AN: This is wacky and cracky, and I love it so much. It's out there and it kind of has an abrupt ending, but I really quite like it. Plus, I figured that after tonight...we'd all kinda need something like this. Tomorrow, I will be posting a more angsty oneshot. Possibly two if I can get the second one all written and prepped. Be prepared.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.


My Blue Heaven

Written by Becks Rylynn


/11/


Title: if i ever give you up my heart will surely fail
Prompt: Dean, Cas, KC!Ruby, OT3, the aftermath of 6.22. (Disregarding 7.01)
Characters/Pairing(s): Dean/Castiel/Ruby, brief mentions of past Dean/Lisa.
Rating: T (there's talk of sex)
Genre: Humor/Romance
Words: 2,309
Notes: Title from the song Future Starts Slow by The Kills.
Warnings: This fic is about a threesome. If that turns you off or squicks you out, better get out now.


It's not as if they were together.

They weren't. They weren't.

It's just that sometimes Dean and Ruby had sex in the back of his car when they wanted to feel something, sometimes Castiel and Ruby made out under flickering vacancy signs when Dean and Sam were otherwise occupied and they had nothing better to do, sometimes Dean pressed Castiel against dirty motel walls just to see if he could, and sometimes Ruby fucked them both just because she knew she could.

But they were not together. Don't think they were. They weren't all involved in some angel/demon/hunter polyamorous relationship. They didn't make it a habit to have orgies or anything. It was just a thing that happened every once and awhile. And then it was a thing that happened a lot, then it was a thing that didn't happen at all, then it was a thing that started up again just to see if domestication and Lisa Braeden hadn't completely ruined Dean Winchester, and then it stopped. Quite abruptly.

'Cause Cas lost his damn marbles.


Ruby blows out a breath, bored out of her mind, and stares up at the ceiling, making an attempt to count the cracks in the plaster. Life without Cas is difficult to adapt to. Somewhere along the way, in between the quick fucks and the hurried assurances that it meant absolutely nothing, she had somehow managed to fall in love with both an angel and a hunter. She's perfectly okay with owning up to that. Fuck the rules, she loves them both. She has no desire to be conventional.

It's the other two who won't ever say they're in love.

A loud sigh interrupts her thoughts and she snaps back to attention in time to accept the beer Dean is offering her. He lifts her feet up, sinks onto the couch, and then lets her feet drop back into his lap. His eyes are focused straight ahead of him as he greedily slurps at his own beer and it is not hard to figure out that he, too, is thinking about Cas.

She stares at him for a moment and then says, ''I'm bored.''

He sends her a sidelong glance. ''You wanna have sex?''

She thinks about that for a moment. Then decides eh, what the hell. With a shrug, she jolts towards him, straddles him, grabs his shirt and slants her lips over his sloppily. Startled, it takes him a moment to reciprocate the kiss. His free hand that is not curled around a cool bottle of beer tangles in her hair and she desperately presses her body into his in an attempt to make it feel as good as it used to. Unfortunately, it's no use. With a huge sigh, she shoves him away from her roughly and collapses back against the couch. ''Nah,'' she murmurs in disappointment. ''It's not the same without Cas.''

Dean pinches his lips together, but doesn't disagree with her, tilting his beer to his lips once again.

''Hey,'' she says suddenly, after a prolonged moment of silence. ''Do you think we'll - ''

''No,'' he interrupts her rudely. ''I don't think we'll get him back.''

That comment right there? That's what did it.

Ruby is sure of it.

As soon as those words slip out of Dean's mouth and he starts to chug at his beer again, a soft sound interrupts their brooding silence. It's like a faint static sound. Like the sound of a television snow storm. Dean's body goes tense and he slowly leans forwards to nonchalantly place his beer on the table, tongue slowly running over his lips. Too distracted to find that unbearably attractive at the moment, Ruby leaps to her feet, making her way behind the couch, eyes moving around the room wildly. A small, slightly bitter smirk flickers across her lips as she turns to throw Dean an arched eyebrow. ''Incoming,'' she warns.

Dean, mouth turned down in a frustrated frown, casually steps in front of her as the static gets louder.

''Dean - ''

He holds one hand out towards her, keeping her at bay from whatever's about to drop in.

Drop in being the keyword here.

Before they can do anything, the muffled sound of static turns into a deafening boom of thunder and a body falls from the sky, landing at their feet with a crashing thud.

