HELLO AGAIN!

I'd just like to thank my devoted readers/ reviewers , littlewinter and luv2beloved, you surely know how to bring a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. I was actually surprised to see the word "like" and "impressed" in your reviews and I must admit, I did an acceptable job, at least compared to the first one, it ended like an epic fail. And since I don't want to bore you much, I just wanted to say thank you one more time :)

I don't own anything. Not Twilight, not the bad ass Seether song. Not Jacob, nor Renesmee. And if I did, I'd lock them in a cage and force them to reproduce. :P

Well the tongue inside my mouth is not for sale
Any spirit left in me is fading fast
Could you throw another stone to ease my pain?
Could you throw another stone to seal my fate?
I don't believe in this world anymore, anymore
I don't believe in me

Goodbye cruel world.

-Tongues, Seether.

The cold wind blew at an incredible speed as the little frozen raindrops hit me numerous times in my face. My muscles seemed to just miss, I couldn't feel them at all. I couldn't feel anything but the adrenaline rushing through my boiling blood and the dumb feeling called fearlessness. All these months I've spent tasting the freedom, trying the waters, but now it was the time to take it all. It would either save me from the diabolic eternity I was forced to live or I would just end up choking on my own misery, into the pile of problems that have no solving.

I brought the bottle to my mouth again and I took a larger sip of the unbelievable curing drink and my tongue danced around it, ,tasting better than before . I swallowed a massive amount, holding my breath. My eyelids hid my boring brown eyes as tears fell as if they were strung and my mind was suddenly put under complicated spells, behind a stone barrier. The world seemed to end there.

A shook of my head was all it took for me to wake up, back on the rooftop of this incredibly tall building, in New York. I took a step forward and I noticed that I slipped, almost hitting the ground. I tried telling myself to stop, but it was worthless. Unwillingly, my shaky hand grabbed a wall situated next to the edge of it and got up. Holding my right hand against the cold, rigid wall, my head moved to the left. Erratic shiny lights blinded me with an extraordinary euphoria and I let out a soft giggle. My smoky, husky voice made me feel disgusted about myself, the animal I have become and I knew from the start that I couldn't stop this hollow shadow from taking over me.

I gave a soft push to the surface I was keeping my balance against and I stepped on the higher part of the edge, only inches separating me from inexistent gravity. Holding the bottle tight, with both of my hands, I moved my feet forward again and I actually felt vain here, above the world.

"Who the fuck gives a damn about what I think. NOBODY EVER DID!" I yelled like a mad person, only to be accompanied by the annoying sounds of a traffic on a normal winter night in this huge city. Tears fell faster as painful sentences echoed into my head.

Nobody loves you. Just look at yourself, you pathetic little bitch and you'll get the proof to my words. You are meant to end up in the ashes and so nobody will ever remember your existence. Not like they do right now, anyways….

"Renesmee! ." A deafening scream from the voice that's been haunting my dreams woke me up from my trance. I dropped the bottle and it immediately disappeared from my sight. My heart was racing. " Renesmee, I love you, please don't do this… Don't hurt me this way." His voice weakened towards the end, sounding as if he was crying. Just the image of his bright face, who could radiate happiness and light even on my darkest days, tear strained, his bottom lip quivering with fear, praying that everything would be alright stabbed a sharp knife in my empty chest, it was just too much to face.

I didn't have enough strength to look him in the eyes because I knew I'd most likely end up in giving up, just like I always did, compromising my wants with things that could keep me off for a while.

"All I needed was some love but now… it's too late." I breathed, trying to not break.

Since the day I was born, I was a painful-dying flower, still the day of rotting never came. Red petals were slowly turning black, thorns become weaker, the image blurring as the seconds passed by and now it was too late to save the color in life. Happiness is an unknown term to me now.

I jumped in the nothingness inside and I waited for my end to come as soon as I smashed, just like a fly, against the ground….

For a second, the oxygen seemed to miss from the reality I woke up in.

My body trembled urgently and I moved one hand up, to check if my body was intact. Besides the strange, irritating smell of mold in my nostrils and soothing texture of mud under my fingertips and nails, I was alright. I lift it up and put on my forehead, sweat beads mixed with tears rolling down my face. My heart beats no longer seemed frantic, but satanic, sounding like drums they used during sacrifices. A slight glance at the cloudy sky sent shivers down my spine as the images replayed in my head. Even Edward could read my mind right now and I wouldn't care, I needed somebody to share the pain and misery I had to take to wake up from this nightmare.

The burning sensation in my throat grew more intense, making it hard to focus to what was happening around me. How many weeks have gone by since the last time I've hunted? Maybe some fresh deer blood would calm down my rhythm.

