stare at him. "She loves you; she fought for you. Trust me, she doesn't blame you."
"I did that to her...I hate myself for it." Beverly turned her head slightly to glance in their direction. Her eyes cutting into his self blame. Riker stood up, reaching to shake his hand.
"Just remember that none of us blame you, Captain." Picard tried to wear a smile as he grasped his Number One's confident hand. Will nodded to Dr. Crusher as he left Sickbay, leaving her to her patient. Beverly dismissed her staff, confident there would be no medical emergencies tonight. They had all been amazing in the past twenty-four hours and they deserved a break.
"Jean-Luc, how are you feeling?" The tenderness in her voice was comforting; a comfort he did not deserve. The glow that usually filled her blue eyes was dark and cloudy. He had done that to her- caused her so much pain. He did not deserve her love.
"Physically capable, Doctor." She frowned at the use of her rank and sighed as she sat down in the chair Riker had vacated moments ago.
"And mentally?" His eyes flashed. She was not a counselor. What right does she have to ask? Beverly seemed to see his anger so she lay a tired hand on his knee. "Jean-Luc, forgive yourself."
"What?"
"Forgive yourself. You had no control over anything that happened," she rambled on, trying to make him see reason. "And the fact that you still had some control saved us all. You were the hero in all of this, as well as the victim."
"And yet, you wear the scars." Jean-Luc's statement was harsh and deliberate. Her cheeks flushed hotly.
"For goodness sake, Jean-Luc!" She threw her hands up in the air, jumping to her feet. The rise in her voice was exactly what he wanted. The fight was what he wanted right now; he needed someone else to feel his anger. And of course, the infamous Howard blood in her was too easily agitated.
"I killed thousands of people! I crippled my own ship and crew!" His voice was hoarse, but the volume was as much as he could manage. "I almost killed you!"
"No, the Borg killed thousands of people. Locutus did that. Not Jean-Luc Picard. Not you! And Locutus almost killed me; it was you that saved me!" She slammed her fist down on the edge of the bed. "It was the grace of love that spared my life, Jean-Luc. Your pure love."
"It was still my body, my mind. It has always been my fault. And you want to talk about love? Who am I to love you? For all the hell you've been through in your life, I've been responsible for half of it." Beverly looked slightly taken aback. However, there was no pain in her eyes as he expected.
"You still blame yourself for Jack's death, don't you?" She shook her head and stalked back to his side. There was a determination in her eyes that he had fallen in love with. She could conquer the entire galaxy if she put her mind to it. And it scared him now. "I loved my husband. I grieved for his accidental death. I made up my mind to be on a starship and with that came dangerous responsibilities. I sacrificed any hope of a personal life. I pushed you away. I did all of that. All by myself. I caused my own amount of grief. I caused my own pain."
"You don't deserve this," he said bitterly. "I don't deserve this."
"Yes we do. If anything, we deserve each other." She pressed her lips firmly to his. He pulled back, glaring at her. "I never blamed you for what happened to Jack."
"All I have done is hurt you. It was always been my fault. Every time I see the pain in your eyes, it kills me." Why couldn't she understand? Why did she have to be so damn close to him? The seductive sound of her now low voice was entrancing.
"I loved Jack. I did. But I love you. I love you, Jean-Luc." He was still angry, still furious that she did not understand his pain. However, she sure knew how to erase it.
This time when she caught his lips again, there was a possessiveness that startled him. Her hands skimmed up his chest to wrap themselves around his neck. Against Jean-Luc's better judgment at the moment, he let one hand rest on the small of her back, pressing insistently, causing her to smile into the kiss. The other one wrapped her red tresses around his fingers, locking her into the embrace. Just as he had became comfortable with her soft lips, Beverly pulled back.
"If you are going to cause me pain, Jean-Luc, I want all of you to cause me pain. I want to love you. I want you to make love to me without worrying what happened in the past or what will happen in the future." This time, it was he who silenced her, interrupting her lecture with a quick flick of his tongue. She moaned into his mouth as she allowed him to take control of the situation. And the situation was quickly deteriorating. His hands had wondered up and down her body, trying to bring her as close to his aching body as possible.
"Doctor," his husky voice broke through her train of thought as she had begun unzipping his uniform. "There is only so much room on this bed...I believe you deserve to be laid down properly." She giggled, dropping her forehead to rest on his chest; his mechanically heart was beating much faster than normal.
"What do you suggest, Captain?" The sly grin and the cock of her head teased him.
"You are the only one that can release me to my quarters." Beverly slid off the biobed and offered a hand to help him off as well.
"You still need constant medical supervision," she baited.
"Do you think you could spare some of your time?" He wrapped his arms properly around her, letting their foreheads rest together. She closed the distance with a tender kiss.
"Only for the Captain," she breathed and intertwined her fingers through his, and led him out of Sickbay.
