A/N: This chapter is written in a slightly different style than my last two. The other style got kind of hard to express things, so tell me which you like better. Also, I'm adding another pairing; I hope you don't kill me once you find out who it is. Tough luck, I've wanted to write this pairing forever. Oh yeah, and the Yamis are separated from their hikaris in this story. Forgot to mention that.
Starinthenight – thanks! And I'm honored to be on your favorites list as well!
Dreammistress Jade – yeah, I'm not going to follow the show, since I don't really watch it anymore…and I don't know if I'll update Complete Chaos soon. I can't think of any pairings that I like and I can't play Tohru. She's too perky and innocent!
M-gurl – um…thanks.
Vaporeon13204 – yes, yes, and a very intricate web it is too…
Leela's Back – I doubt you'll even read this, but it feels good to yell at someone like you yelled at me. One, I forgot to explain that Mai had failed a grade due to her traveling from tournament to tournament, so she's in her last year of high school. And I never said Mai was based on me, I said the basic plot was based on me, if you read it. I would never yell at people, I'm not like that. And even though I got a 4/10 from you, hey at least I did 4 things right. Besides,I really don't care about your opinion.
Kittyge – Thank you so much! I hope to keep in character as Mai, but I don't know if I'm doing that good a job. Let me know!
KujakuValentine – That is probably the most touching review I've ever gotten. Thanks! I don't really do the whole corset thing or have long blonde hair (short and brown/purple) but I love to wear skirts and boots. Plus at a tournament I went to, I was the oldest there, and also the only girl. So they all thought I was Mai. It was funny. The email didn't show up but I got it from your info page or whatever…and I won't hesitate to email in a time of loneliness. :)
Bad – My Internet seems to be working better now. Yay. And thank you, I hope you like the new chapter.
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-gi-oh, Baby Spice (thank god) or "My Immortal" the wonderful band Evanescence has all the rights to that.
Special Note: I forgot to say that this is set when everyone is in their senior year of high school. Except for Serenity, who is 16. Mai is around 20 and the rest are 18. Mai failed a grade because she was absent too much due to dueling tournaments. If you don't like it, too bad.
I have Feelings Too
Singing and a Midnight Escapade
It was into the second week of my plan. I think if I can hold out for a little longer, I might be cured. It's so weird to think of my love for Joey as a sickness, but it is, to me. I can't live with it, can't live without it. It filled me every moment of my waking conscience, and my dreams were filled with his face. Every time I glimpse him opens a new wound, for I know he can never love me. He has a girlfriend now. I don't know what her name is, nor do I want to. It will hurt me more. If she stays unknown, then I feel better for some reason. She's probably some nice, sweet girl who adores his every step. That's not my style.
It was during this time that I discovered something that made me happy, or at least it took my mind of the constant subject of Joey.
I was walking by a music store after my car had broken down. I wondered how I would ever pay for what needed to be fixed. I needed a job. I was looking down, and walked right into the back of someone.
"Hey wait your turn in line! We all want this!" The preppy freak screamed at me, and then smoothed her hair, as if afraid her outburst had ruined it.
"What hell are you talking about bitch?" I said, putting my hands on my hips.
"Who are you calling bitch, bitch?" she screamed, contorting her makeup-covered face into an ugly image. "And you don't even know what this is for? Its auditions for a deal with the top record producers. And you better not even be hoping to beat me because me because Hilary beats everyone." Hilary flicked her hair in my face, sneering at me.
That closed the deal for me. I would at least try to beat her. She had gotten on my last nerve.
"We'll see about that. Bitch." I added as an afterthought, smiling to myself as she went into another self-induced fit.
I had never sung anything before. I should actually say I hadn't sung anything recently. When I was little I loved to sing for my parents. They said I had a beautiful voice, I remember. I didn't want to show this Hilary chick what I could do, so I kept my mouth shut, wondering what I would have to sing.
