Somewhere, tugging deep in his gut was a knawing feeling that made him feel anxious, almost nervous. He wasn't thinking anymore, words were just coming out of his mouth, and Nate was there to hear every one of them.

"37 homes." Callen muttered staring off into space.

"What?" Nate asked.

Callen looked up and made eye contact with Nate, there was no turning back now. "37 homes I lived in from the age of five till I joined the Army at 18."

Nate nodded his head and spoke gently, "I know."

"I hated every one of them. The things that happened to me in some of them I can't remember and the ones I can remember aren't pleasant. The only home I ever stayed in that I felt safe and almost normal was Aleina's. She was the closest thing I had to a sister. I think I may have even loved her as one. Now all I see every time I close my eyes is her face smiling and waving at me and then horror struck. I killed her Nate. Its my fault she's dead." Callen said trying so desperately to hold back the tears streaming down his face.

Nate exhaled deeply and sat back up in his chair almost overwhelmed by all the information that just came spilling out of Callen. Callen continued, "The only person I may have ever loved and I killed her. What does that say about me? Huh?"

Nate replied calmly, "Her death wasn't your fault Callen. You didn't pull the trigger or fire the gun that shot her nor did you cause the man who did to pull the trigger and shoot her."

"But if it weren't for me, if we had never met, if I had never stayed in that home then she would still be alive." Callen said almost angry.

"You don't know that Callen."

"I've been through worse in my life, I've lost people before. Hell I lost my parents when I was five. I lost my first name, all but a stupid letter. Why should this be any different?" Callen asked getting almost sadder, yet he would never out right cry. He tried so hard to hold back the tears, but they still slowly fell from his eyes.

"Because you never knew what family was until you met her and even though your stay with her family was brief, in comparison with your foster care history it was a lifetime you spent with them." Nate stood up and walked over to Callen. He sat on the couch next to Callen and looked directly into his watery eyes, "You're grieving Callen. This is what it feels like when we lose someone we love, especially family. We all feel guilty and we all hurt inside. It's harder for you because both your shooting and the shooting of the only person you considered family were connected, but that doesn't make any of it your fault."

Callen nodded his head, crossed his arms and sat silently fighting back the tears that were trying to pour out. Nate just sat and stared at Callen hoping he would stop fighting the tears and let them fall. Callen started rocking and blinking his eyes tightly. Nate could see he was fighting the break down as hard as he could, Nate only hoped that he wouldn't win this time. This was the closest Callen had ever come to talking about his childhood with anyone, and it made him nervous and scared. Nate's face was very focused on Callen and very solemn yet his eyes were as gentle as they could be while he watched Callen go through so many emotions at once.

Callen refused to look at Nate for fear he would lose it. He just kept staring ahead hoping the feeling would pass. He wanted so much to stand up and run out of Nate's office, but his legs wouldn't move. It was as if he was paralyzed; paralyzed by fear. He started to panic and his breathing became labored. He felt his surroundings fade and began hearing Sam's distraught voice telling him to hold on for life. Then he saw her face, the horror in it when she saw him get shot. He wanted to tell her he was sorry, that she should never have told Arkady about her and that he loved her and missed her, but all he could do was look at her horrified face and hear Sam's upset words.

"Callen?" Nate said in a calming and gentle voice, "Callen. Can you hear me?" Callen didn't respond. Nate knew he triggered a flashback for Callen; this was what he wanted. He needed to see Callen go through it so he could help him overcome it. Nate stood up and sat on the coffee table facing Callen. He leaned in and looked directly into Callen's distraught eyes. Nate reached out his hand and put it on Callen's shoulder, then he spoke again in his calming and gentle voice, "Callen, its Nate can you hear me? Callen you're having a flashback, but its ok. I need you to focus on my voice. Its Nate, listen to my voice. I'm sitting right in front of you. You're safe, you're not shot and you're not bleeding. You're in my office and you're safe. Its only a memory, its not real." Nate could see Callen's eyes focusing on Nate and his body beginning to calm. After a few minutes Callen laid back on the couch exhausted, frail, completely vulnerable. Nate gave him time to process while sitting on the coffee table calmly observing Callen's body language.

