Edit: saw some typos that bugged me. Fixed now!


Chapter 2

Commander Kaidan Alenko watched the distant silvery speck that was the Normandy on the vid screen on the command deck of the SSV Gettysburg. Was she okay? He wanted to demand answers from the captain, but technically Kaidan wasn't even a crewmember of the Gettysburg. It had been a hastily assigned berth as the final battle drew near, and he didn't have the pull with his captain to earn a right like that.

Still, the captain had been in the communications room for so long… was that a good sign or a bad sign? Kaidan couldn't decide. But he had to know… Did Shepard die with the last words between them being what had been said on Horizon? His gut churned with guilt and trepidation. After Horizon, he'd spent weeks convincing himself that she wasn't who she said she was. At best she was a clone; at worst a traitor. The clone scenario had been relatively easy to eliminate after talking with Anderson who'd had microscopic skin samples taken while she'd been in his office.

"Put a picture of you right on my desk, Alenko," his former captain grinned. "She couldn't resist picking it up. Left plenty of samples…"

Kaidan grimaced at the memory for it confirmed what he only wished he had hidden from his mentor: the true depths of his feelings for Shepard.

But even his embarrassment faded as he remembered the ensuing conversation. Kaidan had pointed out that the "real" Shepard would never have worked with Cerberus and if it was really her than she had betrayed their trust. Anderson disagreed.

"Trust is a funny thing, Alenko." Anderson said, leaning out over his office balcony. "It's nearly interchangeable with the word 'faith' yet no one ever says things like 'a leap of trust.' We have faith in people not because we know they're faultless, but because we know, through the worst of times, that our trust in them wasn't misplaced. We have to trust that this person is who they say they are. If we're waiting for this person to stab us in the back, it's not really trust."

It was only then that Kaidan realized part of his anger lay not in the perceived betrayal of the trust he had in Shepard, but that he still trusted her and she apparently hadn't trusted him. Why else would she go around the galaxy recruiting old teammates like Garrus and Tali and not him?

He wanted to tell her that so badly. He didn't know if what they had was still salvageable, but he knew what he had felt—still felt if truth be told, and he wasn't willing to let it go without a fight. The question was would she feel the same?

Captain Jin emerged from the comm room, his face pensive. Kaidan saluted.

"Sir, are you finished?"

Jin narrowed his eyes. "I am, Commander. What is it to you?"

Kaidan refused to be cowed, meeting his superior's eyes with firm resolution. "I served with Commander Shepard before, sir. I would like to send a message—see if she's… okay."

Jin nodded. "She is alive, I can tell you that much, Commander. But—"

"Sir," Kaidan risked interrupting him. "Please. If this was your wife—" He wanted to pull the impulsive words back, but they hung in the air.

Jin looked at him for a long moment, then nodded slowly. "If she was mine, I'd want to talk to her too," he finished. "Be quick about it, Commander. There may be other calls that come in."

"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir!"


Kaidan clasped his hands behind his back as the ship's VI made the connection. This was voice only—leaving the vid connection open for more important calls. He still didn't know what he was going to say—he just knew he had to hear her voice.

"Commander Shepard's saving the galaxy hotline, how can I direct your call?"

Kaidan paused. "Joker?"

Silence for a moment and then: "Well," drawled a familiar voice, "if it isn't my favorite fist-in-the-ass lieutenant. Or commander or whatever you are now."

"Listen, Joker," Kaidan said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I know there're probably some things I should say, but I only have a few minutes. Could you get Shepard, please?"

"And why should I do that? I saw her after your little chat on Horizon. I'm really not eager to have that look back on Shepard's face again. Kind of a mood killer."

Kaidan grit his teeth. He didn't have time for this. "You owe me, Joker. I saved your ass at the hearing and you damn well know it. It was your own fault that you wouldn't stay grounded for the duration of mandatory psych eval. You would have been in your pilot's chair within a matter of weeks and you left anyway. You say that the Alliance abandoned us, Joker, and maybe that was true, but the truth is you left us first."

Silence dropped onto the line. Kaidan bit back a groan. Had he just torn a new hole into another bleeding relationship? Joker was one of the few contacts he had left from the old Normandy

"Kaidan? This is Garrus."

Kaidan blinked at the change. "Uh, yeah. I'm here, Garrus."

"I spoke to Shepard and she… doesn't want to talk to you."

A hard knot of worry formed in his gut. "Is she wounded?"

"Nothing serious," Garrus' voice confirmed. "She just doesn't want to talk to you." His voice paused. "She also requests that you not try to contact her again. Sorry, but I have to go. Good luck out there."

The line went dead.


"Are you sure about this, Shepard?"

Andie glanced at Hackett before returning her eyes to a spot above his head. "Yes, sir."

She heard the older man tapping his stylus against the datapad she'd handed him. The words she'd written echoed in her mind:

From: Lt. Cmdr Andrea Laine Shepard, SAM, SN: 423-68-3889/1138
To: Admiral Steven Hackett, Arcturus Station

Subj: SUBMISSION OF RESIGNATION

I hereby submit my request for a release from active duty in the naval service of the Systems Alliance and request that it be accepted. I desire to be released from active duty effective immediately.

The tapping stopped. "You know I can't allow this."

Andie drew in a breath and stared Hackett in his steely gray eyes. "That's BS and you know it. Sir." She swallowed. "I have never sought accolades or reward, but I have more than earned this."

"No one's disputing that, Commander. But you must understand what you've become to the galaxy—"

"Technically I'm not even in the Alliance any more. I was declared MIA and no one bothered to reinstate me when I came back. I delivered this to you out of respect, but I am leaving whether you allow me to or not." She paused. "Sir."

"Why now, Shepard?"

She swallowed, avoiding his gaze. "You'll find the reasons enclosed, sir."

"I'm not interested in those." He tapped the datapad. "When we were vetting you for Spectre candidacy, we went over every single thing in your history. I saw something that intrigued me when you signed up. The recruiter noted: 'Shepard is extremely eager to join the marines. She said and I quote, "The marines are my family now. I won't ever abandon my family."' Does that sound familiar, Shepard?"

"The voice of a little girl, sir, desperate for stability in a chaotic world," Andie said, biting her lip.

"Are you sure you won't reconsider? You've more than earned a promotion or two…"

"I've thought about this, sir."

Hackett searched her face, and nodded, standing from his desk. "These things take awhile to process. However," he raised a hand, forestalling the protest he saw on her face, "if you like, you can consider yourself on extended shore leave until it goes through."

Andie relaxed. "Thank you, sir. I appreciate it."

"I also want you to reconsider, Shepard." Hackett's eyes bored into hers. "And I'm saying this because you're a damn good officer—not because it's politically advantageous." He paused. "Your aunt Esther… she was a good friend. I promised her I'd keep an eye on you."

Andie stared at the older man, too surprised to speak. Her Aunt Esther was her father's sister; a hard woman, difficult to understand and get close to. Andie had stayed with her for awhile after the Mindoir raid while the authorities tried to figure out what to do with her. Esther cared about her, but she wasn't a mother—she was a soldier. She hadn't known how to deal with a psychologically damaged teenager. Esther had tried to keep in touch over the intervening years but Andie had only seen her once—at the ceremony for Andie's promotion to Lieutenant Commander—before her death in a ship-to-ship fight with pirates.

"I… can't promise anything, sir," she said slowly, "but I will think about it."

Hackett nodded, looking relieved. "Good enough."

Andie turned to leave.

"If you don't mind my asking," Hackett said as she reached the door, "where are you going?"

She smiled a tired, sad smile. "Home."


tbc...