REMOVED THE SPACES FROM BETWEEN WORDS AND WHEN I TRIED RE-UPLOADING IT IT I'M SO SORRY –breaks down-
I'm sorry for the long wait. I'm going through a challenging time and I do feel as though this fic isn't what I set out to write. This was supposed to border on Dark fic, interpret characters alternately, deconstruct StarClan… instead it's me waffling on, wondering if it's too early to get to the plot yet. I shall keep using my age as an excuse.
It's really only the reviewers that keep me writing this; so please keep reviewing, okay? It means a lot.
Obzezzed: Thank you so, so much. I'll explain in a moment about Rainpaw. Do I hate bluestar… no, not at all! She's just the villian, lol.
WarriorCat99: Yes, she issssssss. Rainpaw's back this chapter, I love her too much to steer away from her for long. Thank you, I'm glad you liked it- I was having worries about getting inside Bluestar's head, but I think I managed it ^^
Fallenshadow962: thank you, I'm really happy you like it. Yes, I have a fairly original interpretation of StarClan… "crumble if you looked at it"… I like that! On your story: I really like it, story alert and review for you
MyrtleFalls: yes she did. It was mistyfoot's kit.
RainbowNinjaUnicorn279: yes, StarClan are always… sparkly and pretty and lovely and if the Clans lose sight of them they're DOOMED and everyone dances together on the clouds when they die and fffffffffffff. I'm sorry if you dislike the portrayal of Bluestar- she's one of my favourites, but she just seemed to fit as the villian…ish (gray and gray morality). And thank you.
And, on an unrelated note, twas I who wrote 'The Story of Prettysilverflower.' Don't look at me like that. It was a troll! A troll, I swear! MyrtleFalls, on your review on the sporking of it (hilarious, btw) I'm not going to update it, because I was banned (and I was having so much fun), but I'm glad somebody knows about it. Whoever wrote the sporking, I love you. \
On another unrelated note: Why is it that the work I do that I hate, everyone else likes, and vice versa? A while back I wrote a dark short story around sphinxes, and was really proud of it but it recieved scathing comments from the teachers, and all the artowork I do that I like ends up being met with reactions of 'It's…. it's uh, nice, but…'
Yet art I do that I don't like ends up being met with acclaim (like my bird picture, which won a major art show, something that makes me headdesk, or) like this story. Well, I have fun writing it, but…
EXPLANATION TIIIIIIME (this keyboard has no squiggle, but just imagine one there)
I recommend you read this if you want to make sense of the story.
CINDERPELT/CINDERHEART/RAINPAW
The reincarnation was designed to basically, take the formed body of Sorreltail's unborn kit, manipulate it to look like Cinderpelt, and give it the personality of her- basically, taking over her body to be born another Cinderpelt.
Howver it didn't go to plan- Rainkit's soul was supposed to be still sentinent, a terrified kit wailing silently as her body was taken out of her control. Instead, her body was entirely given to Cinderheart. The gaps in her mind were left, so to prevent the kit from being severly retarded, they gave her some memories from Cinderpelt to fill them in.
Rainkit was supposed to remain in the body of Cinderheart, but instead she went on to StarClan. Never living, though, meant that she had a life to miss out on- she would grow in StarClan until the moment when, had Cinderpelt not been reincarnated into her, she would have died.
Rainpaw and the Cinders have entirely different personalities, but excepting the pelt and eye coloration they're identical.
During the story, you'll be able to see glimpses of an alternate world, where Rainpaw's body wasn't taken over by Cinderpelt's soul.
STARCLAN'S CORRUPTION:
Cats who are the leader of StarClan are special enough not to fade with time; however, they do grow senile. Like Bluestar, Graywing began to make bad choices, and if StarClan isn't moderated properly, the brittle star-based enviroment begins to fall apart. Hence the rotting of the cats and prey and trees in Bluestar's reign, and the distancing of cats and the stars allowing themselves to be manipulated and used to turn cats into puppets in Graywing's.
