In Ruins

05. Empty Spaces

A/N: Again, I'd like to give thanks to Zero612 for dropping a review. For anyone else reading, it'd be nice to have a review dropped by. I don't know what to work on or what to keep doing if you don't.


Callum toyed around with the scraps of food left in his tray pensively. His thoughts were occupied with the events of the previous mission. Everything had gone well, casualties were kept to a minimum, and Liara T'soni had been rescued successfully. He had performed to the best of his abilities and he felt that he had done a good job at interacting with the others and yet… here he was, poking at his food in the empty mess hall. A small sigh escaped from his lips as he shut his eyes in frustration. How the hell does Shepard do it? It seems so easy for him…

Commander Damien Shepard, first human spectre, Hero of Akuze. His name brought was full of military recognition and Callum had been firsthand to witness the brutality that he could adopt when facing enemies, but he was also witness to the ease in which he could address each and every member of his team, regardless of their species. Fuck, Damien…

Too caught up in his mental ramblings, Callum failed to notice Liara taking a seat opposite of him. The asari looked over at him attentively before clearing her throat gently, startling Callum's eyes open, "Hello, Callum."

Callum shifted slightly after acknowledging her presence with a nod, "Liara. Is there anything you need help with?"

Liara looked over Callum like a scientist would look over a specimen and it made him feel antsy. He felt his nerves tensing under her eyes, regardless of the small smile she gave, "No, I am all right. Pressly has been kind enough to introduce me with the ship and its facilities, and Dr. Chakwas has been generous enough to allow me to settle in her lab."

"I somehow doubt that's why you're here," Callum answered dryly.

"You are correct," Liara laced her fingers together on top of the table, "I overheard the crew talking about what happened on Therum. Commander Shepard spoke heavily of you, particularly your biotic skill. I must admit, I am curious."

Callum's posture stiffened as he let the fork he had been fidgeting with fall into the tray, "What?" That can't be true.

"It is true. Even Lieutenant Alenko seemed impressed with the tales of your abilities."

Callum felt a million thoughts running through his head. For once in his life, he didn't know how to react. All the times before whenever he had heard of people talking of him, he knew to react with violence. If he was being reprimanded, he kept is head down. If he was scared, he would go headstrong but this? He had no idea how to react or what to say.

"I… I don't know what to say." His features bore an innocent look as he glanced to Liara, seeking some sort of guidance.

Her gaze lingered with his for a moment before she waivered, "I do not have much experience dealing with your kind, Callum. Perhaps you could join the others and sate their curiosity?"

"What about you, Liara? Don't you ever get lonely?" he felt the urge to punch himself after letting that word loose. Liara tilted her head, a telltale sign that she was aware of his use of the word.

"Not really. Solitude is one of the aspects that most appealed to me in my position. Sometimes, I just need to get away," She paused to determine whether or not she wanted to push the matter, "Callum, are you lonely?"

Callum found himself in the situation he had hoped to avoid. He suddenly felt aware of the way his blood pumped through him and the way the light fell on him. He felt trapped, cornered like a varren's prey after a hunt. Without responding, he stood from his spot, feeling Liara's gaze burning into him. Peering at her, he spoke softly, "Sometimes."

Liara watched as he stacked his tray atop a series of others on a nearby counter. His shoulders seemed to sag as though he carried the weight of something around with him. Her eyes were laden with compassion as she watched him walk away, his eyes distant. Before he rounded the corner to reach the elevator, she called out to him, "If you ever need someone to speak to, Callum, I am here."

Callum stopped for a moment. He considered looking back and giving her a quick thanks but he decided against it. There was no need. Rupturing the asari's view of him, he took slow steps towards the elevator and called it up. In the seconds he waited, he wondered what Liara had chosen to do. In his head, she likely stood up and returned to her terminal in the sickbay. Something in the short conversation he just had with her made him want to protect her. In that instant, he was sure she wasn't working for Saren or Benezia.