When the line finally got to Hilary, she flicked her waist long hair in my face with a condescending look. "Sorry, but no use waiting around." She said. I peered around her as she disappeared, to watch her. She answered all questions with a perky voice that dripped with fake sweetness. If only the judges could see her side that she showed those she didn't like. I wondered vaguely if she was bipolar. Nah, just another girl who has her bitch side and her sweet side. I'm such a mix of both that it doesn't show that much.
When they noticed that I was looking ahead at the competition, they slammed the door in my face, the auditions sign on the door swinging in my face. I leaned back, and waited. I didn't really care to hear Hilary anyway.
About ten minutes later, a short, mousy man came and opened the door.
"Come in. What is your name? Full name, please." He said, shuffling over to a desk under a window. Sitting next to him was the spitting image of a spoiled pop star. She had straight, blonde hair that was tied in to pig tails on the sides of her head. She chomped hard on a huge wad of gum, blowing bubbles occasionally. I wondered if she was going for the Baby Spice look. I shuddered involuntarily. After I was interrogated thoroughly by the odd duo, they let me choose a song to sing. I looked thru the selection of songs. There weren't any that I liked.
"Is it okay with you two if I sing my own song?" I asked.
"Fine, fine whatever." The mousy man waved his hand at me.
I mentally turned through a Rolodex of songs in my mind, the titles flipping thru my brain and the interesting ones popping up and fighting to be chosen. I picked a song that I had heard not too long ago on the radio. I didn't buy cds, but lately I was getting more into music.
The man snapped his fingers. "Come on, we don't have all day." He said, bringing me out of my reverie.
I took a deep breath and let the words pour out of me.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave
Because your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
The emotion inside me began to build as I thought of how these words were true for me. Subconsciously, I had picked this song for reasons other that I had heard it and could remember the words. I had identified with it, and chosen it for the reason that my subconscious brain hoped I would figure myself out and maybe feel better. I doubted that this would work, but took a bigger breath and kept singing.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me...
I fought to control myself as my head swam with thoughts that I could not control. I had to finish before I broke down completely. I pretended that was the end of the song. The two were quiet as I walked out of the building. I wasn't sure if it was good or bad. Not that I really cared if I got the stupid job. I had gotten more out of it than that. I found that I loved to sing. I could even write my own songs. I had enough feelings inside me to scratch something up. I held my head high for the first time in months as I thought of all the possibilities.
Later that night, I sat in my small, recently neglected apartment, and sung a few stanzas to myself. I had bought the Evanescence cd, as the haunting tones and sorrowful lyrics calmed me for some reason. True, I cried a lot that night, music can do that to me, I found. But tears can sometimes soothe broken feelings.
What was I talking about? I must've overdosed on something again; Mai Valentine isn't supposed to be thinking about feelings. She is supposed to be obsessed with dueling, independent, and tough. I am reduced to a weeping, pathetic individual sobbing over some boy. True, said boy was funny, caring, had the most adorable accent, and…I fell asleep thinking of Joey Wheeler. So much for the dueling, tough Mai.
The next day, my spirits were slightly lifted from my cry-fest the night before. Although I can't say I was bouncing off the walls with happiness, I actually talked with some people nicely. Towards the end of the day, something happened to raise my spirits even more, though after closer examining, I began to feel slightly different towards the matter.
Serenity came running up to me waving something in her hands. It looked like a short piece of paper.
"Mai, Mai!" she called, coming up to me, breathless.
"Hey!" I said, wondering what was up now. I hadn't talked to Serenity in a while. She had been kind of preoccupied with Kaiba lately; I think it is his birthday soon. She might be planning some kind of surprise party, but I can't remember.
"I haven't seen you in a while!" she said, regaining her breath. "I was thinking, well, you seem a little down lately-" Wow, she noticed? I thought I had done a fairly well job of keeping it on the DL. "-anyway, I got these and I was hoping we could go together! Maybe it'd cheer you up." Serenity said, proudly holding up the short stubs of paper in front of my face.
