Unrequited Love
This game, REM, what was it to me? Now a days, it seemed more like reality than anything. And I knew it was all because of him. It was almost as if I was ensnared in some nightmare. A nightmare in which everything around me..Was foreign. It's scary...Because no one wants to undergo too much change. But all at once; I didn't know what was real or not. I didn't know my surroundings. I felt lonely in the world that was brought to my eyes. Through Toshiro's discovery did I come upon these new changes. And through his very existence did I come to not even understand who I was. Slowly, I was transforming into a new person. Yet I was still aware of who I was. I wanted to go back to the times in which I never had these feelings. But then, a part of me wanted to see these changes through. That part, I knew, was purely there for interest. I wanted to know how I'd end up feeling..
About him.
Out of Game
"How is this supposed to work again?" I questioned.
"One thing at a time, sis," Yuzu screamed from the other side of the door.
In the bathroom, I took a deep breath and fidgeted in my new, padded underwear. Since the day I saw that brown blotch.. It seemed as though science class didn't lie about what I saw. It turned out to be blood. Dried blood. And as all we girls know; that's not the best thing to wake up to.
I opened the door and timidly met Yuzu's eyes. There, she walked me over to my bed and sat me down.
"Now.." She began, "Being the first of us to mature, I want you to know that this is totally natural and that-"
"We already learned about everything in 3rd grade," I interrupted, I honestly didn't want to talk about it..It just made me more self conscious. I think the bleeding already stopped anyways. Because, they say, your first always come in spurts and doesn't necessarily come every 28 days(or last a week).
"Just tell me about this new expansion," I ordered. I'd heard that REM was getting a new trinket added to it..One to make it even more realistic! But I didn't know what it was..
Yuzu processed everything in her head and finally began with, "The REM headset works by temporarily putting you to sleep, right?" She asked.
I nodded.
"That's because the brain cannot control both your body and your REM avatar at the same time." Yuzu explained.
I already knew that, but I waited for her to get to the point.
"The newest expansion allows your avatar to sleep inside REM while still being logged in," She explained.
"How is it possible?" I questioned.
"We'll be out for an extended period of time..So we have to eat and get in bed with our headsets on. After that, we'll log on REM, and stay on for as long as we please. The only thing that's different now is that our avatars will experience fatigue and we'll want to go to sleep at some point in time," Yuzu said, "When our avatars sleep, both our body and our avatar are inactive, giving your brain time to rest..So it really is a simple concept."
When she put it that way, it did seem very easy. All we had to do was eat and go to sleep with our headsets on..But the only difference was that now REM was even more like reality...Being able to sleep in REM..Amazing. How this game was progressing.
I looked out of my bedroom window, its white sill and thin, transparent curtains, blended with the glaring sunshine.
"So..How are we supposed to sleep if it's not even dark outside?" I said.
"REM was made in the west, so it's already night time where our avatars are," she said.
In the Game
"Why is he here?" I asked, coldly, glaring at Hairo with his stupid smile. I did not want any males on this trip.
"Because Momo invited me," he said.
"What?" I asked, turning back to him.
"Yeah, sure. We're old friends; She started talking to me after I beat her in the World-Arena Tournament last year... You didn't really think she invited just you, right? I mean, she did rent out the entire bath house and hot spring for a reason," Hairo said, casually putting his hands behind his head.
"You just have to ruin everything," I said, sighing.
Sweetheart, Ayame, Ichigo, and Yuzu, crowded around me as if I were a dying relative. Then, all at once, they surged me to the left and began to whisper to me.
"You do know that Hairo isn't going to be the only guy at the hot spring, right?" Yuzu whispered to me.
Well yeah, but I was under the influence that no one I know would be there..
"Momo invited me so that she and I could speak about something. I didn't know she would be simultaneously throwing a World Tournament party!" I defended.
