Disclaimer: Izzy and the story are mine. Nothing else it.
The following day came as no surprise to me when it turned out to be worse than yesterday. Anytime something good happened, something bad would happen to balance it out. And apparently my afternoon with Mike was so good (oh lord, I just realized how dirty that sounded), that it needed to spread the balancing bad throughout the entire day, starting as early as last night.
I had fallen asleep to Arcattack's "Creepy Circus Song" on my laptop, and had a horrifying nightmare where I'd been trapped in a creepy, terrifying, Circus from Hell. I'd woken up at 3 in the morning screaming, which drew my parents from their slumber to come dashing into my room; mom with a baseball bat and dad with a shotgun. They'd managed to stop me in time from practically clawing my face off in my terrified, half-asleep stupor. This resulted in red welts that lasted for most of the day before finally fading. . . . once school was over. As a result of the nightmare and not being able to get back to sleep afterward, I was both groggy, somewhat disoriented, and very jumpy the whole day.
When I explained the situation to him, Mike had wanted to hang out with me after school until I calmed down, but I knew he had plans with Tina today after school (he'd mentioned them while we were IMing last night), so I'd told him if he didn't keep them, I'd shun from my life forever. He'd reluctantly agreed after that, much to my confusion. Honestly, I don't understand why a guy would want to hang out with me instead of his girlfriend. He could make-out with his girlfriend, after all.
. . . . Now I have an image of Mike making-out in my head. I really do hate myself sometimes.
Anyway, it was after school and I was at the local book store, looking to spend what was left over from my allowance last week on books. I was squatting down, browsing the titles on the lower shelves, when I felt a presence behind me. I blinked, hoping it wasn't Mike (I'd kill him for skipping out on Tina), but I turned around and instead found two girls standing above me who I recognized. They were both in the Glee club, and one of them was the girl I recognized as Lily. The other one, the one with green hair, I sadly did not know the name of. Before I could ask them what they needed, the girl with green hair spoke up.
"So are you and Mike secretly dating now or something?" she asked me, crossing her arms over her chest. I gaped at her in shock, my sleep-deprived brain almost unable to comprehend what she'd just asked me.
"We were driving past the elementary school yesterday after school and saw you and Mike hugging," Lily explained for her friend. I felt dread settle into the pit of my stomach. I knew Lily was willing to stand up for me being gossiped about, but that didn't necessarily mean she liked me. I especially had no idea how her friend felt about me. I feared they'd tell the other Glee kids, and it would be the end of the friendship between Mike and I. We'd only just started officially being friends yesterday, and already it was gonna be over? I couldn't friggin' believe it.
I vehemently shook my head, my heart pounding with fear. "No! NononoNO," I said desperately, scrambling back to my feet, vaguely surprised when I found I was taller than the two of them. "Mike and I are just friends. We're keeping it a secret so the other Glee kids don't decide to torment me to get me to leave him alone. It was his idea to keep it a secret. But we really are just friends, I swear."
Lily and the other girl eyed me for a few moments before looking at each other, again taking another few moments before shrugging and saying, "Sounds legit." They both turned back to me.
"I'm Marcie," the girl with the green hair said as she held out her hand to me. "Marcie Lane."
"Lily Munoz at your service," Lily said with a smile, holding out her hand as well.
I blinked, stunned, but shook both their hands. "Er, I'm Izzy. Izzy Campbell," I said politely.
"Come on. Let's go get coffee," Marcie said as she grabbed my hand and dragged me off towards the connected cafe, Lily walking alongside us. At the moment, I was too stunned to protest, simply going along with it.
She sat me at a table in the corner, Lily sitting across from me, and Marcie got our orders before skipping up to go get our coffees. I blinked after her before turning around to face Lily, and quickly looked out the window we were in front of. Whatever ease I had felt around Mike was nowhere to be seen with Lily and Marcie. I felt as socially awkward as I did around pretty much everyone else. Thankfully I wasn't alone as—from what I saw in my peripheral vision—Lily looked about as awkward as I felt.
The awkward silence was broken once Marcie returned, setting our coffees down as she sat down next to me. "So how did you and Mike meet?" she asked curiously, licking up the little bit of foam that had spilled onto her hand.
I shrugged, simply holding my coffee, letting it warm my hands as I waited for it to cool down a little bit. I had a sensitive tongue, so drinking it now would only scald my tongue. "Well, we first ran into each other last Tuesday, when he literally ran me over in the hallway. We were officially introduced though on Friday, when we ran into each other in the Art room," I explained.
"Why am I not surprised that Mike accidentally ran someone over?" Lily piped up with a snort, looking like she felt more at ease with Marcie back at the table and in the conversation. I, sadly, could not say the same. Lily already knew Marcie; I didn't really know either of them.
"So what do you usually do in your free time?" Marcie asked me curiously as she took a sip of her coffee. I blinked and shrugged.