I backed up slightly to see what it read. I gasped. Concert tickets! In the front row nonetheless! It was a bunch of different bands and singers, but the one that stood out to me was Evanescence. The band whose song I had sung, making me feel so much better. The other bands didn't matter; they were probably bands Serenity liked or something. "How did you…?" I sputtered, still comprehending in my mind.
"Kaiba has connections of course!" Serenity said with a tinkling laugh that somehow annoyed me. I was immediately disgusted with myself; who was I to be jealous of her happiness? She deserved love far more than me. I spoke to stop my thoughts from getting out of control.
"Is he coming?" I asked nonchalantly, acting as if I didn't care, but in truth, I cared very much. If he came, I would be a third wheel, standing watching as Kaiba stroked her auburn hair, and Serenity giggled her pretty little laugh.
"Well no, he's not much into the whole music thing. Plus, I thought it could just be a girl's night out." Serenity said with a hopeful smile at me.
"I'd love that." I said sincerely, with a genuine smile. This was the best thing to happen all week, no, all month! "Would you like a ride?" I said, almost without thinking. Immediately I kicked myself mentally. Hello – Joey!
"Sure." She said, and we started to walk over to the car. What about Joey? I don't say anything out loud, but she can sense something change in my manner, some questioning feeling that she sensed.
"Joey's with um..well are you still mad at him?" she asked tentatively. I get into the car with a sigh.
"I'm not mad at him." I said, though not convincing anyone, least of all myself.
She doesn't say anything, and I pull out of the parking lot, slightly annoyed. How I want to tell her what turmoil has been going on lately, trapped in my mind. If she asked a little more, I would have told her, but she keeps silent on the subject, talking about trivial things, such as what tests threw off her A average. I didn't reminder her that I had failed a grade due to traveling from tournament to tournament.
I drop her off at the apartment she shares with Joey. "Serenity? If you need a ride, I can pick you up tomorrow morning…" I said, again on the spur of the moment, forgetting Joey.
"I'd love to, but Mai, I'm staying at Seto's tonight, it's his birthday and we're having a little dinner." She said, twisting her jacket in her hands as she gets out of the car.
"Don't worry about it." I said, a little of my old nature coming back. I think of her staying at Kaiba's. I wonder if they have…okay bad image. "Have fun with Kaiba!" I wink largely as I drive off, leaving a blushing Serenity behind. I grin to myself and I almost feel normal.
3rd Person P.O.V.
Bakura sat on the side of his hikaris bed, watching the moonlight shimmer on Ryou's white hair. He sighed and stared at the ceiling. It had been a few months since he realized that he was gay, in love with his lighter half. Do you think this is easy for a 5000-year-old tomb robber to accept? No way. He had been trying to ignore it, but they live together. Obviously, it was getting a little harder to avoid.
He didn't want to tell Ryou; that would surely be a death sentence! Well, not literally of course, Ryou wouldn't kill a fly. Bakura smirked at the thought. But Ryou of course wouldn't be gay, and certainly wouldn't even think of Bakura if he were. They were complete opposites, but it was Ryou's innocent cuteness that was attractive to Bakura.
Bakura got up, closing Ryou's door and going into their small kitchen. They lived had lived in a 2-bedroom apartment ever since their souls were separated and they were able to have their own bodies. That was about half a year ago. Their apartment was pretty clean for two teenage boys living there; Ryou liked it that way. If it were up to Bakura, the whole place would be covered with an unidentified mass of clothes, food and other stuff.
Bakura sat down on the couch, holding the remote in his hand but not seeing anything around him. He needed help. He debated who to go to, he had been debating this for a while.
Yami or Yugi, no, he couldn't ask them for help, especially on such an embarrassing matter. The pharaoh and the tomb robber were enemies by nature, now was no time to change that.