But that was beside the point; I knew what there girls were getting at. It was a fear that edged into me all last night. For the first time, I'd be spending an all nighter on REM. And I wanted to believe that Momo wouldn't bring her favored pet with her. I really wanted to. Because she said she meant to speak to me about him..So there was a chance that she would be discreet enough not to invite him...
Though I somehow knew that she would bring him. And yet I still wanted to go to the hot spring. Because a part of me just wanted to see him. No matter what, I thought, a part of me would always want him.
But he didn't even matter! I mean...Weren't we just talking about Hairo? Hairo was a completely different issue!
"Why are you so against Hairo coming?" Ayame asked.
"PMS probably," Ichigo said.
"No, she's already on her-" I glared at Yuzu and she immediately clamped her mouth shut.
"I just don't think I'll be able to relax with him around.." I said.
"Duh," LuvLuv said, suddenly appearing behind all of us. I yelped up as she began over my cry, "Sometimes I wonder who she favors more; they both annoy the hell out of me. That's for sure."
"Player LuvLuvCandy1 has signed in! Moderation of player Kurai-Hime will commence," The Moderator spoke.
I gazed around the monochromatic city behind me for which was packed with people. One large street held open stores and stands along either side. Lanterns hung from every door. And it was quite like how a festival would be set up. Only, the farthest away, was the Tea house that stood with the bath house and hot spring, atop a moat which was only accessible by a zig-zag bridge as wide as the streets of the town. Everything was in shades of tan. Even the dead plants which struggled to push themselves up from in between the tiles of the road. Most of the shops were not very tall and they had flat roofs. Only the tea and bath houses had grand Japanese-styled roofs and exterior architecture. The main streets were covered with colorful goods and the buildings where often draped over with colored sheets. Though this did no good job in hiding their aged facades.
With one quick look at everything, I took a deep breath and decided that this—that everything—was going to be left behind today. I would just relax. Or at least attempt to.
Splendid beyond explanation. That's what awaited me beyond the glossy black roof and the rice paper doors. Everything seemed to just be so slippery..Because it was so glowing! When I walked in, everything in the building was supported by red columns for which ascended as high as the 8 story-high-ceiling could stretch. This huge building had many additions, all beautifully decorated with sparkling vases and hanging tapestries. When you mount the stairs, everything seems to be like a new world, with the second story being a restaurant. The guests were herded into specific places so that the waiters and waitresses would not accidentally shove them aside while handing out plates of food. Of course, the stories were so grand that only two floors could be provided.
So then, the zig-zag bridge that went from the Tea House, extended onward behind it. It led, still, across the vast lake. And there, a building just as grand stood, dead center in the middle of the lake. The zig-zag bridge branched off behind it and made way for several routes to the shores of the hot spring. If this game was created in the west, then why the hell was everything here Japanese?
The bath house was just as striking as the Tea House; only, it was completely cleaned of anyone. It had a sharper, more relaxing look to it. Though every cleaned room in it still had a sparkle. The house was divided as though it where a clans' manor.
At first, I thought I was safe. There seemed to be no one but the employees inside the bath house. I thought, perhaps, that we were the first to arrive. But, when I heard that excited voice, pure as the mountain air, screaming my name. In horror, I turned to see if she'd brought him. I really hoped she hadn't.
But there with her perfect length, brownie hair in two cute pig tails, she held the wrist of her favored pet and dragged him along. This time, however, he made no effort to meet my eyes. Avoiding me...Now I was pissed. Was I hard to look at or something! How rude! Now that my hope of relaxing was quickly being taken away by him, he had the gull to not even look me in the eye?
"Karin-san! I'm so glad you could make it," Momo said, running up to me and wrapping her arms me as though I were an old friend.
She let go of me and rushed over to Hairo, "CrimsonDragon-san, it's been so long!" she hugged him briefly and turned back to everyone.
"So these are your fellow maids?" Momo said.