Sitting on my hands and knees, I had to use all my strength to find myself standing on my own feet, for a minute several tingles in my body. I stretched a little and I regretted it badly when I was about to collapse. My body felt paralyzed, still the burning wound inside of me motivating to move.

It took me a few minutes to be in hunting shape, running around the fresh smelling plants making me feel a little bit better, the rain drops from last night and dew making their aroma quite enjoyable and relaxing.

My nose scrunched as I smelled some animals, my senses were in such a bad shape that I couldn't even recognize it. In a matter of moments, I was chasing the unknown animal and I dumbly jumped and attacked it. Turns out it was a carnivore and I gladly sank my teeth into its neck, a heart wrenching sound escaping from its shattered throat. I felt unsatisfied and pitiful for the poor animal , sacrificing its life for a dead person like me. Confusion wandered around my thoughts and questions that weren't looking for a concrete answer. I've never felt this way before.

I laid down the animal and watched it with sadness clouding me. The pain in my throat grew to an almost insupportable level and dizziness slowed me down drastically.

Just when I was about to move, a horse-sized grey wolf jumped in my way and I instantly fell back, the fall amplifying into my body as a long howl escaped its enormous mouth. After searching a few seconds in my memories, I realized I knew it. It was Leah Clearwater, her name full of pronounced perfectly in my mind, venom making those two names contrast boldly.

She stopped right in front of me and shaped back into her slim figure, looking angry as if she came to rip my head off. Not very far from the truth, I thought darkly. Her perfect brown body was completely exposed to me and I felt kind of jealous, I could never look that fit and…

A strong kick in my stomach woke me up from my intensive thinking as the sharp pain made it almost unbearable. Instead of attacking her, I swiftly got up and yelled louder than I expected to.

"What the fuck is your problem!" I had the permanent urge inside to punch her, but somehow I managed to keep my animalistic side inside, far away from exposing into the shadows of the day.

"My problem is that you are being one bitchy skunk and bringing Jake down! " her fierce growls raised my anger to the limits.

" Since when do you give a fuck about him? Huh?" I punched her, almost losing her balance. I could have pushed her into the farthest tree if my powers were the same as before.

"Chiquita, you're not the only one wanting Jacob. There is competition. Whoever wins, wins Jacob's heart." She half growled, pushing me back on the ground. These falls would cause me at least some pretty major bruises, but what made me hurt was the fact that he could abandon me for her. Not an impossible thing and I suddenly felt scared for my faith.

Using all my force, I got back up and my instincts urged me to jump at her neck. Before jumping, I felt a pair of frozen arms hold me back. I tried escaping the tight grip, only to fail more and my father's voice sent me shivers down my spine. "You stay right in the place you are, Renesmee."

I hissed at Leah, who ran away and shifted back into her bitch form. Oh wait she's always a bitch.

"GO TO HELL, RIGHT IN THE PLACE YOUR FATHER IS BURNING RIGHT NOW!" My voice sounded scandalously raged and insane.

"Calm down." Dad whispered softly to me. "It's not worth it, honey. Breathe. "

I tried my best to not get angry again and who knows, flip off my father too and I think, from reading my thoughts, that he kind of appreciated. Soon, my mother joined us and asked me if I am alright, the truth is I wasn't , but I tried acting. Seems like I got another "talent" from my mother and dad chuckled darkly at my thoughts.

"Now seriously, Nessie, are you fine?" I just shrugged, showing them the minor cuts that were, to my surprise, hardly healing and pulsing aggressively in my bruised wrists. I need to wear the black leather wrist cuffs my family never allowed me to wear. Taking me by surprise, he picked me up fireman style with one arm and the other one connected with my mother's, whose eyes were studying me carefully. He walked fast, but not too fast to get me all dizzy and he put me down when we entered the main house. I was feeling awkward when I sat on my own feet

"Honey… I've made you cinnamon pancakes, your favorites." Esme's always happy tone brightened me up a little. " But go change into something more comfortable and take a nice, relaxing bath. " Nodding my head lightly, peaking at her in the kitchen. Her radiant smile made my heart drench for a second, but I forced myself to move.

When I entered the bathroom and closed the door silently, I stripped down from my now-dirty white t-shirt, white skinny pants and I was glad Alice didn't see the way I looked. She would probably have one of those terrifying looks on her cute face, her eyes looking ready to attack you. Maybe with a death glare. I let out a small laugh that ended up as a whimper as soon as I touched my ribs. I took down my white lacy bra and stared at the dark mark on my skin and gulped, but decided to move over.

