AN: I'm REALLY sorry about the long wait, I can't apologize enough. Christmas season just kind of swallowed me whole. But I came out in the New Year ready and raring to go again. On the plus side, this chapter is a bit longer than the last one. Many thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, you are all awesome! Hope you all enjoy it, and sorry again for the delay!


Everything Is Never As It Seems

~~Chapter Two: What Hurts the Most~~

Arthur didn't feel like he was afforded nearly enough time to brood over the events that had just occurred and caused his world to fall down around him. Before he knew it, guards were knocking at his door, calling for him with fear in their voices. Arthur had completely forgotten about the dead sorcerer on his floor and the spell that had put the entire castle to sleep.

The next twenty minutes passed in a blur.

He let the guards in, assuring them that he was fine. When they asked about the dead body on the floor, Arthur quickly came up with an explanation, but before he could give it, his father showed up with a retinue of Camelot's knights.

"Arthur, I'm so glad you're safe," Uther said as he hugged his son fiercely.

"You, too," Arthur replied, hugging him back.

They broke the embrace and his father smiled at him warmly. Before Arthur could say anything more, Uther's gaze fell to the floor, and his eyes locked on the dead body of the sorcerer.

"Is he the one who put the castle to sleep? Is he dead? What happened, Arthur?"

Uther moved away to examine the body, and Arthur told his father the lie he had come up with.

"I knew something was wrong when Merlin collapsed. I ran over to him to see if he was alive. He was fine, but in a deep sleep. That's when I noticed the guards were asleep outside as well. I knew someone or something must have put the castle under a spell. I grabbed a sword just as this sorcerer burst into the room, threatening to kill me, but I was ready for him. He started to mutter a spell, but I was faster, and he was dead before he could finish."

"And where is your servant now?"

"He was worried about Gaius, so I let him leave to go check on him."

Uther turned back to face his son, and he was smiling, his face beaming with pride.

"Well done, my son," he said, coming back to Arthur and giving him a congratulatory pat on the back.

"Thank you, father," Arthur replied.

As Uther went to reexamine the sorcerer with the knights in tow, as if to assure himself that he was really dead, Arthur marveled at how the lie had slid from his lips as smoothly as if it had been the truth. Arthur was both grateful and ashamed. Lying to his father may have been easy, but that didn't mean he felt good about it. Arthur wondered if he would have done it for anyone else…if he should have done it at all.

"There's one thing I don't understand, Arthur."

Arthur's heart skipped a beat. He knew it was too good to be true.

"Why didn't you fall asleep as well?"

Arthur let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. This one was easy.

"I believe that he wanted to see me struggle before I died. At least, that's the impression I got from him. He didn't have time to say much before I killed him, but I could tell he wanted me dead in the most painful way possible, and I think watching me struggle as I died would have been a nice bonus."

As Arthur said the words, he wondered at how true they were. He'd been wondering himself why the sorcerer had kept him awake. He'd thought the same thing he was telling his father at first, but the more he thought about it the more he wondered: was it because of Merlin? Merlin, after all, had not succumbed to the spell. Had being so close to Merlin's magic kept him awake?

Arthur knew it didn't matter much. Either way, Merlin had saved his life.

Again apparently.

Uther must have finally decided that the sorcerer was dead, as he had some of the knights lift him and carry him out of the room. As his father turned back to him, Arthur realized that he needed to get out of this room. He needed to get away from his father and his knights, from the congratulations and pats on the back and looks of pride and admiration they were giving him. He just couldn't be around them with this giant lie hanging over his head.

"I'm going to see if Morgana's okay," Arthur said, coming up with a good excuse to leave.

"Of course," Uther replied, and Arthur turned around and left quickly.

As he walked down the hall, Arthur wondered at the enormous sense of guilt he felt. He just couldn't pin down what he was feeling guilty for. Was it for lying to his father? Was it for taking credit for a kill that was not his own?

Or was it guilt over making Merlin leave?

Arthur shook his head, refusing to consider that option. Of course he'd done the right thing. Merlin had lied to him, after all. About being a sorcerer. In Camelot, where magic was strictly forbidden and punishable by death. Not only was Merlin better off not being here, where everyday was another opportunity for someone to find out about his magic, but Arthur was better off without Merlin.

He didn't need a liar for a servant.

Even considering everything Merlin had done for him, there was no way he could ever really trust Merlin again.

…Right?


Arthur continued to brood until he found himself outside Morgana's chambers, where he found the door ajar. He knocked, and when Morgana told him to, he let himself in.

He entered to find Morgana seated at her table, Gwen standing beside her. Arthur let his eyes roam over both of them, assuring himself that they were both alive and whole.

