Portal Jockey Part 2

After struggling for several hours Midna finally had the hang of running in a wolf's body, so the fearless duo made their way to Hyrule Castle, hoping that Zelda would be able to help them.

"Nope," came the unabashed answer.

"What?" howled the formerly fearless duo.

"Just as I said," Zelda answered, sitting down for afternoon tea. "You got yourselves into this mess, so get yourselves out of it."

"Do you not realize that we're the ones who have to save you?" Midna demanded in wolf-yaps. "How are we supposed to do that if we're not in our own bodies?"

"It's not that bad Mid—," Link started to comfort, standing rather awkwardly off to the side.

"Shut up Link," she snapped. "Just shut up!"

Zelda let out a sigh. "Look, you two just have to practice in each other's bodies until either Link learns to teleport or Midna learns how to fight."

"I'll figure it out first," the two answered simultaneously. Zelda rolled her eyes, knowing what would come next.

"You learn to fight?" Link barked a laugh. "You thought a shield was a helmet! You couldn't even move in that body until a few hours ago!"

"Oh, you're one to talk Mr. Can't Fly!" Midna rebutted. "You don't have a prayer of mastering snot before me!"

"Who would want to master snot? That's just gross!"

"It's a figure of speech to keep this game rated T!"

"What does that mean we can't say sh—?"

"Will you two get out?" Zelda snapped, finding her last nerve had been struck. "Go figure out how to save me somewhere else!"

Suddenly footsteps could be heard outside of the door. The fearless duo looked at each other, nodded, and took off out the window, with Link calling back, "Good luck with the being captured thing!" It wasn't until several hours later that both Link and Midna realized that if they had just taken Zelda with them, then they would have significantly less problems.

"Okay, screw the rating," Midna growled, literally. "Goddesses damn it!"

A short while later they found themselves back in Kakariko Village, dusty and downtrodden. They sat at the edge of the spring, where apparently the rest of the village couldn't see them unless they took three steps to the right.

"This is just great," Midna mumbled, shuffling dirt with her paw. "I'll be stuck as a stupid, fleabag for the rest of my life."

"Better than being stuck as an ugly imp for the rest of your life," Link offered in an un-wise attempt to comfort his companion. Wielder of courage, obviously, wisdom not so much.

"Oh so you think I'm ugly, is that it?" Midna snapped, a fire in her eyes as she slowly slunk closer to Link. "You'll pay for that!"

"Wait, wait!" he howled, cowering. "This is your body! If you hurt me you're actually hurting you!" Link's brain hurt at the consideration of that, but decided it was his best bet for safety.

"Seeing as I'll never get my body back, I think I can afford a few scars," she cackled evilly, eyes glinting.

Link stumbled back a step. "M-Midna, let's not be rash!"

His companion totally ignored him, lunging for his throat. Throwing up his hands as a last restort for some safety, he waited for the inevitable impact, but it wasn't the impact he was quite expecting. He opened his eyes to find himself staring into his own human eyes.

"Oh my goddess!" he exclaimed excitedly. "I changed you back!"

"Oh yeah?" Midna challenged. "I'll still chew you out!" she then proceeded to use Link's human teeth to gnaw on her imp form.

"Ow! Ow!" Link complained, struggling to get away. "Don't you get it Midna?"

She paused to glare at him. "Get what?"

"We're one step closer to getting our bodies back!" She looked as if she was going to ignore that and continue attacking him, but then thought better of it.

"You're right!" she exclaimed excitedly. "And this means I can get food now!"

"Yeah you can—wait what?" But it was too late, as Midna was already wandering towards the village, nose in the air. Link managed to will himself into a shadow after a few minutes and caught up with her to find her pigging out, no doubt blowing all his rupees.

After she was satisfied they made their way to the spring on top of the inn, Link grumbling about money and Midna looking positively pleased.

"This body sure can hold a ton of food, Link," she declared, patting his stomach.

"Whatever," he grumbled. "I just want a hot bath and a comfy bed."

"You're such a little girl," Midna insulted, picking at her teeth.

"And you're so masculine it makes me sick," Link retorted.

"Sissy!"

"Pig!"

"Stuffy, stupid boy!"

"Arrogant witch!"

They butted heads, literally, grinding their teeth in challenge.

"Link!" a child's voice drifted up to them, breaking their argument up—for now. Link quickly disappeared into his own shadow, and Midna turned nervously towards the sound.

"Uhm, hello," she greeted stiffly, as Colin reached her, grinning excitedly.

"Do you have time to play with me?" he asked happily. Link smiled encouragingly, despite the fact that no one could see him and thus no one was paying any attention to him.

"Scram kid," Midna answered instead, crossing her arms over her chest. "I'm taking a bath now." Colin looked disappointed, bowing his head, but nodding nonetheless. "That's a good boy. Now go off down that path and get to bed." Midna pointed out aforementioned path, off to their left.

After Colin left, Link came out of the shadow looking concerned. "Midna, isn't that way a dead drop? I didn't think there was a path over there."

"There's not," Midna replied, walking off towards the spring, stripping clothes off as she went.

Link's jaw dropped as he looked in the direction Colin had walked, just as a loud scream sounded. "Oh my gods, did you just kill him on purpose?" Link demanded, turning accusingly towards Midna, only to find her nowhere in sight. "Midna?" He drifted towards the spring, Colin forgotten.

He found Midna, relaxing with a satisfied look on her face, deep in the spring. "Hey Link," she greeted, casually waving at him.

"Are you naked?" he demanded.

"Well, yeah," she answered, looking at him oddly. "Would you rather me get all your gear wet?"

"Well, no, but," Link started, but Midna interrupted before he could add any more.

"Don't be such a prude Link." She explained, "We've traveled together for a long time now; we can't be embarrassed about little things like this forever."

Link nodded, seeing her point. "Yeah I guess you're right. After all, I get to see you naked all the time!"

Midna's face turned red as she screamed at Link to get out of her sight. He didn't understand why, but left regardless. Sleep was beckoning him, and he was all too happy to oblige. Meanwhile, Midna sunk lower into the spring, face still red.

How dare he! she thought angrily. She looked down into the water again, seeing it floating down there and her blush returned in full force. She had to get her own body back now. Breaking her from her daydreaming, a loud stomping shook the ground. An earthquake?

No. Worse.

Much worse.

A Goron popped up over the peak of the hill. "Brother!" he called. "Allow me to join you!"

Before Midna could make even a sound of protest, the Goron stripped off his loincloth and dashed into the spring.

Her scream could be heard throughout the village.