StarClan became corrupt due to Bluestar's insanity. Because Graywing's poor ruling caused the seeing-pools to malfunction, and at the Moonpool Bluestar appeared calm, the well-meaning Spottedleaf, Redtail and mysterycat overthrew Graywing and put Bluestar as leader. She quickly became lost in how everything fell apart in her paws. The rotting, the breaking, the rebels and the arguments against her caused her to implement censorship laws, to prevent negative word of mouth. They started censoring the seeing-pools so that the StarClan cats won't become incolved with the Clan's problems, but the process hasn't been perfected yet, leading to things like the glitched and warped conversation Rainpaw overheard.
Hooray. This Friday is SHOW DAAAAAY, and the whole of my middle-class, all-white school is buzzing with the thought of cows and fairy floss. At least a day off is a break from patronizing teachers, mind-blowingly easy classes, and idiot kids who cut themselves and pretend to be bi because apparently it's sexy now. No, self-harm is no longer a thing to be worried about; it's something thirteen-year-olds do and brag about to the whole class!
-nervous laugh- Rant over. Hopefully skipping to Year 10 English next year will have more challenges… and possibly –gasp- even A DAY OF SCHOOL WHERE WE DO WORK INSTEAD OF PLAY GAMES OR WATCH MOVIES, or even… HOMEWORK. Oh, the possibilites.
/endnote
Molewhisker was winding his way through the usual dense group of apprentices. 'Out of the way, out of the way!' he sang cheerfully, leading a small brown tom who was shrinking into himself. 'Meet Molepaw, everyone!'
There was a dutiful if unenthusastic chrous of 'Hiiiii, Molepaw.'
'Molepaw made the great decision to join us!' the black cat said brightly.
Probablydiditwhiletwitchingandspasminginapoolofhisownblood.Rainpaw poked her head out of the den, where she was sharpening her claws on a tattered, sticky twig.
'Bluestar said she hopes that all of you kiddliwinks will be kind to him, or else… Dawnbright… and I will be forced to punish you!' He twisted his face into a serious expression.
Nobody knew what had happened to Dawnbright. Rainpaw barely did. It had happened quickly, and it didn't seem to be acknowledged by her life. It certainly hadn't been acknowledged by Bluestar. Officialy, she was still alive and there, she still had to lead patrols with Molewhisker. The upbeat warrior had problems handling his rowdy apprentices alone, but as Bluestar had told him in a meeting they had all eavesdropped on, 'Why would you need another to help you? Dawnbright leads them with you.'
Rumours were raging, but they were trivial and ridiculous. And forbidden, anyway.
Rainpaw withdrew into the den again and flung the stick at the wall.
…
Rainpaw drew back, wincing slightly. The forest in front of her shone and glittered alarmingly, the silver dancing like she was looking directly at the sun. 'What is this?' she muttered in disgust, trailing a paw along a tree's shiny, polished, smooth trunk.
. It smelled even more offensive than her patch of forest, the sickly-sweet scent syrupy…ier
(Just ignore that)
and the unrelenting odour of decay behind it stronger. She brushed experimentally against the tree, half expecting the bark to snap, but it was solid and unflinching.
She had escaped camp after being told off for almost (almost! They were so paranoid!) mutilating Rosepaw. She muttered a frustrated obscenity under her breath. Apprentice camp was no better than the kit's area. But at least her familiar swath of pines didn't have this eye-watering sparkle to it.
'I should hunt,' she muttered to herself; Rainpaw was terrified of looking crazy, and if she thought any possible bystanders wouldn't understand what she was doing, she was in the habit of narrating out loud, even if nobody was there; I'mgettingsomeprey,I'mgoingtothedirt-place,Ihavetoleave.
This made her look insane, obviously, but she was trying to convince herself otherwise.
Rainpaw sprang towards a very obvious mouse; she was off-balance, but it was unconvincingly slow. And fat, is this prey even real? she wondered as it scurried around the tree.