As she went to each person and introduced herself, I whispered to Hairo, "CrimsonDragon, your username, seriously?"
He replied, "Karin-san, really?"
I didn't respond. I knew what he meant. No one called me Karin but him. Of course, he was yet to find out that his responsibility was diluted. More than he called me Karin.
But Momo..Why did she call me Karin? How did she even know my real name? And instantly I knew, she could have only been calling me Karin as a symbol that Toshiro was talking about me, or she had forced him to talk.
Speaking of Toshiro, I thought, sending a glare in his direction. I saw, he still didn't look at me through his white hair. That ass is still ignoring me. Am I really that unpleasant to look at? Did he think I wasn't worth his time now that he had a pretty little perfect girlfriend? What was it? It pissed me off not to know the answer.
After Momo finished greeting everyone. She led us to the game room and told us that, since she rented out the whole bath house, we could chose whatever room we wanted. But first, he had to show us the game room.
Momo let us know that the game room was sort of the cross roads for maneuvering through the rooms. Since the halls all looked identical, I was told to use the game room for identifying which direction my hall was in.
The game room only had a ping-pong table and some board games for kids. So of course, to blow off my obvious steam(which came from Toshiro's ignoring me), Hairo offered to play me in a game of ping-pong.
Everyone stepped into the large, surprisingly empty, space. Ayame, sweetheart, Ichigo, Yuzu, and LuvLuv, found their way to the set of doors that lead to the outside deck, where they sat in patio chairs and spoke of who knows what. As they began to settle, Momo and Toshiro quietly entered behind Hairo and I, and this was when Hairo offered, "Hey, why don't we play some ping-pong?"
Toshiro, however, surprisingly intervened, "I would advise that you stay away from her," He warned.
Momo snagged the end of Toshiro's white shihakusho sleeve, as if to warn him of something. She looked down and avoided eye contact.
"Dude, chill, a ping-pong game is hardly overstepping boundaries."
Toshiro glared at Hairo, "I'm keeping my distance because master asked it of me. But I will not stand by idly and watch you-"
"I haven't even done anything yet!" Hairo retorted.
What were they talking about?
"I'm backing off, but you better do the same," he threatened. before leaving the room. Momo followed, frowning slightly.
Slowly, I began to piece together everything. After he left the room, Hairo could only stand, fuming as much as I was. He was rarely ever upset—about anything, really. But I suppose it's that "code" guys have. The guy doesn't go after the girl if she's taken. I guess Hairo was getting defensive because Toshiro was getting in his way. But what would Toshiro even care? Toshiro wasn't looking at me..But that's because, I remembered that he said, "..because master asked it of me.." And he didn't call me master anymore. So it could only be his new master which..Momo made him stay away?
"You have no idea how pissed I am now," I mumbled, fuming with anger.
I snagged a ping-pong paddle and ball, tossing another to the Hairo.
"Let's hope you can live through this," I said.
"What?" Hairo asked.
But it was too late. I snagged the ball and slammed it down with my paddle. It went flying at his face, but he seemed to freeze it, with my rage.
Why did I have to go to the hot spring? Why did I have to have my period now! Why did I even have to find Toshiro! Why did I even find him just to lose him to some girl? These questions without answers, they frustrated me. But Hairo paused all of that so easily. He paused my anger, in the form of a ball, and just let it sit against his paddle.
Then, he slammed the ball back and sent it hurling for me. Though this was a more friendly and taunting than my fierce hit before. We rallied for a long while before finally resolving to continuing our game after a few hours. I knew he was giving me time. I was about to burn out from using too much energy. And he hadn't even broken a sweat.
But I never did find out why Toshiro was so concerned about me playing a ping-pong game with Hairo. Everyone was in the room..And it was just a game! It wasn't like we were wrestling either..But, all I knew, was that Toshiro wasn't jealous. He just didn't seem that way. Did he?
