I'm kind of abusing my own storyline from Siha in this chapter, but I wanted to write how it would be if Thane was there when Kaidan pulls his little temper tantrum. Forgive me! Was totally listening to some Tegan and Sarah's "Here I Am" when I wrote this, so you should listen because it's a great song!
Shepard massaged her temples with her index fingers, talking with the Illusive Man really irritated her. She didn't want to have to listen to him, but she literally owed him her life. Horizon, a human colony was supposedly next on the Collector's list, and she had to stop them. It was more than that, though. Kaidan was there, and Shepard was scared about how he was going to accept seeing her alive. Their relationship before she died had been strong. He was a stand-up guy, the kind she wanted to spend the rest of her previously lonely life with. Then, upon being brought back from the dead, Shepard had no way to talk to him, he was apparently so important his files were locked. Now it would be different.
"Joker, you need to get us to Horizon as soon as possible." She said, placing a hand on the back of his chair. "Bring her in carefully, apparently that's where the Collector's are planning to strike."
"Sure thing, Commander." He replied, busying his hands with the control console. "It's going to be about eight hours so just sit tight." The Commander grimaced, that long? Turning to leave she thanked Joker and went to the elevator to back down to Thane like she had said.
He had been waiting for her, sitting on the edge of his bed Shepard saw Thane's gaze shift immediately towards her. "Siha, you're back." He said, standing and placing a hand on Shepard's arm. She gave him a small smile. "I told you I would be. We're going to Horizon...maybe...maybe you should sit this one out." She looked away from Thane and sighed. Thane tilted his head and pulled her a little closer. "Let me come with you, Siha. I spent so long killing only specified targets, my will to fight is strong, I swear." Shepard let him plead and looked up into his eyes. If she saw Kaidan, she wasn't sure how he'd react. Did death count as breaking up? It had too. It had been two years, surely Kaidan had found someone else. It didn't matter, Thane was there for her. Shepard closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay, come with me. You and Garrus proved to be reliable anyway." She traced her index finger up his muscular arm. "Did you want to relax a bit?" Thane watched her finger move, then put his hand on hers and moved it away. "If you don't mind, Siha, I'd like to meditate before battle." Thane ended his sentence by placing a soft kiss on Shepard's lips, his hands firmly planted on her arms. Shepard left him to his meditations, deciding that some quiet time in her quarters was for the best. She didn't know what she was preparing for, but she needed to prepare.
/
The blast from the beast narrowly missed Shepard and Garrus, the two of them diving in opposite directions to avoid being hit. She had picked up a particle beam cannon from a dead Collector, and was turning their technology back onto their own kind. The weight and amazing force of the particle beam almost knocked Shepard off her feet, she dug her heels into the ground and fired, the stream of bright yellow wavering before hitting the target dead on. It screeched, it's shields weakening as the huge creature writhed in the air. A massive concussive shot caused it to turn in the air almost directly on its side. "Never saw me coming!" Garrus cheered at his dead on aim. Shepard would celebrate when the thing was dead.
Husks were charging in her direction. Shepard swore under her breath and began slowly walking backwards, not taking her finger off the trigger. "Guys, keep them off me!" She ordered her team. The husks began dropping like flies, Garrus and Thane focusing their attention on the shells of what had once been human. The monster writhed under the strength of the concentrated beam and began to disintegrate, it's ashes getting caught on the wind and blowing away. With a relieved sigh Shepard dropped her gun, relishing in the feeling of finishing the long battle. The survivor of the Collector attacks pressed his palms against his forehead, near tears over his lost friends.
"You should have done something!" He shouted, clenching his fists and looking at Shepard. She raised her hands in defence. "If it weren't for Shepard, you'd be dead too buddy, so watch it." Garrus said, stepping forward. The man stopped, narrowing his eyes as if he had just remembered something particularly unpleasant. "Shepard? Wait, I've heard of you..."
"Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy, the first human Spectre...saviour of the Citadel." Kaidan appeared from behind a grouping of creates. 'There he is', Shepard thought. She felt a hot prickle on the back of her neck. Kaidan in front of her, Thane behind her, a compromising situation. "You're in the presence of a legend, Delan." Kaidan said to the man before turning to Shepard, "And a ghost." His chocolate coloured eyes locked on her face, as if trying to discern if she was really standing before him. He inspected her closely, taking a few steps forward so they stood close, and when Kaidan had decided that it really was his lost love in front of him, he took her in a close embrace. The smell of his hair and skin brought memories back to Shepard that felt so good they stung.
"I thought you were dead, Shepard...We all did." He mumbled into her ear, his voice full of hurt, and what Shepard could only pick out as anger. Though armour prevented the embrace from being too heartfelt, she thought she felt his lips brush against her cheek as he pulled away. Thane watched the two embrace, a tinge of jealousy sparking within his gut.