''Oh, shit,'' Dean breathes.

''Oh!'' Body on autopilot, Ruby rushes forwards, dodging Dean's hands before he can grab her.

''Ruby, don't touch him!''

She pointedly ignores Dean's sharp warning, dropping to her knees next to the limp body at their feet. ''Cas,'' she whispers, turning him over onto his back. ''Oh.'' She grimaces as if she can feel his pain, smoothing down the sweat dampened hair on his hot and sweaty forehead. ''Look at you,'' she murmurs. ''Dean,'' she whips her head around to face Dean. ''He's burning up. Help me get him on the couch.''

''Angel's don't get fevers,'' Dean snaps. ''And I'm pretty sure God doesn't either.''

''Exactly,'' she throws back lazily. ''Dean, I...I don't think he's - ''

With a cough and a gasp of breath, Castiel snaps open his eyes, gasping desperately for air. He coughs some more, hacking violently, body shuddering as he fights for air. Ruby winces and tries to keep him calm, rubbing his back when he turns on his side. When his body stops spasming and he's fighting to regain a stable breathing pattern, his eyes find Dean's and he manages to sputter out, through his wheezing, ''I-I fell.''

Ruby's mouth drops open.

Dean folds his arms. ''Uh, yeah, you did. From the sky. Like really heavy rain.''

Castiel stares.

Ruby shoots him an annoyed look. ''No, you idiot. He fell. As in from grace.''

Dean twitches, but doesn't make a move towards his ex-angel/estranged boyfriend-esque character on the ground. After a moment of bouncing on the balls of his feet, he looks over his shoulder nervously like he's afraid Sam or Bobby will come in, see the three of them and immediately jump to the conclusion of threesome. Finally, when the expectant looks he's getting from Ruby and Castiel finally break through that thick head of his, he curses, ''fuckin' hell'' and goes forwards to help Ruby haul Castiel to his uncoordinated feet, helping the trench coat-less man stagger over to the couch.

''My father,'' Castiel says quietly, looking down at the ground like an ashamed child. ''He was very angry with me.''

''Well, no duh,'' Dean remarks, pushing Castiel onto the couch not unkindly. ''You had the angel version of a massive temper tantrum.'' Lips pursed together, eyes carefully avoiding Castiel's much too blue irises, Dean brings a hand to Castiel's forehead. Ruby thinks the move is too intimate and gentle. Dean won't be able to sell his ''anger'' for much longer.

Feeling oddly compassionate, Ruby frowns worriedly and runs her hand over Castiel's sweaty face. ''Poor thing,'' she shakes her head, ''and he took your trench coat too.''

''I'm afraid it was lost in the fight,'' Castiel nods, looking inexplicably upset. (He seems more upset about his destroyed coat rather than the fact that he's a human with a raging fever.) ''Can...Can you both stop touching me?'' He asks softly, tilting his head to the side with a frown. ''Now is not the time for sex.''

''Cas.'' Dean narrows his eyes, but draws away anyway, pulling Ruby back with him. ''When we touch you, it doesn't automatically mean we want sex.''

Castiel looks surprised, like that thought honestly hasn't occurred to him before. ''It doesn't?''

''No.''

But then Dean and Ruby look at each and Ruby says, ''Later though. It'll be like that time we had sex when Dean had a fever.''

''Fever sex is unreal, man,'' Dean nods. ''It's like an out of body experience.'' Then he pauses, brow furrowing in thought. ''Or maybe it was just 'cause it was a threesome and threesomes in general are pretty fuckin' unreal.'' A small, lopsided smirk curves over his lips. For a moment, he appears totally lost to them, eyes glazed over, light blush creeping up his neck. He doesn't even respond when Ruby waves her hand in front of his face. But then he tears himself out of his threesome daydream, shaking his head, lips twisting into a frustrated scowl. ''But no! No!'' He points an accusing finger at Ruby and sends a withering glare in her general direction. ''Stop that.''

''What did I do?''

''Cas.'' Dean whirls around to point a finger at Castiel. ''Do you even realize what you did? Do you understand what you did was wrong?''

Castiel hangs his head.