Quietly, I soaked myself in the warm water. My hair was carelessly pinned up and seemed to fall lower, the deeper I went into the water. But I didn't care. The water was too soothing and attracting to care.
I sighed in its serene steam and splashed around slightly, in my relaxation. I always liked warm things in the season of cold..
"Shiro-chan?" I heard in a whisper to my right.
"What?" he said, just as impatiently as before.
"You promised you'd show me!" that same pure voice whined.
I slowly lifted myself up out of the water, taking care not to make any noise in coming out. I located the sound in a room to my right.
This is the second time I was eavesdropping. Toshiro would definitely sense me again, but, would it actually matter to him whether I listened or not. Was I of any importance at all?
"Do, to me, what you did to her," Momo said.
I wanted him to refuse..And I knew he probably was. But I was tortured by my inability to speak. Because, assume I was her, what had been done to me was not to be repeated.
"It's an order, as you master," Momo said, "Don't forget that."
That her was me. I knew it. Who else could it be anyways?
I slid backward in the water as I suddenly knew what Toshiro had to do. It wasn't a question anymore. Because he had to follow his orders. He couldn't say no.. I hoisted myself up out of the water and threw on my white kimono before sprinting down the hall. This early into the trip, my hopes were shattered. I couldn't relax here, even if I tried. Because he was here..And he was with her. Something banged in my chest. A hurt that was worse than death. Worse that life. Worse than anything. It was an absence and an obscene hate, fear, and pit of rage that existed as a hole in my heart. Something that made me just want to go to sleep and never wake up..A feeling that could not be dealt with. I didn't look at where I was running, because I didn't care. Because I knew what Momo was going to do with him, and I knew that I could do nothing to stop them.
Then suddenly, I came to slam into something. I caught sight of a pair of familiar blue eyes and brown hair. I knew now, that those eyes were hiding loneliness...And pain. Pain that I had just felt. He, all this time, he was holding back for me. Or at least, for the "code." He did this despite hurting and being a shadow in my mind. He even told me that he though Toshiro made me happiest. He didn't even give himself a chance; I didn't give him a chance.
I snagged his wrists and tugged him into an unused room, room 109. Surprised, he stared at me for a second, inside the room, before giving me that same smile of his and saying, "Hey Karin!"
That idiot, now I knew his smile was all but fake.
I suspected he had just finished bathing because he was in the guys' white kimono. One which strongly resembled Toshiro's from when I first met him(the same one Toshiro wore now). I seized his damp hand and pushed him down on the bamboo floor. This room was clear of all furniture, excluding a small candle and candle stand, in the far left corner.
Behind me, I stretched my bare foot back against the sliding doors to use as stability to help hold him down.
"D-did I do something wrong?" he asked, stupidly; seeing my distressed expression.
I began to hide my face in my hair as the pin in my long locks slipped and fell, with a clink, to the ground. My coal black hair followed the pin and draped down my back and over my shoulders.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked him, tears filling my eyes. Somehow, by fully seeing me, he blushed slightly. I could understand now, that strange hurt and jealousy in your heart. He was feeling that, all this time.
"It hurts so much," I began, snagging the flap of his kimono. "Why didn't you tell me that you where feeling this way? Why didn't you tell me you were alone!" I exclaimed.
He stopped looking at me and began to stare at the ceiling, "Let's face it," he explained, "he's the only one one your mind."
"No that's not true!" I exclaimed, tightening my grip on his clothes, surprised he looked away.
I didn't want it to be that way. Because then the same would go for me. No, I wasn't like Hairo! I was far too self-centered to want another's happiness over my own! And yet, if I looked harder, I could have seen that Hairo was always there. Yet I never looked his way..Would it be the same way with Toshiro and me?
I pushed myself up so that my hands and my feet where spread around him, my hair began to drape to the left as I snagged Hairo's clothes again and flipped him to the right so that he was on top of me. Suddenly, I had a desire to do something. Something profound.
