Chapter 5
Andie pulled herself out of the tractor's open engine, rubbing her hands on a greasy cloth. "Your coolant is leaking, Ben. You'll have to send for a part from Toscani..."
She trailed off when she saw him standing there. Kaidan shoved his hands in his pockets, willing his thudding heart not to leap out of his chest at the sight of her. Her hair was longer than when he'd seen her on Horizon, and she was dressed in hardy trousers that hugged her legs and a leather vest. He wouldn't have recognized her at a distance. She looked different from when she wore armor or even fatigues. She looked like she was... at home.
"Andie—" Before he could do more than take a step forward, she whipped her arm around in a mnemonic so fast that he had hardly registered it. Stasis froze his limbs. When had she learned that?
He saw her take off running and then in a biotic move he'd only seen in vids, charged in a blue streak out of sight.
Well. That was… unexpected.
When the stasis released him, the old farmer was shutting the engine cover and watching him with a calculating look in his eye.
"You hurt her, son?"
Kaidan glanced in the direction Shepard had run off in. "Yeah." He wondered if he had just sealed his own fate. The people here seemed to regard Shepard with feelings ranging from favored child to revered saint. To his surprise, however, the scowl on the old man's face relaxed.
"Make it good, boy."
Kaidan nodded and started off over the hill.
Lucky for him, this part of the country was relatively flat and treeless—perfect for farms but hard to hide in. Besides that, he knew her too well.
As he jogged up to the banks of the river, he saw her, sitting with her arms wrapped around her knees… and a very large dog at her side.
Kaidan stopped warily as the dog got up from his haunches and eyed Kaidan the way a varren might eye a slab of meat. Then the dog barked happily and, stubby tail wagging, bounded over to give Kaidan a sloppy wet kiss.
He extricated himself from the dog with a chuckle and sat down beside her.
"Traitor," muttered Shepard, eyeing the dog who stayed by Kaidan's side, whining to be scratched behind the ears. "You were supposed to sic him, not lick him."
"Nice dog. Yours?" he said carefully, obliging the ugly mutt by rubbing a hand over his head.
"Sort of." She shrugged. "I had a dog when I was a kid. When I got here a couple of weeks ago, I picked him up at the rescue shelter to see if we're a good match. His name's Six."
"Six?"
Shepard shook her head. "I have no idea. That's all he'll answer to though."
They sat in awkward silence for a moment, broken only by Six's panting in the warm sun.
"I've been looking for you for awhile, Andie," Kaidan said quietly. "Where did you go?"
"Amaterasu." She caught his blank look. "Ashley's mother and sisters still live there."
Kaidan felt a knot of guilt form in his stomach. He'd been there once after the Normandy was destroyed, but hadn't bothered to check up on them since… "How are they?"
"They're doing well. Abby was recently married, Lynn is in the middle of getting her theology degree, and Sarah is attending medical school."
"Good for them."
Silence descended again.
"How long—are you—" Shepard stuttered over the words. Kaidan frowned inwardly. When was the last time he'd heard her stumble over words?
"When did you get here?" she finally managed, her cheeks growing splotchy with a blush.
"About three hours ago."
Her eyes widened. "Seriously?" Concern furrowed her brow. "Have you eaten?"
Kaidan smiled. So she did care… "Yeah. I ate when the transport landed. I also have some protein bars for snacks."
She looked relieved. When silence threatened to descend again, Kaidan leapt into it.
"Why wouldn't you talk to me?" he said. Shepard looked away. His frustration mounted. "Don't close me out again, Andie. You've run away to this little colony—running from I don't know what—but I'm here, and I'm not willing to let this go."
Shepard glared at him. "I didn't run away!"
"Oh yeah? And what do you call resigning your commission? Refusing to answer calls from anyone, including Anderson? What do you call disappearing without a trace? What do you call that little episode with the stasis a minute ago? Hell, Shepard, if it wasn't for Hackett telling me you were alive, I would have thought you died again! What's going on?"
For a moment, he thought he'd gotten through to her; she'd fight back like she usually did. But instead she seemed to wilt. Lines he'd never noticed before deepened around her eyes and mouth.
"I ran because… because I was scared, Kaidan."
Whatever the response he had imagined, it wasn't this.
Shepard opened her hands, looking at her palms. "Do you know what it's like to be singled out in a galaxy of billions? I felt like I was being ripped apart…" her voice dropped to a near whisper. "I didn't know who I was anymore. Cerberus tool? Alliance traitor? I didn't know. Kaidan, I had no anchor—I clung so tightly to the Collectors and the Reapers because they gave me purpose, but now they're gone and I felt like pieces of me were slowly drifting away." She shuddered. "I came here… home… to find out if there's still an Andrea Shepard the person, not Commander Shepard, savior of the galaxy."