On the lower deck, Kaidan and Ashley argued near her station about the efficiency of a pistol. From the looks of it, she seemed to be winning the argument. Callum arched an eyebrow at the sight; it was humorous, if anything. After a few more seconds, Kaidan lifted his hands up in resignation before turning away from her.

Ashley called out to him, "You owe me a beer next shore leave, LT!"

Kaidan shook his head with a smirk before noticing Callum's presence. The look in his eyes remained light as he paused midstride, "Callum, I heard about what went down on Therum."

Play coy. Callum crossed his arms, feigning confusion, "Heard what exactly?"

"A couple of things, really. Lifting that armature on your own? Impressive. Crushing it into a ball of scrap? Even more impressive."

"Who talks about that?" Callum

Kaidan bit back a laugh, "Marines."

"What?"

"Yeah. It's kind of how they show off their scars like trophies.

Kaidan's message rang through him, reminding him how painfully inexperienced he was in dealing with other soldiers. Never had he experienced what the other spoke of. He wasn't sure if he even wanted to.

"Right."

"Don't worry, it's nothing bad. Even Shepard seemed impressed. Keep it up." With that, Kaidan nodded and went on his way to the upper decks.

After standing there and rubbing the back of his neck like a confused recruit, Callum found himself striding towards where Ashley stood. At the moment, she was cleaning her rifle and checking to see that all the bits were fully functional. At the sound of his approaching steps, her eyes turned to him.

"Something up, Cal?"

Callum took up a position against the metal wall, resting his back flat against it, "What was that all about? With Kaidan?"

She took a moment to register before she smiled cockily, "Oh, that? LT thought he could find more weight behind using a pistol than an assault rifle. It didn't go as he planned."

"I'm going to guess the assault rifle is your preferred weapon, then?"

"Hell yeah. There's nothing quite like an M7 Lancer." Ashley eased the rifle down onto the table before resting one hand on its surface and the other on her hip, "Why? Are you telling me you prefer something else?"

A weak smile formed on his lips, "You could say that. Though, they're not really Alliance-grade weapons."

"Well? Out with it."

"I've always been taken with SMGs. I was a pretty good shot, but my CO took it." He scoffed, "Asshole."

"Ah, yeah, the Alliance has never been too big on those. I honestly don't know why. Some people know how to kick ass with them."

"I hear you. I think an SMG was one of the first type of guns I ever handled."

A devious grin spread on Ashley's lips, "You've been 'handling guns' for a while, Cal?"

Callum's face was completely devoid of emotion as he stared at her for a few seconds before a grin broke though, "Ashley… That was completely uncalled for."

"Hey, you walked right into it. Can't blame a girl for using an advantage."

Callum chuckled before leaning his head back against the cold metal, "In all seriousness, though, I have."

He could feel Ashley's eyes on his as he stared straight ahead. His eyes landed on Garrus attending to the Mako, but his mind chose to replace it with images from his past, particularly the time that his fingers wrapped around the hilt of a gun. His fingers had trembled in fear before, but now he hardly twitched.

"I think the first time I held a gun was when I was fifteen. I didn't come to shoot one until later."

Ashley seemed puzzled, "Why did you use a gun at that age?"

Callum pushed himself away from the wall, "That's a story for another time."

Ashley crossed her arms in frustration, "How long do you plan on playing that card, Cal? Sooner or later you'll have to tell us."

Callum fought the urge to roll his eyes, "That is one choice, yes. The other is to keep it to myself."

"What is it then? Do you not trust me?"

"No." Ashley's eyes fluttered in surprise, "Not… completely, no. Not yet."

Not feeling up to arguing with the gunnery chief, Callum turned his back to her and headed towards his corner, as he liked to call it. Before he could make it, Wrex called out to him.

"Human," The krogan's voice was low and primal with a rumble that shook him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah, Wrex?" Callum turned to address Wrex. He felt an urge building up inside of him, one he hadn't felt in a while. No… You don't need it.

"I heard about your biotics. The others call it impressive, but I've got a question for you: Have you ever faced another biotic before?"

The question was unexpected, "I… No."

