All I have to say about this chapter is that there is a whole lot of talking. Just warning you. Like, it is mostly talking. Oh and also I don't own anything.
Enjoy!
The whole car ride, Kurt keeps stealing glances at Blaine. Blaine has his eyes trained on the road in front of him like his life depends on it- which it does, but that's beside the point- but he keeps worrying at his bottom lip with his teeth and he looks all-around distressed. Kurt can tell he's deep in thought and he'll talk when he's ready, so he keeps his mouth shut."Kurt," Blaine says when they're about halfway back to Kurt's house, "I…I think I'm ready. I mean, I think I need to talk." He turns away from the road to look at Kurt with sad eyes. "Of course, Blaine. Only if you want to." Blaine swallows loudly and looks back out the windshield.
"I just…when I was growing up, they never had a problem with me. I did everything short of actually kissing boys to indicate that I was gay, even before I knew it myself, and they always accepted me just fine. But when I actually came out, it was like I had murdered somebody they loved. I suppose I did, really. The wonderfully adorable, yet feminine, straight son they once knew…he's dead now.
"I want to know what makes them think the way they do. I really, honestly just…don't understand it. They're not abusive, they feed me and clothe me and they haven't disowned me or anything, they just…they go out of their way to pretend I don't exist whenever they can. The only reason that I have all the money I have is so that they don't have to speak to me. They wire the money to my account every month with the understanding that I'll buy everything I need. And I do.
"I just…Kurt, I just wish they knew me. Because they don't. They know the old Blaine who liked tea parties and bowties and also liked girls, and they know…whatever they think I am. They don't know the real me, and I just wish that they would take the time to get to know me as a person. Maybe…maybe they'd find something they like.
"But Kurt, they won't give me a chance. I love them, I really do. And…I think they love me. They don't like me, but they must love me, right? I'm their son! But sometimes it feels like they're just waiting for me to say or do something to trigger them. Like our relationship is a rubber band and every time they communicate with me it stretches just a little bit more. And one of these days, I'm afraid it's going to snap. And on the one hand, I don't want it to happen at all, but on the other hand, I know it's inevitable and I just want to get it over with already.
"Sometimes, when I'm not thinking about you, I fall asleep at night wondering how it's going to happen. Whether he'll hit me. Whether she'll cry. Whether they'll kick me out or cut me off or what. Whether they'll give me time to pack my things. It eats at me from the inside. It consumes my thoughts until there's nothing I can do but cry.
"And I've been thinking…about what I could do. What could possibly make them crack. I think I know it…but it would be difficult. And…definitely too much to ask of you. I could do it alone, but it might not work that way. I don't know…it's hard to tell with them. Maybe just starting a conversation with them would make it happen. But I want to…I just want to get it out of the way. I can't just stay there and continue like this until I go off to college. It would kill me. It would kill them.
"So, Kurt…I'm going to ask you to do something for me. And you honestly…definitely have a choice here. And I'm going to warn you right now that I can't guarantee anything will or will not happen if you do it…just remember that you can refuse to do this if you don't want to, alright?"
For the first time since he started talking, Blaine looks at Kurt and pauses, waiting for a response. "Blaine, I seriously doubt I'll want to refuse. What is it?"
Blaine takes a deep breath. "I…I want to tell them that I have a boyfriend. And I want you to be there. But you don't have to. You really don't. I can do it alone." Blaine is backtracking, rambling, and Kurt puts a finger over his lips.
"Let me get this straight…you want to tell your parents- who strongly disapprove of your homosexuality- that you are in a committed relationship." Blaine nods. "And you want me to be there for moral support." Another nod. "And you're doing this because you…want them to react badly?" He puts his hand back in his lap and looks at Blaine for confirmation.
"Yes, I suppose that sums it up," Blaine says, his voice full of shame and self-loathing.
"Of course, Blaine. Of course I'll go. Do you really think I would make you do that alone?" Blaine breathes out a sigh of relief.
"Kurt…it won't be pretty, I can promise you that." Blaine's trying to talk Kurt out of it now.
"Blaine. I'm going, and that's it." Kurt sets his face in a stubborn mask and looks at Blaine.
Blaine laughs nervously, airily. A laugh of relief. "Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Kurt. I love you. Thank you."
"I love you, Blaine. And I want you to know that if you ever need me for something like this- or something like anything- I will never say no to you. Simple as that. You need to stop doubting yourself so much."
"Thank you," Blaine repeats, his voice cracking. Kurt glances at him and notices tears welling up in his eyes, though Blaine is trying his very hardest both to make them disappear and to look away from Kurt.