''Hey!'' Ruby smacks Dean on the chest. ''Don't make him feel bad! You and your brother almost ended the world and did Cas make you do that?'' She gestures towards the sad-eyed look they're getting from the feverish guy on the couch with the huge glistening puppy dog eyes. It reminds her of the time they took him to that brothel to ''deflower'' him only to get kicked out and subsequently pop his angel cherry back at the motel. ''No! He didn't! He gave you orgasms instead! Is this really how you're going to - ''

''Ruby, it's all right,'' Castiel tells her. ''Dean...'' He swings his gaze up at Dean, pleadingly. ''I'm sorry. I...I made a mistake. I thought it was... I did the wrong thing for the right reasons. Isn't that what the humans do? Isn't that what humanity is?'' Whatever all important speech he's going to make gets cut short when he breaks off in another coughing fit. When he grimaces in pain and splays a hand over his presumably aching stomach, Ruby sends Dean a begging look and Dean caves almost immediately, rolling his eyes and blowing out a heavy breath.

''All right, look,'' he pinches the bridge of his nose and then bends down to help Castiel to his feet. ''Let's just work on getting your fever down and then we can talk about how stupid you are, okay?''

''Okay...'' Castiel frowns and throws a look over his shoulder while Dean steers him towards the stairs. ''...I'm stupid?''

''Yes, adorably so,'' Ruby cuts in before Dean can open his mouth.

''What about the fever sex?'' Castiel asks innocently.

''Later,'' she promises, gliding in front of Castiel and taking his hands in hers, leading him forwards. ''But we can cuddle now.''

''Fuck that!'' Dean bursts out indignantly. ''I don't cuddle!''

Ruby and Castiel share a look, and then she nods. Castiel turns his head just enough to give Dean the sad eyes.

''Seriously?'' Dean gripes. ''Fuck you.''

Castiel lowers his head, still throwing the sad eyes at Dean through his eyelashes.

Dean stares. ''I don't know what I see in either of you.''

Ruby, giggling madly, slips her hands out of Castiel's and bounces up the stairs.

''We're not seriously going to cuddle, are we?''

In response, Ruby's shirt comes floating down the stairs, landing on top of Dean's head. ''Depends on what your definition of cuddling is!'' She calls down at them. ''Now hurry up! We've gone three whole months without sex!''

Startled, Castiel pulls the shirt off Dean's head and looks at him imploringly. ''It's been three months?''

Dean looks down at the ground and then tilts his head up just enough to offer Castiel a genuine smile. ''We'll talk later.''

''If you two don't get your asses up here,'' Ruby yelps, ''I'm going to start without you!''

''We should probably...'' He trails off, rubbing the back of his neck. ''She's not kidding, man. She will seriously... We should just go. Come on.'' His hands fall to Castiel's shoulders and he starts to steer the apparently former angel up the steps.

''Dean?''

''Hmm?''

''Do you think - ''

''Things will ever be the same again? I don't know. I think we'll have to wait and see.''


Breaking the news about his relationship with Ruby and Cas was not easy for Dean, mostly because he expected the worst.

Bobby's reaction was a lot of blinking. He stood there for a moment with his mouth open, tried to say something, took his baseball cap off, tried to say something again, and then sighed heavily, waved his hand and muttered a tired sounding, ''I don't even care.''

All right. Good. One down.

Sam's reaction was mostly silence. And then he said, ''Okay... So I'm probably gonna be really uncomfortable around you guys for like the next three days, but then I'll get over it, deal?''

Breaking the news eventually paled in comparison to getting Cas to act like a human being.

Ruby can't get him to eat anything other than cereal and despite the fact that Cas now has his own clothes he still prefers to wear Dean's, often stealing the only clean clothes Dean has left. Not to mention the dude seems to be becoming some twisted version of a damsel in distress, because he keeps getting himself into the dumbest situations that he then has to be rescued from because he can never seem to remember that he can't smite anyone anymore.

It's all a source of great amusement for Ruby and exasperation for Dean.

But the thing is - and this is the part where Dean has a hard time figuring out if this is sad or pathetic or the great American dream - he's never been happier. Yeah, it sounds fucked up and twisted, but it's the truth.

Dean Winchester is in a relationship with a demon who is addicted to french fries and who may be a little touched in the head and a former angel who has a monster addiction to Lucky Charms and Special K and who keeps getting himself into the wackiest sitcom-ish situations.

Ha! Take that, high school guidance counselor!

Boom! Suck it!

end