'Joey, hm…no, he doesn't seem the type to talk to. And Tristan and Duke are just stupid.' He thought to himself, closing his eyes. 'Malik and Marik, well, they are just insane and won't sit calm down. As opposed to my calm insanity.' Bakura chuckled in spite of his situation.
'That leaves Serenity, Tea and Mai. Maybe girls would be easier to talk to. Though no way I'm even considering stupid-ass friendship girl.' Bakura said.
"Mai." He said aloud, getting up quickly, as though the very couch had electrocuted him. "She's on the tough side, like me, and well, you never know." He said, trying to reassure himself about his choice. "It'll be okay." He said, breathing out.
He threw on a long black, leather trench coat and stepped out of the apartment, closing the door softly so as not to wake Ryou. He had changed his wardrobe from the striped white and blue t-shirt and faded jeans he had to wear when he was sharing Ryou's body. He preferred black and chains; his new clothes highlighted his shockingly white hair. Currently, he was only clad in leather pants, black chain adorned boots, and the trench coat he had just thrown on.
He walked to Mai's; it wasn't far. When he reached her apartment building, he remembered that he still had a little problem: he didn't know her apartment number and he was locked out of the building. Only one thing to do…
Five minutes later, he was climbing the unstable fire escape ladder up the seven story building, telling himself over and over again not to look down. Now Bakura wasn't the type to get scared easily, and if he was a normal, sane person, of course he wouldn't be attempting the stunt he was trying to pull of now. But we all know that Yami Bakura is FAR from sane, he's on the complete other end of the spectrum! After ten more minutes of scrambling around, he managed to locate a window with purple curtains.
"Got you." Bakura said under his breath, swiping aside the lavender curtains.
What he found was not Mai Valentine's room; it in fact belonged to an old lady by the name of Mrs. Timutus. He knew at once that he was peering into the wrong room; the smell of musty perfume was overwhelming. A bad decision on Bakura's part made him look around the room, maybe for something to steal. What his eyes found however, was not a priceless item or valuable jewelry. It was the old lady's figure lying on the bed. It was a hot night and she had decided to sleep without her usual nightgown.
"AH MY EYES!" Bakura cried, reeling backwards, trying hard to keep down the vomit rising in his throat.
He gagged, and ran up the stairs to the next floor, the top. His boot chain got caught in his haste, and he was thrown backwards on the grating. He stared at the indigo sky, wondering why, why had he undertaken such a pointless mission. Then he remembered Ryou's sleeping face, and got up, disgruntled, but not ready to give up yet.
He found another set of purple curtains, and, more warily this time, opened them a peek, bracing his eyes for another frightful sight. Luckily, there was no one in the room, but he was sure that the room belonged to Mai. Dark purple was everywhere, along with some black.
He couldn't help thinking, 'She has good taste, for a girl that is.'
He climbed through the window, not too gracefully, falling with a thud on the ground.
Mai's P.O.V.
I wake up from my slumbering position on my couch to a loud noise in my bedroom. I jump up, and thinking it's a burglar, I run in there, hoping to kick him where it hurts with my boots. I stupidly don't bother to see who it is, before I carry out my plan, earning a yelp of pain from the intruder. I look down to where he has fallen to the floor with a satisfied grin on my face.
When I see who the intruder is, the grin is quickly wiped from my face.
"Bakura? What the hell are you doing here?" I ask, standing over him with my hands planted firmly on my hips. Needless to say, I'm not too excited about my midnight visitor. Now if it were Joey, that would be a different story…But it isn't.
Bakura has now picked himself up off the floor, trying to retain some of his dignity.
"What do you want?" I demand, aggravated that he interrupted my much-needed sleep.
Bakura shuffles his feet, and I notice that he doesn't look as intimidating as usual. I wonder what this is all about, and motion for him to follow me into the kitchen.
"Do you want anything to eat?" I ask, in spite of myself.
"Not hungry." Bakura says, sinking into a chair. "I came here to…ask for your help." He says through gritted teeth, as though this is killing him. It probably is.