"Blaine, honey, I know how you feel. I can tell you right now that you're probably not going to say anything. I can tell you that even if you don't, I'll know what you're thinking. I can tell you that you'll pretend to be embarrassed, and you'll try to deny everything I'm saying, but in your head, you'll know that what I'm saying is true and you'll be thankful. And I know all of this because I know you, Blaine. I know that you've gone your whole life being bullied and ignored and that you're not quite used to having somebody be there for you yet. I know that you're also not quite used to the idea of somebody loving you. I know that sometimes you fall asleep at night wondering how you got so lucky as to have somebody like me. I know that sometimes you think that I can just erase all the bad things in your life just by existing. And I know all of that because it's exactly what I think of you. And I'm telling you right now that you'd better get used to me loving you, and you'd better get used to me frequently telling you that. And you'd better get used to me spoiling you. And you'd better get used to me not being able to say no to you. Because I'm going to say this one time and one time only: I'm not going anywhere. Ever. Do you understand?"
By the time Kurt's done talking, Blaine has forgotten all about pretending. He's forgotten his act. Kurt sees right through him anyways, so what's the point? He sits and gapes at Kurt's speech, his eyes settled about halfway between Kurt and the road. So much for not being eloquent, he thinks.
And for the first time ever, Blaine completely drops his façade. All of it. He lets Kurt see the insecure boy that he is, the one who's usually hiding under his private-school-boy mask. He lets Kurt in even more than when he was sobbing in Kurt's lap. Even more than the many times he's made similar speeches about his love for Kurt. Even more than when he looks at Kurt and he thinks Kurt isn't looking back and his eyes are broken and empty.
"You're right. You're always right. I'm…a really good pretender. I can pretend I don't care. I can pretend I do care. I can pretend that I'm happy and fine when I'm absolutely not. I can pretend that I know what I'm doing when I absolutely don't. But you're the first person who's ever been able to see through me. You're the first and only person I've ever met who actually understands me and loves me and-and cares. Thank you for that. And…no matter how much it might seem like the contrary, I won't ever get tired of hearing you tell me things about myself that even I don't know." Blaine smiles softly and stops trying to hold in his tears.
"I'll never get tired of telling you," Kurt responds simply as Blaine reaches out to grab his hand.
"Can we, uh…talk about something else?" Blaine asks awkwardly.
Kurt nods. "Absolutely. Um. What are you doing tomorrow?" Blaine squeezes Kurt's hand. "Whatever you're doing, silly. You know that." Kurt laughs.
"I know. Do you wanna come over and watch movies with me?"
"I would like nothing more," Blaine says with a smile on his face. "It's a date, then," Kurt responds. He glances at the clock on the dashboard. 10:17. Dad's not going to be happy, Kurt thinks, and then realizes he doesn't care.
But of course, Blaine notices as well. "I can explain to him when we get to your house. Or you could just shoot him a text or something. I'm sure he won't be too mad." Kurt sighs.
"I know. I don't think it'll be a big deal. If he needs an excuse, we can explain together, but not unless he asks." He won't.
"Absolutely. I don't think we'll have to explain in too much detail anyway." We'll end up lying to him.
"Of course not. He trusts you." He really won't care.
"I'm glad." He doesn't.
Kurt smiles. "He really does, Blaine." Blaine gasps. "What the-how did you-no. What?"
"He trusts you. Almost as much as I do. Believe me. I know him extremely well, and if he didn't trust you wholeheartedly, I wouldn't be here with you right now. You're freaking yourself out again, over nothing." Kurt rubs comforting circles in the back of Blaine's hand.
"Okay, I'll try to stop worrying. But you should stop reading my mind." Blaine grins at Kurt in the mostly-dark car.
"Can't. It comes naturally. Sorry." Kurt smirks. "You never know, it could come in handy someday."
"I doubt it," Blaine says, not bothering to lie.
"Oh, you just wait…" Kurt says cryptically. "One day, I will save your life."
Blaine laughs bitterly and murmurs, mostly to himself, "You already have."
Kurt sighs and says in that way of his, "I heard that. And you're going to talk about it eventually."
"I know. Not right now." Blaine frowns slightly.
"Of course not. Only when you're ready." Kurt resumes his soothing pattern on Blaine's hand.
"I love you," Blaine says as he pulls into Kurt's driveway. Kurt pulls his hand out of Blaine's and reaches to open the door. "I love you too," he responds.
Blaine will never admit it out loud, but he's actually really worried as they walk in the door. He can tell Kurt knows, but he doesn't say much about it, simply reassuringly holding Blaine's hand and murmuring, "You'll be fine."
But the wrath of a protective Hummel is something no man can predict or comprehend.
This is a sort-of short chapter, though not too bad.
Really terrible cliffhanger there. Sorry. I don't hate you, I swear.
I take all responsibility for how crazy or jolted or all over the place this chapter is, considering I started writing it at about midnight and finished at 3:30 AM. I really should write while I'm sane, but that's almost never, so.
Reviews make my heart sing. Sometimes my heart actually writes songs and then sings them to reviewers. Only if your review is super special.
Um, I still don't know where I'm going with this fic…I have a general idea, but I will always take suggestions. GO.
