It All Comes Apart

Chapter 5 - You Still Love Me

Posted 9 January 2011

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Josh sat in his room, staring at the dark television. He still lived with his parents, in his same old bedroom, after all this time. He just completed his sophomore year of college. And how does he spend his summer vacation? In his bedroom. Alone.

It's been two and a half years since Drake ran away. Josh had decided to attend a college close to home. He said it was because he couldn't be far from his family. But everyone, family, friends, and unknown outsiders who had heard the story of the boy's disappearance on the news, knew the real reason he'd stayed.

He'd stayed for Drake. Drake wasn't there, of course, no one knew where he was. But Josh, no matter how hard he tried to accept there was no hope, clung to any shred of hope he could see. Even if it was imaginary.

Josh stayed because leaving meant giving up on Drake. And he loved him too much to do that. He knew Drake said he'd never be back, but if he ever decided to come back, Josh was going to be there, no matter what.

No one tried to talk him out of it. Not that they understood or agreed with it. But they knew they couldn't change his mind, so they didn't bother to try.

So Josh was sitting in his room, staring at the stupid television. The thing had broken about a year ago, but he never removed it. A shiny new flat screen hung on the wall to the side, but the old tv sat right where it had from the moment he'd moved into the room.

The doorbell rang, pulling Josh out of his staring contest with the tv screen. His parents weren't home and Megan was Megan, so he stood and walked grudgingly downstairs to open the door. Who would be visiting him?

When Josh opened the door to two very familiar police officers, he was a little confused. They were two of the same ones that had helped in the search so long ago. But when he saw the person standing between them, looking down at the ground so his long hair covered his face but oh so recognizable, he was sure his heart stopped for a moment.

"Josh Nichols?" one of the policemen asked.

Josh didn't realize he'd been spoken to at first. But when he did, he barely managed to say, "That's me."

"Are your parents home?" the second one asked.

"No." Josh stammered. "They're on vacation."

"Well, we found something we think belongs to you." the first one said.

"Is this him?" the second one said.

"Yeah. Yep, that's him." Josh said, astounded.

"We caught him roughhousing with a couple of street thugs. We were just going to tell them to break it up and be on their way when we recognized him. Figured we had to bring him here." the second police officer explained.

"Thanks. Thank you so much." Josh said. "Do you want to come in?"

"Oh, no, we're on duty right now. Have to get back out there. Here." the first police officer pushed the person he was holding by the arms into the house and unlocked his handcuffs. "You kids take care. Good night."

As the police men left, Josh just stared in amazement. He'd dreamed of this day. But never thought it would actually come. The person in front of him was dirty and had yet to look up from the floor. He rubbed his tiny wrists which must have been sore from the handcuffs.

"Drake." Josh said softly.

Drake's arms fell beside him. He still didn't look up.

"Drake, I can't believe you're here." Josh reached forward and put his hand on Drake's shoulder, but Drake backed up.

He stumbled and fell backwards, his butt hitting the wooden floor with a great thud.

And then hurried footsteps could be heard coming from upstairs. Megan ran down yelling, "Josh, what happened? I heard..." She stopped dead in her tracks and took in the sight in front of her. When she finally realized that, no, she wasn't dreaming, she ran at him and stooped down to hug him tightly. "Drake! You came back! Drake, why won't you say anything?"

He didn't say anything. But he did reach his arms up and return Megan's hug. They stayed like that for a long time. Josh just watched. And then his heart almost stopped again as he heard Drake speak.

"Hi, Megan." His voice sounded like it always had. A little rougher, maybe, but still boyish and innocent.

"Drake, where have you been? Why did you run away? You ruined everything!" Megan suddenly cried and ran back up to her room, slamming her door.

"Well, that didn't go as I expected. But I didn't expect to be caught either. This day just keeps getting weirder." Drake stood, brushed himself off. He looked up at Josh, finally.

"Drake, how can you come in here and start talking like that? Like it's not a big deal that you're here?" Josh said seriously.

"Because it's not a big deal. I'm not staying." Drake said, walking to the door. But Josh was faster, he beat him there and stood in front of the door.

"You can't leave!" Josh yelled.

"Why not?"

"I won't let you. You've been gone long enough. Now you're here and you're gonna stay here."

"No."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I missed you. And now you're here!"

"You still missed me?" Drake asked as if he'd never heard of anything more incorrect.

"Of course, Drake. You leaving was the worst thing that's ever happened to me."

Drake didn't have anything to say to that. All he could come up with was, "Leaving was supposed to help, not hurt."

"Well it hurt. It hurt a lot. But you're back. If you stay, that hurt will go away. Even if it's just for one night, Drake. Just stay for a night and talk to me. And you can leave in the morning if you still want to." Josh said. He was going to do his best to make Drake stay. What he didn't tell him was that their parents would be back later that night. If he could make him stay long enough to see them, maybe he wouldn't be able to leave again.

"Fine."

"Don't I get a hug?"

"No." Drake said right away, eyes going wide like a deer stuck in the headlights.

"But..."

"I said no, Josh."

"Fine." Josh said, knowing this had to be hard on Drake too. "Do you want anything to eat?"

"I don't think..."

"I made lasagna." Josh said, using this as a bargaining chip. Drake never could resist Josh's cooking, no matter what kind of fight they were having.

"It has been a long time since I ate real food. Maybe just a little. As long as you don't mind." Drake said, looking conflicted.

"Of course I don't mind. I'm so glad to have you home." Josh walked into the kitchen and set a plate for Drake, heating up the lasagna in the microwave.

Drake ate very slowly. Josh could tell it had been a long time since Drake had eaten like this. He just wondered how long. When he was done he let Josh pull him by the elbow to the sofa in the living room. They sat at opposite ends, but they faced each other.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" Drake asked, even though he knew the answer.