"I can tell. You're reckless. Strong, but reckless. A biotic with better focus could turn that against you. Shatter your bones, tear your spine out, crush your neck, you name it."

The mental imaged brought a grimace to his face, "What's your point, Wrex?"

"You need to train. I figured now's as good a time as any."

Callum wasn't able to get a word out before he watched the krogan lift a hand and summon his own biotics against him. A great pressure squeezed at his neck as Wrex's hands glowed with the familiar corona of biotic energy. He felt his feet lift from the ground as he clawed at nothing in an attempt to free himself. The only thing that came from his mouth was a series pained grunts as he struggled feebly to breath.

Ashley must've witnessed the incident as he heard her shouts of anger echo through the deck, "Let him go, Wrex!"

A guttural noise came from Wrex, "No. He must learn."

Ashley shouted once more, removing the safety from her rifle, "I will shoot you, krogan!"

Callum's eyes clamped shut as he felt the vice grip around his neck grow stronger. He felt tears building in his eyes from the pain and from fear. Fear, the emotion he hadn't felt in so long, threatened to consume him thoughts. Fear for his life. He felt pathetic. This… this isn't right. You need to… You need to… fight!

His eyes opened, but he could not hear past the sound of blood rushing through his ears. The krogan's mouth moved, seemingly unfazed by his own actions while Ashley's face was livid with anger. Beside her, Garrus had taken a position. The corners of his vision began to go black, He could feel his grip slipping away and… it made him angry. Angrier than he had felt when he had challenged his CO.

Rage fueled his actions. He kicked in vain, but it motivated him further. He tried to focus his energy into his biotics, drawing it to his core in a manner he had ever done before. He grasped at that feeling, letting it build as he felt the energy expand as a sphere. He zoned in on that feeling and allowed it to envelop him until he was able to touch it with his hands. At that moment, he felt it. He felt his biotics pushing against his biotics and he let his will take over.

In a flurry of actions, his biotics exploded in a shockwave that shook the entire contents of the deck and successfully freeing himself from the krogan's grip. His body dropped with a painful thud onto the ground and his knees buckled beneath him. He managed to catch himself with his hands, keeping himself from crashing onto the floor entirely. His breaths were heavy and desperate as he fought to fill the vacuum he felt in his lungs.

His senses were slowly coming back to him, and he became aware of a three-fingered hand on his shoulder. He didn't care at that moment.

Damien was yelling, he could barely catch his words, "What the hell… doing? You are in no… This is…"

Callum's mind and body agreed on one thing: get away. He struggled to get up on his feet, but he felt the comfort of those hands supporting him, but those same hands tried to keep him from going anywhere. He wrestled himself free from the grasp.

"Callum!" Tali's filtered voice managed to reach him, "Let me…" The rest he could not focus in on.

He ignored her attempts to keep him still as he lumbered over to his corner. He reached for the duffel bag that held all his possessions (what little personal things he carried with him) and stumbled over to the elevator. He watched as Tali stood outside with her hand clasping her arm in vain; she must've felt as though she had failed somehow, but he didn't care. Not at that moment.

He didn't care of the eyes watching him as he stepped out of the elevator. He didn't care for the way he looked or the redness of his neck. He didn't care for the hapless crewmembers he shoved aside to get to the airlock. He just wanted to calm down his nerves, his thoughts, and his body. Everything was sending flares in him and he wanted it to stop. Once he made it inside the airlock, he slumped down on the floor against the frame.

It was only when he spilled out the contents of the bag that he realized how ragged his breathing was. He groaned lowly as he rubbed his eyes dry before picking up the box of cigarettes and pulling one out. His hand was shaking slightly as he reached for the rustic-looking lighter and lit the cigarette positioned between his lips.

"So much for kicking the stuff," he muttered to himself before taking a blissful drag and letting his head rest against the wall before letting a puff of smoke out.

To his surprise, the door to the airlock opened. It made him wonder who the hell wasn't able to take the hint that he wanted a moment of privacy. It's probably Damien or Tali or… I don't know. The last person he expected to watch step through the door was Joker.