For some reason I wanted Hairo's fire to warm me. Winter was approaching, and if anything, Toshiro's cold lips were not what I wanted. I remembered my only kiss with Hairo..It was hot and warm. When the cold came, it was natural to want fire. Right? Yes.. I wanted fire.
Hairo pinned my hands at my sides and said briefly, "What are you doing?"
"How can you possibly be so selfless?" I asked, trying to force my hands away..but he was too strong.
Somehow, out of my hormones or out of my jealously—or maybe just passion of affection—I wanted him. Did I like him? Was I fickle enough to be infatuated with two people?
"Karin what are you talking about?" he asked.
"I know!" I yelled, and he began to turn solemn, "I know what it's like now! To be so jealous that you hate yourself..And to be so alone that you wish you knew what was wrong with you," I felt a tear jerk my being as it slid down the side of my eye.
"Please," I said, "For one night, help forget about Toshiro."
His eyes widened at the mentioning of Toshiro's name. And something seemed to click in his head.
I tried again to free my hands. I wanted that heat...His heat..But he wouldn't free my wrists.
I stared at him for awhile, he did the same.
Finally, he took both my hands and pinned them above my head with his right hand and took his free his hand to caress my chin. He set me afire as he passionately pressed his lips against mine.
It was the exact opposite of Toshiro's kisses; yet just as aggressive. It made my blood boil and my heart warm up. I forgot everything as sparks ran down my spine. I wanted him to go further. As far as Toshiro's touch went with me, but he stopped, like a gentleman.
He pulled me up by my waist and pulled me into a comforting hug. The dark room began to grow brighter as the sun of REM began to set slowly, casting its orange, yellow, and red light into the room. The dark room was dimly illuminated.
"She's challenging you," Hairo said.
"What?" I asked, pulling away from the hug.
"You saw something having to do with Momo, right?"
I didn't want to think about everything, I tried to silence him by kissing him, but he didn't comply, he held me out by my shoulders, and stared me straight in the eye, "This isn't the way to deal with everything,"
"What?" I asked, perplexed by how this suddenly turned into a therapy session.
"Do you really think that it was a coincidence that Toshiro and Momo just happened to be in the same vicinity as you? And you just happened to see them?"
Actually I just overheard them, but his general meaning caught my attention, "How did you know it was Momo..And that I was upset about that...?"
"Didn't Momo say she wanted to talk to you?" He asked.
"Yeah.."
"Well this is her way of talking to you. Anyone could see that you were upset about something having to do with Toshiro. And chances are, it was something to do with Momo as well. Like I said, she's probably trying to tell you something.."
The way he read me was amazing..How did he..How could he know about my feelings that well?
"Besides, you wouldn't throw yourself at me for no reason," Hairo laughed, "But seriously, if I weren't respectful, you'd be in real trouble-"
Irritated, I took my hand and whacked him in the back of the head, blushing slightly.
He rubbed the back of his head and groaned, but continued afterward, "Being alone hurts, she wanted you to feel that for some reason. But you aren't," he said, now looking me in the eye. I stared at him as well, "So then, she could only being making you feel those things because she felt them. And she wants to tell you-"
"She wants me to back off and let her have her way," I finished.
Hairo was in 9th grade. And his way of thinking was so quick and clever. No matter what, I supposed, he always helped people. Because he was that brilliant.
Why did she think I even cared? Did she think she was the top of the world? I didn't even care about Toshiro..Did I? She made me hurt so much, without so much as looking me in the eye. Why? Because she wants to tell me that I'm going to suffer the way she did. Because without Toshiro, one rival will fade against the other. She's telling me that Toshiro is hers. But the only natural thing for fire to do, when an area is blocked off, is to move onward, in a different direction. I..I wasn't going to let Momo defeat me for any purpose! I'd get Toshiro back! I'd beat some sense into him; tell him that being as fickle as to accept a different master, then he'd have another thing coming! He..He was my pet! I found him first..He owes me for teaching him! I'll get him. And I'll get Momo.