As she sank her teeth into it, she recoiled and hurled a writhing white mass from her mouth onto the ground. Rainpaw sprang back and watched them squirm and rear disgusting heads. Maggots…
It was the first time she'd found this many in a piece of prey. Usually, there where only one or two, and they were easy to flick out. Tentatively, she picked up the mouse, flicking out only a few more. There was a meaty stench and the flesh squelched under her teeth. Whydoesn'tpreyfade?she found herself wondering.
.The apprentices weren't allowed to pose questions about the structure of StarClan; it had initially been a shock for her, growing up with lenient Greenflower. She had begun to miss her foster mother; Greenflower had been a rebel, and despite the usage of rebel as a degratory term in the apprentice community, she appreciated that. After what she
(HADN'T)
witnessed on the hunting trip, she had begun to silently contemplate the systems of StarClan.
Rainpaw shook herself. Enoughmonolougerecapofwhatyoualreadyknow!she told herself, and bounded forward with the prey disgusting on her tongue.
'Are you supposed to be here?'
She started, and whipped around, letting the fetid prey fall. 'I-I don't know.'
'Are. You. A warrior?' A silver she-cat sidestepped a root and bounded closer to Rainpaw.
'No. My, um, my name's Rainpaw. Actually, legally I might still be Rainkir, but I don't really care, and everyone would just go with it if I gave myself a badass warrior name like Rainfang or Rainfire or-' she babbled meaninglessly,
'That makes no sense. Did you die a kit about to become an apprentice or something?'
'Wouldn't that make the name Rainpaw official?' Rainpaw said sweetly. WhyamItalkinglikethis?'No, but I-'
'Oh. My… oh wow.' The she-cat paced once, then yowled over her shoulder, 'Patchpelt! It's the Cinderheart body!'
'What just happened?' Rainpaw asked bluntly.
She stopped pacing. 'Hi, I'm Willowpelt, and are you really the Cinderheart body? Because we're sort of fleeing the warrior territories here, and-'
A black-and-white tom shoved rudely through a shrub and glanced from Willowpelt to Rainpaw. 'She could be an informer. You go through with things too quickly.'
'Well, half a second ago she was hunting and now a full-fledged lifetime-deciding conversation is well underway. I don't think I'm particuarly the cause. And anyway, she's the Cinderheart body, do you really think she'd be an informer?'
'We don't know anything about her, other than that her body was hijacked…' Patchpelt reminded her.
Rainpaw coughed subtly, and when that failed, she snarled, 'Excuse me. The cause of your argument is standing here not knowing what the fuck is going on, would you stop trying to drag this out and get to the point!'
She really didn't have a clue what was going on. Body being hijacked, was that supposed to be a metaphor for puberty or something? Of course, she was unique in that she grew, but she had stopped caring about that a long time ago, not that anyone else had, and maturing when you were dead didn't have anything to do with hijacking.
The two (…littermates?) looked startled, and Patchpelt mewed, 'Right. Sorry. We're talking about the reincarnation.'
'You could've worked that out for yourself,' Willowpelt said, looking as though this she-cat wasn't living up to her expectations.
'I really have no idea what you're talking about,' Rainpaw got out faintly. 'Really. No clue. What's a reincarnation?'
'Ohhh no…' Patchpelt met his (sister's?) eyes. 'She doesn't know, and she's probably an informer, all the young cats are-'
'These days, the young cats are just kept out of the warrior's way and nobody cares about what they hear,' Willowpelt said. 'I've been there, the trees are barely sparkly, Bluestar actually let them seeher murder someone-'
'She took it back later,' Rainpaw put in, receiving interested glances. 'They apparently thought better of letting us know that, so somebody visited us and convinced us it was a nightmare.' More interested glances. 'Some of the apprentices were telling everyone and getting really nervous.'
'That'd find with her policies; they're always changing,' Patchpelt nodded.
