Sakyo

"Is this how you imagined it?" Lucius Malfoy asked, speaking over his shoulder. He and his glowing-tipped wand had taken the lead as the group roamed the dark hallways. Behind him, Sakyo Valdez and a few others in dark robes mostly carried more pedestrian flashlights. Other than them, the hallways were empty – when the Hellgate opened, Luthor had mostly abandoned his Lexcorp tower, which was what made this excursion possible. "Working for a demon, I mean."

"More or less," Sakyo answered truthfully. He smiled halfheartedly as he cast the flashlight around. "Sneaking around, theft, the occasional wanton murder… my heart's still in my chest, so that's an unexpected plus. I guess I expected the rest of the help to be more skilled."

"I know," Lucius responded derisively. "Half of this 'cult' he put together are recruited straight out of the local pizza parlor."

"Hey!" one of the other hooded men responded. "I worked at Burger King, thank you – and I was the store manager!"

"I can count on one hand the ones with any magical talent at all," Lucius continued. "Actually, it's not so horrible. I've worked for at least one human who put me to dirtier work than this."

"I was just thinking the same thing," Sakyo said. "By the way, I… *ahem* I was one of the ones who voted for you."

"Hmm?"

"To be approved as a BORED member."

"Oh. It's-"

"FREEZE!" A guard appeared around the corner with a pistol drawn. The building was, after all, mostly abandoned.

"Stupefy." Malfoy leveled his wand at the guard, and a jet of red light struck him in the chest. The guard collapsed backward, his gun discharging into the ceiling. Malfoy flinched and began to curse. "These… I can't believe… so much noise… could've been…" he took a deep breath. "MUGGLES," he finally spat, before calming down. "Anyway," he said brightly as they continued past the unconscious man, "I'm not angry. In fact, I'm glad I'm not in BORED now that this whole mess has reached a boiling point."

Sakyo pointed one of the lesser cultists back toward the guard, and watched out of his peripheral vision as the cultist advanced on the prone man and drew a glossy brown blade from his robes. Then he continued on. "You're right. It really wasn't fun having Death angry at me." Lucius had stopped at a door marked 'CASE FILES,' which Sakyo walked up to. Upon finding it locked, Sakyo produced a pair of paper clips and began swiftly working on it. "I haven't done this since high school."

"Well, hurry now, that… that BLAST from the gun is going to attract the other guards." Lucius had no sooner finished his sentence than the door sprang open. "Alright, split up, chaps. You know what you're looking for." The room was moderately large, windowless and filled with dull-colored file cabinets. It was the most boring room Sakyo could think of – a perfect place to discover treasure.

The two remaining men in cloaks began to rifle through file cabinets, with Mr. BK manager sticking his flashlight in his mouth so he could work with both hands. Lucius whipped drawers open with a wave of his wand, then scarcely gave them a glance before shutting them. Sakyo was more relaxed, merely checking the labels on the drawers.

"I found it," Lucius exclaimed, inspecting a drawer marked "X-Z" that had been locked. "Alohamora." A spark shot from his wand again, this time striking the lock and pulling the drawer opened. In addition to the manila folders they'd found in every other drawer, there was a large, softly shining gold necklace with a diamond-shaped white gem in the middle. "This is the genuine article. I've seen phylacteries before."

"Why couldn't you use Alohamora on the door a minute ago?" One of the cultists whined.

"I thought it might be booby-trapped," Lucius replied with a wry smile. More gunshots broke out, along with a not-too-distant scream. He gritted his teeth. "I hate Muggle guns."

"That was Monroe screaming," one of the cultists, a Hispanic man with prison tattoos, said. "It's a safe bet he's dead. Specially with guns like that."

"Those were not sidearms," Sakyo said with some concern. "The plan isn't to fight our way out, is it?"

"The plan was to leave the way we came," Lucius said with a grimace, "but that's negotiable." Suddenly, they became very quiet as they heard screams of "They're in there!" and such from the guards. A moment of silence was shattered with the sound of gunshots, and bullets burst through the wall, tearing the room apart. Malfoy, Sakyo, and the Hispanic man immediately dove to the floor. Mr. BK Manager wasn't as nimble; he collapsed to the ground with several bullets in his chest.

"Of course," Sakyo groaned. "Lex probably gave everybody guns that shoot through superheroes. Walls are nothing."

"It's about time we made our escape," Malfoy suggested. "But first… a surprise." He blasted Mr. BK Manager with his wand, and the corpse began to shudder. The man's skin began to collapse inward, seeming to fracture along a pattern. A second later, a large snake emerged from the folds of the cloak and slithered into the corner of the room. "Let's see if your bloody metal wands produce antivenom," he snarled. "You two grab hold."

Sakyo crawled military-style across the floor and grabbed Malfoy's arm, as did the tattooed cultist. Lucius's leg had been shot through, but Sakyo decided not to mention it until after they had safely Apparated out of there. The last thought he had before the magic yanked him out of the room was weighing the pros and cons of turning corpses into snakes instead of zombies.