Just before I could enter the bath tub, I walked by the huge mirror that made me feel self conscious in the worst moments possible. My feet abruptly stopped and stared at the unrecognizable reflection my eyes had to meet.

In my entire life I've never been so skinny and hungry-looking and to be honest, I wanted my curves back. My skin was white as chalk and I didn't feel comfortable anymore, so I opened the water. When it was almost full, trying not to look into that mirror again, I took a bottle of lavender foaming salt and poured half of it into the water. The water felt holy against my dirty body and I tilted my head back, enjoying the silent moments I had for myself.

Uncontrollable shivers escaped from my dry lips as my fingertips massaged the entrance of my clit. I pushed my index finger further, trying to find that magic place and soon enough, I was panting and moving my finger, in and out. I stopped when I was about to scream, but only to add another finger and push harder. My hips were now practically humping my hand, but it felt so right, so pleasurable….

I felt my insides turn and my breathing became frantic at best. I let my head fall back once again as my fingers pushed harder and harder. My head was spinning, sweat drops started falling from my face once again. A different wetness With my left hand shaking, I brought it up and another scent made my nostrils tingle. White liquid mixed with the Lavender water ran down my long finger and I brought it nervously, to my lips. It tasted… like nothing, mostly.

Trying to act like nothing happened, I washed my body rapidly and slipped out of the water, the smell making my stomach hurl. I realized they would be waiting for me. I remembered Jasper and Edward had their special ways to find out how I felt right now and I could feel the blood burning my cheeks, but I didn't want to look like I am hesitating, so I hurried up and put on black matching underwear , black sweat pants and a dark grey t-shirt, something none of my family members would approve, but who cares. As soon as I finished with pulling my hair up in a ponytail, I carefully stepped on the cold marble, feeling… strange.

I walked to the kitchen and settled down, where a big pile of pancakes seemed so delicious, and of course, a modern-looking glass of water. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at their punctuality. Esme looked at me, her golden eyes screaming at me with fear, as if I was going to criticize her for her food. Instead, I complimented her.

"This looks amazing and its taste is probably divine. Thank you, Esme." I flashed a little smile.

"I'm glad you like them honey…"

I took a bite out of one and I slowly chewed it. It didn't taste like nothing at first, but then, it hit me.

I dropped the pancake and I ran, full vampire speed to the little bathroom downstairs as I threw out all of it. My mother's hands were on my back, probably dead worried and I felt my father's presence, too. After finishing, I cleaned my mouth with some water and brushed my teeth, trying to get rid of that nasty taste stuck on my tongue.

This wasn't normal at all. Not even for me, a vampire-human hybrid, living in the supernatural world, full of much stronger creatures than this mixture I was. Breathing unevenly, I showed my mother if I could stay alone for a little while, in my room. She nodded and she opened herself to dad, who understood and they disappeared. Wow, that was pretty easy. Plus, I think they wanted to do something today. I scrunched my nose in disgust and a light laugh came from downstairs, smooth voice of Edward's.

I sighed, wondering if me and him could ever go this far… Stop this, stupid bitch. You'll never have him. He doesn't want you, isn't that clear? I mentally scolded myself and I curled into a ball, tears falling from my eyes faster and faster. Suddenly, a vibration woke me up from the temporary depression I was in. I wiped my eyes with one of my hands and grabbed my phone.

42 Missed Calls – Jacob

I gulped when I saw his name pop on the screen again and I set it down, next to me and cried harder. But, at the third ring, not really knowing why, I grabbed it and answered.

"Ness?" his voice sounded hysterical and hurting. "A-Are you alright? Are you safe? Can I talk with you about something?..."

"There's space for so much more." I said, my voice sort of angry and roughly broken. "What do you need?"

"A-are you crying?" he stuttered, worried. "Nessie, about last night- "

"Nothing happened. I'm fine. " I interrupted him, the venom and sharpness really sensitive in my tone. "You know what, I'll come to La Push. Meet me at the cliffs. You'll find me there. I am not going to hurt myself through a telephone." I left him no chance to answer and I painfully hit the "End" button.

I felt my bruises hurt as I got up and grab a pair of black jeans and a black t-shirt, a black hoodie over it with my Kurt Cobain hi top Converse, the only clothes I owned and loved. I realized that my parents weren't there when I left and I snatched some money before anybody could see. Holding my hand over my ribs, I ran to La Push, wondering what he had to say. Nothing in my favor, I guess. Maybe he'll just criticize me for yelling those things to Leah.

Who knows.

i hope you liked it. :) And if you didn't... I'm sorry for letting you down. :(