Kaidan picked up her hand and idly began rubbing her fingers. "Did you find her?"
Andie looked at their fingers. "Maybe... She misses her shotgun."
Kaidan laughed. "You voluntarily gave up your shotgun? I never thought I'd see the day."
She smiled, a quick rueful twist to her lips. "I think I was having some sort of existential crisis when I left the Normandy. I kept my sidearm—I wasn't that far gone—but my shotgun and my Cain: all gone." She looked genuinely despondent.
"Your… 'Cain'?"
A slow smile curved her mouth. "A nice, ladylike weapon Cerberus scientists cooked up for me."
Kaidan shook his head. "Which translates to: 'Shepard likes big boom'."
Her smile turned beatific. "I'll never forget the hole we left in the Collector ship…"
Hole… Kaidan's jaw dropped. "You mean that… crater in the ground on Horizon was from your weapon?"
"That's my baby." She grinned and there she was, almost like they had never been apart. Kaidan's hand seemed to move on its own as it reached up to cup the side of her face, combing his fingers through her hair.
"I'm sorry for what I said on Horizon, Andie," he said quietly. "I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me."
The pain in Shepard's eyes was almost too great to bear, but she closed them, leaning into his touch, her fingers feather light on his.
"I missed you so much," she whispered hoarsely and that was all the invitation he needed. He tugged her forward into his arms and held her close, reveling in the feel of her heart beating against his chest.
Six began to wiggle his way between them, whining.
"Nosy dog," Shepard grumbled. "Go chase a pyjak or something!"
Kaidan chuckled.
"So what are you going to do here? Fix old farmers' tractors?"
"Maybe," she said a little defensively, but her next words were serious. "I'm not sure, to be honest. It was nice to come home for awhile but… it's not the same." She pulled away slightly, grabbing a stick from the ground and giving it a biotically-enhanced throw. Six woofed happily and zoomed off. "I think when I came here I wanted to come back to what it was before the raid, but those people—that place—only exists in my memories now…"
"Andie—"
"It's okay," she said with a sad smile. "It's hard, but I think I've finally dealt with something. As long as I've been away, Mindoir has been some sort of paradise of memory. It's… healthier to see it as it is. Maybe now I can let it go—move past it." She chewed her lower lip for a moment. "I've been thinking that I want to teach. Maybe at an Alliance academy or something."
Kaidan raised his eyebrows. "So you're not resigning? Hackett will be pleased."
Andie rolled her eyes. "Damn the man. He knows me far too well." She frowned in thought. "I haven't decided if I want to go back to active duty, but the teaching idea appeals to me for some reason. Only thing is, Mindoir doesn't have an Alliance academy. Even if it did, I'm too famous here. There were paparazzi in Toscani when I landed—can you believe it?" She shook her head.
Kaidan felt nervousness clawing in his stomach, working its way up his throat. "There's an established colony on Perelandra—in the Elbereth system. There's a new Alliance academy on the surface—Anderson told me about it. They're building a small station in orbit for zero-gee training." He swallowed. "I know they've heard of Commander Andrea Shepard… but I doubt that they've ever heard of Andrea Alenko."
In his mind he winced; it had sounded suave and romantic in his head, but now out on the wind….
Andie went very still, and her voice was small as she said, "Kaidan… are you…?"
Kaidan positioned himself in front of her, grabbing her hands so his own wouldn't tremble. "Marry me, Andrea Laine Shepard."
Her face fell and she pulled her hands from his, standing to her feet. She turned away from him crossing her arms over her chest.
"Everyone dies around me, Kaidan," she said, her voice quiet. "My family, my squad, Jenkins, Ash, Mordin, Zaeed, Jack, half my crew—are you sure you want to throw in with the 'sole survivor' and her curse?"
Kaidan came up behind her, gently turning her so that she faced him. "For today," he kissed her forehead, "for tomorrow," he kissed her closed eyelids, "and for always." He hesitated then brushed her lips with his.
In the middle of a perfectly good kiss, she said something, muffled against his mouth.
"What?"
"I said, 'yes. I will.'"
-end-
Thanks for reading everyone! If you would like to see the fanart of my Shepard which inspired this story, go to http: / / tinyurl. com/ 2ua9gjr (without the spaces). The art is by zweihand.
