Chapter Five
"God Will, you have no idea how good it is to see your face!"
"Yeah, never thought I'd say this Red but you're the most beautiful sight I've ever seen."
"Well thanks .. I think", Willow half-smiled at them. Her face housed happiness at the sight of them but under it Buffy could see she was wary, apprehensive. I don't think she's going to whip us back home in time for tea she thought, her stomach sinking.
"What is it Will?", she asked not unkindly, "why are we here? You know something don't you?"
"Uh .. yeah I do but Buffy, I swear, I didn't do this, it wasn't me", she looked at them panicked. "It wasn't me, I didn't ... it wasn't what you think, I ...", she was trying to find the words for it but was cut off by Spike.
"Red, it doesn't matter. Get us back home, all's forgiven", he calmly assured her, catching her eye and silently telling her he understood and so did Buffy.
She looked at him with gratitude in her eyes but opened her mouth and sadly told them, "I'm sorry you guys but .. I can't bring you back".
Can't or won't, thought her slayer half. Stop it, she argued silently, this is Willow you're talking to, remember? Your best friend? ... Yeah the same one who tried to kill me and Dawn and then the world for good measure ...
Stop, she told herself. She thought of the younger Willow sitting behind her at the table and remembered that feeling she'd had earlier - the feeling that there was no way that girl was gone for good and even though Willow now might share her body with a power she couldn't always explain or justify, that didn't mean the power was Willow. Just like the Slayer isn't all I am, she thought. The Slayer half told her she was putting too much trust in love. The Buffy half told her love is what had saved Willow and the world from destruction. The Buffy half won out.
She turned to Willow with worried eyes and said, "Just tell us what is going on Will, please. We've been here for a good few hours now and", and at this she cast a glance behind her at the Alt Scoobies who were all staring at the scene before them with interest and apprehension and catching Alt Buffy's eye she remembered their heated exchange from earlier, the ghost of it still living in her younger self's eyes, "I think it's safe to say we aren't exactly a welcome sight for our hosts", she finished, pointedly looking to herself and then Spike so Willow would understand.
It seems she did and her eyes widened as she finally took in where they were and who exactly they were with. "Oh my God, we're in the library!", she seemed a lot more happy about it than they had been. Her eyes lit up and she gazed around the room until her eyes landed on the red-headed girl sitting at the table with Xander on one side of her, his hand protectively or comfortingly on her arm. "Oh my ...", she started.
Her younger self's voice joined hers and she said, "Yeah, that was pretty much my thought too", she laughed uncomfortably.
Willow quietened then, staring at her younger self, no doubt taking her in in the way Buffy had been doing all night. Her eyes grew serious and she lost that excitable sparkle in her eyes that she'd had since she arrived, happy to see Buffy and Spike, desperate to assure them she hadn't intended to hurt them and then gazing in wonder at the sight of the library - the place they had spent so many hours of their lives. Not unhappy hours. But now she dragged her eyes from young Willow and refocused them on Buffy and Spike and when she spoke this time it was with the voice of a powerful wicca, not an insecure former high school nerd.
"I know we have a lot to talk about you guys, so I'm just going to lay out everything I know okay?"
"Ah perhaps" Giles started, "it might not be the best idea for us to be here while the three of you discuss matters to do with your time" he said, looking at Willow with an expression of wariness.
"It really won't matter Giles, that's what I'm going to explain", she assured him, a strength and resignation in her eyes that showed her age compared to the Willow at the table in a way that her appearance really didn't. Giles saw it and chose at that moment to trust it. He nodded at her and she refixed her gaze on her Buffy.
"Here's the thing: I'm not actually here", she said gazing at her smoky, shimmering form.
"You don't say", deadpanned Spike.
"Okay, maybe I'm stating the obvious but I just wanted to be clear. I'm projecting - I have been since you left, that's what I meant. It's taken me forever to find your essences in the mystical plain" she frowned at them then, "it was like I couldn't see you even though you were there ..."
"Wait, hold on, do you know what it is that brought us here?" Buffy asked hopefully.
"I'm sorry Buffy, I don't" she answered sadly, "but I did .. know it was, you know", she was shifting uncomfortably by now, ".. I knew it was .. going to happen" she finished quickly, drawing a glare from Spike
"You what!"
"It wasn't like that though, I swear!" she said to the vampire, trying to make him understand. "The thing is I only knew about 10 minutes before it happened and he told me it was going to be me that was taken back to my past" she continued, meeting Spike's eyes "I went back to the house to get my amulet, it would have protected me but I couldn't find it and then Dawn was running up the stairs and then I felt you taken from our time, I felt it and I knew something had gone wrong and I straight away decided to project to find you and I swear I didn't know you guys would have anything to do with it" she rushed out, rambling desperately in an attempt to get it all out, staring at them with sorrow on her face.