"I'm glad to see you're well, Arthur," said Morgana, and next to her, Gwen nodded. "Both of us," Morgana amended.

There was something rather formal, almost stiff, in the way Morgana said it, and Arthur could see something was bothering her, something more than just the sorcerer's spell.

"I'm glad to see you're safe as well…both of you," Arthur replied, continuing the awkwardly formal tone of the conversation.

The silence that followed was rather deafening. It seemed that the pleasantries were aside, and now they could get to the heart of the matter. But what on Earth-

"Merlin just stopped by."

Oh. That.

"Did he?" Arthur asked, forcing himself to sound as nonchalant as possible.

"He came to say goodbye. He said he was leaving for Ealdor, to see his mother."

"Did he?" repeated Arthur. He really sucked at the pretending-not-to-care bit. It was a wonder he had been able to lie to his father so well.

"Yes," Morgana said, and her face took on a stony, almost accusatory look, as she continued. "He didn't say why he was going, but he seemed rather upset. Truth be told, I don't think I've ever seen him so distraught."

Arthur tore his gaze away from Morgana, not wanting to see the worry in her eyes.

"I offered that Gwen and I go with him. He didn't seem in a condition to be wandering off, particularly after what happened tonight. But he insisted that he was fine, and that we weren't to worry about him, and he took off before we could get anymore out of him."

Arthur continued to keep his gaze averted while Morgana spoke, and in doing so he caught a glimpse outside.

His heart sank.

He moved closer to the window as Gwen spoke up for the first time.

"We're worried about him," she stated simply. "We don't think he should be alone, especially not in this weather."

Arthur stared out the window. He'd been so caught up that he hadn't noticed the storm brewing outside. Dark clouds hung over the castle and the woods beyond. Small drops of rain were beginning to fall, and far away over the treetops Arthur caught a brief flash of lightning, followed a few seconds later by a peal of thunder.

"We were hoping you could tell us what's bothering him," Morgana said, a hint of accusation in her voice.

Why did Morgana always have to assume that he was the reason people were upset? Why did she always have to know?

Arthur rolled his eyes.

It looked like he'd have to come up with another lie.

"Merlin's been feeling…homesick for awhile. He was talking recently about going to visit his mother. The attack tonight…I think it really shook him. I told him that if he still wanted to go to Ealdor, he should go. I think he needed a break from all the action around here, and now seemed like as good a time as any to let him have it."

He continued to stare through the glass, watching the rain fall.

"Arthur."

It seemed as though Morgana wasn't going to just let this go.

Arthur turned to face her.

"What is it, Morgana?" he asked rather tersely.

Morgana got up from the table and took a few tentative steps toward him.

"You're sure…you're sure there's nothing else going on?"

"Why?" Arthur replied defensively. "Why would there be anything else going on here?"

"It's just that…when we asked if you were okay, Merlin kind of…shut down. He wouldn't say much, just that you were fine and he had to leave. He was acting…strange. Stranger than usual, anyway."

"What do you want me to say, Morgana? That Merlin's acting weird even for Merlin? He's just stressed. That's all. Falling under a spell will do that to a person." Arthur tried to keep calm, but he was starting to lose his temper.

"I know," Morgana said softly, her voice more soothing as she came closer to him. "It's just that…stranger things have happened, right? Why would tonight be any different?"

"How should I know?!" Arthur stated loudly, tossing his hands in the air in frustration. "Did he say anything else to you, because you seem to know more about his behavior than I do!"

"No," Morgana answered quietly, taking a step back. "I just-"

Arthur lost it.

"How should I know what's bothering him? It's not like he ever tells me anything important! Always keeping secrets. Why would he tell me anything when he obviously doesn't trust me!"

"Arthur-"

"So Merlin wanted to leave. Why should I care? What use is a moody, miserable, homesick child to me anyway? I don't need him. I'll find a new servant, one who's not such an insufferable idiot!"

"Arthur!" Morgana sounded shocked, and Arthur looked over to see tears in Gwen's eyes.

Once again, he had said too much. Arthur Foot-in-his-Mouth Pendragon.

He took a deep breath, letting go of his anger as he breathed out.

He couldn't face the looks that the girls were giving him. Sadness, confusion, pity. He could feel them judging him with their eyes, and he didn't need it.

"I have to go," he said shortly, and he headed past Morgana and Gwen to the door.

"Arthur."

Gwen's voice caused him to pause, but he didn't turn around.

"I thought you were friends," she said quietly, and the sound of a broken hope in her voice made his heart shatter for reasons he neither wanted to acknowledge or understand.

