I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling.
Sigh
I glance over at my clock. It reads 9:20.
Hannah is probably in 2nd period right now. Rehearsing for the play without me.
Oh well. I couldn't go to school today. I can't face HIM yet…..not now.
I slid out of bed and drag my feet over to my desk where my phone sat. I picked it up and turned it on for the first time since last night's party. I didn't want to deal with anyone while I sat here and thought.
Message after message came in. All from Hannah I guess. And I was right.
From last night:
"Hey."
"Payton…?"
"Why don't we talk, I will listen."
"Payton, please don't ignore me. I want to help."
"Please?"
"Ok, I understand. But I want you to know that no matter what, I will always be there for you. I know you probably want to think or be alone right now, and I get it, but when you are ready to talk, I'll be waiting to listen."
From this morning:
"Are you coming to school?"
"Payton, you and Max aren't here today…"
I closed my phone. Max? Why wasn't he at school?
I looked at the screen. I noticed the little letter icon blink. I still had messages…
But I read all the ones from Hannah.
I opened my phone to see one from Max.
"I want to talk. Just us. I won't go to school, so, I will be home all day tomorrow. Come over when you're free."
…sent last night.
What did he want to talk about? I have a feeling I know what…
But I need to talk to Hannah first.
New message, to Hannah, " Hannah I think…."
Cancel.
New message, to Hannah, " I need to vent to…."
Cancel.
Ugh, why cant I just talk to her? She is my best friend and I tell her everything, but this. Why not this?
I just don't know how to start with this "Max" talk. She would help me feel better, but…
Maybe I should talk to Max first. He wants to talk too. But Hannah can help me prepare.
I change into a T-shirt and shorts, flinging some flip flops on and grab my car keys, leave the house, and round the corner to my door and slide into the car. I drive for about 15 minutes before I reach my destination. I turn off the car and slowly creep out of the vehicle. I pace myself while walking to the front door of the house and take deep breathes before pushing on the door bell.
Ring.
I wait what seems like forever and a century before the door finally opens. He didn't even say hi, he just grabbed my hand and pulled me into the house, closing the door behind us.
"What the hell was that for!" I screamed at him, taking my hand back in anger.
"I'm sorry, I just been waiting to see you all night." Max said with a sorrowed expression and started looking at something interesting on the ground.
Sigh. "Ok look", I start and pull at his face to look at me again, "lets just sit down and talk. You said you wanted too."
He nodded and took a seat of the couch while I sat as far away on the other end as possible.
"So what do you want to-"
"You know what the hell I want to talk about." He said aggressively. "Last night. Its killing me. You know that? You're so close to me and I can talk to you about anything and you scare the shit out of me! I fell that one word can ruin everything and it will all go away!" Max got off the couch to stand over me with a face of anger and worry.
"Well you know what? It's not exactly easy to watch you bring different girls around and listen to you talk about them when they aren't even there!" I yelled back. "If you think it kills you, then try being attracted to one of your best friends and watch them do all that shit in your face ever week", tears started to pool in my eyes. "I have to watch every fucking girl climb all over you when I only wish that you would change your mind one day and…." My tears started choking me. What the hell was I saying!
I turned away and cried it out, bringing my hands to my face. I shouldn't be doing this, I shouldn't be here. I was about to rise off the couch when a pair of hands pushed lightly done on my back, and a whisper in my ear, "Don't go…."
I stopped the crying in its tracks, and slowly turned to face him, now inches away from my face. An all too familiar position.
"I can't do this anymore..." I rush up and towards the door.
"I love you."
I stopped. My hand went to my lips. That wasn't me…
I turned to look at Max. He had risen as if to follow me. I stared at him in disbelief.
"I love you." He repeated. His eyes scanning my face for an emotion, an expression, anything; like he was craving anything little movement he could use as feedback.
I blinked my self to reality. "What…"
"You're different. You don't try to seduce me like every other girl I try to be friends with. You are the only one who will listen and talk normal and not linger from the subject until you think I'm done. You understand me and I try my hardest to understand you. You don't try to please me or show off your body, you are always acting the way you would normally. You're just you and that's what I love. I love you and you're such a close friend that I can't lose you. I would never hurt you, not physically or intentionally. You mean so much to me, but I feel like I can't ever have you the way I wish I could or else things would fall apart because you don't feel the same way. But I can't hide these feelings anymore. I'll be completely honest. I tried to kiss you last night and I didn't plan to like that, but your face was so close to me, your body was in my arms and your lips seemed to sparkle even under the water. And that look you gave me, it became irresistible and I had to kiss you. But then you pushed away, and it broke me. That's why I asked to talk. Because you may not want me like that, but you have every right to know about my feelings."
When I was sure he was done, I finally took in the air I failed to inhale his whole speech. He hadn't moved the entire time; he only looked into my eyes and licked his lips. I gaze watched his tongue move across and disappear behind his teeth.
I rushed into his embraced that I remembered and fit so easily into. I wound my arms around his neck and pushed his head down to mine and pressed my lips against his. I laced my fingers in his hair and felt him make circles on my back. I pulled away and looked at his face, shocked but relaxed.
"I pushed away out of paranoia. I didn't want to ruin our relationship as it was because every moment I was with you, I felt like that was as far as I'd ever get." I said before I kissed him again, this time letting him deepen the kiss. It felt so natural the way our lips moved and the way our tongues felt together. He pulled me tighter against him and felt back on to the couch with me landing in his lap. I pulled back and dared myself to ask the question I have been dreading to say. "What happens now?"
He took his hands behind his head and pulled his dog tag necklace off and placed it on me. "You say yes."
I eyed him questionably. "To what?" I said, playing with the chain that felt weightless in my hand.
He smiled and balled the hand with the chain in his own while placing a light kiss on my knuckles. "To being my girlfriend."
I placed my head on his shoulder and nodded so he couldn't hear or see the happy tears that were coming. I took in a few breathes to calm it down.
"What do we tell the others?" I asked in a low voice. "They won't understand easily."
I felt him sigh silently through the rise and fall of his chest.
"How about we talking about it tomorrow night." he finally finished.
"What's tomorrow night?" I asked taking a quick glance at his expression.
"Our first date." He said looking over and kissing my forehead. I smiled at the images of what I could picture of our first date. What I would wear, what shoes would match. Hannah would…..
I opened my eyes wide.
How the hell was I suppose to keep this a secret from Hannah till tomorrow night….
Well. Looks like I'm in trouble…
Shit.
Please Review! i would LOVE to hear feedback to how this is going so far! :)
