MBDTA Tours
ID#: QI5962
Access: GRANTED
Tour: LM3000
"Hello, My Name is Legolas. Welcome to Mirkwood."
I stared giddily up at the most absolutely perfect elf in existence.
"Bonjour, je m'appelle Legolas. Bienvenu à Mirkwood."
I scrambled to my feet, "I speak English."
"Hola, me llama Legolas, Bienvenidos a Mirkwood."
I poked Legolas. Golly, his abs were hard.
"Halo, Ich heiße Legolas. Hertzlich Wil Kommen in Mirkwood."
I poked him again. Legolas fall over. "Are you okay?"
I plopped down on the ground and seized his boot. Since my very hot tour guide wasn't going to be adorable, I was going to take a souvenir. I tugged off the boot and peered at Legolas's foot. There was a small battery. I pulled it out to shake it and see if I could get some juice into my tour guide. In a matter of seconds, however, I had only a dead triple A and a foot a Legolas's body collapsed and folded into the foot. Even the boot was gone. I was positively heartbroken.
"NO!" I wailed, 'I paid good money for this!" My voice echoed oddly through the forest, "Is there anybody there?"
"I'm here." I whirled around to see a very large spider.
"Ack!" I threw the foot at it. The bit of anatomy bounced uselessly off the monster's head. Oh crap. "I'll just be going now." I told the spider and tore off through the trees in a blaze of light.
At least, that's what I intended to do. There were five more spiders now, in a circle around me, clicking and muttering to themselves. And I thought the cockroaches were big. I looked around for something to defend myself with. Nothing. Alright, an escape route then. Another glance. Damn. All exits covered. "No wonder I signed a waiver." I muttered.
The lead spider touched my leg.
"Eww!' I whacked its pincher, "Shooo, bug!"
I could have sworn I saw it roll its eyes - all eight of them.
"Are you suicidal, or just stupid?" A voice asked.
I looked up, "Are you another robot?"
"No." Legolas jumped gracefully out of a tree, clicking his tongue. The spiders backed off, "Didn't anyone tell you I don't do tours anymore?"
"Nope, maybe you should let them know." I poked him to make sure he was real.
Legolas seized my wrist and dumped my on the ground. Definitely real. "I'll have you reimbursed." He said, eyes glittering madly. If I hadn't already been on the ground, I would have fallen over. "Until your tour time runs out, you can wait in a dungeon of listen to my father read poetry. I recommend the dungeon."
"I like poetry."
"Don't say I didn't warn you." He turned and strode out of the clearing.
I scrambled to my feet and followed. "So what made you decide to stop giving tours? I was under the impression that it provided great revenue . . ."
Reveiws:
Queen Islanzadi: Well, this is your tour . . or part of it.
meagan: yes, yes, no, yes
Gina: Accepted
Anonymous Authoress: Accepted
Urulokiwen: Accepted