"So did I."

He hadn't meant to say it, hadn't wanted to admit to it, but there it was.

And as he couldn't stand their judging eyes boring into his soul anymore, he left the two women without another word.


Arthur sat at his table, his dinner forgotten and growing cold on the plate before him. And to think a few hours ago he'd been starving. Now the thought of eating made him physically ill.

He got up and went to the window. He'd been pacing like this for he didn't know how long, knowing he should go to sleep but feeling entirely too restless. He stared out the window at the night sky. Rain pelted the glass, making it hard for him to see. The wind moaned and thunder crashed as lightning lit up the sky over the forest. Through a break in the rain, he thought he saw small pieces of hail crashing in the courtyard below.

Arthur cursed out loud and forced himself away from the window. He collapsed on his bed, lay back against the pillows, and rubbed at his eyes. And that's where he was five minutes later when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," Arthur answered.

"Sire?"

Arthur sighed, removed his hand from his face, and sat up. Of all the people Arthur did not want to see, Gaius was at the top of the list.

"What is it, Gaius?"

The court physician stepped into the room, closing the door behind him tentatively.

"Sire," Gaius began again, then stopped. It seemed Arthur wasn't the only one at a loss for words today.

Arthur decided that the sooner they had this little chat over with the sooner Gaius would leave and the sooner Arthur could go back to…whatever it was he was doing, without the added scrutiny of Merlin's father figure looming over him.

"What did Merlin tell you?" Arthur asked, needing to know just how much Gaius knew about what was going on.

"Merlin left a few hours ago," Gaius answered. "He told me how the sorcerer tried to kill you. In light of all that has happened tonight, I feel I owe you the truth."

Great, Arthur thought to himself. More confessions, just what he needed.

Suddenly, Arthur knew why Gaius was here. It was so obvious.

"You knew, didn't you?" Arthur asked. Of course Gaius would have known; he was practically Merlin's adoptive father. "You knew that Merlin was a…." He still couldn't say it out loud. It still sounded ridiculous. It still…hurt.

"Yes. I've known since the first day Merlin moved to Camelot and began working for me."

There it was again, that feeling that made his chest ache. It was like Merlin had taken a small piece of Arthur away with him when he walked out the door, leaving a Merlin-shaped hole in its place. The fact that Gaius had known from the very beginning and Arthur had only found out tonight, by accident...the fact that Merlin had felt he could confide in Gaius but not his prince…there was no way around it: Arthur Pendragon was jealous. Arthur hadn't thought he could be more hurt by Merlin's betrayal, but now…the hurt and jealously were overwhelming, and Arthur was both surprised and terrified by the strength of his emotions.

"Fine," Arthur replied, unsure of what else to say.

"Sire-"

"I'm not going to turn you in, if that's what you're here about," Arthur interrupted him. "I can't tell anyone what you know without implicating Merlin. And I can't turn you out of the kingdom without raising my father's suspicions." It was true: the fact that Gaius knew would just have to stay buried.

"That's not what I came for."

'Then why are you here?"

"I haven't come on my own behalf. I've come on Merlin's behalf…and yours."

Okay, now he was confused. Arthur stood up from the bed and stepped closer to Gaius.

"My behalf? What are you-"

"May I ask you something, sire?"

"I...." Arthur stopped. Where was Gaius going with this? "Go ahead."

"I know you're upset with Merlin, and I understand. You have every right to be angry. But I think you should understand why you are upset. I think you will be better able to cope with your feelings if you understand them."

Typical Gaius, always trying to talk things through. As if just talking about problems could help to fix them.

"All right then. Say what you have to say, by all means." Once again, he was trying to sound nonchalant, as if he couldn't really care less about what Gaius had to say to him. But try as he might, Arthur couldn't deny that a small part of him wanted to hear Gaius out.

"I just want you to consider why you are angry with Merlin. Are you angry because of what he lied about, or are you angry that he lied?"

Arthur was floored. He didn't know what to think. The question made his head hurt.

Gaius must have seen the confusion on his face, as he tried to explain himself better.

"What I mean to ask is this: are you angry that Merlin is a sorcerer, or are you angry that he kept it from you?"

Arthur let the words sink in, and he was amazed to find that Gaius made a good distinction between the two. Was he mad that Merlin was a sorcerer? He knew he should be, but after everything that Merlin had done for him…Arthur just wasn't sure anymore. Now that Gaius mentioned it, the fact that Merlin was a sorcerer did not hurt nearly as much as the fact that Merlin had kept it from him. Now that he thought about it, he didn't feel betrayed by Merlin's use of magic…he felt betrayed by Merlin. And that was what really hurt.