"I can't keep doing this." Callen finally admitted in an exhausted voice.

"No you can't." Nate replied softly.

"Have I gone mad? Am I crazy?" Callen asked concerned looking back at Nate hoping he wouldn't say yes.

Nate shook his head and smirked slightly, "No. Not at all Callen. Actually, you're perfectly sane."

"Then what's happening to me? I've had flashbacks before, but they always went away with time. Why won't these ones go away?" Callen asked.

Nate put his hand on Callen's shoulder and spoke softly again, "This was a bigger trauma for you then your other encounters because it involved someone from your past. They will go away eventually Callen. Don't lose hope. Grieving is a process and overcoming trauma is a process. Today was the first step you've taken in the right direction. They'll get better from here. I promise."

"How do you know that?" Callen asked.

"Because you just did what I always prayed my mom would do, but couldn't." Nate responded.

"Yeah?"

"You fought the flashback, and you won." Nate smiled.

"I fight them every day. I only won because you were here." Callen said. "So now I'm dependent on you? That doesn't seem like a good plan Nate." Callen seemed to be coming back to his regular self and the pain and anguish seemed to lessen a little more.

Nate leaned back and smiled, "Well, it just so happens that I have a few tricks up my sleeve that will work wonders on these flashbacks."

"I'm not taking drugs Nate. No way." Callen said frankly.

Nate chuckled, "No, no. I would never prescribe drugs for this. When you feel a flashback coming on focus on an object around you. Something to keep your mind in the present, for instance a desk or chair. Repeat over and over in your head where you are, what you're doing and don't break eye contact with the object until the feeling passes."

Callen looked relieved, "That's it? That will stop the flashbacks?"

Nate replied, "No it won't stop the flashbacks from coming on, but it will prevent them from replaying. You'll be able to stop them dead in their tracks before they become flashbacks, but the feeling that's driving them is still buried. The flashbacks and nightmares won't stop until you start uncovering those feelings and talk about them." Nate knew Callen wouldn't like that answer. "Today I was that object and this I promise you," Nate made sure Callen was looking at him before he continued, "I will always be there to pull you back out if you get sucked in again. I've got your back."

"That's what Hetty said." Callen said to himself. Callen nodded and Nate stood up and walked back over to the chair with Callen's file sitting next to it. Callen looked up at the file Nate was holding and asked, "Does this mean I'm off the team?"

Nate turned around and took a long deep breath in then looked seriously over at Callen, "I'm worried about you Callen, but not as an agent. You have some serious demons to work out, and I can help guide you through them, but ultimately you have to make the choices" Callen looked hurt, Nate continued. "I'm going to wait a week before I turn this in," Nate said holding up Callen's file. "I can't recommend you for duty, but if you can show me progress in the next week then I'll recommend that you be kept where you are. I'll tell Hetty that I lost your file or something, but its time for you to make some tough choices."

Callen didn't respond. He simply stared off into space almost heartbroken that he might lose his job. Nate realized he was somewhat insensitive and too harsh on Callen to respond the way he did. He didn't want Callen to feel like he had been punished for talking to him; that was Callen's biggest fear these days. Nate sat back down and looked at Callen, "I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure you remain a part of this family Callen. We couldn't survive without you." Nate looked at Callen waiting for an answer. A small sense of relief came over his face.

Nate continued, "I was there for my mother, but she refused my help. Now there isn't anyone who can help her. I'm offering the same to you now Callen. Please, take my guidance, let me support you, let me be your back up because God knows I need you to be mine."

Callen seemed disillusioned with Nate's speech until the last part when Nate said he needed Callen's help. That caught Callen's attention and also made him feel stronger, even safer around Nate, as if he wasn't a victim, but a survivor who had something to contribute also. "It's a fight for my career then?" Callen asked.

"It's a fight for your soul Callen." Nate replied seriously.

"And you're on my side?" Callen asked.

"I always have been," Nate said.

"I'm not a victim, I refuse to be a victim in all of this," Callen demanded.

"Then lets make sure that doesn't happen. I've got your back and you've got mine right?" Nate asked.

Callen thought for a moment and then paused, "Alright Doc, tell me what comes next."