AN: Many thanks for all the great reviews. You all are awesome! Only one quick note: as I'm writing the story, it turns out it will have to shift point of view and not just be Arthur's POV. Not a big deal, just something to be prepared for. :)


Everything Is Never As It Seems

~~Chapter One: A Matter of Trust~~

Arthur wasn't sure how long he sat on the floor staring at Merlin, or how long Merlin pointedly ignored his gaze. Seconds, probably, but it felt like much longer.

So Merlin was a sorcerer. His idiotic, clodpoll of a servant was a bloody sorcerer. Arthur would have found the idea ridiculous if he hadn't witnessed it with his own eyes. Hell, he had thought it ridiculous that time it had been suggested by the witchfinder. It was absurd. Merlin was lazy and scatterbrained and couldn't wield a sword against a ten-year-old girl to save his life. But then, Arthur supposed, none of that really mattered if you could to magic.

Arthur wondered how this could have happened; how he could have missed it, how Merlin could have hidden it for so long. But mostly he wondered how Merlin could have kept something this big a secret from him.

Merlin raised his head up to meet Arthur's gaze.

"Arthur…." He trailed off, seemingly at a loss for words, which was also fairly ridiculous for Merlin.

Arthur didn't respond; he just continued to stare.

Finally, Merlin made the first move. As he crossed the room, he repeated Arthur's name, his hand reaching out to him.

Arthur acted on instinct.

"Don't touch me!" he replied harshly, putting out one hand to keep Merlin away as he heaved himself up off the floor. "Just stay away from me."

Arthur took a few paces back. He couldn't be near Merlin right now.

"Arthur…." Merlin didn't seem capable of saying anything other than Arthur's name. But Arthur…Arthur had plenty he wanted to say. He just didn't know where to start.

So he started with the obvious.

"You're a sorcerer?"

It was a question, not a statement, as though he wanted Merlin to prove him wrong, to assure him that he'd only imagined Merlin using magic. But deep down Arthur knew better. There was no pretending.

"Arthur-"

"How long, Merlin?"

"What?"

"How long have you been practicing magic?"

"I…." But Merlin looked away. Whether it was in shame or from fear of answering the question, Arthur didn't know.

"How long, Merlin?" Arthur asked through clenched teeth as he took a tentative step closer. It was the tone he used to assert himself, the one that said, "I'm the crown prince, and you will answer me.

"Since before I came to Camelot," Merlin answered quietly, still not looking at Arthur. "I was…I was born with it."

"Born with it? That's preposterous!" Arthur scoffed, insulted that Merlin thought him dumb enough to fall for that.

"It's the truth," Merlin said, looking back up at the prince, and Arthur noticed a firm edge in the way Merlin said it.

"The truth?" Arthur bit the word out, practically choking on it. "How can you possibly expect me to know what 'the truth' is where it concerns you, Merlin?"

Merlin looked down again, his shame clearly evident this time. He looked not unlike a sad little puppy that had just been reprimanded by its master for running away. But Arthur was not going to let Merlin's sad little lost boy act work on him. He had far more than Merlin's feelings on his mind.

"Have you used magic in Camelot before now?"

"Yes."

Arthur shook his head slightly. "What do you expect me to do with this news, Merlin? You know how my father feels about magic. You know how I feel about magic."

Without warning, the shamed look on Merlin's face quickly became one of anger. "What would you have had me do, Arthur? Let the people I love die rather than use my magic?"

Arthur froze, letting the words sink in, too distracted by the conversation to chastise Merlin for his tone. The implication that Arthur was one of those people whom Merlin loved hung heavy in the air between them, not going unnoticed by Arthur, who felt slightly touched. But there was no time for that. He was angry, dammit! And he wanted more answers.

"So back when I first met you, when you saved me from Lady Helen-"

"Yes."

"What about Lord Valiant?"

"I brought the snakes on his shield to life."

Fear coursed through Arthur, and it must have shown on his face, because he saw Merlin flinch slightly at the prince's reaction. Arthur couldn't help it. The thought of Merlin bringing inanimate objects to life with just the power of his mind scared him more than he cared to admit.