"Where have you been?"

"Everywhere." Drake said and smiled a little. "I hitched rides with truckers and stuff. I made it as far as Kansas. Didn't want to go farther than that, though. I stayed there for a while. And then I started making my way back. I wanted to check up on things. I was just going to peek in, and head out again, see if I can get all the way to New York. But then these punks tried to jump me and of course the cops found me and recognized me and here I am."

"What did you do for money?"

At this Drake shifted uncomfortably. "Well, I sold a lot of my stuff, or traded it for better stuff to use or sell. Then I worked under the table for a few shops and stuff, you know cleaning and junk."

"Anything else?"

"I uh... sold pot for a while. But I stopped after only a few days. It didn't feel right, you know? That stuff is nasty. I couldn't do it. So I pitched my supply into a river and got out of town."

"I'm proud of you."

"Thanks." Drake said with a small smile. "It just wasn't worth it. Yeah, I was making money, but..."

"I know what you mean."

"Josh, I..." Drake's smile became a serious scowl. "I um... I'm sorry for leaving. And for coming back like this."

"I'm just so glad to see you again. I never thought, well, I never thought I would. You don't know how badly I wished I would wake up and you'd be here to tell me it was all just a bad dream. A really bad dream."

"I know. I missed you too Josh. But I... I thought that..." Drake began to lose his breath and his train of thought as some tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Drake, it's ok." Josh said, scooting closer to Drake. This time he didn't flinch when Josh grabbed his shoulder. "I know you thought you were helping. You just wanted to do something good. I understand that." He reached his arms around Drake's thin frame and pulled him close. It felt so good. They'd been apart for so long, being able to feel Drake in his arms was one of the most wonderful things he could ever imagine. And when Drake's weak arms wrapped around him, he felt complete.

Once Josh's shoulder was completely soaked and Drake's breathing had returned to normal, Drake released Josh quickly and said, "Sorry."

"It's ok." Josh said, rubbing his back. "I know how difficult this is for you."

"Yeah. You know I still... I never stopped... you know..."

"You still love me?" Josh said, unable to hide the happiness in his voice.

Drake just lowered his eyes and nodded.

Josh wanted to tell him he loved him back. He wanted to tell him that he loved him so much it hurt. He wanted to tell him everything would be fine. And this seemed like the perfect opportunity to do just that. Only... it wasn't.

For Josh, something like this was meant to be special. And Drake had just gotten here. He was hurting and frustrated and Josh thought he might just break into a million tiny pieces if he had to find something like that out right now.

So he decided to wait until later. After he'd had time to collect his thoughts and calm down.

"How long has it been since you've had a shower?" Josh asked.

"A month or so. Why? do I stink?"

"No, actually, you smell a little off but you don't stink. You just look dirty and tired and I figured you'd be more comfortable if you got to wash up. Then you can relax and we can talk some more."

"I'd like that. The shower and the talking, I mean."

"Good." Josh could not contain his smile. "Um, you can go right up. All your stuff is where you left it so..."

"Thanks, Josh." Drake put a hand on Josh's knee and used it to push himself up. "I'm glad you don't hate me."

"I'm glad you're home."

Their eyes met for a brief moment and they exchanged wide smiles. Drake made his way to the bathroom and showered, then headed to his old bedroom. Going through his clothes, he discovered that Josh wasn't lying, all his things were exactly where he left them. He changed into his old pajamas and looked at his loft.

For some reason, he couldn't bring himself to climb that ladder and get in that bed. It didn't feel like it was his anymore. And Josh's bed, well, that was certainly appealing, but that wasn't his either. The sofa, though, was just the place for him. Familiarly comfortable and just enough his to let him sleep in peace.

Josh quietly ascended the steps to his, no, their, room. He knocked on the door softly, not wanting to intrude if Drake was still changing. But when no answer came, he was almost frightening. What if Drake had snuck out again? What if he was gone for another two and a half years? Or longer?

But when he opened the door, he heard the soft snoring he'd missed for so long and saw Drake lying on the sofa. He pulled a blanket off his bed and covered Drake and brushed his hair out of his face. And when his fingers touched Drake's skin, Drake turned his head into the touch and mumbled, "Love you, Josh" in his sleep.

His heart sped up as he heard it. He just wanted to wake Drake up that very instant and tell him then and there how much he loved him too. He wanted to hold him tightly and finally touch their lips together in a kiss they'd remember for the rest of their lives.

But Josh could tell he needed the rest. He wanted to let him sleep as much as he needed. He just had to make sure that if Drake woke in the middle of the night, he wouldn't get cold feet and leave before morning.

That's when he heard the front door open. Mom and Dad were home.

He ran down the steps and quietly as possible and barreled into his parents, catching them off guard.

"Josh!" Audrey screamed.

"What's the matter with you?" Walter hollered.

"Mom, Dad, you are not going to believe who's here." Josh said excitedly.

"What?" they both said, looking past Josh into the living room.

"Who is it?" Walter asked.

"Yeah, I don't see anyone." Audrey added.

"He's upstairs, sleeping on my sofa." Josh said, trying to let them figure it out on their own. When they just gazed blankly at him, he said, "It's Drake. The police found him by accident and brought him here. He's here, sleeping upstairs."

Audrey dropped her purse. "Josh, this isn't funny. If you're joking..."

"I'm not joking I swear. He's asleep right now, but he promised to stay, for one night at least."

"My baby's home." Audrey cried as Walter hugged her.

Josh said goodnight as they went to bed to let it soak in that their runaway son had returned.

And then he devised a plan that would prevent Drake from leaving should he wake before anyone else could stop him.