"Hairo, let me participate in the World-Arena Tournament," I said, standing up, with new determination.
"Huh?" he asked, getting up too.
"I'll be the captain, you'll train me and the other maids," I commanded.
"Ok..Wait..What?" He asked, staring at me.
"If she wants a challenge," I said, smirking, "We'll give her one. We'll beat her at her own game."
"I don't think that was her challenge. She was implying... I think she was talking about Tosh-"
"We'll have to get started soon..It's going to take awhile to train the maids." I said, ignoring him and forgetting my intentions for bringing him into this room.
I snagged his arm and shoved open the door to the room, dragging him out behind me. He was in a daze for a second before finally snapping out of it and laughing, "You're so straight forward. Just forgetting one thing and moving onto the next."
"Oh don't think I've forgotten about how you rejected me," I laughed.
He blushed, "You make it sound so ill intended.."
"Don't worry," I giggled, as I glanced back at him, "I'll get you back when we win against Momo and Toshiro. Everyone who disobeys Kurai-Hime has to be punished," I laughed, winking back at him. He laughed too.
By now, he was walking behind me, and I timidly let go of his kimono..Now the heat of what I had just done in the back room made the atmosphere awkward. What had I done? Why had I just snapped like that..Was I upset? No, Hairo and I had been playing soccer together since I was put into the boy's soccer team...I couldn't have just developed an attraction to him that quick! But, then again, it happened with Toshiro..And everything about me was developing..quickly..So it's not far fetched to think that I changed...
I blushed slightly at the thought. Then Toshiro wouldn't be the fickle one, I'd be. But then again, I never liked Toshiro! No, Toshiro wasn't real. I was just getting him back because he needed punishment for...Going against me? Yes, that was it.
"What's up?" Hairo asked, looking at my flush face.
I suddenly looked up and saw his curious face, that face that girls obsessed over. I suddenly understood those girls. Those sparkling blue eyes suddenly spoke to me as something more. That tall, muscular body, seemed more that just for soccer. I felt protected near him. His expressions, and genuine smiles, despite whatever pain his life endured, were everything to some girls..And they were very important to me..Almost..They almost seemed to support me in my darkest hours. I gazed at him for a split second, then looked away, feeling more red than ever, "N-nothing," I stuttered, while avoiding his eyes.
I would have never even guessed—nor did I want to—think about how all the maids at Maid Cafe would fair in their training. But no matter what, I'd force them to help. Because, somehow, I had the determination to beat Toshiro into his place. Because his life was in danger as well..What would the REM staff do if they knew he was self-aware? I couldn't help but think about what I was getting myself into..All for someone who didn't exist..But Momo was right to some degree. If I looked harder..Maybe he was real.
I was confident that I'd win. We had Hairo. I had Hairo. He was REM's top player(Momo was only #3) and he..He was mine, and I knew he only had eyes for me. Toshiro, on the other hand, probably had his eyes on his new master. It was probably part of his programing to like his master; that's why his auto system greeted me with that kiss. But who knows..Maybe his auto system is just his instinct. Whatever that meant for his feelings toward Momo, I didn't know.
I was like fire. Now, as the season turns cold, the fire did not seek its opposite. Rather, it wished for a new attraction; to a flame that would sustain it through the perilous winter. The question was, when in became hot, how would the fire's feelings change?
Author's Notes:
Hey everyone! Thanks for 100 reviews! YAY! XD my goal is finally met! Sorry for the late update, but my B-day was this Sunday..And I didn't have my laptop on Friday and Saturday so... Gome everyone! But I made a Thanks For 100 Reviews drawing for ya'll and scanned it XD so check my photobucket link on my profile! ^^ I'll make a double chappy for ya'll in a few days..So thanks so much! And keep up the reviews! :P
~*RukiaRocks*~
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