As Arthur pondered this, Gaius posed him another question.

"More importantly, are you angry that he kept it from you, or are you angry that he didn't feel he could trust you?"

Arthur frowned. This question was harder. Mostly Arthur just wondered:

"Is there a difference?"

Gaius smiled at him, and Arthur was surprised to see a look of warmth in the old man's eyes.

"That's for you to decide, sire. But I think, in the end, it makes all the difference in the world."

Arthur looked down at the floor and began to pace slightly as he thought about Gaius' words. This one would take a lot more work to figure out. But the more he thought about it, the more obvious it seemed to him. Gaius was right. The fact that Merlin was a sorcerer wasn't what hurt, nor was it the fact that Merlin had kept it from him. What it really came down to was trust. Arthur was hurt because Merlin hadn't trusted him enough to share this secret with him.

And just when Arthur thought Gaius couldn't read his mind anymore if he tried…

"Perhaps you're also angry that you proved him right."

Arthur stopped his pacing and turned to stare at Gaius, his mouth hanging open slightly.

"Excuse me?" There was no way he had heard him properly.

"After your reaction tonight, it seems that perhaps Merlin was right not to trust you."

No, he had heard him correctly.

"You're out of line, Gaius," Arthur warned, feeling his anger building up.

"I mean no disrespect, sire," Gaius replied politely, bowing slightly in supplication. "I'm not passing judgment on you, nor do I mean to imply that you acted wrongly."

"But that's what you think, isn't it?" Arthur asked, and he was surprised to find that he was suddenly desperate for an answer. "You don't think I did the right thing in sending Merlin away." His voice grew higher, louder, more desperate, and he moved closer to Gaius. "You aren't saying this to make me feel better. You want me to feel bad for sending Merlin away, so that I'll ask him to come back."

"That is not my intent."

"But you do think I made a mistake sending Merlin away, right?" Arthur was inches away from Gaius and beginning to fail at keeping the hysteria out of his voice.

Gaius didn't answer him, and Arthur couldn't really blame him. It would have to be tough to tell the prince he was wrong, though considering that Gaius had been very straightforward up until this point, why was he backing down now?

"It's all right," Arthur said quietly, forcing himself to calm down so as not to scare Gaius as much as he was scaring himself. "I just want the truth. Whatever it is. Please." His voice shook slightly on the last word.

"I think you know how I feel, sire. What's more important is how you feel."

Arthur groaned in frustration. Why couldn't he get a real answer out of Gaius? How could he be so straightforward about his opinions in such a roundabout way? It was maddening. Arthur knew exactly how the physician felt, but it seemed, to Gaius anyway, that that wasn't the point. So Arthur was forced, once again, to answer a hard question: did he regret sending Merlin away?

After a moment's thought, Arthur felt like an idiot. This wasn't a hard question; it was the easiest question of all. At least, the question was easy to answer, but the answer was hard to admit to. It was the question that, deep down, he already knew the answer to.

Did he regret sending Merlin away?

He'd been regretting it since Merlin stepped out the door.

But did that really mean he should bring Merlin back? Arthur still felt hurt and betrayed, and that wasn't going to change anytime soon. Besides, would Merlin really ever be safe in Camelot?

Arthur suddenly felt very tired, and he felt his shoulders slump as he let out a long, slow sigh. He turned from Gaius and walked to the window, looking once again out into the night.

The wind was howling. He couldn't see a thing through the rain streaked glass. How could he have missed the storm getting so much worse?

Gaius broke him out of his trance.

"I apologize if I have said too much or spoken out of turn. As I said before, I only wish to help. I know you have a lot on your mind, and I understand. All I ask is that you think about what I've said. Merlin may have lied, but he always had your best interests at heart."

Arthur didn't answer, but continued to stare out the window.

"Goodnight, sire."

In the reflection of the glass, Arthur saw Gaius turn to leave.

"Wait," Arthur said hastily, turning around.

Gaius stopped and turned back to him, a rather obnoxious, knowing smile on his face. Arthur had heard about Gaius' particular ability to know exactly what to say and how to say it, to know just what people needed to hear, and to be slightly self-satisfied when he got his point across. This was the first time Arthur had experienced it personally.

"I…."

Gaius looked at him expectantly, warmly, not a hint of passing judgment in his eyes.

"Thank you," he said, and though it sounded rather lame it was the best he could do.

Gaius bowed to him. "You're welcome."

And with that he was gone, leaving Arthur to pull a chair up to the window, alone once again with his thoughts.

Arthur was not going to fall asleep anytime soon.

tbc…