His eyes drifted away, "I didn't mean to bother you."

Joker spoke up as he took a few steps in, "Yeah, well, when someone storms down the corridor and then locks themselves in the airlock, you kinda worry they may try to eject themselves into space. Or something like that. You never know."

A faint smile tugged at his lips as he took another drag, breathing out seconds later, "Nothing too drastic for today." His gaze shifted to look up at the green-eyed pilot, "So, is that why you came?"

"That and I wanted to see who was being crazy."

For some reason Joker's response sent a surge of disappointment through him, "Ah."

"So, what happened? You look like shit."

"Thanks for that." Sarcasm lined his voice before he patted the metallic tile next to him.

"Ugh, you want me to get on the floor, don't you?"

"Only if you want to find out why I'm here. Otherwise, I'll just sit here."

Callum half-expected Joker to just stand there before leaving, but found himself surprised when Joker took more steps in. It was a bit awkward to watch how long it took for the other man to bring himself down to the floor, but it spoke to him on another level. He's probably felt like I do before… After about two minutes of struggling, Joker found himself sitting beside him.

"Hope you enjoyed watching a cripple get on the floor,"

He gave Joker a questioning look before looking forward again, "Why would I enjoy that?"

"I don't know. Some people are just assholes, I guess."

Callum chuckled lightly before taking a drag and breathing the smoke out through his nostrils, "Your guess is accurate. Technically, I'm an asshole for making you get down here, but I'll make it up to you."

Joker seemed skeptical, "Yeah, yeah. Get to the good stuff already."

"Well, to sum things up, I just got attacked by Wrex who damn near could've killed me if he wanted, I'm pissed about a couple of things, and I guess I'm just… lonely." He waved his hand around after saying that last word, "Sounds weird to admit it."

Joker was quiet for a bit. For once, it seemed that he couldn't find a way to bring a sarcastic comment in, "So… your response to all this is to rot your lungs?"

"If this is rotting my lungs," he took another drag, "It feels pretty good. Besides, there are artificial lungs out there somewhere."

There was a silence before he turned to face the pilot, "You know, you're the last person I expected to lecture me on how I shouldn't smoke."

"Yeah? Why's that?"

"When you've got a nickname like Joker, the last thing I'd expect is a hardass."

"It's not as though I chose it. One of my instructors always asked me why I didn't smile so she just called me Joker one day and it stuck."

"And why didn't you smile?"

"Well, shit, when you're working your ass off, you don't have time to smile."

"Apparently, you don't have time to experience life's vices, either."

For the next thirty minutes or so, they just sat there, chatting and sharing details that they had otherwise kept secret from others. Callum even managed to get Joker to loosen up to the point to attempt smoking. The coughing session that came afterwards was enough to give him a laugh that he hadn't realized he desperately needed.

Joker spoke up, "You know, we should probably get back before everyone thinks we've shirked our duties."

Callum sighed, regretting that the moment was coming to an end, "You're probably right."

He stood up after collecting his belongings and packing them back into his duffel bag and proceeded to dust himself off before sparing a glance at Joker. The man hadn't even begun attempting to get up and he was already having problems, "What are you doing?"

Joker stopped and looked up at him, "I'm –"

Callum cut him off, "Nah. I told you I'd make it up to you, so I will." He crouched down besides Joker, triggering a series of responses from him.

"What? Hey! No, I can get up on my own!" Callum took no heed to his words and slipped one arm beneath Joker's knees and the other behind his back, "Aw shit, Callum, god damn it…"

The pilot found himself tugging his cap down to shade his blushing face of embarrassment, sparking a burst of laughter from Callum, "Yeah, laugh it up while you can, Callum, 'cause you are a dead man."

Seconds later, Callum set Joker down in his seat. A grin made it onto his lips as he witness the flustered look on the pilot's face, "Wasn't that bad, right?"

"Laugh it up. You heard me before, you are dead."


A/N: I've considered writing some chapters from Shepard's POV instead of Callum's to try and show some glimpses into his life and his developing relationship with Ashley. Yes, No, Maybe? Let me know.