Xanatos

It wasn't hard for David Xanatos to find the man he had only met via hologram before. He was pacing in the hallway outside the office, his face etched in a deep frown, not quite sure whether to keep his hands behind his back or crossed in front of him. "Mr. Luthor, nice to meet you," Xanatos said, extending his hand. Lex met his hand curtly and nodded just as curtly. "I wish it could be under better circumstances," Xanatos added.

"As do I," Lex agreed. "You heard what happened?"

"All I heard was that there was a break-in and that you'd meet me here," Xanatos confessed. "What happened?"

"Our new neighbors seem to have broken in. They weren't after keycards or parts for a control panel either; Sakyo knew we didn't keep BORED classified data here. The prick. They were after something from my personal collection – a phylactery that once belonged to a very powerful lich called Xykon."

Xanatos' well-maintained eyebrow perked at 'phylactery'. He was always looking for a good way to achieve immortality, but he couldn't be too blatant about it. "If they're interested in it, than I'd hazard a guess the lich is still present."

"You're right." Xanatos followed Luthor into the office, which was a bullet-riddled mess. A couple of corpse outlines were on the floor. "Xykon's still in the gem, although it doesn't let him out anymore because of some magical rules I don't entirely understand." Xanatos stepped aside to let a pair of men in Hazmat suits carry out a very large snake that had apparently been shot to death. "I'm sure they can get him out, though."

"How powerful is 'very powerful'?" Xanatos asked.

"He'll be nearly as strong as the demon himself. Worse, liches don't keep their souls with them in their bodies – so unlike Death by Chocolate, he can move freely with no fear of the satellite."

Xanatos blinked. "So he's a super-assassin."

"Sure, if even the forces of Hell can control him."

"Now, Mr. Luthor… you asked me to join BORED during this turbulent time because you were looking for more people with good PR to associate with, especially in case the group went public. I joined because I want to be prepared to stare death in the face, and because I intend to keep my membership for a long time after this crisis is resolved. But it's looking more and more like you've recruited me for a suicide mission."

"I know what I'm doing," Luthor insisted. "The adversary is different to what I'm used to, and the stakes are higher, but I am not so easily outmatched. Besides, one of the reasons we need you is your experience with the supernatural – you'd have a better idea what we're dealing with when we have to face Xykon. And don't think being a BORED member is without perks." Smiling for the first time since Xanatos had arrived, Luthor handed over a small sphere, red and white in color with a black seam between the halves. "Press the button to expand it, then give it a gentle toss toward the floor."

Xanatos did as instructed. Out popped a small yellow creature with a thick tail, clumsy limbs, closed eyes, stubby ears and an equally stubby muzzle, and what appeared to be brown armor. It sat sprawled on the ground, looking for all the world like it was sleeping. "A gargoyle? No… what is this creature?"

"A pokemon, courtesy of Giovanni to us and all the others who are incapable of teleportation. Yours is called an Abra. I got a little green bird. Giovanni says, and I quote, 'I'm tired of being the rest of BORED's teleportation bitch.' It suits me; I don't care a bit for the man."

"Got him to share the resources, eh? Sounds like a good strategy." Xanatos had bent down for a closer look. "It's just… sleeping. Did he leave any instructions?"

"I can quote those from memory too," Luthor boasted. "He said 'feed it two bowls of dog food a day and let it out to shit every so often, and it'll be worth the effort. They can read your mind and teleport you hundreds of miles if you can visualize the destination.' He also mentioned that yours almost always sleeps, but can work in its sleep."

"Quite handy. How do I…?"

"You aim the empty ball at it." Xanatos did as instructed, and the Abra returned to its ball. He shrugged and slipped it into his jacket pocket. "We're done here," Luthor sighed, drawing his own Pokeball. "You should come with me to headquarters. Kirei, Doom, Pegasus, Shinra, and Dracula are the others who might know something about liches. Dracula almost certainly does, and he and Kirei are already there."

"I should also thank Giovanni in person," Xanatos said as he idly observed the chirping, spherical green bird Luthor's Pokeball had produced.

Lex made a dismissive gesture. "Giovanni's gone back home for the moment. Said I was giving him a migraine… the baby. Natu, teleport." The world shimmered, and Xanatos, Lex, and Giovanni were standing in a whitewashed hall. "Go brainstorm. I need to go make sure Bison hasn't started a baby-kicking contest."

The micromanagement and brusque orders chafed Xanatos, but he knew not to expect anything else from Luthor. M. Bison, however, was a sore point, especially since they were let in at the same time. "Why do you let that man stain our reputation?" Xanatos asked ruefully.

"He's smarter than you'd think, David – his country is the most stable and modern fascist state in history. What's more, his self-confidence is so flawless that there's no room for fear." Luthor hesitated. "You and I don't have that luxury."

End

Malfoy may seem a bit OOC - keep in mind five years of gradual financial ruin after the fall of Voldemort, he doesn't have many chances to be smug and in-control anymore. Also,we've never had him canonically deal with Muggles before - I thought having him loathe Muggle guns would be a good touch to his character.

I thought I'd get Xanatos a scene early - if he narrated a later scene, he'd probably have to give away a plan he was working on.

This part of the plot, obviously, tells part of the Xykon-joins-Hell story. God, I've still got to write so much for this. And I've been working so slowly...