"And what about-"

"I enchanted the sword Lancelot used to kill the griffon. I stopped Edwin and his magic beetles. Cornelius Sigan, Nimueh-"

"Nimueh?"

"She's dead. I killed her."

Arthur couldn't hide it this time. He shuddered, taking a small step back. There was no use denying it: the prince was actually afraid of his manservant.

"So that time in Ealdor," Arthur continued as more memories came back to him. "When your friend said he was a sorcerer. That was a lie?"

"Yes. William was trying to protect me."

"And what about that blue light in the cave? When I went to find that flower that I needed to save you?"

"I was barely conscious when that happened, but…yes, that was me, too."

"You weren't anywhere near me when you did that," Arthur said, the implications staggering.

"I know," Merlin answered softly, unable to hold Arthur's gaze anymore as he looked down at the floor once again.

"My god, Merlin."

Arthur wanted to pace – the nervous energy he felt was making him restless – but he had to admit he wasn't sure he wanted to turn his back on a sorcerer, even if it was Merlin.

"All this time…ever since I met you…you've been using magic."

"Arthur, I swear to you, I've only ever used magic for good. To help people. To help you."

"Magic is evil," Arthur replied quietly, and Arthur refused to admit to himself that the excuse sounded a bit feeble.

Merlin looked back up, shaking his head slightly. "Arthur, you once told me you thought that not all magic could be evil."

"But that was before. Before I saw how magic is used to spread lies and create conflict," Arthur replied, thinking about Morgause and her lies about his father.

"But I never used magic for those reasons, Arthur. I swear, on my life, that I've only ever used it as a weapon for good.

"A weapon!" Arthur cried, throwing his hands in the air, losing the tentative grasp he had on his temper. As usual, Merlin had put his foot in his mouth. "What a fine choice of words, Merlin! A weapon indeed."

Arthur turned his back on Merlin, his outrage overcoming his fear. They stood in stony silence, Arthur's mind reeling at how Merlin really had been using his magic as a weapon. How many people had Merlin killed with just his thoughts and a few choice words? How many were there that Arthur didn't even know about?

"It's not any different than you using a sword for a weapon, Arthur."

"Of course it is," Arthur responded, turning back to face Merlin. "Magic is evil."

"No, it isn't," Merlin said, and Arthur noticed yet another change come over his servant. Merlin looked strangely determined, as though what he had to say was of the utmost importance and he desperately wanted Arthur to understand. "Without a hand to guide it, your sword is just a piece of metal lying on the floor. It's only when you pick it up that it becomes a force for good or evil, and that all depends on how you use it. Magic is the same as your sword. By itself, it's a neutral entity; it's not inherently good or evil. It's how you choose to use it that matters."

Arthur wanted to come up with a retort, but he couldn't. He was floored. What Merlin had said made a strange kind of sense to him, though it was a wonder Merlin had been able to put it so eloquently. He had to have been practicing. But as Arthur pondered his servant's words, something that had been bothering him for the past few minutes came back to him, pushing all talk of weapons and the nature of good and evil and magic from his mind.

"What about that cursed girl…the one the bounty hunter was looking for? Were you hiding that girl, Merlin? Even though I told the bounty hunter to leave you alone because you had my absolute trust? Were you really the one that hid her?"

Merlin seemed to deflate instantly, his determination gone as he once again looked to the floor in shame. He didn't even have to admit to this one out loud.

Arthur fought to keep composure, but he lost the battle.

"So you let me defend you, admit that you had my trust, and you were lying to me?" Arthur asked angrily. "That girl was a monster, Merlin! She killed innocent people; she nearly killed me and my men. And you were protecting her?!"

"I'm sorry," Merlin whispered, still not looking up.

"You're 'sorry'?" Arthur mocked. "Well, that makes it all right then! My god, Merlin…" Arthur started pacing slightly, unable to contain his nervous energy anymore as the shock of everything he was hearing became too much for him.