They stared expectantly at Rainpaw, who had to say after a long pause, 'I don't have anything else to say. Go on.'
'I was… yes. The apprentice area isn't as heavily monitored, so young cats won't know there's anything to inform. I've heard rules like the never-say-die one are trickling down, right?'
'Yeah…'
'And since Bluestar obviously doesn't want her to know, and there's probably a reason for that!' Patchelt said triumphantly. 'So we should probably tell her!'
'Even if it helps nobody at all,' Willowpelt pointed out. 'It does nothing, not even indirectly, to help us.'
'Wait…' Rainpaw's mind was foggy. 'I… why are you talking about me?'
'Are you sure she's the body?' Willowpelt asked her (mate? Brother? Friend? Rainpaw had no idea). 'Because that appears to be the one thing we haven't discussed yet.'
'Stop. Arguing. With. Me. It. Is. Fine. And. She. Looks. Exactly. Like. Sorreltail.'
'Sorreltail's a tortoiseshell,' Rainpaw said helpfully.
'I meant in face,' he explained condescendingly. 'Now, Willowpelt, would you like to discuss this any longer? Or can I just tell the poor kit already so she can… know? Against Bluestar's word? We have no good reason.'
'Apprentice, not kit,' Rainpaw corrected Patchpelt.
Willowpelt glared at both of them, and said very quickly, 'Your would-be mother had Cinderpelt reincarnated into her rather than you, so Cinderpaw was born where you should have been and because the reincarnation didn't go right you ended up coming to StarClan even though you're still alive, which is why you age and will probably feel constantly nauseous when you feel older, as the living have no place in the skies of the dead and when one still breathing becomes close to those whose lungs and eyes have stilled, he –uh, they, these old ceremonies need to be gender-neutral – will himself become a plaything of force inbetween.'
Rainpaw refused to let this digest, and focused on something else to prevent it from sinking in irreversibly to her mind. 'But. That last bit sounded weird.'
'It's what Star said. He just talks like that,' Patchpelt told her. 'Don't worry, it's not a prophecy… however much it may sound like an awful, try-hard epic one…'
'StarClan's given us a few bad possible-prophecies,' Willowpelt said mistily. 'Remember when Dawnflower came up with, "Out of the darkness, stars will come, and get rid of the evil tiger and holly?" If we'd given that one to the Clans, then…'
'But Dawnflower isn't a founder,' Rainpaw pointed out. 'Founders do the mystical prophecy… stuff. Like the prophecies… but prophecies would fall uinder the prophecy stuff category…'
Her mind felt like it had imploded and blood was rivuleting through her head; streams of blood boiling and pulsing with disbelief and shock and horror and a tiny, surpressd feeling of relief, that she finally had an explanation, and even if she didn't know what reincarnation was, it still made something, and she could figure it out if she managed to think, which she couldn't manage.
She was vaguely aware of Willowpelt speaking about the founders disappearing and Bluestar taking over their place; on any other day that would make Rainpaw's skin crawl (the founders, they were untouchable pure celestial beings, they couldn't just be taken over by a common StarClanner, it just wasn't right) but she was too busy seething at the ground. Nobody had told her, no-one had ever even mentioned a reincarnation or any connection to Cinderpaw.
'I have to go,' she said abruptly.
The two (mates, littermates, acquantinces, she didn't care) looked at her with identical expressions of alarm. 'Why-?' Willowpelt began, but it was obvious why, and she wasn't going to waste time.
Rainpaw fled, wishing she had the courage to go back and thank them. They had helped her. By confusing her out of her mind and giving her useless information that only made her unsettled in the world she had always lived in.
….
She still hadn't worked out seeing-pools. One day they were able to be seen at night, another day you had to sleep by it to see it, another day you could see it your mind as you slept, with the option of turning it off (which was the most convinient; Rainpaw just gave up on the seeing-pool when you had to sleep next to it and watch). But it wasn't just watching Cinderpaw she wanted to do tonight.