"Um, watch horror movies, read, write, draw, sculpt, stuff like that," I said, wiping a single drop off coffee from the outer-rim of the plastic lid, licking it off my finger. I decided to take a test sip, and found the coffee to be sufficiently cooled off. Mmm. . . . French Vanilla-Mocha. Delicious.
"What, no chillin' with friends?" Marcie asked, and I had to snort at the question which had been the same thing Mike had asked me yesterday.
"Aside from Mike and Sue, I have no friends," I said with a shrug. Marcie and Lily looked at me in shock, and I feared I would have to explain to them like I explained to Mike. It wasn't a story I felt very comfortable telling people, and I tried to forget about it, succeeding most of the time. Usually the only times I remembered was either when saw Quinn (which was thankfully rare), or when someone asked me why I was so shy around people (even rarer).
Instead, though, Marcie said, "Well now you have two more friends."
I admit, I openly gaped at them both, my already malfunctioning mental gears nearly stopping completely. "Er. . . . Thanks?" was all I could manage to say.
There was a bit of an awkward silence after that, during which I heard Boston's "More Than A Feeling" come on over the speakers, and I didn't realize I was quietly singing along until I caught Marcie and Lily staring at me, after which I awkwardly trailed off and muttered a sheepish, "Sorry."
"You should join Glee Club!" Marcie said with a grin. There was a pause, as I was too shocked to say anything, and then I promptly burst out laughing. I laughed so hard that people were starting to stare. Marcie frowned at my response. "What?"
"There is no way I can join Glee Club," I said, still coming down from my laughing fit. "First off all, I have no interest in Glee Club. It is just not relevant to my interests at all." I decided against mentioning my habit of dancing around my room singing along to my iPod. They might use that as ammo for their cause. "Secondly, pretty much the whole Glee Club, aside from you two and Mike, absolutely hate my guts 'cause of my friendship with Sue. You of all people should know that," I added to Lily, referring to the library incident. She flinched slightly at that, but seemed as determined as Marcie did.
"Fuck them then," she said. I blinked, stunned at the language. She looked so cute and sweet, that it was easy to forget she swore like a sailor, like any other teenager. "At least come to one practice. That's all we ask."
I hesitated, which they noticed and promptly gave me the pouty, puppy-dog looks, batting their lashes at me as they silently begged. I frowned, wanting so much to say no. But they seemed so eager to get me to go, so I sighed and relented. "Fine. I'll go to ONE practice, but I can't guarantee anything more than that," I said. What could one little practice hurt?
I was mentally cursing myself for agreeing to this stupid idea as I walked into the room where Glee Club was held after school. It was empty of people aside from Mr. Schuester and now myself. I stood just inside the doorway, debating on turning and bolting out of the room while I still had a chance, but Mr. Schuester looked up and saw me, and I was instantly rooted to my spot with fear.
I waited for a hostile response (surely he must know how close I am with his bitterest enemy), but he smiled rather sweetly at me. "Izzy, right?" he asked as he walked over. I nodded, fidgeting nervously. "Lily and Marcie already told me you'd be coming. It's nice to see new faces here." He held out his hand, which I nervously shook. "Go ahead and have a seat." I nodded and quickly scurried over to the chair that was as far in the back as was possible. Hopefully none of the other kids would see me when they came in.
The other Glee kids began filing in, and thankfully they came in twos or more, so were too busy talking to each other to notice the stranger hiding in the back with her hood up and head down. The two chairs next to me squeaked on the linoleum as two people sat down heavily in them. A glance up revealed Marcie and Lily. I felt a little bit better, but not much. My hands were still shaking from nerves. I finally raised my head all the way when I heard Mr. Schuester talking, starting today's lesson. I hoped to get through the practice with no one noticing me, but Mr. Schuester had other plans.
"We have a new person coming in here, a prospective new member. Izzy, would you please stand up?" he said with a smile in my direction. I swear everyone could hear the loud, echoing thud of my stomach dropping to the floor as I reluctantly stood up. I glanced around the room, and the only people not giving my death glares were Mr. Schuester, Marcie, Lily, Mike (who looked more shocked than anything), and Tine. Even Artie and Brittany, two of the people who looked like the sweetest people in the world, looked less than happy to see me. My heart began racing. "How about you show us some of your talents?" I nearly keeled over in a dead faint when Will asked me that. But it was a reasonable request, so I couldn't say no.
I made my way down to where he was, being careful to stay out of arm's reach of the people I passed, and finally was standing next to him. "What would you like to sing?" Mr. Schuester asked me. I hesitated, the song I'd picked out last night not exactly. . . . well, Glee-like. Instead of answering, I scurried over to the band and whispered my request to them. They gave me odd looks but nodded, so I headed back to Will, who looked very confused.