Then Arthur heard Merlin say something very quietly, so quietly he could barely hear it.

"You have no idea what it's like."

Arthur paused in his nervous pacing and stood to face Merlin once more.

"What are you talking about?"

"She knew what it's like to have a secret you can't tell anyone. To have magic you can't use because no one will accept it…because no one else can understand you."

Arthur felt a twinge of sadness at this, but he refused to be anything but angry about this. He had every right to be angry, after all.

"I know there's nothing I can say to you, Arthur…to make up for what I've done. But I want you to know, for whatever little it's worth, that I'm sorry. Truly I am."

Arthur paused, letting the sentiment sink in a bit as he steeled himself to ask one last question of Merlin, the one that, to him, was the most important of all. As Arthur saw it, he had two options, and the answer to this question was going to help him decide once and for all what to do with the news that Merlin was practicing magic.

He took a deep breath, reining in his anger. When he spoke, it was in a calm, even tone.

"Merlin…when you told me…when you told me that Morgause had lied to me about my father…you knew what would happen. You knew that I would come to hate magic…that it would one day color the way I feel about you…but you told me anyway?"

"Yes," Merlin answered softly.

"Why?" Arthur asked, desperately needing the answer.

"I couldn't let you kill your father, Arthur, even it meant…even if it meant that one day you might grow to hate me. I knew you would regret it, that you would hate yourself for it, and I couldn't let that happen, so I had to tell you what Morgause did."

Arthur listened quietly, and after he had pondered Merlin's answer, he made his decision. He knew what he had to do.

"You told me you were sorry, Merlin. Well I'm sorry, too."

"Sire?" Merlin hadn't called him by his proper title throughout this entire exchange, and Arthur knew the only reason he did it now was because he was scared of what Arthur was going to do.

"I should turn you in."

Merlin's face grew pale at Arthur's words.

"I should turn you in…but I can't." Arthur paused for a second, wanting to explain himself right. "Because of what you've done for me, I can't turn you in."

Merlin let out a sigh of relief. "Arthur-"

"But I can't let you stay in Camelot."

"What?" Merlin asked, his voice breaking ever so slightly.

"You cannot stay here, Merlin. I can't protect you here. If my father finds out…."

"Arthur…please."

Merlin took a few steps toward Arthur, and Arthur took a few steps away, back toward the door. Arthur hated the pleading tone in Merlin's voice, hated that he was the cause of it. But he had to be firm about this. He had no other choice.

"Go, Merlin."

"I can't-"

"Go!" Arthur yelled, and he turned from Merlin and walked away, standing at the door and holding it open. "That's an order."

And Arthur knew Merlin would follow it.

He watched as Merlin walked toward the door, and when Merlin was next to him Arthur called his name.

"Merlin."

Merlin turned to him, looking like a lost little puppy again, but Arthur pushed his emotions aside. He had to do this; it's what was best for everyone.

"Remember when I told you I was indebted to you? Because of what you told me about Morgause? That hasn't changed. I am indebted to you, Merlin, and that's why I'm letting you go. But you must understand that you cannot return to Camelot. If you do, I will have you arrested."

Arthur watched tears form in Merlin's eyes, and he couldn't help but begin to let himself feel self-loathing at the fact that he was doing this to Merlin.

"I understand, sire."

"Merlin…I truly appreciate everything you have done for me. But you should not have kept this from me. I could have helped you."

"Helped me? How?"

"I…I don't know," Arthur answered, and on top of the self loathing he began to feel a soul wrenching sadness. "But I trusted you, Merlin. I wish you could have done the same."

Then Arthur watched as Merlin turned from him and walked out the door, and Arthur was glad to see him go, because that meant Merlin would not see the tears forming in his master's eyes.

Arthur closed the door behind him and leaned against it, sinking slowly down to the floor. Arthur wasn't angry anymore. Now he felt sad, scared, and mostly…hurt. But God did he wish he could be angry. Anger he could deal with; anger he could use. But this empty feeling, this hole in his chest…that was something he couldn't deal with.

tbc…

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