Rainpaw didn't go back to camp that night. She wandered the unfamiliar forest until she stumbled across a seeing-pool. Uncertain of what to do, she tried dipping her nose in it, tried sipping it (which burned her throat), dabbling a paw in it.
Finally, she dipped her nose in it once more, this time murmuring 'ThunderClan apprentice den.' Well,that'snotgoingtowork,thatonlyworksforwatching,she told herself, and when the blurred image of sleeping cats swam into view, she sighed. 'Why am I doing this?' she asked the trees. 'What good's it going to do?'
She stepped into the pool; the freezing water felt like it was scalding her legs, stripping her fur, and her claws- they were so heavy. She hovered around the edges of the pool, unwilling to venture into the deep center, 'Cinderpaw?' she asked the pool; the image, marred with sullen darts of cloud, was only visible on the surface. It felt strange to be looking at the flat, gently moving image from half-submerged in it. She shook her head slightly, and with the scarce motion her paw slipped.
Rainpaw plunged completely into the water, her paws churning madly.
She slid into the deeper center, frantically thrashing towards the surface. The water was even colder than it had been on her nose; it was eating her fur, it was making her muscles and tissue still, it was so cold and so fiery and so much agony and blackness.
Rainpaw floated to the surface.
….
'So. What. I managed to slip on completely mundane rocks and easily drown? How does that work? Do I just have super drowning skill- No.'
The stream of conciousness bubbling from her mouth snapped to a close. She studied her surroundings, but it slid away from her focus; she only managed to see that it was a forest, some blured, interchangable forest.
'…are you?'
The words, caught on the edge of a wind and carried to Rainpaw from somewhere, made her ears prick up. She glanced towards where the sound had come from- the only solid and clear place in the forest-place. A den. The ThunderClan apprentice den, she thought.
As Rainpaw dashed towards it, her instincts dictating her movement- the place was vivid and didn't melt away when she looked closely, it had to be safe- more voices carried back to her.
'Your father, her brother, it's such a coincidence, right?'
'I… I just don't…'
'You're just like her! I can tell you'll be just like her!'
'…we're not the same cat-'
'You've got the same name! Oh, I can tell, you'll be so wonderful to all the cats who knew and lost her!'
Rainpaw headed into the den, and stopped short. Cinderpaw was cowering slightly in the corner of the den, looking haggard and exhausted; a tabby elder she was sure she'd seen before was speaking enthusiastically.
'Cinderpaw.'
The gray she-cat looked up with wide eyes. 'Who-' she began, but was cut off by the elder's speech,
'So marvellous! Such a coincidence, you're exactly the same, you even act the same!'
The words had an instant effect on Cinderpaw; she drew back, shrinking into the corner of the den.
'I need to talk to her,' Rainpaw said shortly, brushing aside whatever was wrong with Cinderpaw. 'Leave.'
'Oh dear! And who are you, little one?'
She unsheathed her claws, but didn't attack. 'You need to go.'
'The rudeness of young cats these days! You really ought to-'
Rainpaw realized why she recognized the elder. It was the pelt and face and eyes; all common, all things she had seen before. Brown tabby pelt, cool amber eyes, neutral face.
But the scent was Bluestar. She realized that now. And it made her want to run and screech and hide. The elder turned to her, and her eyes glimmered mischieveously, like a kit's.
'My name's Mossheart, dearie,' she mewed, her voice sounding suspiciously fake. 'I had a horrible mother, and so I always try to be good to kits! Because I wouldn't want either of you twitching to death slowly in a snow bank because your mother was too caught up in her own selfishness and flights of fancy that she couldn't care less about her kit's survival and no, neither of you would like that, would you?'
Rainpaw didn't breathe.
Mossheart- Bluestar, whatever- hovered at the entrance. Rainpaw skittered away from her. 'I'll leave you two to her conversation…' When she turned to look at them, her eyes were unmistakably blue. The she-cat turned just as silver hairs began to snake up her muzzle, and fled.