"Wait, who is 'he'? You said 'he' told you it would be you" Buffy asked her quietly.
"It was .." she looked down at the floor, unable to meet their gaze, "it was Warren. He told me this would happen", she finished sadly.
"I don't understand" Buffy said, confusion colouring her features, "how could he .. I mean he's .. dead right?" she tried to ask as carefully as possible, Spike meeting her gaze with the same look of mingled confusion and fear - fear for the side of Willow that Warren brought out.
"Oh he's dead alright" Willow said, still not looking at them, her voice a fraction of what it had been and Buffy had to strain to hear her, "but I've been seeing him .. and Rack .. ever since the battle, ever since the slayer spell. They .. they talk to me", she finished, her voice shaking with emotion.
Buffy went to grab her arm but her hand just went right through her, it was enough to get Willow's attention, her gaze settling back on Buffy's.
"You've been dealing with this alone all this time? Why didn't you tell me? I would have tried to help, I would've .."
"Tired to make me feel better Buffy, and I don't deserve to! Maybe that's my punishment, maybe I like it that way, did you ever think that?" Willow burst out, more strength in her voice, more tears in her eyes than Buffy had seen for a long time and it made her form look more real for a moment. "It's nothing I can't handle", she finished a little defiantly.
"Red, did it ever occur to you in your self-pity that it wasn't Warren or Rack at all but The First?" Spike asked, as if talking to a child.
Willow stilled, staring at him with an unreadable expression on her face ... she looked from one to the other, her eyes showing a running barrage of thoughts in her head, and finally fixed her gaze on some far away point neither of them could see and seemed to .. flex, her whole body flexed like a mirror about to break.
"Will?" Buffy asked cautiously.
She blinked and Willow's eyes bore into her's.
"Buffy, someone is trying to rip me out of here, I can feel them ..." she started quickly, with a slight note of panic in her voice. She looked sideways at the others in the room, turned back resolve face in place and continued, as fast as she could. "There's a lot you need to know, so just listen", she fixed Buffy with her gaze, "it doesn't matter what you say to them" she said, indicating the younger Scoobies in the room. "I can't bring you back myself but it doesn't really matter because that wheel is already set in motion but what I can do is wipe your presence here from their memories once you leave. I'll have to because the risk of the future being changed is too big. It won't matter what you say to them because it will never have happened for them but what does matter is what you do - you cannot change anything Buffy, it could be disastrous for our time and that means whatever sent you here doesn't give a damn about the fate of the future because they must have known any small change could result in the end of the world as we know it", she hurriedly tried to explain, "but you have to remember Buffy - erasing their memories of it doesn't mean you can do what you like - you have to stop yourself from changing anything, it doesn't matter how much it means to you, don't do it!" she asked hurriedly, panic now seeming to radiate out of her. Her form was shaking and shuddering and Buffy was feeling the first real feelings of panic touch her since she had arrived. Willow was being threatened and she couldn't help her and that filled her with dread.
"I understand Will but ..."
"I mean really Buffy - you know what happens in this time and as tempting as it might be, you can't try to fix mistakes because even the smallest or most innocuous sounding change could result in any number of awful things in our time Buffy - the butterfly effect, don't forget! I'll erase your presence here from their memories and no-one will remember what you say or that you were here but that doesn't mean any events you affect will be erased - it's very important you understand this! Stick with your counterpart, don't do anything alone!" she said. She was shouting Buffy could see but her voice was fading, she was becoming thinner ...
"Will! You have to let me help you!" Buffy cried out but it was too late.
"You can't Buffy ... I'll come back" she shouted, but sounding like a whisper, "I'll come back as soon as I can get this ..."
She was gone. And she left a void of silence in her wake.
Buffy stared at the space she had occupied, trying to take it in. They were stuck here for the foreseeable future. Willow couldn't bring them back. Willow was being threatened and there was nothing she could do. She was powerless. And she had to sit here and watch her younger self and her friends suffer through one of the worst years of their lives .. and not do a thing to change it, to make it better. She felt the weight of responsibility fall on her shoulders - the weight that had been lifted only a few months before through the slayer spell. Home sweet home, she thought bitterly.
It was at that moment that Angel ran at Spike full speed and slammed him face first into the steel cage of the library, growling and raging like an animal.
AN: Thank you all so much for the response so far, it makes me write faster lol. I have up to about chapter 15 worked out in an outline and I know where and how I want this to end but I'm still thinking it'll be about 30 or 40 chapters in total, so it might take a while to finish. I hope you all stick with it. I'd never realised just how much of a mind-screw time travel fics are to write lol. I hope you all like it and don't be afraid to let me know if I've made a glaring mistake. I don't have any beta's so any mistakes are mine and I would be grateful for any words of advice or correction. Again, thanks so much for the reviews and I hope I don't let you down :)