The band began playing the song, and I had a moment of panic because it didn't sound as awesome and intense as the original. Not to mention most of the anger on the other kids' faces had turned to a mix of irritation and confusion. I forced back the panic and began singing quietly, swaying slightly on my feet as the nerves left me feeling vaguely light-headed.
Lay beside me, tell me what they've done
Speak the words I wanna hear, to make my demons run
The door is locked now, but it's opened if you're true
If you can understand the me, then I can understand the you
Lay beside me, under wicked sky
Black of day, dark of night, we share this pair of lives
The door cracks open, but there's no sun shining through
Black heart scarring darker still, but there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining
Once it got to the chorus and the beat intensified, I began singing a little bit louder, my eyes closed to block out everyone's faces, instead focusing on the song and putting my emotions behind my singing.
What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn to stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?
Yeah
What I've felt, what I've known
Sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there, 'cause I'm the one who waits for you
Or are you unforgiven too?
The beat slowed down and got quieter again, so I began singing a little more quietly, with less intensity, though not as quietly as when I first started singing. I was quickly lost into the song.
Come lay beside me, this won't hurt I swear
She loves me not, she loves me still, but she'll never love again
She lay beside me, but she'll be there when I'm gone
Black heart scarring darker still, yes she'll be there when I'm gone
Yes she'll be there when I'm gone
Dead sure she'll be there
My hands fisted as the beat picked up again with the oncoming chorus. I literally heard nothing but the music and my own voice, whether it be because everyone was so quiet or that's how lost I was, I didn't know.
What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn to stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?
What I've felt, what I've known
Sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there, cause I'm the one who waits for you
Or are you unforgiven too?
There was a guitar solo at this point, which took me a little bit out of my zone as I didn't have anything to do, so just stood there awkward, though I kept my eyes closed. The solo faded into quiet, leading into the final verse before the final chorus(es?).
Lay beside me, tell me what I've done
The door is closed, so are your eyes
But now I see the sun, now I see the sun
Yes, now I see it
I was completely lost in the song now. There was only my voice and the music. I couldn't even feel my nerves wracking my body with anxiety. Just sound and blackness.
What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn to stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you
What I've felt, what I've known
So sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there, cause I'm the one who waits
The one who waits for you
Oh, what I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, just turn to stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you
Oh, what I've felt
Oh, what I've known
I take this key
And I bury it in you
Because you're unforgiven too!
Never free
Never me
Because you're unforgiven too..
Oo-Oh-Oo
The song ended, the last guitar chord fading into silence. I opened my eyes, and looking at everybody's stunned expressions brought back every bit of my nervousness and anxiety. I felt almost sick to my stomach. There was a smattering of half-hearted applause, Marcie and Lily being the loudest, even throwing in some whistles and woo's. Mike gave me a thumbs up when no one was looking.
Mr. Schuester cleared his throat, drawing my attention. "That was very. . . . impressive," he said, just as shocked as everybody else. Nobody had expected me to be able to sing like that, as I was always the shy, quiet one in the back, more mouse than anything else. I was actually a little shocked at myself too. He turned to the others and said, "What did you guys think?"
Marcie and Lily piped up with, "It was freaking AWESOME!", but the rest were dead silent. I felt my stomach clench, my nerves getting the best of me.
"I think I'm gonna be sick. . . ." I groaned, promptly rushing out of the room, forgetting all about my stuff which I left behind, looking for the nearest toilet or trash can to release the upheaval into.
I managed to make it to the bathroom in time, and the actual "losing my lunch" part was fairly quick, followed by a few minutes of dry-heaving. Once it was over I slumped against the divider, pressing my face against the cool plastic as my anxiety slowly faded, leaving me feeling exhausted. I wanted to just stay there forever, or at least until Glee Club practice was over before going to get my things. Again, Mr. Schuester interfered with my plans as he sent Rachel to come check on me. I debated on telling her that I was too sick to go back, but that would require speaking, which I didn't want to do. So I reluctantly followed her back to the practice room, ignoring the hateful glares she was shooting me.
I reassured Mr. Schuester when we returned that I was okay, that it was just my nerves getting the better of me, and no I didn't need to go home. Once he was satisfied that I was in fact okay, I reclaimed my seat next to Marcie and Lily. They both enveloped me in a hug once I was seated, which I returned weakly. With the anxiety gone, my stomach felt hollow and my limbs felt like lead weights.
The rest of the practice went by rather boringly, and then finally it was over. Will said on my way out that he hoped to see me in future practices, sounding surprisingly sincere. I told him I'd think about it and trudged out to my bike, heading home, wanting to just curl up on my bed for the next several hours, or even several days if it was possible.
All in all, though, the practice had gone better than I'd been expecting.
Author's Note: The song Izzy sing's in Glee practice, for those who don't already know, is Metallica's "The Unforgiven II". That's right, she sang Metallica in Glee. That's how badass she is.