'Her disguise…?' Rainpaw murmured, then turned to Cinderpaw. 'I don't know why she left so easily. But I'm not going to bother censoring our conversation. If she wants to fade me, let her.'
'…she left… she's been in all my dreams, and she's been there, behind trees and up trees and I just know she's there hiding in the water when I bend to drink and maybe Cinderpelt drank in a different way and you just made her go.'
'You're me.'
Cinderpaw stared at her, wordless, but clearly not taking her seriously.
'Or I'm you. Or I was supposed to be you, I understand nothing.'
'What are you talking about?'
'You're Cinderpelt, and you took my place in the world.'
Cinderpaw's face fell, and she clawed at the dirt. 'So it was all for nothing. I'm not my own cat.'
'Yes. Maybe. I honestly don't know. And who was Cinderpelt anyway? Nobody told me, and I should have listened more before coming here-'
'So, I'm just a copy of Cinderpelt,' the other she-cat broke in. 'I am just her, and I can't ever be anything else. Right? That's what that- Mossheart- used to say. She was always… like… there.' She gazed into the distance for a moment, then shook herself. 'I'm sorry. I need sleep. I don't get any rest when Mossheart comes, and she always comes and she never shuts up and I can't stop it.'
'Whatever,' Rainpaw huffed. 'Listen, I'm in angst here, so would you please just answer me?'
'I don't know what I'm supposed to say,' Cinderpaw said furiously, getting to her feet. 'So I'm three cats at once now, am I? Why don't I just throw myself off the half-bridge, then all my family could have the cats they wanted? Why did you even come here?'
Rainpaw opened her mouth to snap at her, but her eyes glazed. 'I don't know,' she said softly. 'I really don't know.'
Cinderpaw nodded, slowly. 'Go, then,' she replied, and leaned out to touch noses with her alternate self.
At the touch, everything went black.
….
'Rainpaw! Brackenfur wants us to go on patrol with him!'
…no
'Give me… a minute…'
Moss, what's this moss
'I told you we wouldn't be able to wake her up easily.'
'We're all going…'
it's oh founders, what were their names, Berrypaw and Honeypaw
'Yes. I'm coming. Where's Dad?'
What
'Waiting for us.'
'For her. Brackenfur's only waiting for her.'
'Well. Yes. He's waiting for Rainpaw.'
Oh it smells so good that beautiful smell of leaves and prey and it's not like the smell of StarClan, that used to be all ice and stars and dawn, now it's all decay and
'We'll be looking for fox traps, okay? Keep your eyes out. Don't look so alarmed, Spiderleg, if the apprentices get their necks caught in one you won't be blamed. Unless it's one you're in charge of. You'll be taking Berrypaw.'
'And I've learned my lessons about fox traps, don't worry.'
Tree and
'Honeypaw! Watch this!'
'Get down from there! Dad's not going to like you climbing that, it's too fragile-'
'Dad knows I'm the best at climbing.'
Whee.
'Wait- what's-'
Ugh
My paws, they're so heavy, why can I move them suddenly, why do I suddenly have control over
'Rainpaw! Rainpaw, what are you doing? You can't jump from there, you'll break your neck! Climb down-'
This should work
'N-'
….
Rainpaw woke in the cold fury of the water, and dragged herself out with the taste of death in her throat and the whistle of air in her ears. She buried her face in her sodden paws, shaking uncontrollably at the memory of that leap through the air, of those cats and no scent of Cinderpaw anywhere, of Honeypaw's pelt brushing against hers.
What just happened?
The alternate world faded away with wakefulness. The mourning disentigrated, melting back into the reality, where Cinderpaw woke up still and terrified.
The whole of StarClan had felt it, even though they weren't supposed to.
The three had been born.
So. Go review now, because if I don't start getting reviews, this story won't ever be continued. And I'm serious.