"Really?" I say, making myself a glass of iced coffee. From the looks of Bakura, I can tell I'm going to need something to keep me up for a while. Better living through drugs. I take a sip and wait for him to continue.
Bakura sighs and says, "Look, you know I'd never come to you unless I had a real problem, right?" I nod. He continues, "Well, I have a real problem. But you can NOT tell anyone."
"Yeah, yeah fine. Get on with it." I say, unfazed, but getting more curious by the minute. What could possibly have happened? Did he steal something big? Did he-gulp- kill someone?
Bakura's low voice brings me back to reality. "I'm-" He strains, as if whatever he has to say is the end of the world.
"You're what?" I prompt, drinking some more coffee. He is really trying my patience here…
"Gay." He says in a small voice, fingering his leather coat. There is dead silence, as I think over what to say, keeping my shock inside me. I would have never guessed. Well, at least he won't get in trouble, though from the looks of him, Bakura looks like he'd rather be dead than here confessing his sexual orientation to me. And, what puzzled me more was why me? Why wouldn't he have talked to the closest thing he has to a friend-Ryou?
"Why did you come to me?" I say. So much for tact. "What about Ryou?" I continue. Might as well, I'm on a roll here.
"That's the other part of my problem." He says in a depressive voice. I'm beginning to get worried.
"What happened to Ryou?" I ask, trying to keep the concern out of my voice. True, I'm not close to any of the gang, well maybe Serenity, but Ryou isn't really on my radar. But I know everyone else would be torn if something happened to the little British twerp.
"Nothing happened to him." Bakura says, with what might be a smile on anyone else's face.
"So then, why didn't you talk to him? You guys live together for god's sake!" I exclaim, getting up to make myself some more coffee. "You want some?" I ask, and Bakura shrugs. I take that as a yes.
He's making lines in my table, and I don't have the heart to stop him. What was going on? "I think I…I think I…Dammit!" Bakura gets up suddenly, banging his fist on the table. "I love my stupid hikari, and I'm going goddamn insane!" He yells forcefully. "You happy now?" He asks, his dark eyes flashing.
My eyes widen against my will. I sit down with my second cup of iced coffee, unloading my usual amount of sugar and milk into the glass. I slide his black coffee over to him, and he drains it in a gulp. I watch him, wondering how he can possibly drink that liquid death without loads of sugar and milk. To each his own.
"One, you're already insane, so give that one up. And two, I think you should talk to Ryou." I suggest, hoping to get him out of my kitchen. The situation is getting uncomfortably out of my hands. I can't deal with my own love life, let alone Bakura's homosexual one.
"Are you crazy?" He demands, his voice rising. "You have no idea what I went through to talk to you and I want your help! It's already hard enough, what do you want to do, kill me?" He asks, going over to the full pot of coffee and consuming it in ten short seconds. He slams it down, a wild look in his eyes. Great, now he's gotten high off coffee. Just what I need at one A.M.
"Okay, you know what Bakura?" I say, holding my ground. "You go home, and I'll think of something. You know where to find me. Obviously." I say, still a little sore that he woke me up. I start to push him to the door. He turns around, a sad little look on his face. It jolts me; I'd never seen such a pathetic look on his face before. He must be desperate. But I will think of something. I can't help myself, but maybe I can help someone else get the one they love. I smile slightly, looking for Bakura, but he is already gone. My purple curtains rustle as a dark shape leaves them. I can't help laughing.
It has been one hell of a night.
A/N: I don't usually like fanfics with songs in them, I think that it takes away from the writing and its just taking someone else's words and using them to fill up space for what you couldn't come up with to write. But what I used wasn't very much, and actually fit into the context. She was singing it. It fit. Or at least I think so. Tell me what you think. Some fanfics just stick lyrics in there for no point at all. I think we've all read one of those. Yes, raise your hands…okay well tell me if I should have more of her singing lyrics, or just have what she's thinking while singing. And I'll abide by your wishes! Don't forget to review!