"You don't sound to happy to see me, something bothering you, Kaidan?" She said matter-of-factly, not taking her eyes of Kaidan. An angry fire sparked in his eyes. "Yeah, something's bothering me." He snapped. "I spent the last two years believing you were dead." She had never heard that tone in Kaidan's voice, and it frightened her. He moved closer to her, lowering his voice as if he didn't want her teammates to hear him talking.
"I thought we had something, Shepard. Something real" He let out a frustrated breath, "I loved you!" Kaidan hissed between his teeth. Shepard couldn't manage to get a word in between his frustrations.
Had he heard that right? Loved her. Thane had made the connections easily enough. This is why Shepard hadn't wanted him to come, she didn't want him to see her reunited with an ex-lover.
"Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that, why didn't you try to contact me, why didn't you let me know you were alive?"
Thane stood with his fists clenched at his side, barely being able to concentrate as Shepard tried to reason with the man, trying to convince him she wasn't working for Cerberus to no avail.
"Goodbye Shepard, and be careful." Kaidan walked away angrily, leaving Shepard with her jaw slack, red in the face and eyes over their encounter.
"Joker, get us out of here. I've had about all I can take of this colony." Shepard muttered into her radio, not turning to face Garrus or Thane. She stood in place and waited for the Normandy to pick them up without saying a word.
/
"Hey, Shepard-"
"Don't, Garrus, just don't." Shepard said, lazily waving a hand at him as they stood in decontamination. Even at her angriest Shepard tried to hide her emotions, now she couldn't bother to care. 'It should have been him.' Venomous thoughts boiled back and forth in her head. 'Ashley was my friend. I killed her to save him. It should have been him.' She stomped out from the dock and away from the crew, not acknowledging the greetings that were thrown here way. Garrus looked at Thane, finding himself at a loss for words. They exited the elevator quietly and went their separate ways.
Shepard was wringing her hands, standing outside Thane's door. She bit at her bottom lip and stepped in. She needed to explain herself. 'You should wait, you're too emotional'. Thane didn't turn to greet her on her entrance.
"Do you need something?" He said plainly.
'You.' She thought greedily.
Shepard hurried to Thane's desk, stopping beside him and looking down without a word. Thane looked up, she was standing in her pyjamas, light blue cotton nightgown clinging to her skin. Her outfits normally conformed to her body, but now...now there was so little between her and her skin that she looked more sensual than ever. He clenched his jaw. Shepard pushed his arm from the desk and straddled herself in his lap, Thane raising his hands in surprise at her brazen actions. Still without talking Shepard planted her lips on his, her kiss was aggressive and passionate, Thane pushed her away.
"Siha, this isn't a good time for this." He said calmly, trying to fight back the urge to let her continue.
"Trying to tell me what I do and don't want?" She breathed, placing her hands on his cheeks, "Because right now I want you." She tried to pull him in close for another kiss and Thane resisted, pushing her back again. "So you don't want me either?" She said, her voice and eyes dark.
"You need to explain to me what happened on Horizon." He said firmly.
"Nothing happened on Horizon, let's concentrate on what can be happening now." She moved one hand from his face and down his chest. Her hand toyed with the tight leather, her nightgown had ridden up so it was on her hips, Thane looked down and took in a sharp breath between his teeth. He was turned on, Thane couldn't even attempt to lie about that. Still, he persisted in stopping her, wrapping his hand around her wrist and moving it away.
"No, Siha. It wouldn't be right." Shepard looked up at him, tears welling up in her eyes from his rejection mixed with the earlier events of the day. Her bottom lip quivered before fat tears began pouring down her cheeks. She pressed her face against his shoulder, her body shaking with the cries she had tried to hold back. Thane wrapped his arms around Shepard, holding her tightly he brought one hand up to stroke her hair, planting a gentle kiss beside her ear. Shepard pulled back and wiped the tears from her face. "Are you mad at me?" She asked. Thane silently looked at her, trying to figure out how to approach the situation."No, of course not." Thane replied. "Why would I be? Your past is just that, the past." Shepard moved her gaze from his and tucked her hair behind her ear. "I didn't tell you about Kaidan, and I would have, I know it. It's just...things got out of control. My control. I loved Kaidan, but now I can't. It's you I want, Thane." She ran her fingers along the buckles of his jacket. Thane watched her fingers work and brought his hand up to caress the side of her face. "Regardless, rushing into intimacy won't help us now, Siha." His hand slowly trailed to cup her cheek in his hand as he continued. "You must trust me when I say that it's not because I don't find you appealing because I do. It's just not our time yet." Shepard sighed and leaned into him again.
"I'm sorry, Thane. It was wrong of my to pressure you like that. I'm just glad you stopped me."
She sat in his lap, eyes shut and rested her face in the crook of his neck, not bothering to keep track of how long she had been there. Thane revelled in the closeness of her body, letting his hands stroke her back lovingly to calm her down. He had been taken by surprise on Horizon, but how could he condemn her now? He kissed her lightly on the forehead, giving her body another comforting squeeze.
